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marcosurbina

Over 90 days ago

Male, 75

Mexico

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12 Jan 2010

A funny joke can lighten up your mood and allow you that release that you so much needed.

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Cheating On The Wife (oldie)

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

12 Jan 2010

I just was kidding, Rocco, this is my wife though.

12 Jan 2010

Quote by roccotool
"Everything outside of the circle."

Funny as hell. It's only a joke, and we get hit with "men" jokes, too. All taken in stride.

That's right, Rocco. Here are some men jokes. There are many men jokes, these are only a few (made up by women and I´m never upset by women's humor).

Ha, ha, ha, she traded her husband!

A traveling saleswoman is driving toward home in Arizona when she sees an Indian woman hitchhiking. She stops the car and the Indian woman gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown bag on the front seat.

"What's in the bag?", she asks.
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband".

The Indian woman is silent for a while, then nods and says, "you made a good trade".

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A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:
5% said it was to get a glass of water.
12% said it was to go to the toilet.
83% said it was to go home.

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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My brother got thrown out of the zoo last week. I said, 'Why was that?'
He said, 'I fed the monkeys.'
I said, 'You got thrown out of the zoo for feeding the monkeys?'
He said, 'Yes, I fed them to the lions.'

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The average man can see better than he can think.

11 Jan 2010

First thing first, Shameless009 (Sinverguenza) could possible be cured of his obsession just by making him stop sniffin panties, so if there aren't any panties around to sniff ...

11 Jan 2010

"Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear."

11 Jan 2010

I start out by tugging and pulling on my nipples to get them hard and erect. I then place a clothespin on each nipple, which hurts somewhat but intensifies my sexual experience. I go to my nipples and flick the clothespins, which makes me gasp and moan.

Finally, there are at least six types of ORGASM of a WOMAN:
1. The Optimist: Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes……
2. The Pessimist. Oh No, Oh No, Oh No…….
3. The confused. Oh Yes, Oh, No, Olh, Yes, Oh No…..
4. The Traveler: Ahhh, I’m coming, I’m coming…..
5. The Religious: Oh god, Oh god…..
6. The Userer: Ahh, More, More, More…..

11 Jan 2010

After playing on the playground at school, Tommy came home with some new words in his vocabulary. Puzzled at what they meant, he went to his mother.

"Mom, what's a pussy?"

Not at all shocked by the question, she opened up an encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a cat. He then asked "What's a bitch?" Once again, not at all disturbed, she opened the encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a female dog.

Confused, little Tommy then went to his father. "Dad, what's a pussy?"

He felt that it was time for his son to learn about life and opened up a porno and circled the area between a womans legs. Enlightened, he then asked him, "Then what's a bitch?" His father replied, "Everything outside of the circle."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Circled area

11 Jan 2010

A Trinidadian man, Bajan man, and a Jamaican man went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Trinidadian wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped, and fell. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any panties. The Trinidadian man angrily demanded to know why she wasn’t wearing any underwear.

"Well, dahlin," she explained, "you give me so little money that I hav' to make sacrifices. Usually nobody does notice."

The Trinidadian man pulls $100 out of his pocket.

"Tek dis nah, go Victoria Secrets and buy yourself some underwear"

Two holes further along the Bajan wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped and fell. Her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any panties either!

The Bajan man, obviously upset, asked his wife why she isn't wearing underwear. "Well, honey," she explained, "you give me so little money I cahn afford to buy any underwear." The Bajan man pulls $20 out of his pocket.

"Cho, go a K-mart an' buy some draws."

Three holes further on, the Jamaican man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that she too wasn't wearing any panties. Her explanation to her vex husband was the same as the others.

The Jamaican man put his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you could do is to keep it neat."

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They had rather shaved their pubic hair, different than using this comb, especial for thicker hair type.

The three wives

11 Jan 2010

11 Jan 2010

11 Jan 2010

Damn, I think Shameless is obsessed with panties, showing excessive or compulsive concern with them. He´s absolutely obsessed with the girl’s panties, and I’m preoccupied by this. I’m doctor Marcos and can make it to go away, so Shameless will step back into reality, instead of his obsession thoughts.

11 Jan 2010

11 Jan 2010

Jan 5, 2010

Man Jokes About Explosive Underwear, Loses Flight.

BERLIN

A German was temporarily detained and eventually turned away from his flight to Egypt after joking that he had explosives in his underwear.

A German man was temporarily detained at Stuttgart airport on Tuesday after he repeatedly told security personnel that he had explosives in his underwear, police said. The 42-year-old man apparently was joking about the failed attempt by a Nigerian man to blow up a jetliner bound for Detroit on Christmas Day by igniting explosives concealed in his underwear.

Police said a full body search of the German man did not turn up any explosives. However, Tuifly airline refused to let the man, his wife and daughter board the plane to Egypt, where they planned a vacation. The police said in a statement that the family would not be refunded for the cost of their canceled trip and could "expect a fine of up to euro1,000 ($1,444) ... and possible costs for the police operation."

The names of the man, his wife and daughter were withheld in accordance with German privacy laws.

(© 2010 The Associated Press).

10 Jan 2010

The car sped off the highway, went through the guard rail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.

"Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?"

"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am ... a stunt driver?"

Good Lord, Mister!!

10 Jan 2010

Rocco spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.

"Carmen," she replied.

