CHAPTER 9:

As I watched my ex-best friend across the room, he looked down, no, frustrated. If things worked the way I hoped, depending as I was on my own impromptu planning, I’d be changing that look he was wearing quite significantly. Oh yes, yes I would.

I saw her come in. She was short, she was chunky, she was plain looking, and she was mine.

“Okay, Jimmy, what’s all of this about? Why the tone of voice, the urgency,” she said.

“You remember me telling you about my wife and ex-best friend?” I said.

“Yes, what of it. You’ve put all of that behind you or so you said,” she said.

“Yes, I did, and I did, but they haven’t,” I said.

“What? What are you talking about,” she said.

“He’s here,” I said.

“Who?”

“My ex-best friend,” I said.

“What?”

I let my glance casually pass over to where Rodney Pollard was seated sipping a beer. It was clear he was there to see me. Someone must have cued him that I’d worked at Shadows. It was old news, my working here, but not that old. And, I still did frequent the place.

“So that’s him?” she said. “Nice looking cuss.” I frowned.

“Oh, don’t get your panties all in an uproar,” she said. “Anyway, so what’s the plan?”

“I’m going to introduce you,” I said. She gave me a look, then a broad smile, then a small giggle.

“Oh, I see,” she said.

“Yes, indeed,” I said. I took her by the hand and led her over to the man’s table. We came up more or less behind him. It worked for me. We just stood there watching him, maybe two feet behind his left shoulder. He seemed to sense something. He turned and his eyes shot open.

“Jimmy!”

“Yes, Mister Pollard. Nadine Spence, this is Rodney Pollard, wife stealer,” I said. “Oh and I guess daughter stealer too, but as to that I’m not sure if it was more him or the woman,” I said. I was not being nice nor did I intend to be.

“Jimmy, what are you . . .” started Rodney Pollard.

“The question is what are you doing here? I got out of your way and left town. I did that in order to be left alone. Did you not get that part?” I said.

“Jimmy, you and I have got to talk,” he said. “Oh, and nice to meet you, Miss Spence.” Nadine nodded.

“Why? Why do we have to talk? We’ve done all of that, and the woman made it plain that I was going to be towing her line or I wasn’t welcome around your place. Kind of puts the boff on us having anything to talk about,” I said.

“She told me about the, well, the last time you came by. She felt bad about how she came off toward you, again,” he said.

“Really? Sounded pretty much like a rehearsed set-in-stone position to me,” I said.

“I won’t kid you, Jim, she was a bit worried that you might, well, make waves down the line. She was trying to ensure against that. But none of it was meant to cut you out of Rebecca’s life. That is also the truth,” he said.

“So whaddya want, Rod, old buddy? Why are you here?” I said.

“Isn’t it obvious? I, we, want you to come back and be in our lives and part of the family and all of it, again,” he said. He tendered a hopeful glance in Nadine’s direction. She’d sat across from him and was stony faced and not adding anything to the conversation.

“But, I’ll still be Mister Jimmy. That also true?” I said.

“No. Claire, after the fact, realized that asking that of you was too much. She didn’t think it was that big a deal at the time, and she was worried that calling you what you really are, might confuse the baby, but, she’s moved on from that thinking. You’ll be daddy, too, if you will, just like me,” he said.

“Just like you?” I said. I looked over at my woman.

“Whaddya think, Nadine? Think I oughta chance it one more time?” I said.

“Well, it’s your call, honey. The worst they could do is betray you again; then, of course, there wouldn’t be any doubt about their intentions. And, if it’s really on the up and up, well, you’d be able to be around your daughter again. How old is she now?” she said.

“She’s nine,” said Rodney. Nadine nodded.

“Honey,” she said looking at me, “given the young girl’s age it might not be a bad idea to chance it. She’s still young enough to learn to see you as her dad.”

Nadine referencing Rebecca as “my” daughter and me as her dad didn’t seem to faze my ex-best friend. I caught myself nodding in the affirmative.

“Does Claire know you’re here tonight?” I said.

“Yes, but she’s at the hotel down the street. She didn’t think that we’d actually have any luck at finding you tonight; she’s resting. I should tell you we hired a PI to find you. He said that you sometimes came here on weekend nights. We planned to sandbag you and talk to you if it took us a month to connect. This is the sixth night in a row that I’ve come here. And you surprised me; I didn’t notice you coming in,” he said.

“Yeah, I gathered that, I mean that I’d surprised you. But then, you’ve surprised me in the past haven’t you,” I said. “So maybe I get a pass this time.” My sarcasm was not lost on him; he looked down.

I looked over at Nadine. She was very slightly nodding yes.

“Okay, Rodney, go back to your woman and tell her your mission was a success that the long missing daddy of our baby, hers and mine, has been found well and willing to see what we will see,” I said.

“Okay, okay, oh damn ‘kay,” he said. “Jim, you won’t regret it. Nadine, it is really good to see you. Jim has needed—a friend—I’m glad he found you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said.

“Oh, and Rodney, I’m coming, and Nadine is coming with me. No problem with that, right?” I said.

“No, no problem whatsoever,” he said. I nodded.

We said a few more things to each other relating to the when and the how we would be coming down, and then the man was gone. Nadine had not met Claire of course, not a good thing, but not a bad thing either. That little fact, however, was going to lead to some difficulties quite unforeseen at that moment but inevitable given the overall situation as it would play out over time.

******

We’d set up a time for me to revisit the Pollard residence back in the Valley. I was following Nadine’s orders. I didn’t trust the Pollards, but Nadine seemed to; well, she didn’t know them, I did. The time and day selected was the following Sunday at lunchtime. We’d be staying the whole day, and have dinner as well at the Pollards’ plush digs.

I was anxious and worried. While I did have an almost violent urge to see my baby, I was not going to let her, her being my ex-wife, dictate what I could and could not do, read interfere with my being able to influence how my child was raised and grew into womanhood and adulthood. No, if I was going to be cut off or controlled by Claire; I would be gone. There’d be a whole lot less heartache for everyone if that turned out to be the decision that I had to make.

Nadine’s car was a ten-year-old Hyundai. It ran good but had over a hundred thousand miles on it, and she’d bought it new! Put another way, Nadine did a lot of driving. Littleton was a couple of hours by car southeast of the Valley. There were maybe ten thousand souls resident in Littleton. It’d suited Nadine and me.

We pulled up in front of the Pollards’ residence ten minutes early. Pretty good time if I do say so. Well, I had been, and actually still was, a driver. I knew how to estimate ETAs real close.

She’d been driving as she usually did. Well, it was her car. I was saving up to get me a used pickup. Every family needs a pickup as a second vehicle. And no, Nadine and I weren’t a family yet, but I was thinking more and more about putting move on her to get married. But, we’d both been stung pretty badly in our respective pasts. Neither of us was jumping into anything.

Parking, she looked over at me. “Well, this is it. Jim, either it goes well or it doesn’t. We’ll just play it one day at a time, hell, one hour at a time. If she’s gonna do things good, well then good. If not, well it will be what it will be,” she said. I nodded.

“Exactly,” I said.

The man met us at the door to the building as soon as we’d traversed the circular driveway that wrapped around the building in a “U” with parking structures to both the north and the south of the complex, and parked.

“Jimmy it is so good to see you and you too, Nadine. Let’s go up. Claire is waiting for us, and Rebecca too,” said Rodney. He sounded sincere in his greetings. The ride up was short.

“Thanks,” I said.

The two of us followed him inside the spacious condo. My ex-wife was some twenty feet across the room waiting; she was smiling, how sincerely might have been arguable. At her side, and to her right was my daughter. Rebecca marched, not walked, but marched toward us. “Hello, dad,” she said, looking straight up at me. Okay, she’d startled me. It looked like I was going to get the full court press; they sure as hell had scored with their opening gambits. I actually felt tears begin to cluster at the corners of my eyes.

“Well, and hello to you too,” I said. She came close to me and hugged me. That she’d been coached was so obvious it was comical. But, that said, I was grateful for the display. It looked as if my first firewall had been breached.

At that point in the tableau, Claire came towards me, stopped, and came forward again closing the distance between us and hugged me. She stepped back, turned and offered her hand to Nadine, a bit less enthusiastically than might have been, I thought. But, maybe I was being overly suspicious. I guess we’d be seeing.

