Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Annie I've devoured your Postulant's Tale, a fabulously gentle and very arousing saga. Thank you for sharing it with us. Almost makes me want to spend more time on my knees.
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Twisted_Skald
1 month ago
Lesbian Cis Female, 49
Ireland
Forum
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Quote by fillelapine
Susie said I should stop by and say Hello...
Hello.Sitting in the corner quietly now.
Welcome to the finest collection of drunkards, wastrels, and debauched souls.
They're the funniest, kindest, most enthralling people in the world.
Don't be shy, have a drink, put down your burdens for a moment.
As a new arrival, you get a free drink, so name your poison and Rump will make it so.
So glad you're with us.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Well I met Nana Visitor at a convention many years ago, I had a huge crush on her, she was pregnant and despite her boyfriend being on the panel I tried to pick her up.
You never know the things you will do when you meet your heroes.
You never know the things you will do when you meet your heroes.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
1. Who are you (e.g. pen name, how you make a living etc)? Michelle or Skald to those who wish to use it
2. If you could host a dinner party for any five people (dead or alive), who would they be?
My Maternal Grandfather, who always told me I could be anything the boys did, and that girls could be engineers too
Terry Pratchett , for the Wyrd Sisters, and for the Tiffany Aching tales (if only I'd been the age she was when I first found them it would have made being a young witch a little easier)
My Highschool history teacher, who taught me about the Craft and gave me her Path to find the Goddess. May we meet in the Summerlands as peers to share our adventures.
My First Mistress, who showed me that Surrender can take more strength then others can imagine, and that Devotion can move mountains if given to the right person.
Brother Olaf of the Lodge of Storms, the first Skald I ever met, Sworn Priest of Thor, who despite knocking me out in ritual combat on the first day we met, taught me that to be a Skald is to keep anothers secrets, and go to places others fear to go, so when they get lost they know the Skald has been there and can guide them to safety.
3. Riskiest place you’ve done it? In the staff galley on a Boeing 747, so I could get an upgrade from economy because some bratty kid kept kicking the back of my chair when I was trying to work. Being willing to go down on a fat middle aged German woman was well worth the reward of a nice business class seat. I even got a smile, and a glass of fizz for a job well done. Danke Shon Mein Liebling, never sounded so good.
4. Best writing tip you’ve ever received? Write fast, edit slow. Thank you James
5. Which famous author does your writing most resemble? If I knew that wouldn't I be trying to be someone else.
6. Favourite story (and author) on Lush? kistinspencil seems to be strangely connected to the depths of my memory, or things I'd like to have had in there.
7. Any advice for new members of Lush?
It's tough to be a writer, especially when you're submitting your first story here. Don't be tempted to stay in your shell, reach out and share your journey with others who write the way you'd like to. In my case they helped me get my first tale completed, and urge me on when I get stuck in a story.
No-one understands a writers heart or their mind, like another writer. Connect, it really does make all the difference.
Oh and if you've never written erotica before, read stuff from other categories and see which one inspires your inner muse.
2. If you could host a dinner party for any five people (dead or alive), who would they be?
My Maternal Grandfather, who always told me I could be anything the boys did, and that girls could be engineers too
Terry Pratchett , for the Wyrd Sisters, and for the Tiffany Aching tales (if only I'd been the age she was when I first found them it would have made being a young witch a little easier)
My Highschool history teacher, who taught me about the Craft and gave me her Path to find the Goddess. May we meet in the Summerlands as peers to share our adventures.
My First Mistress, who showed me that Surrender can take more strength then others can imagine, and that Devotion can move mountains if given to the right person.
Brother Olaf of the Lodge of Storms, the first Skald I ever met, Sworn Priest of Thor, who despite knocking me out in ritual combat on the first day we met, taught me that to be a Skald is to keep anothers secrets, and go to places others fear to go, so when they get lost they know the Skald has been there and can guide them to safety.
3. Riskiest place you’ve done it? In the staff galley on a Boeing 747, so I could get an upgrade from economy because some bratty kid kept kicking the back of my chair when I was trying to work. Being willing to go down on a fat middle aged German woman was well worth the reward of a nice business class seat. I even got a smile, and a glass of fizz for a job well done. Danke Shon Mein Liebling, never sounded so good.
