Quote by JamesLlewellyn
Quote by Seraphina_022
Thank you illustrious Polar bear I am a friend of Fuzzy and he asked me to visit i am a Aussie Earth Angel with sometimes dirty wings , i do very much appreciate your warm welcome we Aussies love Canadians we look kn you as our cousins . I love beer so I will gladly accept your gift of a schooner ( skooner)of beer(mid size glass)🍺 and i will bring you some poutine made fresh to make your bear tastebuds tingle .
Hello to all your hard working bar staff and members and thank you for your very thorough tour 🥰I am a erotic story writer and poet .
Take care
Seraphina x
Hey Seraphina, it seems to me that you just slipped in without getting a proper introduction. You also get a free small beer as a first-timer, so…here you go, while I give you the 10¢ tour, OK?
This here is Rumplations Honky-Tonk and Cyberbar, RumpleForeskin, prop. You'll find him, if you do, in the broken-down old lounger at the back, thinking, which is to say, sleeping it off.
It is, without doubt, the absolute greatest bar within these four walls, and don't let any fuzzy lions tell you different, OK? It's also the second-best bar in cyberspace!
Our head of security is Terance the Tarantula, who in the cold months mostly lives in the nut warmer or the popcorn dispenser, so don't just go helping yourself from either, see? You probably won't see much of Terance because he hardly ever bothers the regulars – as long as they keep their bar tabs under 5 digits.
Also patrolling the bar are Miss Pixel and Kali, although as far as they are concerned, they own the place, being cats and all. I wouldn't tangle with them, or their pet human, Kistin – who operates the Stall Three Salon and Reconstructive Spa and Surgery.
The two mounds down at the end of the bar are Coma and Tosa. They are theoretically alive, although no one has ever actually seen them move, but they are reputed to be Philosophers of Great Note.
The Dumpster Hot Tub out back is open free of charge to all Rumplators who are brave enough to try it, so make up your own mind.
We carry a wide variety of lousy liquors and liqueurs, boring beers, and wince-worthy wines. And don't leave your drink unattended. No, no fear of drugs – never a problem here as anyone caught doing that winds up in the guacamole mix for the next Taco Tuesday.
But the last time someone left their beer on the counter while they went off to the washroom, they left a note saying "I've spat in my beer."
When they got back, someone else had written, "So have I"
They drank it anyway. It's Just That Kind of a Place, see?
Madam Curvygalore is the First Assistant Bartender, mostly emeritus these days as she has bigger fish to fry.
Michelle, our resident witch (Twisted_Skald), is the Second Assistant Bartender – although she seems to be on leave at the moment.
And then there's the Third Assistant Bartender, the big palooka. Or rather, Bear-tender. That's me. I'm a Polar Bear from Canada, and, as a Canadian, I'm real friendly-like.
Until you do something offensive, like talk American politics – then I can get nasty. Just remember, I'm 9' tall and weigh 1800 pounds, soaking wet. And I break bread with sinners, Pharisees, and the scum that lounge around here, too. Jesus shoulda wept.
Any complaints, see the Chaplin. Any questions, ask anyone. If they're too stupified to answer, ask me.
So – welcome! You'll fit right in.
Can I get you another beer? That one didn't seem to last very long. As I said – you'll fit right in!