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She
Over 90 days ago
Lesbian Female, 38
0 miles · Seattle
Forum
Marx Sister
Quote by GabrielSweet
"First off I want you to understand without any doubt that just because what you desire may have a negative connotation to it, there is NOTHING for you to be embarrassed about. Just because others do not share your needs and desires does not make them in any way wrong. Normal is a setting on the dryer. We are a sexually inventive species and not everyone experiences pleasure in the same way. The most important thing is open communication. You indeed might find out that the idea of hurting you in any way is something he just can't bring himself to do. If that is not the case (he may just not understand how to proceed) then the best thing would be to start by reading some milder stories together. There are so many good ones here. If the stories are something he can deal with then move on to a few videos. Just make sure you do not start him in the deep end of the pool. LoL. Watch them, talk about them, maybe try a few things from them. In that way, he will also see that you are serious and it may make him willing to try ....
Now if he still isn't willing my e-mail is ..... (just kidding) the most important things in the lifestyle are trust, honesty, and communication. Give it a try, just don't come at him too strong and as you want from him, try to understand his feelings if it is still a no...
I wish you the best of luck..."
I agree with about ninety percent of this. What I would add is that there may not be a 'best way' to help him be comfortable with your desires.
Quote by zacholiver.
"I'd never ever be like that to a woman, so I totally get why someone would not either. If I was out on a date and a girl asked me to choke her or even mock choke her, I'd end that scenario instantly and get her some help"
What an extreme overreaction that would be. Some women (and men) want to be treated that way. It is NOT a sign that something is wrong with them. It just means they have a kink. Even IF that kink originates from some kind of negative experience or past trauma. Kink is something that many people need in order to feel fulfilled by sex, connected to their partner, or even to feel safe when they are having sex. When my partners choke me, I feel safe and loved, knowing they would not do physical harm to me.
Quote by doctorlove
"Put it in writing, sign it and you both keep a copy. If you break up you can't say he choked you or tied you up and use it against him.
Now, maybe you need to show him that sexual acts are not to be as aggressive as if he would be if he really was choking someone. There is a difference in the act. The hair pulling is so easy to do. Maybe watch some porn that has some of what you want done"
I would say this is unnecessary in most situations. With a play partner, this, or a less intense version of this could be a good choice. At least until you have developed a trusting (if not romantic) relationship.
In terms of a long term romantic partner (and whether or not you and your boyfriend need something like this, I would hazard that you don't as long as you trust him and he trusts you. I do not know if that trust exists in this case, but since he is your boyfriend I assumed that you have a certain level of understanding.
My opinion is (generally speaking) the kinkier the sex (particularly where pain is involved), the greater degree of trust is necessary. For me, if I trust someone enough to fluid bond with them (regardless of whether or not I have), I trust them enough to have them pull my hair, or choke me, flog me, spank me, whip me, bite me, etc. The point where you or he trusts a partner with kink is very likely different. That was just an example.
Quote by DanieGirl
"i just want my bf to pull my hair and choke me. yesterday i asked him to tie me up and he said hell think about it after work. he got off work over 16 hours ago. how do i get him to do the kinky things i want."
I would say that when you revisit this with him, consider scaling back a little. Tying and restraint are a pretty huge bar to clear for someone who has never been kinky. Even choking is pretty serious stuff for more vanilla humans. Hair pulling is really an excellent place to start this. My suggestion is that the next time or two you have sex, you not bring it up and let him if he wants to. When he does or if he doesn't, I would recommend asking him to pull your hair (likely while he fucks you from behind or while you are going down on him. When he hears the sounds you make and identifies that they really are pleasure, he might start feeling differently.
Well, that was something of a lengthy rant... I hope some part of it helps.
Marx Sister
Boring is the problem. There's a lot of classic stuff which is seen as bad sex that can totally be worked around. Small penis? No problem. We can find fun things to do with it/for it anyway. Cum quickly? Don't fuck me until we're ready to finish - sex is so much more than just fucking.
The real problem is when I fuck someone who just doesn't care. It's boring, unpleasant, and I feel a bit used (in a bad way) at the end.
The real problem is when I fuck someone who just doesn't care. It's boring, unpleasant, and I feel a bit used (in a bad way) at the end.
