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trinket
1 month ago
Straight Female
Australia
Forum
Convict
Quote by GraceW
A real man calls you a fat pig.
A real man reminds you, you weren't a fat pig when he married you.
A real man tells you, you are a waste of protoplasm.
A real man punches you in the stomach so the neighbours don't see bruises.
If you obeyed a real man he would not need to punish you.
A real man tells you to fuck anyone he says.
A real man tells you to look like you enjoy fucking his drunk buddies.
A real man says you are no good for anything else so keep fucking his friends.
A real man hates women.
If you try to take a real man's kids he will kill you.
A real man has the right to kill you, at any time, for any reason.
You are lucky to have a real man.
#2, the shit was a real man.
This list belongs on the “how to be a pathetic cunt” thread. I’m sorry this happened to you Grace.
Convict
How to be a man 101.
Sit on couch for hours watching tv, holding a beer.
Keep other hand free to:-
Scratch balls every 10 mins,
Pick up the remote,
Slide hand into front of shorts to play with balls every 15 mins.
Have tv volume at max.
Belch extremely loudly after every huge gulp of beer.
Fart loudly after every belch then laugh like a kid.
Avoid conversation with anyone unless it’s to ask your SO to bring you another beer or ask where your dinner is.
Especially avoid any conversations regarding commitment within your relationship. Drastic measures may have to be undertaken here, like “told the boys I’d go for a drink “ as you walk out the door.
When SO says “we need to talk”, say “ok” then maintain eye contact until they have finished telling you what your faults are. You will never ever argue with this. You will never win.
Do not go to the doctor. Ever. Or at least until your ailment has developed into a life threatening condition.
When first signs of sickness are detected, immediately go to bed and call out to your SO every 5 minutes because you want water, or to tell SO you feel like you’re dying.
Assure SO you can fix that leaky tap, dishwasher, car, TV etc then either never do it or leave them more broken than before.
If assisting SO with chores, ensure you do these to a very poor standard so SO will never ask for your help with chores again.
When SO asks “does this outfit make me look fat?” You will ALWAYS say “absolutely not, in fact it’s perfect.” NEVER use the words “slim, slimming, or slimmer, big, bigger or biggest”.
When SO asks you to go to the store for milk you will go directly to the store then directly home. There will be NO deviating to the pub, mates place or shiny things.
When an attractive person walks by you and SO, you will not look at them and if you do get caught looking you will say “will you have a look at the fat ass on that.”
Sit on couch for hours watching tv, holding a beer.
Keep other hand free to:-
Scratch balls every 10 mins,
Pick up the remote,
Slide hand into front of shorts to play with balls every 15 mins.
Have tv volume at max.
Belch extremely loudly after every huge gulp of beer.
Fart loudly after every belch then laugh like a kid.
Avoid conversation with anyone unless it’s to ask your SO to bring you another beer or ask where your dinner is.
Especially avoid any conversations regarding commitment within your relationship. Drastic measures may have to be undertaken here, like “told the boys I’d go for a drink “ as you walk out the door.
When SO says “we need to talk”, say “ok” then maintain eye contact until they have finished telling you what your faults are. You will never ever argue with this. You will never win.
Do not go to the doctor. Ever. Or at least until your ailment has developed into a life threatening condition.
When first signs of sickness are detected, immediately go to bed and call out to your SO every 5 minutes because you want water, or to tell SO you feel like you’re dying.
Assure SO you can fix that leaky tap, dishwasher, car, TV etc then either never do it or leave them more broken than before.
If assisting SO with chores, ensure you do these to a very poor standard so SO will never ask for your help with chores again.
When SO asks “does this outfit make me look fat?” You will ALWAYS say “absolutely not, in fact it’s perfect.” NEVER use the words “slim, slimming, or slimmer, big, bigger or biggest”.
When SO asks you to go to the store for milk you will go directly to the store then directly home. There will be NO deviating to the pub, mates place or shiny things.
When an attractive person walks by you and SO, you will not look at them and if you do get caught looking you will say “will you have a look at the fat ass on that.”
Convict
Quote by simplyjohn
I had the same a few years ago... I found it quite frightening given the pressure on the lung and the reduced capacity of that lung. In the end I had a pleural tap (no local anesthetic damn it although they promised me that). The lung has never been the same and I am now registered as a COPD sufferer.
I hope you are well now and wish you a Merry Christmas.
ps. are you going to get festive and change your avatar before tomorrow?
How much more festive can you get than a Christmas Box?
Don’t answer that. I ended up with an enlarged liver and some loss of kidney function. And PAIN. that pleurisy can go to heck!!!
Merry Christmas to you and yours, John. Xx
Convict
Quote by fireman35
Is it just me or do some women just not like a man in uniform? When i say uniform. I mean the Firefighters and EMS guys. I'm pretty sure that women love a man in a Military uniform.
I'm a Volunteer firefighter and some girls i talked to. They dont like that im a firefighter.
I have never, ever heard any woman say she didn’t like firefighters or men in uniform.
