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I've had Nike running shoes before. I wonder how she would manage to run wearing these ones in a race track.
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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
Forum
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Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?"
"Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"
"Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"
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The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour," she explained, "but now I'm rechecking my answers."
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour," she explained, "but now I'm rechecking my answers."
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A blonde was trying to sell her old car but wasn't having any luck because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she mentioned this to a friend. Her friend told her, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "I've just gotta sell it."
"Okay," said the friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell it."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, her friend asked her, "Well, did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
One day, she mentioned this to a friend. Her friend told her, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "I've just gotta sell it."
"Okay," said the friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell it."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, her friend asked her, "Well, did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
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A blonde named her two dogs Timex and Rolex. A friend asked why she named them that. "Well, duh," she replied, "because they're watchdogs, of course."
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You're right, Charlie_Brown: like I said before, she ought to use only water to clean her breasts. Soaps, lotions or alcohol might remove the protective oil off her tits.
Yeah, I think Marcos is right. Sponges and soup should be banned off every bath room.
Yeah, I think Marcos is right. Sponges and soup should be banned off every bath room.
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The breast is a gland consisting primarily of connective and fatty tissues that support and protect the milk producing areas of the breast. The milk is produced in small clusters of cells called alveoli. The milk travels down ducts to the nipples.
Breastfeeding success has nothing to do with the size of your breasts or nipples. Breast size is an inherited trait and determined by the number of fat cells you have. The breasts will enlarge with pregnancy and breastfeeding.
The small bumps on the areola are called Montgomery glands. They produce a natural oil that cleans, lubricates, and protects the nipple during pregnancy and breastfeeding. This oil contains an enzyme that kills bacteria and makes breast creams unnecessary. Use only water to clean your breasts. Soaps, lotions or alcohol might remove this protective oil. Each nipple has 15 to 20 openings for milk to flow.
Release of the oxytocin hormone while breastfeeding will also cause the uterus to contract. This may be more noticeable if you have previously had children. This mechanism helps your uterus return to its pre-pregnancy size quickly.
Breastfeeding success has nothing to do with the size of your breasts or nipples. Breast size is an inherited trait and determined by the number of fat cells you have. The breasts will enlarge with pregnancy and breastfeeding.
The small bumps on the areola are called Montgomery glands. They produce a natural oil that cleans, lubricates, and protects the nipple during pregnancy and breastfeeding. This oil contains an enzyme that kills bacteria and makes breast creams unnecessary. Use only water to clean your breasts. Soaps, lotions or alcohol might remove this protective oil. Each nipple has 15 to 20 openings for milk to flow.
Release of the oxytocin hormone while breastfeeding will also cause the uterus to contract. This may be more noticeable if you have previously had children. This mechanism helps your uterus return to its pre-pregnancy size quickly.
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A young woman gets an unexpected surprise!
It was beautifully warm spring day when a man and his wife decided to visit the zoo. His pretty young wife was wearing a very short black skirt and a skimpy blue crop-top. As they strolled past the primate area a huge, male gorilla suddenly jumped up on the bars of his cage, grunted loudly and thumped his chest with his free hand.
"I think he fancies you." said the man.
"Nonsense", replied his wife. "He's just a big monkey."
"He looks pretty excited to me. Why don't you come on to him and see what he does."
His wife giggled and blew the gorilla a big kiss. The gorilla jabbered excitedly and rubbed it's crotch.
"See, he likes you!", said her husband. "Go on, tease him some more."
So she went right up to the cage, wiggled her bottom, and ran her hands slowly up and down her thighs. The Gorilla went wild and pounded his chest.
"He's gagging for it" said her husband. "Go on, give him a real thrill."
So his wife pushed her top up and started rubbing her hands all over her tits. The Gorilla rattled the bars of it's cage and howled in frustration.
"Is there anyone looking?" asked his wife.
Her husband shook his head. She took off her top , slipped out of her bra and waved her tits at the animal.
The Gorilla was beside itself and tore at the bars in a frenzy of grunts and shrieks.
"Now take off your panties."
His wife pulled up her skirt and rolled her panties down. Then she put her hand between her legs and started fingering her pussy. Then she licked her fingers. The gorilla went beserk and smashed the lock on the door. Suddenly, the husband ripped his wife's panties off, wrenched open the door, and pushed her into the arms of the gorilla.
