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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico

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A machine is any device that uses energy to perform some activity. In common usage, the meaning is that of a device having parts that perform or assist in performing any type of work. A simple machine is a device that transforms the direction or magnitude of a force without consuming any energy. The word "machine" is derived from the Latin word machina.



Now, take a look at this another machine!!! cute, ain't it?

How do you call this in English? Mean, this mechanism... You invented that?
This collection is supposedly derived from students answers to geography test questions.

Climate is caused by the emotion of the earth around the sun.

The plains of Siberia are roamed over by the lynx and the larynx.

Lindberg is the capital of Germany.

The chief animals of Australia are the kangaroo, larkspur, boomerang, and peccadillo.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called Mummies.

Don Juan is a town in the West Indies.

Germany is an industrial country because the poor have nothing else to do, so they make lots and lots of factories.

Where is Alaska? Alaska is not in Canada.

Spain's national music is the cascarets.

What people live in the Po Valley? Po people.

In Pittsburgh they manufacture iron and steal.

In Athens there is a temple called the Pancreas.

The Alimentary Canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

Georgia was founded by people who had been executed.

When we cross the Hudson River we come to the United States.

Where is the greater part of Europe? In New York.

The principal export of Sweden is hired girls.

The Indian squabs carry porpoises on their backs.

Among the enduring remains of Egyptian civilization are pyramids and obsequies.

The writing of ancient Egypt was called hydraulics.

Rome had a fine defensive position, being seven miles from the mouth of the Tiger.

The seaport of Athens is Pyorrhea.

The Greeks wore scandals on their feet.

In what general direction to the rivers of France flow? From the source to the mouth.

The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

Manhattan island was bought from the Indians for about $24, and now I don't suppose you could buy it for $500.

The United States are mostly populated by people.

The State of Virginia was named for the Virgin Mary, who afterward married Captain John Smith.

What is the sound west of the State of Washington? The sound of the ocean.

Canadians raise boll weevils for their wool.

Where is Cincinnati? First place in the National League.

Floods from the Mississippi may be prevented by putting big dames in the river.

Denver is just below the 'o' in Colorado.

They don't raise anything in Kansas but Alpaca grass, and they have to irritate that to make it grow.

The benefit of latitude and longitude is that when a man is drowning he can call out what latitude and longitude he is and we can find him.

Virginia is the mother of President Wilson and is also noted for her hysterical sights.

The chief products of the Hawaiian Islands is rainfall.

Philistines were inhabitants of the Philippine Islands.

The original tribes of Central America were the Axtecs, the Celts, and the Morons.

New Zealand is a democratic country. they passed a law there preventing women from sweating in the factories.

Malays are brown generally and inhabit Malaria.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

The Kaffirs of Africa are a very savage race. In times of war they beat their tum-tums and can be heard for miles around.

The American Indians travel in birchbark canoes on little streams of water that they make themselves.

The state flower of Colorado is the concubine.

The soil of Prussia was so poor that the people had to work hard just to stay on top.

The Mason line is the line running north of the Equator and the Dixon line is south.

In the west, farming is done mostly by irritating the land.

Oceania is a continent that contains no land.

There is a great deal of nothing in the center of Australia.

Asked to name six animals peculiar to Arctic regions, a boy replied, "Three bears and three seals."

Climate lasts all the time, but weather lasts only a few days.

Latitude tells how hot you are and longitude tells how cold you are.

The Menai Straits are crossed by a tubercular bridge.

Sienna is famous for being burnt.

The climate of Bombay is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west.

The trade of Spain is small, owing to the insolence of the people.

The Eskimos are God's frozen people.

The sun sets in the west and hurries around to the east to be in time to rise the next morning.

Name three animals peculiar to frigid regions. The lion and the giraffe and the elephant are peculiar to frigid regions, but the polar bear and the seal and the walrus live there.

People go to Africa to hunt rhinostriches.

Glaciers spread a murrain over the land.

The highest peak in the Alps is the Blanc Mange.

The Equator is a menagerie lion running around the earth and through Africa.

Imports are ports very far inland.

Nearly at the bottom of Lake Michigan is Chicago.

The chief occupation of Perth is Dying.

The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.

The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

A mountain range is a cooking stove used at high altitudes.

An Indian Reservation consists of a mile of land for every five square Indians.

The only signs of life in the Tundra are a few stunned corpses.

Among the islands of the West Indies are the Pyjamas, noted for their toilet sponges.

Lipton is the capital of Ceylon.

The population of London is a bit too thick.

Persian cats is the chief industry of Persia, hence the word purr.

The Mediterranean and the Red Seas are connected by the Sewage Canal.

New York is behind Greenwich time because America was not discovered until very much later.

Henry VIII had an abyss on his knee which made walking difficult.

Certain areas of Egypt are cultivated by irritation.

Zanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British Governor lives there.

A watershed is a shed in the middle of the ocean where ships shelter during a storm.


Shameless009, an enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman, goes to the first house in his new terrtory. He knocks, a real mean a tough looking lady opens the door.

Before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turnes to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

Shameless says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A real mean a tough looking lady. She says, "See, it won't work."


Yeah, she likes her job, she really likes what she does for a living. What's the pump for?


That maid in the pic above is really happy, while I yet don't know how to use the damn vacuum cleaner. Probably the hose will suck some air off me, the vacuum effect might feel delicious? let me try this.


Oh, Sahmeless009, please, hold this vacuum cleaner steady for me!!
No mercy for Shameless009. These Venezuelan beautis won't have mercy on you.













Quote by sexybikesassycheergirl
u wouldnt be silent if i was the one blowin u lmao


So great and gorgeous are you at this, sexybikesassycheergirl? tell me, how you got to be so skillful at this. Thank you. You perform pretty good, delicious? Most men love oral sex performed on them for a few reasons. It of course feels really good, especially when it is done well.
Quote by sexybikesassycheergirl
lol funny marcos


What's the best thing about a blow job? - The 15 minutes of silence!

&&&&&&&&&&&&

90 Year Old Blowjob Joke

Two men are on opposite sides of the Earth. One is walking a tightrope. The other is getting a blowjob by a 90-year-old woman. Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.
“Don’t look down.”
Quote by KoolHandDuke
the question is Do White Guys like women with BUBBLE BUTTS? Well i cant be sure about that on the whole, but this black man sure as hell does.








See the back girl behind the brunette?

So, you're an ass man!!
A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much.

After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to him.

"Henry," she said, "you know that mink cape I wanted all my life? Well your company sold for so much that now I have bought myself a beautiful full length mink coat."

"And Henry," she said, "you know that trip to the Caribbean I always wanted to take? Well, I took a world cruise for 90 days and it was wonderful!"

"And Henry," she continued, "you know that big blue Cadillac I had been hoping for the last 5 years? Well I bought a Rolls Royce instead and it drives like a dream."

"Oh, and Henry," she said, "you know that blow job you always wanted?" and she blew the ashes out of her hands into the sea . . .
She's cleaning the stairs, then too exahusted, and finally she thinks it too hot, strips off her custome. She's in a bad temper now, don't you dare to talk to her now. She's really pissed off!!







Yeh, Mr. Shameless009, let her do all the talking but... don't let her speak for a long and loud. Ah, Mr. Shameless009: don't let this maid in the pic above to speak with too much authority. One final point as a piece of advice for Mr. Shameless009: don't you make faces every time she says something you disagree with.
Oh, Maria, you're in the way. What a nice slit!! When I finish, I'll let you know so you can mop the floor.
Cuando termine te aviso para que tú trapees.

You're invited as maid of honor and you don't know what to say? I'll show you what you should mention and what the speech topics should focus on. If you are not that kind of an experienced public speaker: relax, you don't have to say much, less is more. If you have to talk at the wedding ceremony then be short and don't try to be to much comic. A speech in a church should be appropriate in relation to the religious ambiance. But always: your maid of honor speech should be from the heart! Be enthusiastic and sincere, but don't exaggerate.

Maid of Honor wearing her outfit, practicing for her speech. She will let you speechless!!

You don't have to be a perfectionist to keep a tidy bed. Your bed will look nice, stay clean, and be the place you would like to sleep. Putting it all together neatly at first will even make daily bed-making easier!

1. Start at the bottom with a bed ruffle. A bed ruffle, also called a valance will help to keep dust from collecting under the bed while providing a decorative accent. The bed ruffle goes on top of the box spring, covering the box spring and bed frame. It does not require washing as often as sheets.


2. Put on the mattress pad. Your mattress pad is a protective covering that goes on over your mattress. Smooth it out, running your hands outward from the middle to remove any creases or wrinkles.

3. Put the fitted bottom sheet in place. Pull the fitted bottom sheet elastic tightly and evenly over the mattress corners. Smooth from the center, then tucking under the sides.

4. Add the top sheet. Place the wide hem of the sheet at the top with the good side of the sheet facing down. Spread it out evenly across the bed, allowing any extra length to fall at the bottom edge. Tuck in the bottom edge and make hospital corners: Pick up the side edge at the bottom corner and hold it out. Tuck in what is left hanging down at the corner, then let the edge fall and tuck it in as well. Repeat for the other bottom corner.

5. Put blanket over the sheets. Place blanket right side up with the top of the blanket at the point where you turn down the top sheet - about 8 inches from the top of the bed. Tuck in the bottom edge and make hospital corners there. Fold down the top sheet over the top edge of the blanket. Now the good side of the sheet is showing. Tuck in the entire side by the wall. If you wish to keep the covers tight or if they would otherwise hang out below the comforter or bedspread, tuck in the other side also.

6. Decorate with a warm comforter. Spread the comforter out evenly over the bed. Run your hands through the middle, removing any wrinkles or creases.

7. Don't forget the pillows. Put pillow cases on, then pillow shams. You can take off the sham to go to sleep. This will save the shams from needing to be laundered every week. Fluff out the pillows and place them at the top of the bed.There you have it! A perfectly made bed.

Maid giving directions.
























Your bed is finished now. Hope everybody has got it!!

Mexican Maid

Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."

The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.

"Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

&&&&&&&&

Just after the Spanish maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

%%%%%%%%


Communicating with Spanish Speaking Cleaning Staff

Janitors, maids, housekeeping cleaners, window washers, and rug shampooers—keep office buildings, hospitals, stores, apartment houses, hotels, and residences clean, sanitary, and in good condition. Some do only cleaning, while others have a wide range of duties. Because no special education is required for most janitorial or cleaning jobs, it is a common job for new immigrant or temporary foreign workers.

This very large occupation requires few skills to enter and has one of the largest numbers of job openings of any occupation each year. Most job openings result from the need to replace the many workers who leave these jobs because of their limited opportunities for training or advancement, low pay, and high incidence of only part-time or temporary work.

Most building cleaners learn their skills on the job. On this website, we will teach you how to train and speak with Spanish speaking cleaning staff.

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Escuchar

¡Mira cómo quedó la casa! Ya no voy a hacer fiestas.
Yo te ayudo a limpiar. A ver, dame la escoba para barrer y el recogedor. ¿Y en dónde tiro tantos vasos y platos desechables?
En el bote de basura que está en el patio. Ahorita te lo traigo .
Cuando termine te aviso para que tú trapees.
De acuerdo. Aquí voy a dejar el trapeador y la cubeta con agua.

&&&&&

English and Spanish

Look at how messy the house is! I'm not going to have any more parties.
¡Mira cómo quedó la casa! Ya no voy a hacer fiestas.
I'll help you clean up. Give me a broom to sweep the floor and a dustpan. Where am I going to discard all these paper plates and cups?
Yo te ayudo a limpiar. A ver, dame la escoba para barrer y el recogedor. ¿Y en dónde tiro tantos vasos y platos desechables?
In the garbage can that's on the patio. I'll get it for you right now.
En el bote de basura que está en el patio. Ahorita te lo traigo.
When I finish, I'll let you know so you can mop the floor.
Cuando termine te aviso para que tú trapees.

&&&&&&&

Well, I learned Rocco and Shameless would hire a sexy Spanish maid soon. Which Spanish maid would you hire, Mr. Shameless009?




I once heard this in Spanish, Shameless009: Pompous Rooster

One day a farmer decided to buy a new rooster. He brought it home and put it with the hens and old rooster and told them to not fight. So, after the farmer leaves the young rooster taunts the older rooster. Sick and tired of the bold little rooster talking trash the older rooster says that he will race him for all the hens.

Finally, after laughing the young rooster agrees to race him around the chicken coop. The young rooster sayed he would even give the elderly chump a half lap lead. So, they finally start the five lap race. The first lap the old rooster was way ahead. The second lap the young rooster was catching up. The third lap the older roosters lead was very close. The fourth lap the young rooster was only a hens length from the older rooster.

Hearing a bunch of noise on the last lap the farmer comes out and shoots the young rooster and shouts, Damn that was the third gay rooster today!


Shameless009, my brother-in law? Perhaps he fell in love with my sister after he was peering through a hole in the door
(probably Shahmeless009 would plan to change it into a glory hole!!).
My sister here is too innocent, trying to find a fork she dropped as she was changing into her maid custome in the kitchen.