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Verbal
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Colorado
Forum
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by Ping
Oh, a humbling pain I feel...
Yes, any father experiences this, if they are truly, truly lucky. My 10-year-old son just
kicked my ass at checkers.He is a quick study. Has only played for a few weeks.
The conniving little fucker didn't make a single mistake, forced me to make the errors, only
two in fact, that cost me the game. He kept all 12 of his pieces on the board, including four
kings.
I couldn't be more proud. I take solace in the fact that I taught him how to play, including
his PingDad-defeating strategy, that included skewering my checkered soul. I'm simultaneously
teaching him chess, but I suspect that ascent to topple PingDad will take a few more weeks.
Well Done, Little Dude.
Yeah, big P, I musta beat my kids a thousand times in checkers before they finally beat me (both have). It's a proud feeling, albiet a little disconcerting.
Eldest has beat me twice in chess. Also very proud.
New Shard arrives tomorrow morning. And the incredibly long sig line. If you haven't read Beneath, the link on the sig line is about to go away, so get a move on!
Layla is coming (heh) on Friday! We've got a hot concert date! Los Lobos! Can't wait!
A dram o burrbin, please.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by sprite
oh, and since i have people's attention. baseball is dumb. there, i said it.
Dude. Sacrilege! Off to reeducation camp with you.
Pitcher Dock Ellis threw his June 12, 1970, no-hitter while under the influence of LSD.
Every single MLB baseball is rubbed in Lena Blackburne Baseball Rubbing Mud, a unique "very fine" mud only found in a secret location near Palmyra, New Jersey.
Many major league baseball players, including Moises Alou, Jorge Posada, and Kerry Wood, have admitted that they pee on their own hands during baseball season to "toughen" their grip.
Bank robber John Dillinger was once a professional second baseman, although he never made it to the major leagues.
Jackie Mitchell, a 17-year-old female pitcher for the AA Chattanooga Lookouts, once played the New York Yankees in an exhibition game and struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in succession.
Köffee please.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by seeker4
As with all such "rules", I'd suggest these are made to be broken as needed. e.g. 9 is probably fine for his kind of fiction but if you're doing worldbuilding for a fantasy story, detailed descriptions become a necessity.
Oh, yeah, he's talking about a very specific type of fiction, I agree. Though there are other ways to describe than using thick blocks of descriptive text.
His goal in the rules (the full version is online, mine is shortened) is to keep the writer invisible: "It's my attempt to remain invisible, not distract the reader from the story with obvious writing. (Joseph Conrad said something about words getting in the way of what you want to say.) If I write in scenes and always from the point of view of a particular character -- the one whose view best brings the scene to life -- I'm able to concentrate on the voices of the characters telling you who they are and how they feel about what they see and what's going on, and I'm nowhere in sight."
I'm not sure he's being entirely honest there, I think his style is so recognizable he is NOT really invisible. But I love the insight the rules give into how he pulls off such magic on the page.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
I mentioned Elmore today while shooting the breeze at Rump's bar, and after I did I looked up his 10 Rules of Writing, as a refresher. When I first started taking writing seriously this guy was my mentor - I didn't know him or anything but I read all of his early novels twice, and both consciously and unconsciously stole a lot of his stylistic tricks. Writing good dialogue is an essential thing I learned from him, but certainly not the only thing.
So here you go. I've learned more about writing from him than anyone else.
1. Never open a book with weather:
If it’s only to create atmosphere, and not a character’s reaction to the weather, you don’t want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people.
2. Avoid prologues:
They can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword.
3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue:
The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But said is far less intrusive than grumbled, gasped, cautioned, lied.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”:
… he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control:
You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
6. Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose”:
This rule doesn’t require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use “suddenly” tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points.
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly:
Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won’t be able to stop.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters:
In Ernest Hemingway’s “Hills Like White Elephants” what do the “American and the girl with him” look like? “She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.” That’s the only reference to a physical description in the story, and yet we see the couple and know them by their tones of voice, with not one adverb in sight.
9. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things:
You don’t want descriptions that bring the action, the flow of the story, to a standstill.
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.
My most important rule is one that sums up the 10: If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.
So here you go. I've learned more about writing from him than anyone else.
1. Never open a book with weather:
If it’s only to create atmosphere, and not a character’s reaction to the weather, you don’t want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people.
2. Avoid prologues:
They can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword.
3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue:
The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But said is far less intrusive than grumbled, gasped, cautioned, lied.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”:
… he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control:
You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
6. Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose”:
This rule doesn’t require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use “suddenly” tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points.
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly:
Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won’t be able to stop.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters:
In Ernest Hemingway’s “Hills Like White Elephants” what do the “American and the girl with him” look like? “She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.” That’s the only reference to a physical description in the story, and yet we see the couple and know them by their tones of voice, with not one adverb in sight.
9. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things:
You don’t want descriptions that bring the action, the flow of the story, to a standstill.
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.
My most important rule is one that sums up the 10: If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by intl_assassin
Jeff, thanks for the drink checking out my poem. After reading Serious Moonlight, I'm still impressed with your ability to tell stories in such a natural way. I feel like I spend too many words on exposition, details, and setting. I agree that tentacles would have spiced things up a bit in Coastline, but there's always the upcoming contest.
Thanks for such kind words. I just follow the advice of Elmore Leonard, a criminally underrated writer (underrated solely because he writes genre stuff, sadly): don't write what you don't enjoy reading. I use description and exposition when it suits a story. Some stories need a lot (Beneath has a lot of description). I also borrowed (meaning, stole) a lot of dialogue tricks from him. He got soft in his last several novels, but I'd hold his Detroit crime novels up against anything else in American Lit. GREAT writer. Very humorous too.
Quote by seeker4
Actually, London Fog is the term for a tea latte made with Earl Grey so it's taken. Though you could add absinthe to that, i suppose.
Okay, a London Sunrise then. Earl Grey with a tab of Orange Sunshine.
Braves 1, Mets 0 in the third.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by TonyaL
Good morning my beautiful friends. It's another ugly day here in Jersey.
Lilly~I'm glad you broke through your block. Your new poem is very sweet. You are an amazing poet and compliments from you always make me blush. I'm still learning all the time.
Kal~my poem is coming along nicely. I have the initial 2 drafts complete now trying to make it flow a bit better. I will read yours today.
Bill~i would love some hot tea please. May switch to coffee later as insomnia struck me again last night.
Jeff~excited for a new shard. Are you entering the comp? You really should. You have such a way with words.
Hmm maybe in Hannah's absence I'll have to start asking. I'm no Tracy flic and don't have a mean bone in my body but I'll ask nicely enough I do hope everyone enters.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Forgot to say hi to Lilly! We don't see you much around this wind-blown ramshackle excuse for a shed.
Thank you for the compliment, dear, but I am a truly awful poet. I thought we had established this. I can do limericks (like Bill, who apparently once lived in Nantucket).
And where is Hannah K Flick!? I miss her! Come home, Special K! I'll buy you a London Fog (Earl Grey Tea spiked with absinthe) (I just made that up).
I'm off.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Kal's poem is indeed excellent. Nice work, newbie!
Thee day begins with not one but TWO doctor's appts, for my Dad and me, but I have enough time to crow that THE FIRST METS GAME OF THE YEAR BEGINS IN TWO HOURS!!!
I FINALLY (I will quit capitalizing words soon I promise) got some writing pushed out, and should have a Shard finished by next week. Bill, I know you've missed my criminally long sig line, so be forewarned it will soon be back (and we will wave goodbye to the betentacled Beneath graphic).
Give the newbie a round on me. Everyone else a round on me too (including a köffee for me). And by me I mean Mike, meaning Scott, meaning....
Thee day begins with not one but TWO doctor's appts, for my Dad and me, but I have enough time to crow that THE FIRST METS GAME OF THE YEAR BEGINS IN TWO HOURS!!!
I FINALLY (I will quit capitalizing words soon I promise) got some writing pushed out, and should have a Shard finished by next week. Bill, I know you've missed my criminally long sig line, so be forewarned it will soon be back (and we will wave goodbye to the betentacled Beneath graphic).
Give the newbie a round on me. Everyone else a round on me too (including a köffee for me). And by me I mean Mike, meaning Scott, meaning....
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Hello everyone!
I am finally back in the land of the living. A half gallon of Bertha's, sans NyQuil, if you will.
And not to step on all the Olympics fervor, but...FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAMES ARE TODAY! It's as much a first sign of Spring as seeing a robin. And as for ending tie baseball games, Bill, there is nothing cooler than extra innings in baseball, particularly if you are at the game (only downside: beer sales are over after the 7th inning stretch).
I am finally back in the land of the living. A half gallon of Bertha's, sans NyQuil, if you will.
And not to step on all the Olympics fervor, but...FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAMES ARE TODAY! It's as much a first sign of Spring as seeing a robin. And as for ending tie baseball games, Bill, there is nothing cooler than extra innings in baseball, particularly if you are at the game (only downside: beer sales are over after the 7th inning stretch).
