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WellMadeMale
1 day ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Kansas City
Forum
Constant Gardener
Quote by DirtyMartiniQuote by WellMadeMale
Mission accomplished? Not quite, but this is the most important step after writing a story which sucks
Yeah Jeff...writing a story which sucks always helps...
I think you could use a shotgun, man. Here, put your mouth on this...
** Note, always smoke in the presence of other adults. Smoking may lead to heart disease, mental impairment, Superman Syndrome and bloodshot eyes. Do not operate heavy equipment while smoking.
Constant Gardener
Quote by Torquatus
Authors, in your experience, what is the most important factor in attracting readers? By that I mean, getting them interested initially in reading your story. Is it the tags, the one-liner, the title, the category, the narrative voice (first versus third, female versus male, etc.), the first paragraph, or something else?
The most important factor? You've already accomplished that much. You should locate the most popular, most reader and author friendly...erotic story website with which to showcase your library of well written, intriguing tales.
Mission accomplished? Not quite, but this is the most important step after writing a story which sucks your audience in and leaves them wanting more.
Constant Gardener
Did you hear the one about the Mother Superior at the convent, who stood up in the refectory during dinner to make an announcement?
She said, "Sisters, there is a case of gonorrhea in the convent!"
"Oh thank God," a voice piped up, "I was getting so tired of chardonnay."
She said, "Sisters, there is a case of gonorrhea in the convent!"
"Oh thank God," a voice piped up, "I was getting so tired of chardonnay."
Constant Gardener
Quote by DarkSide
If I were a gigolo - Not sure about the stripping - seems long hours. But equally I couldn't sleep with someone I didn't like or fancy. It's just not a job for men. My willy wouldn't respond if they didn't turn me on. I suppose if all the women were smart, attractive and fuckable...then once a week for me!
I'd turn three tricks a day, 6 days a week and smile all the way to the bank.
Constant Gardener
A man is lying in a hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse," he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?"
Nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand, and his testicles in the other... She takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them sir."
Man pulls off oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly... "Thanks for that, it was lovely, but listen very carefully. Are- my- test- results- back?"
Nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand, and his testicles in the other... She takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them sir."
Man pulls off oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly... "Thanks for that, it was lovely, but listen very carefully. Are- my- test- results- back?"
Constant Gardener
Quote by nicola
It took me a while to train my voice to go that low
Might I add... you have a fine looking rump, too!
Constant Gardener
I know that throughout my adult life....I've met half a dozen women....who were/are more twisted than color tv. Their suggestions simply fried my noodle for a few seconds and caused me to think (once I could logically rearrange my thoughts)...
That perhaps I was about to bite off a buttload more than I could possibly chew.
Yes...some women are definitely filthier in thought and fantasy, than at least this man. And I'm not really sure if that's good or bad thing.
That perhaps I was about to bite off a buttload more than I could possibly chew.
Yes...some women are definitely filthier in thought and fantasy, than at least this man. And I'm not really sure if that's good or bad thing.
Constant Gardener
Quote by chris63
How do,s it work with dailymotion.com. I tried but can seem to get it to work. Any help please.UkE65BmX9phaVv2q
It doesn't Chris.
Suggestion is to look up your DailyMotion video on youtube...then grab the embed code from youtube and come back to Lush to post to your heart's content.
You might wanna read the forum etiquette threads too (if you haven't yet)...to gain an idea of what is preferred and that which is not.
Constant Gardener
Yo, Todd...on March 27th or 28th, you should've trimmed the damned weeds around your house's foundation. just say'n
The camera always seems to catch more than the primary point of focus.
Good luck with the free personal ad on Lush!
Come back and let us know how this turns out for ya.
The camera always seems to catch more than the primary point of focus.
Good luck with the free personal ad on Lush!
Come back and let us know how this turns out for ya.
Constant Gardener
Quote by Garza
Btw sorry I'm not sure if the pic is against the rules :/
Well...I've had that .gif for almost 3 years and I wouldn't have posted it here...but we'll just have to see, won't we?
Constant Gardener
Quote by LittleBambi
plonk your girl in the bath
So, you and I have discussed this before...this use of English slang.
Plonking sounds vaguely like porking, only ... more romantic.
I think I'll adopt your term in the future, when I proposition my next possible conquest in the States. I shall report back with results. 
Constant Gardener
I bet you could suck the chrome off my trailer hitch with your gorges lips!
Constant Gardener
any fluid produced by our human bodies is going to leave some kind of visible stain as well as enough DNA to convict or absolve us.
sweat
tears
blood
semen
urine
saliva
the fluid inside blisters
everything, even vaginal secretions. About the only thing that won't leave any stains which isn't toxic to the human condition is clean, pure H20. Just ask The Waterboy.
Some fluids stain less visibly than others of course.
I've had crushed velour fabric car seat pretty well ruined before. I was 22 and had no idea what just happened and didn't get it vacuumed up and then cleaned soon enough. I had to rent a steam cleaning wet/dry vacuum cleaner once to salvage some rather expensive carpeting. I was 42 and I sure as hell knew what was going to happen if I ignored it.
Life teaches us lessons, we either learn or choose to ignore.
Brown...I can only think of a few things and neither are good, unless you're a smoker and the sheets had some tar from the smoke on them. Or...
sweat
tears
blood
semen
urine
saliva
the fluid inside blisters
everything, even vaginal secretions. About the only thing that won't leave any stains which isn't toxic to the human condition is clean, pure H20. Just ask The Waterboy.
Some fluids stain less visibly than others of course.
I've had crushed velour fabric car seat pretty well ruined before. I was 22 and had no idea what just happened and didn't get it vacuumed up and then cleaned soon enough. I had to rent a steam cleaning wet/dry vacuum cleaner once to salvage some rather expensive carpeting. I was 42 and I sure as hell knew what was going to happen if I ignored it.
Life teaches us lessons, we either learn or choose to ignore.
Brown...I can only think of a few things and neither are good, unless you're a smoker and the sheets had some tar from the smoke on them. Or...
Constant Gardener
Quote by studintraining
As amazing as that sounds, thats not gonna help me get a girl that I meet in a bar or something. Sounds like something you do when youre actually past the first few hurdles although it does sound fantastic
Have you ever thought that perhaps you should make a lifestyle change and play for the other team? Jus' say'n
Constant Gardener
I am not fond of the look:
of tats upon a woman's epidermis
cigs dangling from their kissable lips
smoke wafting from their nostrils or mouth
curlers adorning their locks
But this woman seems to be able to overwhelm all my objections to those idiosyncrasies of mine.
of tats upon a woman's epidermis
cigs dangling from their kissable lips
smoke wafting from their nostrils or mouth
curlers adorning their locks
But this woman seems to be able to overwhelm all my objections to those idiosyncrasies of mine.
Constant Gardener
Quote by rockstar81
Are you okay with a woman peeing in front of you? What are your thoughts?
I would prefer some things remain private. I don't especially want an audience either. This isn't the main reason why I prefer to have at least two full bathrooms in the residence when possible, but it is preferable...with another half bath for my guests.
What about you, Rocker...you want to do this in front of your significant other? He want you to and you're hesitant?
Constant Gardener
Watch the beaver shots, before the moderators shut this thread down, doods.
