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Woman
Over 90 days ago
Female, 105
China
Forum
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Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: No. Are you really a jackass?
Him: No.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: Need to borrow a tampon?
Him: No.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: No, god just thought I'd make a real bumpy man.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: Actually no. I am really a 48 year old man with hair growing out of places ten years ago I had no hair.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: thanks to the new sex change operation? Now I am!!!
Ummm... needless to say... my chats only last a moment or two now I know exactly what to say!!!!! Although; sometimes... sometimes, I get even weirder responses than the ones I've given. That makes me actually snort at the computer trying both to laugh and gasp at the same time. I don't recommend that action. It does hurt a little.
Me: No. Are you really a jackass?
Him: No.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: Need to borrow a tampon?
Him: No.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: No, god just thought I'd make a real bumpy man.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: Actually no. I am really a 48 year old man with hair growing out of places ten years ago I had no hair.
Him: Are you really a woman?
Me: thanks to the new sex change operation? Now I am!!!
Ummm... needless to say... my chats only last a moment or two now I know exactly what to say!!!!! Although; sometimes... sometimes, I get even weirder responses than the ones I've given. That makes me actually snort at the computer trying both to laugh and gasp at the same time. I don't recommend that action. It does hurt a little.
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LOL!!! there is part of the wall about a twenty minute drive from my apartment. It is by the statue in the mountains. Very pretty!!!!
*grins and puts her fingers together like Mister Burns.... just wait till I tell you about the facials...manicures and pedicures... and dentist costs!!!!
*grins and puts her fingers together like Mister Burns.... just wait till I tell you about the facials...manicures and pedicures... and dentist costs!!!!
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Quote by nicola
I'd like shoulder rub Tuesdays, and foot massage Thursdays.
Is that really too much to ask?
Not at all!!! There is this little Chinese man who does them about ten metres away from my house. He gives the most superb head, shoulder and back massage... and his son? Fantastic reflexology foot massages. That family I tell you... hands like magic!!!! I get tired of massages actually so I stopped going everyday. Come visit. I'll take you every day and make sure you get a discount!!!!
I am sorry to tell you... they are closed in two weeks though. So you could not get one daily let alone the days you requested. Just so you know.
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Am I seeing things again??? I know I stopped taking the wacky meds that messed me up a long while ago.. But I swear... Your tiger got different!!!! Shady!!! Neato!!!
*runs around trying to play with the kitty kitty... here kitty kitty!!!!!! Only to stop and start quoting SouthPark...
*runs around trying to play with the kitty kitty... here kitty kitty!!!!!! Only to stop and start quoting SouthPark...
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I've had a great chuckle over this thread. I've read it a few times just for laughs alone.
Basically, I am a slut because I enjoy sex. Because I am a natural teacher and share my personal experiences with those around me. Be they my actual students, or friends, or you all. Because I am adventurous and not ashamed to talk about my experiences (ah heck my foots asleep again!!!!)be they good or bad or negative or positive, share them in stories and discuss my inner most desires with people.
Sigh... Vie l'sluto!!!!!
I flirt, I banter, I tease like there is no tomorrow. But... that does not mean you have a chance in hell (I hear its warm there this time of years... I'd kill for heated floors right about now!!) of even coming close enough to smell what kind of perfume I am wearing.
This thread is like asking a woman.. ice cream or chocolate?? Or asking a man ice cream or chocolate??? I betcha nine times out of ten, you will get the answer, "BOTH!!!!!!"
Basically, I am a slut because I enjoy sex. Because I am a natural teacher and share my personal experiences with those around me. Be they my actual students, or friends, or you all. Because I am adventurous and not ashamed to talk about my experiences (ah heck my foots asleep again!!!!)be they good or bad or negative or positive, share them in stories and discuss my inner most desires with people.
Sigh... Vie l'sluto!!!!!
I flirt, I banter, I tease like there is no tomorrow. But... that does not mean you have a chance in hell (I hear its warm there this time of years... I'd kill for heated floors right about now!!) of even coming close enough to smell what kind of perfume I am wearing.
This thread is like asking a woman.. ice cream or chocolate?? Or asking a man ice cream or chocolate??? I betcha nine times out of ten, you will get the answer, "BOTH!!!!!!"
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Quote by gav
No Woman, there is not facility to bulk delete your friends comments.
Are they really that terrible
But of course!!! None of them send me salt n' vinegar chips!!!!
It is really not an issue, I like getting the ones I get. Only when I go to my phone to check out recent activities and to see if there is anything that I can mock... it just...well... the pictures you see... For I go to my profile and just use my recent activity down on the left hand side of the screen.
Ummm... Can there be a way to bulk delete things? There's no harm in asking right??? *crosses fingers and winces
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Speaking as the original Woman.... Here are a few things I think every woman should have in their toy chests...
1) Smartballs, I find them highly erotic when I wear them in public as they are my secret. I exercise my pussy and my body at the gym, then go home and am so worked up by the time I get home everything that is hard looks good enough to use. These little exercise balls are great for day wear, and help to keep everything properly exercised, keeping you feeling nice and tight. Plus... when you sneeze later on in life, no need to worry about wetting your pants your muscles will be tight.
2) A glass toy, there is just something about a glass toy. I would suggest something with a good base, for then you can use it vaginally or anally. Temperature play is lots of fun as well!!!!
3) A g-spot vibe with a flaterish/big head... tie her up and go searching for her g-spot and watch her squirm. The flat head is also good for her clit as well.
4) Personally I hate rabbits, and know many women who do as well.
5) I've not toys yet specific for anal, but I have been looking and researching. If you are looking at a plug, make sure that the base is big enough, and lube is used.
Could always get an anal plug, smatballs, and vibrating nipple clamps. Ohhh make the nipple clamps vibrate... she squeezes down and squirms in her chair??? Excuse me for a little while!!
1) Smartballs, I find them highly erotic when I wear them in public as they are my secret. I exercise my pussy and my body at the gym, then go home and am so worked up by the time I get home everything that is hard looks good enough to use. These little exercise balls are great for day wear, and help to keep everything properly exercised, keeping you feeling nice and tight. Plus... when you sneeze later on in life, no need to worry about wetting your pants your muscles will be tight.
2) A glass toy, there is just something about a glass toy. I would suggest something with a good base, for then you can use it vaginally or anally. Temperature play is lots of fun as well!!!!
3) A g-spot vibe with a flaterish/big head... tie her up and go searching for her g-spot and watch her squirm. The flat head is also good for her clit as well.
4) Personally I hate rabbits, and know many women who do as well.
5) I've not toys yet specific for anal, but I have been looking and researching. If you are looking at a plug, make sure that the base is big enough, and lube is used.
Could always get an anal plug, smatballs, and vibrating nipple clamps. Ohhh make the nipple clamps vibrate... she squeezes down and squirms in her chair??? Excuse me for a little while!!
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Quote by FicklePickleTickle
And for those who missed it *cough Woman cough*. Check the Ask the Guys board. My friend ChaCha posted the same question in there and I shared my embarrassing story. Go laugh at me.
Cough drop? Vick vapour rub? Honey lemon tea???
Be careful with that cough!!! you could cough so hard that your penis is swallowed by your body and tries to come out of your ear. It happened!!! Honest!!! I heard about it from my cousins friend's sister's uncles brotherinlaw third cousin once removed's grandmother Alice's butchers brothers neighbour's cat.
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I can only speak from personal experience here. I've dated many men who are more adventurous than I. They quickly discover that if they wanted to get me to try something new... drop a few hints (and not just wiggling his ass hoping that I can read his mind that he wants me to slide a finger in there, I may be Woman but I cannot read minds!!!!). Drop a story. Tell me in the morning after singing my praises from the night before. But never push. Wait a while, then bring it up again. Chances were usually that once I got my mind around a new adventure in the bedroom, and he explained why he wanted to do this, I would usually agree.
