I would imagine most level headed people see it for what it is: an abusive relationship or self-harm by proxy.
Perfect for control freaks and adrenaline junkies, not so good for their victims - and yes, that is the right term for anyone in the passive (I won't even call it submissive) role in that "relationship"
Another thing I've spotted...
If you post on someone's profile and change your mind and delete it, that original post still appears on her "what you've missed" even though it's deleted off her wall.
Bug or feature?
What makes Lush so addictive?
Dopamine and Positive Reinforcement
Some people don't feel the need to share their opinion but like to see what others think. You'd imagine that if they had anything worth adding to the debate, they would.
The onus isn't on those who don't participate but on those who do. Yes, conflict will dissuade people from joining in the discussion, but consensus can be just as unappealing.
Thankfully, unlike dating website we don't have to complete a compatibility test, or even post our Myers-Briggs personality type on our profiles (I'm ENTP by the way).
The so-called BDSM lifestyle is largely made up of people with similar personality types; when they say "You wouldn't understand, you're not in the lifestyle" what they're really saying is "your personality doesn't suit the lifestyle". If someone has a rebellious personality there are aspects of the culture that will seem entirely alien to them but that doesn't mean it's entirely closed off.
People have their own definition of what subs and doms should and shouldn't be - if that definition is compatible with what someone else thinks, who's to say they're wrong.
For me it marks an interesting paradigm shift from writing community towards social network. Great if you have a good-sized network of people who are regularly involving themselves in the site, maybe not so great if you're just someone who talks in the chatrooms and read a few stories.
The showing of forum replies is a very helpful addition, does it extends to all mentions on the forum or just quotes?
A couple of things I've spotted:
1. A very minor point, it's not really "what you've missed" - it keeps stuff up from the last time you checked
2. If you delete something someone posted on your profile, it still turns up in your timeline
A lot of the issues regarding understanding of BDSM relationships aren't really due to some esoteric nuances that only people in the lifestyle are privilege to - it's usually just down to a lack of understanding of the personality types involved.
A common misconception is that doms are extrovert types and subs are introvert - this just isn't the case. While any combination is possible the most likely types you will find are introvert dom/introvert sub. The rules you see in the thread about BDSM 101 (link posted above by Shylass) suit introvert subs and doms. This is often why extrovert subs and doms are considered "not serious".
Humiliation/degradation needn't and shouldn't be psychologically damaging. People can indulge in what many would consider degrading (adult nappies, cissy play etc) but the individuals may just find them enjoyable. Others may see pet play/kitty play as harmless fun, while others could see it as dehumanisation, which comes with all manner of psychological darkness.
We all know someone who'll be first up at the karaoke bar to strangle to death "Sweet Child o' Mine", we also know people who would be physically sick at thought of having to do that.
Some people just like different things.
There are 5487 authors on Lush. 1396 of which have joined in the last 12 months.
Only 17 of those have managed to get a Famous Story.
Only 2 of those have managed to do it with stories that weren't or : Kinky_becky and Nawtygirl7 who wrote Wife Lover stories
So that "in a relationship with" option has caused problems - wow, who'd have thought?
I've heard of similar problems about people asking stuff like "Why am i not on the top of your friend's list? lol" It's right up there on passive/aggressive lushisms with "wow. you have a lot of friends"
Lush is largely one-to-one, you can get away with saying any old shit to dozens of people at the same time and still come off as if you're talking to just one person. A lot of men of will just say anything they think you want to hear if it means they get what they want.
There are a lot of emotionally vulnerable people here, and unfortunately it's very easy to manipulate them. It's reprehensible but sadly it's also human nature to put one's own needs ahead of someone else's. The anonymity of online friendships makes disassociating empathy all the easier.
Somewhat disturbingly, anything in the category with the tags "daddy daughter" gets a shit load of views. Hey - give the public what they want I guess. I've never read one myself so I won't pass comment if they're actually any good.
Apparently 603 authors on here have the Famous Story badge - which is about 1 in 10 authors.
But that doesn't really tell the whole story. It's getting much harder to become the author of a famous story. Those who have joined Lush in the last 3 years have about a 1 in 20 chance of being the author of a famous story, that rises to 1 in 100 if you joined in the last 12 months. For authors who joined over three years ago, about 1 in 4 have the Famous Story badge.
It's not a dumb question at all.
Your first option is to tell him to stop. Make no apology, if he's acting in a way you don't like TELL HIM.
Next, Block/delete him. Go to your friends list find him on there and run the mouse pointer over his name - a drop down menu will give you the options to block and delete him
Also you might life is easier on here for you if you go invisible occasionally. Account>Settings>Settings/Privacy then click the link "online status" then choose "Block all/invisible" on the drop down
As requested - number geekery...
Well as far as men are concerned the majority are only interested in straight sex - 76% in fact. For women though, only 34% class themselves as straight whereas 39% class themselves as bisexual
There are eight times as many lesbians here than gay men.
I'd be surprised if that w3 figure of 85% is still accurate, the rise of mobile and tablet internet usage over the past three years alone has knocked every thing we thought we knew about acceptable screen widths into a cocked hat.
Right now, as I'm writing this, the text input field now is wider than my screen, which is annoying - I'm on a desk top with 17inch screen set to 1280px using Chrome.
I know the forum is third-party but maybe some kind of scripting can be cooked up to thumbnail posted images to defined heights and widths that click/reveal to a full size overlay
Pics that are 1280 across are still nudging 0.5MB - a bit of a nightmare if you're on a 100MB mobile data limit (common on entry level tariffs in the UK) - a page of 20 posts like that would consume 10% of your monthly data. Resizing client-side does nothing to affect the amount of data downloaded.
Best advice I'd give is don't go on image threads. Users profiles are another problem though - the page weights on some of them are ridiculous, especially where you get people posting 4 or 5 1 MB gifs in a single wall post.
@nicola - any chance gav can use that jquery script that only downloads images that are currently in the screen frame (I think it's used on the friends list page) on profiles too?
Movie with a person she's never met before? Wouldn't be my first choice. "Let's go somewhere dark where we don't have to talk"
If you want her to feel comfortable and secure in the situation let her have the say on where you go and what you do. That doesn't mean leaving it all up to her - give her options, let her choose. It might be worthwhile in the long term to ask if she would have a problem with you eating meat on a date.
Looks are obviously a key motivator for you but i wouldn't get hung up on them in a date situation. Super skinny girls can be every bit as insecure about their body as larger girls. Compliment her, not how she appears.
Silences don't have to be awkward, unless of course they come straight after a question. Don't ask her about anything you don't really care about - she'll know.
Make an effort with your appearance. She will.
By and large, bi/les girls tend to be more visual than straight girls as far as their profiles are concerned. This leads many to people to question their honesty (and many times those suspicions are well founded)
Most straight girls on here learn pretty early on to lock down their profiles and will rarely put up face pics much less leave them for open for anyone to see. Bi and les girls tend not to behave in the same way.
The pictures on your profile are very attractive, irrespective of your orientation. They tell people viewing your profile that you're body confident and that you have a web cam - for a lot of men here that's too much to resist.