That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

"Beersex."

Rocco and Shameless009 (El Sinverguenza) would sigh as they met Carmen, who bent for them to see.

10 Jan 2010

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

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Well my wife is pregnant now after I dated her and I ordered a Pink Panty Pulldown. We had been separate, on the verge of a soon to come divorce.[/size

10 Jan 2010

The inventor of panties was Marcos Urbina. He felt that women needed underwear just as men did (as the standard then was that women did NOT wear underwear), and he designed a special type that he felt women (as well as men) would enjoy. As it turned out, Rocco was aroused and ended up trying them on for the rest of his life.

When Rocco invented panties, he only made them with a flat waistband and loose fabric. However, in 1960, Fidel Castro came up with a brilliant idea to make panties lacy. That would make them even sexier. Castro was about to patent his invention for lacy panties, but John F. Kennedy banned him from patenting anything. A large nuclear missile was headed toward Cuba, and although it missed, Castro was still extremely frightened and decided not to patent his invention.

All the panties he manufactures were silky and lacy, and they were a tremendous hit. However, the business began to fail when the public learned that Shameless009 tested the quality of the panties by trying them on himself before marketing them. Not wanting to wear panties with traces of Shameless009 filthy genitals, the business lost a tremendous number of customers.

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Well, sorry they're not clearly shown here. You can't make out anything.

Now try here, please you guys... clearly visible ones. These are panties, just in case.

10 Jan 2010

I think the guy boutht the wrong book, by getting to the point.

10 Jan 2010

1. How do you tell if your woman is sexually aroused? When you put your hand inside her panties it feels like a horse eating oats.

2. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.

3. Why is a laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

4. What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her legs.

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Horse eating oats. How does it feel, Shameless?

It drives women wild... Money. No a penis!!

What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her legs.

10 Jan 2010

A delicious recipe for Pink Panty Pulldowns, with vodka, lemon juice, cherries and Sprite® soda. Also lists similar drink recipes.
Ingredients
1 fifth vodka
3 oz lemon juice
9 oz cherries
2 liters Sprite® soda

Instructions
Pour maraschino cherries and their juice into a two-gallon jug. Add vodka, and let soak for a few minutes. Add the lemon juice and fill with sprite. Pour mixture into a serving container and strain out cherries. Serve over ice, with cherries dropped in.
Serve in: Jug
Nutritional Info
(per 105.2 oz serving)
Calories (kcal)
Energy (kj)
Fats
Carbohydrates
Protein 2619
10958
2.2 g
231.8 g
1.2 g Fiber
Sugars
Cholesterol
Sodium
Alcohol 1.7 g
224.7 g
0 mg
395 mg
290.3 g

10 Jan 2010

A Panty & A Stage Curtain

Q: What is the difference between a panty & a stage curtain?

A: When you pull down the stage curtain, the show is over, but when you pull down the panty ... it is showtime!

Mr. Shameless009, you just have to pull down this stage curtain (mean, panties).

10 Jan 2010

LOL Good!!

9 Jan 2010

Shameless009 (El Sinverguenza009) will need some instruction here:

If you do and say certain things in a certain way then women WILL become attracted to you, Mr. Sinverguenza009. They can’t help it. Women have emotionally evolved brains that DENY logic and make decisions based solely on feelings – when it comes to who they are attracted to.

Doggy-style.

In this popular position for women, the woman shouts commands and you obey. You fetch things, you sit, and you roll over. This gives the woman extreme satisfaction knowing she has properly trained her man. Now she feels confident that she can walk with you down the street without you pulling away and checking out every bitch you see.

She's waiting, Mr. Sinverguenza009

9 Jan 2010

More coffee

9 Jan 2010

9 Jan 2010

Two co-workers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them. “As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.”

“I know the feeling,” the other says. "I've been working so much lately sometimes it feels like I'm not even married any longer."

“No, I’m serious,” says the first. “They’re killing me.”

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His wife's new panties

9 Jan 2010

9 Jan 2010

9 Jan 2010

9 Jan 2010

Quote by shameless009
I Thank You For This Useful Information MR. Marcos ,, And May I Add This Question here? ,,, Have You Studied PANTIES ALL YOUR LIFE?[/quote]

Yeah, that's too easy, Shameless009:

Lay your cotton fabric out on a flat surface. Cut the old pair of panties and cut the sides so you have a single flat layer of fabric. than place the panties on top of the cotton fabric. With a fabric pencil trace the outline of the panties. Take your ruler and measure 1/2 inch out from the outline. Mark 1/2 inch dots all the way around the outline.

Fill in the dots by drawing a line through them. You should now have two sets of outlines that are 1/2 inch apart. Cut out the larger outline so that you still have one drawn outline on the piece you cut out.

Set up your sewing machine. Place the panties under the machine's needle and fold over the edge so that it touches the pencil outline. Sew along these lines. Fold the edge and sew all the way around.

Cut a piece of cotton fabric that measures the same as the width of the narrow section of the panties. This will be the liner. Cut it to fit the panties' shape.

Sew in the liner. Next cut an elastic band one inch shorter than the width of the panties waist. It's elastic so you want to give it something to stretch so it will fit. Sew the elastic band on the top of the panties. That's it.

Just tell me how it went... or are you going to snif the panty even though she hasn't wore it for the first time?
Looks like pervert to me.

Ah, don't you miss this important part: