If you are old, don't contact me. If you are a douchebag, don't contact me. If you have a girlfriend or a wife, don't contact me. If you don't like ice hockey or SEC football, don't contact me. If you can't quote Star Wars, don't contact me. If you can't handle dorky, don't contact me. If you want me to buy you a car, don't contact me. If you want to tie me up and call me mean names, don't contact me. If you are looking to just cyber-fuck, don't contact me. If you don't like to play golf, don't contact me. If you can't survive a zombie attack, don't contact me. If you want a little NSA, online-only conversation, say hi.