What about inviting him to join Lush? Printing out a few stories, to read together? You've got him talking about what he likes, so you've overcome that hurdle of talking about it. What about toys? Have you tried toys as well?
Next time, try something like wearing a sky high push up bra, or or something while you are on your knees looking up at him make sure your body language is just in total bliss at being there. I mean it could always be that he has been brought up to think that any form of oral is just dirty.
If I were in your position? Personally; I would have fantasies of tieing him up and getting over my dislike of the 69 position and tell him I'd not let him go till he cums and makes me cum. But then again... sometimes I can be a real meanie. And fantasies stay in my head. And in these Forums. Shhhh!! Don't tell anyone!
What about inviting him to join Lush? Printing out a few stories, to read together? You've got him talking about what he likes, so you've overcome that hurdle of talking about it. What about toys? Have you tried toys as well?
Next time, try something like wearing a sky high push up bra, or or something while you are on your knees looking up at him make sure your body language is just in total bliss at being there. I mean it could always be that he has been brought up to think that any form of oral is just dirty.
If I were in your position? Personally; I would have fantasies of tieing him up and getting over my dislike of the 69 position and tell him I'd not let him go till he cums and makes me cum. But then again... sometimes I can be a real meanie. And fantasies stay in my head. And in these Forums. Shhhh!! Don't tell anyone!
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Quote by steve4713
When it comes to relationships, Monkeys aren’t quick to settle down. In fact, they generally are promiscuous; a tendency that probably has to do with the fact that Monkeys are easily bored. Monkeys will end this type of behavior once they pair up with the perfect partner. In fact, more often than not, they’ll commit to that person in every way for life.
Yup!!!! One of the traits the doctors were telling me about today.
They say monkey's are the best of them all as a partner as they are loyal and have a very strong moral compass. The mate that a monkey chooses, their friends, never lack for fun, creativity and enjoyment. Their mate is never going to be bored in the bedroom either.
I'm a monkey!!! Who wants to play??????
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SousChef78
What can I say? I am in love with Doctor Who's personality. And for the rest of my life every time I see this painting.... I will always think of The Doctor.
What can I say? I am in love with Doctor Who's personality. And for the rest of my life every time I see this painting.... I will always think of The Doctor.
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Quote by SousChef78
Thanks sweetheart...I'm a big fan of the ultimate starving artist...
speaking of being a big fan, you already know how much i love your profile...it is, without hesitation or qualification, the most creative profile that I have seen thus far on lush...i'm going back now to read some of your stuff...thanks for the laugh...
I tried to reply to this while getting my arse poked and prodded and used like a pin cushion... but it would not let me reply. And now I cannot think of what I was going to say!!!! I get yelled at for laughing as I was moving the pins too much.
Something about Stephen Kings, The Stand about, "they're all gonna laugh at me!!!" Or Freakazoid's, "Laugh with me! Laugh with me!".
Just thought I should share that!!! For no reason in particular.
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LOL!!! I've had WAY too many embarrassing orgasms.
This one was last week. I wore my smartballs on my 3km walk to the hospital. Lots of stepping up, stepping down. And lots of pot holes to jump over. So those balls were getting a work out. I was drenched by the time I made it to the hospital. Plus it was literally freezing outside, and for some strange reason, whenever my thighs get super cold, I get even more turned on.
So I get to the hospital, and get an evil notion in my head. Climb the seven flights of stairs to my treatment room. Smartballs and stairs. BAD idea.
I get to my room, insanely turned on, and am told that I get to have an oil massage and to strip till I am just wearing my knickers. Now my knickers that day were french silk lace, so every time the massage man kneaded and massaged my arse made me groan. I do hope they thought in pain. Plus... I have discovered over the past few months I am kind of the exhibitionist, so this was not helping knowing there are quit ea few doctors in the room learning techniques. And I am there in just my knickers.
