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WellMadeMale
1 day ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Kansas City
Forum
Constant Gardener
I was 18. Laura, my shift manager was 23. 5'10" and skinnier than me.
She seduced me, (or threatened to fire me unless..) in the basement store room. We fucked on four pails of McDonald's pickles. Next to 12 cases of special sauce, and right up against a pallet of quarter pounder buns.
We were interrupted by her boss, the store owner, Reggie.
Reg was mid 40's...standing there, chain smoking his 58th cigarette of the day at 2:30 in the afternoon, jerking his erect cock and directing....
"Laura, throw your legs around his waist and thrust your pelvis into Jeff's...Jeff, grab her tit and bite her nipple."
Can you believe that shit?
Reggie threw some hellacious parties at his pad too. Major fucking pervert. I really liked that guy.
She seduced me, (or threatened to fire me unless..) in the basement store room. We fucked on four pails of McDonald's pickles. Next to 12 cases of special sauce, and right up against a pallet of quarter pounder buns.
We were interrupted by her boss, the store owner, Reggie.
Reg was mid 40's...standing there, chain smoking his 58th cigarette of the day at 2:30 in the afternoon, jerking his erect cock and directing....
"Laura, throw your legs around his waist and thrust your pelvis into Jeff's...Jeff, grab her tit and bite her nipple."
Can you believe that shit?
Reggie threw some hellacious parties at his pad too. Major fucking pervert. I really liked that guy.
Constant Gardener
I dunno..I was fucking my lover once and she yelled out..."God yes, give me that fucking cock, Fuck me like you own it, Donnie!"
She was sober as a judge. I'd had a few tokes.
My name isn't Don.
She was sober as a judge. I'd had a few tokes.
My name isn't Don.
Constant Gardener
Quote by kinkitten
Ok, so this is something I really find interesting and would love to hear what you guys have to say- how does it feel when you first enter a womans pussy?
Set a tub of margarine out of the fridge and on a kitchen counter top for about 7 hours at room temperature. Remove lid and insert your index finger, slowly down into the margarine.
And that is a poor analogy.
Constant Gardener
What is just about the perfect size of each butt cheek for a woman? (The NFL sized ball, I mean).
Tent City
Tent City
Constant Gardener
Quote by rockstar81
haha where is this thread posted?
I was sort of...being naughty and making fun...of the stereotyping I thought I recently witnessed (forgive me, please).
But seriously, what's your take on cocksure, height-challenged, illegitimate sons, who can really lay some pipe?
Constant Gardener
Quote by Dancing_Doll
Call me a converted skeptic. Lighting doesn't strike that often, but when it does, it strikes hard.
And all this time, I was hoping it was just a cheap affair. 
Constant Gardener
Quote by LadyX
Oh come'on you vivacious tease! I have been waiting, boner in hand...for this post.
*edit* that's more like it.
Constant Gardener
Quote by kinkykuffed
I think he's just got ideas stuck in his head about what sex should be, up until a few days ago he'd always said shower sex was weird, he wants it all the time now that we have done it, when we first started dating he didn't want me to give him oral because he wouldn't want to kiss me. He's just stuck i think, and we're working through it.......just wish he was already there lol. its not that i don't love the sex we have, its just always turned me on thinking of being controled in the bedroom not in to the whole bdsm lifestyle, but i have my fantasies
Need more background information about the two of you, before any half-ass remedies might be suggested. Sorry to be so blunt. Hell, you two could be a pair of 18 yr old folks who each surrendered their virginity to the other, fell in puppy love and plan a life together after 5 months of dating once or twice a week.
Constant Gardener
Throw down $15 for maybe two very cool hours of premium 1970s porn Just close your eyes and take a nap.
Constant Gardener
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from New Mexico, walks into a bar and orders three frosty mugs of Coors banquet beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he walks back up to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug of beer goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our folk's ranch in New Mexico, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day a few years down the road, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I several others here, just wanted to offer our condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I recently joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug of beer goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our folk's ranch in New Mexico, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day a few years down the road, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I several others here, just wanted to offer our condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I recently joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
Constant Gardener
fake it til you can make it, man.
I've learned a buttload of stuff here in the last 2 years. Long Live Lush!
I've learned a buttload of stuff here in the last 2 years. Long Live Lush!
Constant Gardener
Incidentally Painter...I imagine you'd make a fine Kings Hand.
I fancy myself more of a snidely Kingslayer. Minus the fucking-my-sister the Queen aspect.
I fancy myself more of a snidely Kingslayer. Minus the fucking-my-sister the Queen aspect.
Constant Gardener
Quote by LittleMissBitchQuote by WellMadeMale
I would suggest switching hands. Does the trick for me. Yanno, different angles, different grips. One hand is slightly larger than the other. Breaks up the routine somewhat.
or different lubes maybe. that KY why jelly that supposed to bring a bang or i hear Tiger Balm is pretty interesting! ;-)
Hear hear! Good point LMB. I had forgotten this wise bit of additional hinting. For an extra kick...use some cake frosting, toothpaste or beaten egg whites (yolk removed - unless you're into that kind of thing).
Lubrication is definitely key. I mean, it can be a different girl (or guy) each time, with a little imagination and a little Miracle Whip. [avoid Vegemite - that's just wrong on so many levels.]
Constant Gardener
I have not read the author's original story...but it is on my to do list this summer. I am glad to hear there is a 2nd season in the works...I was afraid this was a one shot pony.
Constant Gardener
Who are also master meat slingers! Tell us, ladies...do you fantasize about them at all..?
He's quite the cocksman..! I am envious.
He's quite the cocksman..! I am envious.
Constant Gardener
Quote by Dancing_Doll
Oh and yes, it was one of those clubs where guys often take their shirts off and keep their sunglasses on while partying.
I knew it! I knew that was you on Jersey Shore! Season 3, episode 13 'Hightlights'. Wow. TV does not put extra pounds on you, babe. Hey, how do those guys keep their hair so pointy?
Constant Gardener
Quote by mercianknightQuote by Durrasch
Say it whenever you mean it. Don't say it before, but don't wait and end up regretting your silence.
Never a truer word(s) spoken.
So Merc...why didn't you introduce this fellow to me..? I hold you partially responsible, kind knight. He's nailed it.
Constant Gardener
You're obviously a sensitive sweetheart, Vic. She's lucky to have ya.
I would suggest switching hands. Does the trick for me. Yanno, different angles, different grips. One hand is slightly larger than the other. Breaks up the routine somewhat.
I would suggest switching hands. Does the trick for me. Yanno, different angles, different grips. One hand is slightly larger than the other. Breaks up the routine somewhat.
Constant Gardener
Quote by akwildmanQuote by nicola
The number of your Profile Views will be added soon, shown on your profile page.
Attention whores everywhere delight!
Nicola, what can one do to get more views? Pitiful, poor me hasn't even got to a thousand views yet! LOL
Ernie
Do what about 300 other dudes do on this site. Grab an eye catching photograph of some nude solo-girl webcam model, and use her as your avatar.
Then, a week later - bitch and moan after 16000 straight horn dogs have attempted to open sexy chats with you nonstop - every time you log on.