4. Best writing tip you’ve ever received? Write fast, edit slow. Thank you James
5. Which famous author does your writing most resemble? If I knew that wouldn't I be trying to be someone else.
6. Favourite story (and author) on Lush? kistinspencil seems to be strangely connected to the depths of my memory, or things I'd like to have had in there.
7. Any advice for new members of Lush?
It's tough to be a writer, especially when you're submitting your first story here. Don't be tempted to stay in your shell, reach out and share your journey with others who write the way you'd like to. In my case they helped me get my first tale completed, and urge me on when I get stuck in a story.
No-one understands a writers heart or their mind, like another writer. Connect, it really does make all the difference.
Oh and if you've never written erotica before, read stuff from other categories and see which one inspires your inner muse.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Good morning you glorious drunken lot, I love you all, which says a lot about the state of my life.
I see you've been spilling drinks, throwing butts around and even spitting. Good, the dryad needs that kind of stuff to keep working. May I say Rump that the bathrooms have never looked cleaner, you could even use them without a tetanus shot, which is saying something.
@Carl, I love a man who knows how to do proper BBQ, especially with proper pulse raising sports. Bravo!
@Curvy I've checked the washing up is done and the coffee boiler fully restocked. Put your feet up for five minutes and relax darling, or you won't have energy left to bring that filthy parson to another tale of depravity. I'd be so upset I might have to stop wearing crinoline, oh the calamity.
@Emma, keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers, may everything turn out for the best, and a proper Family Feast be your reward. Much love.
@James, I see you dozing under that table you drunken lout, that was my spot you slept in. Bastard. I've been nice and put another bottle or two of Jameson behind the bar for you. *ruffles your hair and places a soft kiss on your cheek leaving a lipstick mark to confuse you*
@PNGd brave chap to start that a thread about religion where people haven't started pointing fingers, and calling each other hateful things.
I'm quite shocked, I'm not used to that kind of behavior, usually it ends up with me being called a , and me calling someone a wooly brained ass. But I digress.
@Xander, that's an interesting dream, maybe it's a sign you're going to actually appear on the show. Fingers crossed for you sweetie.
Mind you last night I had a dream I was on a stage, but I'm keeping the rest of that thought for a story, it's far too good to just give away.
Now if someone could please tell my muse to stop going on about weighted nipple clamps, I'd be most grateful. I can't fit them into the tale right now, we can talk in a thousand words.
Big hugs to those that want them, kisses to those that deserve them (you know who you are) , and much love to you all.
I'm off to roll around in the perverted corners of my mind, and try to find some diamonds to pay my bar tab.
For the truly depraved I've allowed the muse to pen a little poem in the poetry corner, I'm no poet but it doesn't make me want to run away screaming. See what you think.
ONWARDS!!!!
I see you've been spilling drinks, throwing butts around and even spitting. Good, the dryad needs that kind of stuff to keep working. May I say Rump that the bathrooms have never looked cleaner, you could even use them without a tetanus shot, which is saying something.
@Carl, I love a man who knows how to do proper BBQ, especially with proper pulse raising sports. Bravo!
@Curvy I've checked the washing up is done and the coffee boiler fully restocked. Put your feet up for five minutes and relax darling, or you won't have energy left to bring that filthy parson to another tale of depravity. I'd be so upset I might have to stop wearing crinoline, oh the calamity.
@Emma, keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers, may everything turn out for the best, and a proper Family Feast be your reward. Much love.
@James, I see you dozing under that table you drunken lout, that was my spot you slept in. Bastard. I've been nice and put another bottle or two of Jameson behind the bar for you. *ruffles your hair and places a soft kiss on your cheek leaving a lipstick mark to confuse you*
@PNGd brave chap to start that a thread about religion where people haven't started pointing fingers, and calling each other hateful things.
I'm quite shocked, I'm not used to that kind of behavior, usually it ends up with me being called a , and me calling someone a wooly brained ass. But I digress.
@Xander, that's an interesting dream, maybe it's a sign you're going to actually appear on the show. Fingers crossed for you sweetie.
Mind you last night I had a dream I was on a stage, but I'm keeping the rest of that thought for a story, it's far too good to just give away.
Now if someone could please tell my muse to stop going on about weighted nipple clamps, I'd be most grateful. I can't fit them into the tale right now, we can talk in a thousand words.
Big hugs to those that want them, kisses to those that deserve them (you know who you are) , and much love to you all.
I'm off to roll around in the perverted corners of my mind, and try to find some diamonds to pay my bar tab.
For the truly depraved I've allowed the muse to pen a little poem in the poetry corner, I'm no poet but it doesn't make me want to run away screaming. See what you think.
ONWARDS!!!!
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
A friend of mine has the bambino and swears it's the best thing she's ever bought.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I know poetry is an intensely personal thing, and it takes great courage to share that vulnerable part of yourself with others.
I salute your courage, your intensely honest expression
Much Love.
I salute your courage, your intensely honest expression
Much Love.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
That's a complicated question.
If you'd asked me a month ago I'd have been very negative.
My career and my finances veering from doing pretty good to being flat broke, afraid to lose everything.
A relationship and a life that had long lost any spark of passion and made the days pretty much indistinguishable from each other.
But lately things have taken a turn for the better.
Got myself a sweet contracting gig with a higher per diem then my last one.
My muse came back (the sneaky bitch) and brought my libido with her too (that was nice)
I have a secret bitch in my life (digital unfortunately but still something) who delights in encouraging me to be incredibly filthy with her.
I've been able to write again and have found a community of people who don't think I'm totally nuts to have named my muse and even try to bribe her to stay sweet.
Thank you fabulous people for that.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
If you'd asked me a month ago I'd have been very negative.
My career and my finances veering from doing pretty good to being flat broke, afraid to lose everything.
A relationship and a life that had long lost any spark of passion and made the days pretty much indistinguishable from each other.
But lately things have taken a turn for the better.
Got myself a sweet contracting gig with a higher per diem then my last one.
My muse came back (the sneaky bitch) and brought my libido with her too (that was nice)
I have a secret bitch in my life (digital unfortunately but still something) who delights in encouraging me to be incredibly filthy with her.
I've been able to write again and have found a community of people who don't think I'm totally nuts to have named my muse and even try to bribe her to stay sweet.
Thank you fabulous people for that.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Going to stick this down here.
All feedback gratefully accepted and actively sought.
I'm doing a test run for how easily the muse can create a poem.
I put this down as a single stream of thought in the hope it would feel a lot more spontaneous and less forced.
All feedback gratefully accepted and actively sought.
I'm doing a test run for how easily the muse can create a poem.
I put this down as a single stream of thought in the hope it would feel a lot more spontaneous and less forced.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Emma, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of love and support to you and your family.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Thought I'd put a few words together for a rare poem
Dedicated to the beautiful alyssa, my beautiful bitch.
Tonight I face my greatest challenge,
To walk into the lion's den.
I feel your fingers touch me,
Dressing me slowly, piece by piece.
Like a knight before a battle,
with a squire by their side,
You prepare me for the fight to come.
I go like Cleopatra to face my Caesar,
Feeling my victory assured,
For I have your Devotion and your Love.
Dedicated to the beautiful alyssa, my beautiful bitch.
Tonight I face my greatest challenge,
To walk into the lion's den.
I feel your fingers touch me,
Dressing me slowly, piece by piece.
Like a knight before a battle,
with a squire by their side,
You prepare me for the fight to come.
I go like Cleopatra to face my Caesar,
Feeling my victory assured,
For I have your Devotion and your Love.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Now now Xander, no need for tears.
Come sit on my lap and tell me all about it.
Come sit on my lap and tell me all about it.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Not entirely sure its allowed here but right now I'm listening to my neighbours have very loud, very wild , very passionate sex.
I'm a broad minded girl and I think I'm learning some Eastern European.
I'm a broad minded girl and I think I'm learning some Eastern European.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Morning fellow degenerates, I keep hearing about this vile thing called washing up.
Personally I can't stand the stuff, so I brought a little friend.
I managed to find a rare urban dryad and her little tree.
Normally a dryad wants good clean water, fresh air and being close to nature.
This little one was found behind a moonshine distillery, so needs lots of alcohol, stale beer, the remains of what's in the glasses before they get washed, cigarette butts and chewing gum. In return the drunken little thing will clean the bathrooms (the ones here are like a particularly dreadful siege) wash the floors, clean the glasses, wipendown the bar and even restock the coal shuttle so the fire keeps burning.
You might always see her but she will sometimes sing filthy little songs about horny foresters, sheep farmers and fishing folk.
Remember this is a Lady spirit so mind your manners.
Lots of proper swearing, obscene stories and spilling drinks everywhere.
Personally I can't stand the stuff, so I brought a little friend.
I managed to find a rare urban dryad and her little tree.
Normally a dryad wants good clean water, fresh air and being close to nature.
This little one was found behind a moonshine distillery, so needs lots of alcohol, stale beer, the remains of what's in the glasses before they get washed, cigarette butts and chewing gum. In return the drunken little thing will clean the bathrooms (the ones here are like a particularly dreadful siege) wash the floors, clean the glasses, wipendown the bar and even restock the coal shuttle so the fire keeps burning.
You might always see her but she will sometimes sing filthy little songs about horny foresters, sheep farmers and fishing folk.
Remember this is a Lady spirit so mind your manners.
Lots of proper swearing, obscene stories and spilling drinks everywhere.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Happy birthday Roger,
always good to see your smiling face.
always good to see your smiling face.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Grace darling that's the best offer I've had all week.
Go right ahead.
Go right ahead.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
James if you and Kistin keep dredging up my old life I'm not going to have any mystery left at all.
Now you filthy debased creatures I have news. No Carl, I wont be moving into your guest room as a live in lover, though it was a close run thing. I looked it up apparently some heartless bastard in the Visa office doesn't consider being an over sexed blonde with a filthy mind and a handbag full of sex toys a sufficient reason to enter
the country on a Skilled Worker Visa.
My other half got her test back. NEGATIVE!!! So I might be getting horribly squiffy shortly.
Now then I have a case of Bollinger that absolutely has to be drunk tonight or the beasts I nicked it from will only come and steal it back.
Eat ,drink and be merry , for in the morning I'm going to be wearing a hat with a wide brim, sunglasses and craving a sausage. No Bill, wrong kind this one has Cumberland filling.
Now drink you bastards before I magically change all the booze to fruit juice and compel you to be sober.
A cruel, twisted and horrible fate for any of us, so get drinking!
Now you filthy debased creatures I have news. No Carl, I wont be moving into your guest room as a live in lover, though it was a close run thing. I looked it up apparently some heartless bastard in the Visa office doesn't consider being an over sexed blonde with a filthy mind and a handbag full of sex toys a sufficient reason to enter
the country on a Skilled Worker Visa.
My other half got her test back. NEGATIVE!!! So I might be getting horribly squiffy shortly.
Now then I have a case of Bollinger that absolutely has to be drunk tonight or the beasts I nicked it from will only come and steal it back.
Eat ,drink and be merry , for in the morning I'm going to be wearing a hat with a wide brim, sunglasses and craving a sausage. No Bill, wrong kind this one has Cumberland filling.
Now drink you bastards before I magically change all the booze to fruit juice and compel you to be sober.
A cruel, twisted and horrible fate for any of us, so get drinking!
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I like to mix it up. So far mine have been true or exaggerated versions of the truth.
Will put some completely fictional ones out there soon.
Will put some completely fictional ones out there soon.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
That depends, if it's for pleasure sex or a good walk.
If it's to get my ass in shape, circuit training at a sheep farm bring yelled at to move my lazy ass.
If it's to get my ass in shape, circuit training at a sheep farm bring yelled at to move my lazy ass.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I've read the three of them and gave my pencil a good talking to, it really needs to step it up.
For the cover jacket.
Absolute filth, this should be banned. Far too much graphic sex going on.
Now if that doesn't get a few curious folks stopping by I don't know what will.
Seriously though, awesome work hugely creative and some day I hope to write sex as well as you do.
For the cover jacket.
Absolute filth, this should be banned. Far too much graphic sex going on.
Now if that doesn't get a few curious folks stopping by I don't know what will.
Seriously though, awesome work hugely creative and some day I hope to write sex as well as you do.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
There's a Sleeping Beauty series?? Dang I only read one.
And a wrestling book sounds exactly the cheesy shit I need to have a good laugh at when the day is done.
Thank you Carlton.
My little recommendation is the 7 deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. Not a hint of smut but it was really gripping.
And a wrestling book sounds exactly the cheesy shit I need to have a good laugh at when the day is done.
Thank you Carlton.
My little recommendation is the 7 deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. Not a hint of smut but it was really gripping.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Bill, poor me some of that rum when its time to open it. Nothing makes the days end sweeter than a good glass of liquid sun shine.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Well my darlings I was up singing to the early morning and thought I'd better pop by and see what's been going on
Firstly, I've been seeing the depraved things you lot have been writing.
If you haven't read it yet, Miss Luna has been especially naughty and a wonderful way to start the day.
Dearest Sprite has been subjecting her Alice to the most terrible things and um ruined my spell checker.
Kistin and her magic pencil seem to be connected to the darkest parts of my own memory, stirring up pieces I'd long forgotten to enjoy them anew.
The world needs magic more than ever, and you didn't make my pencil go runny you made my kettle positively jealous.
I can hear the thing boiling from here and she isn't even plugged in.
Some of you filthy degenerates may have spotted me flirting by and leaving messages on your ..ahem..walls.
It has been a rollercoaster of month since I joined and maybe its the hangover talking but you've all been marvellous company.
If you've written a thousand novels or barely your first line, each of my fellow writers are my heroes and heroines, constant inspirations for where I could explore and providers qof some absolutely filthy little tales that keep me all warm inside.
To the readers especially you lovely folk who leave feedback. I love you all dearly and if I could I'd keep you all in a harem I would but alas 'twould only bring us pain. I'm a messy bitch in the mornings and I snore, like a Lady should dammit, and I don't have the space for you all.
To the mods and admins, if I didn't already have a Goddess I'd build a temple to you all and flog the mass to pray daily to your glory. Or if you prefer, ahem, you do a thankless job with Grace, Patience and Apollo's own far sightedness. May you all live lives of such endless ecstasy the Saints would be jealous.
I'm off to try to get Congress to move their time zones three hours forward, the EU to move ours two hours back.
So I can be properly awake and breakfasted when I get hold of My bitch in Texas.
Mind you being sexually frustrated hasn't harmed the muse a jot when it comes to creating filth, maybe I should leave things alone.
Normally I'd go for coffee but this morning I need some acid, a pint of pickled onion juice and if a few onions fall in that's fine too.
Onward to glory or perhaps a bacon sandwich, my drunken companions.
Firstly, I've been seeing the depraved things you lot have been writing.
If you haven't read it yet, Miss Luna has been especially naughty and a wonderful way to start the day.
Dearest Sprite has been subjecting her Alice to the most terrible things and um ruined my spell checker.
Kistin and her magic pencil seem to be connected to the darkest parts of my own memory, stirring up pieces I'd long forgotten to enjoy them anew.
The world needs magic more than ever, and you didn't make my pencil go runny you made my kettle positively jealous.
I can hear the thing boiling from here and she isn't even plugged in.
Some of you filthy degenerates may have spotted me flirting by and leaving messages on your ..ahem..walls.
It has been a rollercoaster of month since I joined and maybe its the hangover talking but you've all been marvellous company.
If you've written a thousand novels or barely your first line, each of my fellow writers are my heroes and heroines, constant inspirations for where I could explore and providers qof some absolutely filthy little tales that keep me all warm inside.
To the readers especially you lovely folk who leave feedback. I love you all dearly and if I could I'd keep you all in a harem I would but alas 'twould only bring us pain. I'm a messy bitch in the mornings and I snore, like a Lady should dammit, and I don't have the space for you all.
To the mods and admins, if I didn't already have a Goddess I'd build a temple to you all and flog the mass to pray daily to your glory. Or if you prefer, ahem, you do a thankless job with Grace, Patience and Apollo's own far sightedness. May you all live lives of such endless ecstasy the Saints would be jealous.
I'm off to try to get Congress to move their time zones three hours forward, the EU to move ours two hours back.
So I can be properly awake and breakfasted when I get hold of My bitch in Texas.
Mind you being sexually frustrated hasn't harmed the muse a jot when it comes to creating filth, maybe I should leave things alone.
Normally I'd go for coffee but this morning I need some acid, a pint of pickled onion juice and if a few onions fall in that's fine too.
Onward to glory or perhaps a bacon sandwich, my drunken companions.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I've shared and been shared. Though it can trigger jealousy issues.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Oh yes and especially if they let me feel their teeth.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Yes I do, I love them in different ways and for different things.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Old school RPG with turn based combat and proper stats. Wasteland 2 is calling.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I think geeky love is a beautiful thing.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Well that was a weird end to a day, had to bring my other half for a Covid test, she's got a bit fo a cough and they're being extra careful.
Test was done just waiting for the results, should hear back Sunday or Monday.
Off to sing to Luna and ask for a swift result.
Be well and be safe my beloved lushites.
Test was done just waiting for the results, should hear back Sunday or Monday.
Off to sing to Luna and ask for a swift result.
Be well and be safe my beloved lushites.