"Now, tell HIM you've got a fucking headache!"
&&&&&&&&&&&&
She took off her top , slipped out of her bra and waved her tits at the animal.
It was beautifully warm spring day when a man and his wife decided to visit the zoo. His pretty young wife was wearing a very short black skirt and a skimpy blue crop-top. As they strolled past the primate area a huge, male gorilla suddenly jumped up on the bars of his cage, grunted loudly and thumped his chest with his free hand.
"I think he fancies you." said the man.
"Nonsense", replied his wife. "He's just a big monkey."
"He looks pretty excited to me. Why don't you come on to him and see what he does."
His wife giggled and blew the gorilla a big kiss. The gorilla jabbered excitedly and rubbed it's crotch.
"See, he likes you!", said her husband. "Go on, tease him some more."
So she went right up to the cage, wiggled her bottom, and ran her hands slowly up and down her thighs. The Gorilla went wild and pounded his chest.
"He's gagging for it" said her husband. "Go on, give him a real thrill."
So his wife pushed her top up and started rubbing her hands all over her tits. The Gorilla rattled the bars of it's cage and howled in frustration.
"Is there anyone looking?" asked his wife.
Her husband shook his head. She took off her top , slipped out of her bra and waved her tits at the animal.
The Gorilla was beside itself and tore at the bars in a frenzy of grunts and shrieks.
"Now take off your panties."
His wife pulled up her skirt and rolled her panties down. Then she put her hand between her legs and started fingering her pussy. Then she licked her fingers. The gorilla went beserk and smashed the lock on the door. Suddenly, the husband ripped his wife's panties off, wrenched open the door, and pushed her into the arms of the gorilla.
"Now, tell HIM you've got a fucking headache!"
&&&&&&&&&&&&
She took off her top , slipped out of her bra and waved her tits at the animal.
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Glory Hole - Monticello Dam, California
This is the Glory Hole at Monticello Dam, and it's the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second. A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.
A Glory hole is a hole that has been cut for the sole purpose of having your cock sucked anonymously. Gloryholes are found in public places such as rest-stop bathroom stalls, adult theater booths etc. Once only known in the gay community, as you can see below Glory Holes are becoming popular with girls too.
This is the Glory Hole at Monticello Dam, and it's the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second. A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.
A Glory hole is a hole that has been cut for the sole purpose of having your cock sucked anonymously. Gloryholes are found in public places such as rest-stop bathroom stalls, adult theater booths etc. Once only known in the gay community, as you can see below Glory Holes are becoming popular with girls too.
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Yes, now theres a story you won't hear too often in your life. Why a woman would be wearing a pair of passion pant buzzing undies while she was out shopping is beyond me. Weird!
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Some women experience anxiety about going to the gynecologist due to the invasive nature of a routine exam, and being tense can result in discomfort during the pelvic exam portion. The exam is necessary in order to discover any medical problems. But seeing a gynecologist at regular intervals helps ensure the health of your reproductive organs.
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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, Shameless009 walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group of farmers.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the old biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The old Shameless replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
%%%%%%%%%%%%
Pic of the attractive female bartender too serious here.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the old biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The old Shameless replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
%%%%%%%%%%%%
Pic of the attractive female bartender too serious here.
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Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!
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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed:
A ... Almost Boobs
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
DD... Double damn!
A ... Almost Boobs
B ... Barely there.
C ... Can't Complain!
D ... Damn!
DD... Double damn!
E ... Enormous!
F ... Fake
DD... Double damn!
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Pussy definitions
The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this catagory.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.
3. Hired pussy: Found in the Hollywood area of Southern Cal and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired pussy and Expensive pussy is that the money is up-front.
Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive pussy.
Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.
4. Virgin pussy: This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.
Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.
Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually using birth control which can cause "accidents," can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.
5. Nympho pussy: Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion. Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.
Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.
Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.
6. Frigid pussy: Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).
Advantages: There are no advantages.
Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.
7. Innocent Nympho pussy: Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper catagory.
Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.
Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.
8. Party pussy: Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.
Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.
Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.
