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marcosurbina

Over 90 days ago

Male, 75

Mexico

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19 Jan 2010

Two patients in a sanatorium for insane people, escape -sneak out- and steal a car for the get away. One says to the other:

“Hey, John, take a look at those trees, how swift they pass to our side, a high speed indeed!”

His partner replies: “Oh, fine. We can ride on one of those trees on the way back to the hospital.”

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Thieves steal unmarked police car
Lacey Burley | 1st January 2010

TOOWOOMBA

Police were yesterday told to be on the lookout for an unmarked police car stolen from New South Wales.
The maroon Toyota Camry sedan possibly contained police identification and bullet proof vests when it was stolen. A description of the vehicle was broadcast over the Toowoomba Police radios multiple times yesterday.

The vehicle had New South Wales number plates, but the offenders who stole the car had removed these and replaced them with stolen Queensland number plates. The registration number on the displayed stolen plates is 087 GUC. Officers were instructed to treat the vehicle as a crime scene if located. It was last seen driving in Boronia Heights, south of Brisbane, in the past 24 hours.

If a member of the public sees the stolen car, please call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.

19 Jan 2010

“Dear God, Please forgive him, for he knows not what he does” Cried Sister Theresa

dontknow

dontknow

19 Jan 2010

Quote by chefkathleen
Oldie but a goodie.

Blonde's car

18 Jan 2010

Quote by shameless009
El Sinverguenza ,, Is going back again ,, for more !!

I dont see why prostitution is illegal

The fees charged by prostitutes vary enormously. In general, street prostitutes charge less than those operating from their own accommodation or from hotels.

A relaxed, civilized evening and night with an upmarket (upscale) escort who really knows her stuff could easily cost $2,000-3,000 or more.

18 Jan 2010

There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until theyre dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?

Then the second Snake says Why do you ask?

The 1st one replies: I just bit my lip!

18 Jan 2010

Gas problems

18 Jan 2010

What is a whore-house/ prostitutes' house like?

Ahh, prostitutes..."The World's Oldest Profession."

It varies, some are hovels and some are very nice, especially where it's legal. I didn't visit them, but I heard they were pretty nice!
It can range from someone's home to a motel, whatever condition you may believe a whore lives at, or a private establishment which are generally well-furbished. I have known several people –Shameless009- who have gone to Vegas and done more than gamble a few at the slots!

18 Jan 2010

If your cabinet doors have problematic action, are off kilter or have gaps, you can easily fix your cabinet door without having to replace the whole cabinet section.

Replace old screws with new ones that are a bit longer to ensure the cabinet door is held firmly in place.

Replace the hinges with new hinges (use longer screws) to solve problems with the hinges.

If your cabinet door is off balance, unscrew the hinges and drill a clean hole where the existing holes are-put in a wooden dowel with wood glue, let dry then reinstall the cabinet.

You can add a latch system or self-closing hinges on your cabinet doors that won't stay closed.

18 Jan 2010

Still waiting for your comments budies. Perhaps you weren't impressed at all by my wife's excelent butocks!

18 Jan 2010

In human anatomy, the appendix (or vermiform appendix; also cecal, or caecal appendix; also vermix) is a blind-ended tube connected to the cecum (or caecum), from which it develops embryologically. The cecum is a pouchlike structure of the colon. The appendix is located near the junction of the small intestine and the large intestine.

The term "vermiform" comes from Latin and means "worm-shaped".

Apendicities

We are doctors and are used to be called on the telephone any time at midnight. One one ocassion the phone rang and I was awakened by a man whose wife I had examined some time ago. The guy said:

“Sorry to bother you, doctor, but I think my wife has appendicities.

Still sleepy, I reminded him I had already removed her appendix, two years ago. I remarked: “nobody has two appendixes, as far as I now”.

The guy replied:

“Oh, doctor, may be you haven’t heard about a second appendix, but we guys use to have a second wife -lover or mistress.

18 Jan 2010

No way to know if they fart!!

18 Jan 2010

We would never know, but some of them do.

17 Jan 2010

A distraught person usually behaves irrationally when affected by a deep emotion such as...

17 Jan 2010

... and then I headed upstairs for my bed room to meet my wife lying down on the bed... like this!

17 Jan 2010

Evolution, progress, progression, advancement. Suppose sex hadn’t been created by God. Thgis is how evolution has developed to current culture and ethnicity.

Haiti’s Inconsistence versus Civilization Standards

Port Au Prince has been hit by a devastating and cruel earthquake, and finally converted into wreck. But the Haitian drama didn’t start here; rather was going on since time back already and finally render to this final fate.

Haiti will need far more than international assistance; somewhat to be invented again as a new nation. This would convey a colossal imagination work, apart from a magnificent generous engineering work, and a costly state of the art bound to change Haitian society. Of course, this would demand such huge efforts by all nations jointly, only compared to the best fiction literature effort ever outlined by experts. The bad news is that today’s world isn’t that much prepared for such a big enterprise as we’ll see below.

We all know that a continuous deteriorating structural deformation had been going on both in Africa and in Haiti equally, stronger in this latter, a reality incorporated since time ago within Haiti's social structure. To make matters worse, a misshapenness has affected Haiti's intricate organization.

Their idiosyncrasy and eccentricies only occurring in typical poor emergent countries with shattered economies and social troubles, have been reflected in their incapability to progress and build up successfully, adrama always present in Africa, not as strong as in Haiti though. Fidel Castro has been quoted as saying:

“Haiti is a genuine result from malpractice colonization and imperial rule by other countries in the world.”

Any remedy or reforms to carry out and cope with Haiti's problems have been useless to now, thus having to turn to radical solutions like a revolution, one already attempted by Haitian leaders 200 years ago, yet this one the only revolution started by black slaves ever, and the first nation to abolish slavery.

Unlike Africa, in Haiti black people struggled on their own for independence, the only country where blacks took the lead, not to seek understanding or keenness by the white, but trying to organize a better national entity in the search of justice instead, thus overcoming colonialism, suppress slavery.

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At the end of 18th century, the biggest rebellion ever carried out in the world by any revolutionary outbreak took place in France, a time when half a million slaves were brought in from Africa after being hunted like wild animals, then sold and exploited in this French colony, where slave labor was responsible for all sugar, coffee and tobacco harvest that soon relished and enjoyed by European patrons.

Ruled by George Washington, the United States already existed by this time, in a new country also hit by slavery practice though. American settlers were determined to seek independence, as well as Creoles in Latin America from Spanish dominion, until finally their independence was granted by conservative loyalist England and Spain monarchy opposed to this kind of self-government in the colonies.

It would be different in Haiti, where a revolution inspired from French Revolution occurred, yet confronted by an outrageous liberalism in France. This Independence attemp was reduced to rubble, as General Leclerc, Napoleon’s brother-in-law, had been sent in to Haiti, and Toussaint Louverture apprehended and chained to his final death after her was set up, making use of conspiracy and fraud in the Metropolis by General Leclerc.

America was then independent but had kept ignoring Haitian Republic only to acknowledge its Independence 60 years later.

17 Jan 2010

Quote by WellMadeMale
Pale or dark?

Approximate alcohol content of each?

Well, it took quite a few years for me to ge accustomed to Mexican beer. Oh, so delicious as it's too hot here. You immediately get drunk after one beer -alcohol contents too high. They hold to many parties at my wife's family.

17 Jan 2010

Sudden death

This doctor is at his office as suddenly, his assistant –nurse- enters there and says:

“Doctor, doctor, too bad. The patient who had left a while ago –signed out- has just dropped dead in front of the clinic.”

The physician asks this question.

“Tell me: is he lying facing the street?

The nurse: “yes, he is.”

Doctor: “Go back there and turn him around facing the clinic, so people will think his death occurred while arriving -getting in- to the clinic.”

17 Jan 2010

I like your joke, chefkathleen. Congratulations.

Detective

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic."

The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that." He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't believe it...It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear."

17 Jan 2010

Adieu to the Piano. Perhaps Fiddle is country music. Am I right? I love country music.

17 Jan 2010

OMG! This is a grade 5 piece! I can't believe that a child can REMEMBER and play almost perfectly this piece! Man shes amazing

17 Jan 2010

Watch this, Shameless009: She can play almost perfectly this piece! Man shes amazing. What do you think? Remember the name of this piece?

17 Jan 2010

Your eyes are glued to what? What did you say? Ah, I got, some black panties, isn't it?

She looks down at Shameless009. Probably something has called her attention here. Shameless' puzzlement, perplexity and confusion?

Rocco's mystification and stupefaction is great! Feel a little bit dizzy, by the way?

17 Jan 2010

I was flashed doing this at my mother in law's home, before Christmas. I had drunk several beers and just wanted to show I'm still young at keeping balance.

17 Jan 2010

Quote by roccotool
A naked woman and booze beats any party.

Rocco is right, perhaps.

17 Jan 2010

I wish I were so skillful with my hands at playing piano than when touching a gorgeous woman.

17 Jan 2010

Oh, I can't recall just now. As soon as I gather the information I'll tell you. I drank the whole bottle in just half an hour and felt nothing, little happy though.

17 Jan 2010

Congratulations: never heard anything so great, amazing story. Two hands clapping!!
Composing or decomposing?

16 Jan 2010

On New Year's Eve, Would You Rather Go Out or Stay In?

16 Jan 2010

Well, yes, watch this for a long time, Shameless009.

16 Jan 2010

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them.

The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling.

The birch says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."