She has nothing terribly attractive other than her accent. And she is so yesterday....

All too often when I use a male character, I feel "he" takes a different path sometimes during the story, differently than I had planned, maybe because it just feels the circumstances warrant a change of plot. But when I put myself as the character, it is easier to stick to the plot.
When I was 17, I woke up one night hearing my Mom moaning. I peeked in their door and saw her sitting on my Dad's face, obviously enjoying it. His erection waved in the air like he was having the best time. I was mesmerized even though they were my parents and I watched until she almost smothered him with her orgasm. I couldn't watch any more; I went to my room and took matters into my own hands so to speak.
There are times, particularly when I get lonely AND horny that an idea or theme will come to mind an I try to write about it. To take a sex act and work it into a story where it will be applicable just doesn't work without the right characters and a plot. Then it gets frustrating and embarrassing that I even had such a decadent idea. So I trash it and move on, basically rarely writing.
Without asking women to do it for me, (it's awkward), I've just pulled out and not come, and they always think I didn't enjoy the intercourse and it insulted them. I've tried to explain that it's exciting to be denied, but it just seems to confuse some women and future dates are sexless. Anybody have some suggestions?
My first foray into sex with a girl was at 17 and my older female cousin saw her mom sitting on her dad's face and my cousin convinced me to let her try it to see what it was like. She got so excited and when she came it made me feel like a real man and I almost went crazy. Since then, thanks to her patience and tips, I have genuinely enjoying going down on a girl/woman to ensure her total pleasure, ultimately and repeatedly. I might even let her know there needs to be no reciprocation or any follow up sex just so she will relax and enjoy it. Giving a woman an oral orgasm gives me a certain emotional and mental orgasm.
Every girl/woman who has sex with me knows how sincere I am in giving her satisfactory oral sex, orgasms guaranteed. I used to promise a girl on a first date that i would go down on her for as long as she wanted and then I would take her home if she would come back the next night and fuck me. Sometimes I got laid that night, but the others always came back for more.