I don't know if there is a definitive answer for this question. Everyone's answer is going to be based on their own individual experiences. Mine is no exception. I don't think it's a secret that my kinks include bdsm. Let me narrow down the specifics as far as i'm concerned.
rope bondage. gags. spanking. A full spectrum of flogging, including crops, floggers, and whips. Breast and vaginal torture (clamps/biting/needles). Obviously, I am far outside the norm of society.
A little history. I discovered and developed some of these kinks while in a relationship at the age of 20, one which spiraled into an abusive relationship, so you can understand the conflict i sometimes feel. That said, my current relationships are very loving and and consensual and I still find myself craving those particular fetishes. They are also done with a lack of violence on my partners part. Anger is never a part of bedroom/bdsm play. If it was, I think that I would put a stop to it.
and aside, choking, a popular fetish in bdsm is a huge issue for me, to the point that i have had panic attacks during online cyber play in the past. That said, a very wonderful woman here worked with me and i am comfortable, at times, with the right partner, with it, as long as i have total control and initiate it. Sometimes, i still have huge issues. this is due the afore mentioned abusive relationship where choking was often a way to control me and force sex on me.
what it all boils down to, is it's different for everyone. I think that, for some, it can be a way of coping. for others, it's simply a kink, one that sometimes is associated with abuse, but wasn't a necessarily a product of it. And, for some, it' simply a kink that is hard wired into them. I do find that a lot of women into bdsm do have backgrounds of abuse or being controlled, and it would be an easy trap for them to fall into a bdsm relationship with someone looking to hurt them or use them. That said, i think many of them are wary of this and, if they get involved again, they make better choices and find someone willing to take the journey with them who is loving and caring and looking out for their best interests.
also, there are people on the other side of the spectrum - tops/dom/mes who have come from an abusive past as well and this is their way of protecting themselves - it's all about having control of the situation, after all - that's true for both subs and Dom/mes. I know it sounds strange, but as a sub, in a healthy relationship, i feel like i am the one in control. I control what happens, when/if it starts. when it stops. i have the final word on everything that happens. I think that might be a result of what happened to me in the past, when i didn't have control over what happened.
Hope that provides some insight?
That there's a Trinket Flesh Light on the market.
Then who's gonna take out the trash and kill spiders for us?
tickets for Infinity War tonight. excited!
I did something like this for a short time. it was work, not as fun as writing your own story as is mentioned above and i didn't do it for long - i was charging $100 for apx 6k words. from what i can see in this thread, it would have to be twice that if i'm going to have to deal with attitude as well.
not a big fan of cum. or chocolate, really. i do like my cheese, though. and blueberries. yum!