FINALLY they were finished, and my skin was all hot and sweaty, and I was starting to see all men just as possible dildo's- you know in the old cartoons? When one gets hungry? They see the cartoon character near them as a turkey or a meal? Yup. I saw everyone in the Room as a dildo. Ridged and buttons to turn up the vibrations.
Then I get into the traction machine, get strapped in, and as they started it up, pulling my arms higher, my hips lower to stretch my spine, I started shaking uncontrollably. The doctors were all freaked out thinking I was in pain. I moaned, and I groaned... do not fear. I did not blow a house down. And came hard.
I was embarrassed... of course. But I did get some VERY weird text messages (with awesome Chinglish mind you!!!!) over the next few days. Yup. And still I have to go back every day for therapy and for treatments. Damn you acupuncture!!!!!!!
This one was last week. I wore my smartballs on my 3km walk to the hospital. Lots of stepping up, stepping down. And lots of pot holes to jump over. So those balls were getting a work out. I was drenched by the time I made it to the hospital. Plus it was literally freezing outside, and for some strange reason, whenever my thighs get super cold, I get even more turned on.
So I get to the hospital, and get an evil notion in my head. Climb the seven flights of stairs to my treatment room. Smartballs and stairs. BAD idea.
I get to my room, insanely turned on, and am told that I get to have an oil massage and to strip till I am just wearing my knickers. Now my knickers that day were french silk lace, so every time the massage man kneaded and massaged my arse made me groan. I do hope they thought in pain. Plus... I have discovered over the past few months I am kind of the exhibitionist, so this was not helping knowing there are quit ea few doctors in the room learning techniques. And I am there in just my knickers.
FINALLY they were finished, and my skin was all hot and sweaty, and I was starting to see all men just as possible dildo's- you know in the old cartoons? When one gets hungry? They see the cartoon character near them as a turkey or a meal? Yup. I saw everyone in the Room as a dildo. Ridged and buttons to turn up the vibrations.
Then I get into the traction machine, get strapped in, and as they started it up, pulling my arms higher, my hips lower to stretch my spine, I started shaking uncontrollably. The doctors were all freaked out thinking I was in pain. I moaned, and I groaned... do not fear. I did not blow a house down. And came hard.
I was embarrassed... of course. But I did get some VERY weird text messages (with awesome Chinglish mind you!!!!) over the next few days. Yup. And still I have to go back every day for therapy and for treatments. Damn you acupuncture!!!!!!!
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Quote by Magical_felixQuote by WomanQuote by Magical_felix
Woman woman woman........ You know I respect your opinions but how are STDs and menstrual issues gonna keep vaginas from drying up and penises from going limp exactly? Plus I don't think lushies need to worry about getting STDs... I'm sure their computers are the only ones in danger of getting a virus when they cyber each other without protection.
*weeps uncontrollably... oh the hormones you ARSE!!!! I am afterall carrying your friggen cyber-baby!!!! Don't you care???? *weep weep weep*
Wait. It might not be yours.
Oh pee on a stick!!! I must get all the ISP address of all the people I cybered... the women posing as men... need not worry.
Of course it's not mine, LOL woman. You can't get pregnant from cyber anal.
Bloody hell.
I must stop listening to those rumours!!!
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Ohhhhh SousChef!!!! I was going to read your whole profile... but I must admit, I got carried away looking at your VanGough. Then my mind automatically went to that episode "Vincent and The Doctor".... a brilliant Doctor Who!!!
Beautiful!!! Must go find that other link now about who has the best background picture!!! Cause of all the profiles I've looked at today? Your's is the best!!!!
Beautiful!!! Must go find that other link now about who has the best background picture!!! Cause of all the profiles I've looked at today? Your's is the best!!!!