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She
Over 90 days ago
Lesbian Female, 38
0 miles · Seattle
Forum
Marx Sister
I agree with Metilda, that phrasing is extremely important when discussing sex. If you used that terminology with your wife, I would not blame her for losing a certain amount of interest. As a side note before I get into it, if she is getting wetter than she ever has with you while masturbating, you might want to either accept that she as the person who can feel those sensations from a first person perspective, knows better how to make that happen than you.
Alternatively, you could turn your attention to improving skills, and you could. This isn't meant to be insulting, or to say that you aren't or can't be a satisfying sexual partner, just that for whatever reason, that chemistry has settled down for a while. Don't assume it's permanent.
If she has a history of cheating, you might want to address that directly. There's a good chance it's correlated to a lack of satisfaction, or, alternatively she fetishizes cheating or the notion of multiple partners in a specific way. Many other reasons could and probably do factor in as well, but I'm focusing on these for now. Though I realize I am biased toward this option, polyamory or an open relationship may suit you better. In your other post you talked about how it turns you on, the more you think about it. I'm sure that brings up some conflicted feelings, but in an open relationship you can seek out other sex partners as well, without the guilt associated with cheating. If she does fetishize the cheating itself, she'll likely find ways to continue despite being open - typically by crossing any boundaries that are set, which is why I recommend against boundaries in a case like this.
In a polyamorous relationship, you would both be able to seek out additional romantic partners, as well as sexual. You may find that this is the best way for you to both get your needs met. You get to keep all the things you love about your wife and she loves about you, and find others you connect with who fill other needs, sexual or otherwise. I will give you the following advice, though: it is harder to be poly as a man, than it is as a woman. You will have a harder time finding dates than your wife will, but be persistent, and for the love of all things holy, be confident.
As I say though, I am biased toward that being a good idea. If you are not interested in that, I still recommend a subtler approach than the others in this thread so far.
Disagree. Most people will not admit to masturbating on a specific occasion if they are interrogated about it. Most people are not naive enough to say that they don't masturbate if asked in an appropriate circumstance, they just don't like to feel bad about it.
This is terrible advice. I mean, try counseling if you want, but in most parts of the U.S. (where I"m assuming you are bsaed on how you write), you'll never find a therapist who is sex positive enough for that to work in a reasonable amount of time. Furthermore, don't get a lawyer if you have any inkling you'd like to salvage your relationship with your wife, which yes, is obviously experiencing some strain at the moment.
This is reasonably sound advice, but I would add that there are many reasons a person may want to masturbate without you. I realize that it can be frustrating to be denied a sexual outlet from someone you love, but that really is her option. With that in mind, you should continue to ask calmly about it, but accept it when she says no. If she is totally unwilling to talk about it, that is indicative of a larger problem.
I hope some of this is useful advice. Don't be hasty or act rashly, and I bet you'll be alright.
Alternatively, you could turn your attention to improving skills, and you could. This isn't meant to be insulting, or to say that you aren't or can't be a satisfying sexual partner, just that for whatever reason, that chemistry has settled down for a while. Don't assume it's permanent.
If she has a history of cheating, you might want to address that directly. There's a good chance it's correlated to a lack of satisfaction, or, alternatively she fetishizes cheating or the notion of multiple partners in a specific way. Many other reasons could and probably do factor in as well, but I'm focusing on these for now. Though I realize I am biased toward this option, polyamory or an open relationship may suit you better. In your other post you talked about how it turns you on, the more you think about it. I'm sure that brings up some conflicted feelings, but in an open relationship you can seek out other sex partners as well, without the guilt associated with cheating. If she does fetishize the cheating itself, she'll likely find ways to continue despite being open - typically by crossing any boundaries that are set, which is why I recommend against boundaries in a case like this.
In a polyamorous relationship, you would both be able to seek out additional romantic partners, as well as sexual. You may find that this is the best way for you to both get your needs met. You get to keep all the things you love about your wife and she loves about you, and find others you connect with who fill other needs, sexual or otherwise. I will give you the following advice, though: it is harder to be poly as a man, than it is as a woman. You will have a harder time finding dates than your wife will, but be persistent, and for the love of all things holy, be confident.
As I say though, I am biased toward that being a good idea. If you are not interested in that, I still recommend a subtler approach than the others in this thread so far.
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Quote by Meggsy
Most people will NEVER admit to masturbating.
Disagree. Most people will not admit to masturbating on a specific occasion if they are interrogated about it. Most people are not naive enough to say that they don't masturbate if asked in an appropriate circumstance, they just don't like to feel bad about it.
Quote by doctorlove
...better find an attorney or if you want to try counseling
This is terrible advice. I mean, try counseling if you want, but in most parts of the U.S. (where I"m assuming you are bsaed on how you write), you'll never find a therapist who is sex positive enough for that to work in a reasonable amount of time. Furthermore, don't get a lawyer if you have any inkling you'd like to salvage your relationship with your wife, which yes, is obviously experiencing some strain at the moment.
Quote by MeggsyThis is also unbelievably bad advice. If you do that, and she does not consent (even if you think there is implied consent, which to be honest, it sounds like there isn't) this is wildly unacceptable. Without a doubt, this would be categorized as sexual assault. Don't do it.
Actions speak louder than words - position yourself closer to her in bed and while she is doing it slide over and put your hand over hers before she realises what is happening and finish it off for her.
Quote by Metilda
Further, sometimes masturbation is great BECAUSE the other person isn't in the picture. That might seem offensive, but I get myself off all the time (sometimes in bed while he's asleep) and in those situations the last things I would feel like doing is my husband. Sometimes I'm pissed with him and don't want him involved in my sexual satisfaction at all. sometimes I want to get myself off when he clearly doesn't want anything to do with me, either.
This is reasonably sound advice, but I would add that there are many reasons a person may want to masturbate without you. I realize that it can be frustrating to be denied a sexual outlet from someone you love, but that really is her option. With that in mind, you should continue to ask calmly about it, but accept it when she says no. If she is totally unwilling to talk about it, that is indicative of a larger problem.
- - - - - -
I hope some of this is useful advice. Don't be hasty or act rashly, and I bet you'll be alright.