9. Nutsy pussy: Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason. Usually found as a quiet co-worker.
Advantages: Easy.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.
The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this catagory.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it.
3. Hired pussy: Found in the Hollywood area of Southern Cal and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired pussy and Expensive pussy is that the money is up-front.
Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive pussy.
Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it.
4. Virgin pussy: This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.
Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.
Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually using birth control which can cause "accidents," can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.
5. Nympho pussy: Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion. Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.
Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.
Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it.
6. Frigid pussy: Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).
Advantages: There are no advantages.
Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it.
7. Innocent Nympho pussy: Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper catagory.
Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.
Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.
8. Party pussy: Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.
Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.
Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it.
9. Nutsy pussy: Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason. Usually found as a quiet co-worker.
Advantages: Easy.
Disadvantages: Never really worth it.
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A newlywed redneck couple arrive at their hotel to begin their honeymoon. The manager, a Mr. Shameless, greets them and says "I see you're newlyweds! ... I can give you the Bridal".
To which the husband replies "No thanks, I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets the hange of it !"
Later on, a salesman was given a hotel room next to one occupied by these honeymooners. The walls were thin, and the sounds of sustained sexual frenzy poured through. Finally the salesman could stand it no longer. He pounded on the walls, yelling, "Knock it off, there's other people trying to get some sleep!"
From the other room came a weak, faltering male voice which said, "Yell louder, mister, she can't hear you!"
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
&&&&&&&&&&
If I were Shameless009, I wouldn't have let her out!!
To which the husband replies "No thanks, I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets the hange of it !"
Later on, a salesman was given a hotel room next to one occupied by these honeymooners. The walls were thin, and the sounds of sustained sexual frenzy poured through. Finally the salesman could stand it no longer. He pounded on the walls, yelling, "Knock it off, there's other people trying to get some sleep!"
From the other room came a weak, faltering male voice which said, "Yell louder, mister, she can't hear you!"
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
&&&&&&&&&&
If I were Shameless009, I wouldn't have let her out!!
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This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box, and it says: “Snatch Eating Frogs... $20 each (comes with instructions).”
She looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and whispers to the man behind the counter... “I’ll take one.”
He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog food and is on her way home. She gets home, takes out the instructions and reads them carefully, doing exactly what it says to do.
Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume.
Put on a very sexy teddy.
Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down “there.”
To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog. So, she showers again and tries another perfume. She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and... nothing. She’s totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. At the bottom of the paper is says, “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.”
So, she does. The man from behind the counter says, “I’ve had a few complaints earlier today, I’ll be right over.” After the man got to her house the woman says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.” The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says:
“I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”
She looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and whispers to the man behind the counter... “I’ll take one.”
He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog food and is on her way home. She gets home, takes out the instructions and reads them carefully, doing exactly what it says to do.
Take a shower. Put on some nice smelling perfume.
Put on a very sexy teddy.
Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down “there.”
To her surprise, nothing happens. So, she thought, perhaps the scent she chose is not appealing to the frog. So, she showers again and tries another perfume. She gets back into bed, puts the frog between her legs and... nothing. She’s totally frustrated and pissed off at this point. She reads the instructions again thinking that there might be something she overlooked. At the bottom of the paper is says, “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.”
So, she does. The man from behind the counter says, “I’ve had a few complaints earlier today, I’ll be right over.” After the man got to her house the woman says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.” The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, looks directly into its eyes and says:
“I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”
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Quote by shameless009
2 hands clapping MARCOS!
Thank you, Shameless009 (Sinverguenza009)
2 Blondes at the the Perfume Counter
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?" Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi," replies Nancy.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help., "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French." Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
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One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
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Quote by KoolHandDuke
Denver is just below the 'o' in Colorado.
The Mason line is the line running north of the Equator and the Dixon line is south.
Unfucking believable, Maybe if the teachers spent
more time teaching rather than fucking the students,
"In Athens there is a temple called the Pancreas."
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Quote by KoolHandDuke
Marco my New Years Resolution is to start hanging out with you since these girls obviously spend all their free time at your place. Address Please.!!!!!
That's right, KoolHandDuke: What do you think about this shot of my girlfriend in my place. I trusted her enough as to let her into my bedroom!!