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by seeker4
I'm having a mood swing today. How do I know? Well, aside from feeling like I'm going to spontaneously cry periodically and being irritable and distracted as all hell, I wrote over 2000 words breaking Curt and Julia up again after I swore that series was over. No idea what's going to happen with them now. If I'm smart, I'll delete it because it's fucking depressing after that wonderful ending I gave them just a few months ago.
"Feeling like I'm going to spontaneously cry periodically and being irritable and distracted as all hell" sounds like an apt description of most of my adult life. Still, don't break up C and J. That is a good series. And they've been through so much already (yes, I realize they are fictional).
Kal, borrow away, all writers borrow. I'd like to see your take on it. I think you may be overestimating the lure of tentacle sex her though. It's the last contest that brought out all the tentacles. A year ago I would guess there were under 10 tentacle stories here. Sprite and I are the only ones to have gotten obsessional about it, I think - look up the Alternaverse threads sometimes.
My family and I are finally on the mend. What a fuckin week. I took a hard 2 hour nap after dropping off my kids at school and am finally feeling kinda normal again.
I might even write tonight.
Off to work. Kinda backed up. Köffee (without NyQuil!) please.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Nice to meet you Kal. Sorry it took me so long to say hello, I haven't be around much lately.
Elizabeth, if they just served NyQuil instead of coffee I'm not sure anyone would notice.
Tonya, glad to hear your pen is moving. Mine sadly, is not, but that will change if wellness ever approaches.
Sara, it's pretty nasty here, our second night of snow and single digit temps. I feel ya (heh). Stay warm.
Scott, I'm bummed I haven't watched any of the big O this year. Ice skating can be hot (Katerina Witt!) and couples skating can be very hot.
Ping, you magnificent bastard! Finish the horror story! I was just thinking of Red Delusion the other day. Love to see you write erotic horror again.
Bill, throw me three ibuprofen and a pillow. I think I may have caught a case of Captain Trips. I am outta here.
Elizabeth, if they just served NyQuil instead of coffee I'm not sure anyone would notice.
Tonya, glad to hear your pen is moving. Mine sadly, is not, but that will change if wellness ever approaches.
Sara, it's pretty nasty here, our second night of snow and single digit temps. I feel ya (heh). Stay warm.
Scott, I'm bummed I haven't watched any of the big O this year. Ice skating can be hot (Katerina Witt!) and couples skating can be very hot.
Ping, you magnificent bastard! Finish the horror story! I was just thinking of Red Delusion the other day. Love to see you write erotic horror again.
Bill, throw me three ibuprofen and a pillow. I think I may have caught a case of Captain Trips. I am outta here.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Still sick, but I am working, and the girls are both in school, after a two hour snow delay. It is bright and white out, and even if you are cold and sick it is hard not to smile when you see it.
Anyway. NyQuil and köffee please. When is Hannah coming back? We haven't even bought her congratulatory Pick Flick cupcakes for her win!
Oh, and Mike--aha Oceanrunner--dropped me a note and said to buy you all a round on him. I didn't have the heart to tell him we've been putting all the drinks on his tab since he left. Sure hope Bill doesn't get an accountant anytime soon.
Anyway. NyQuil and köffee please. When is Hannah coming back? We haven't even bought her congratulatory Pick Flick cupcakes for her win!
Oh, and Mike--aha Oceanrunner--dropped me a note and said to buy you all a round on him. I didn't have the heart to tell him we've been putting all the drinks on his tab since he left. Sure hope Bill doesn't get an accountant anytime soon.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by RumpleForeskin
At the moment, I'm subscribed to about twenty podcasts. Most of them are history oriented where Mike Duncan (History of Rome & Revolutions)is king. If you're so inclined, pass along any of your favorites
The whole house is officially sick, and bad. Been to the ER twice (don't ask). I think the worst is done. Might even have one kid going to school tomorrow.
I like Slate.com podcasts, the Cultural Gabfest being my favorite. Long, fascinating discussion of David Hockney (with a linked slideshow). I don't know shit about the visual arts--Layla does the heavy lifting in that department--but it's really interesting.
Also Slate's Mommy and Daddy Are Fighting, and dove deep into the archives of Marc Maron's podcast.
NyQuil for everybody, on me.
Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
Quote by Emily260
I’d love a jolter thanks. I don’t like to see people hurting but my growling and bitching here isn’t helping anyone. Let’s leave it at that x Kindly let Hannah pick up the tab for the next round. Thanks guys! Exx
Yeah, that seriously pissed me off too. Rude and disrespectful. Even if you have doubts about the story (I do not), to vent like that in a crowd of grieving people is simply hateful.
My wife (to be) would certainly tell someone--several people, probably--on Lush if I were to die.
I don't expect to die any time soon.
Sick as a frikkin dog. Thank God for podcasts. I just close my eyes and doze and listen.