******

“Look, Rod, I’m okay with Jim being around her. He isn’t here that much and won’t be given his new address and job and all. And, her calling him dad, after you and I talked it over, that’s okay too. I guess he deserves that much recognition for sure. But her, his new lady friend? She could really complicate things. What if they decide they want to share physical custody at some point. They won’t get full custody, I know that. But, they could go for summers or some other complicated formula of ‘Becca staying with them. That could impact our plans for Rebecca. That must not happen. When he was living on the row and inside the bottle, there was no problem, but now, I just don’t know . . .”

“What are you saying, Claire! You want him drunk and on welfare? Is that what you’re actually saying? I’m surprised at you! The man is the baby’s father, her biological and real father. I’m her real father too, and he realizes that.”

“Yes, but if he marries Nadine there will be a new set of relationships to deal with,” she said.

“So what! We’ll deal with them. It’s called life, Claire. Chill, okay. Stop worrying about problems that aren’t even problems. And if the time comes when there are complications, as you say, then we’ll deal with those then too. Period,” he said, “Okay!” She nodded.

When her husband put his foot down, well, he put his foot down and there was nothing for it except to do as he said. It was one thing about Rodney Pollard that she admired, his strength of character. It was also one of the things that drove her nuts. Had her Jimmy been half the man that her Rodney was, well, there might not have been a Rodney in her life, not in any meaningful sense.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll do the best I can. I’m just concerned that’s all. Jimmy didn’t react normally to my divorcing him and marrying you and that’s weighed on me a lot ever since. Okay? I guess I’m just a worrier.”

“Okay, honey, but don’t worry. Let me do the worrying for us and for Jim and Nadine as well. I can well imagine that they’ve got their concerns. Whatever happens, we’ll just deal with it.

“Look, I’m inviting them to stay over. We can take them out to breakfast tomorrow, and maybe lunch too. I do have a building to check out tomorrow that I’m thinking of investing in. I’ll do it after breakfast and be back in plenty of time for lunch. It’s that highrise downtown that Marcort Industries is building. I’ve been thinking of buying it and doing a turnaround sale of the place to make the big bucks. My crew has done the ground work on the possible buy on it and after I get a look see at progress on the building and whatnot; well, it might be ours before the end of the quarter,” he said.

“Well, okay, but what about our guests while you’re out evaluating where our next billion is going to come from? I mean just me . . .” she said. He took on a thoughtful look.

“Hmm, yes. Well, they could come with me, us. I might even offer Jim a chance to have a small piece of the pie. I mean you and I have long thought of any number of ways to try and give back to the guy some of what we took from him. Though he has always told us to take a hike, now, with Nadine in the mix it might be a go. I mean he might be willing to think a little more rationally,” said Rodney.

“You know that is a very good idea. If he did accept a piece of the deal, maybe he’d be beholding enough to us to be malleable when we needed him to be malleable in terms of Rebecca,” she said. She was actually smiling with a semblance of glee. We could even couch the notion as an investment that he could make in her, Rebecca’s, future, maybe her education or something.”

“Look, let him do his own thinking. If you start making noises about how he should do things, well, we both know the guy. He’d turn us down in a heartbeat because he doesn’t want anything that he does to be anyone else’s idea but his own. Got it!” he said.

“Hmm, yes, you’re right. You’re always right, dear. It’s what I love about you. Well, that and your penis,” she said and laughed.

******

“Breakfast was very good, Claire,” I said.

“Yeah, mommy, it was great!” screamed Rebecca.

“Yes, it was,” echoed Nadine.

“Well thank you all of you.

“Jim, did Rodney speak with you about today?” said Claire.

“Yes, we had coffee on the deck before you all came down. I guess we’ll get to see how the big man does his business, some of it anyway,” I said.

“Sounds fascinating,” said Nadine. Claire smiled weakly at the comment by Nadine.

“It can be. Keeps him busy for sure,” said Claire.

“Yeah, chasing the big bucks,” I said.

“Yes, well it is what he does,” said Claire, “You could too if you wanted. I know Rod has long wanted you to be a part of things—business-wise,” she added quickly, realizing that her words could have been interpreted very differently.

“Don’t have to be so touchy about things, Claire,” I said, “not anymore, the past is past now.”

“Okay, and thank you for that,” she said.

“And Claire,” I said.

“Yes?” she said.

“I very much appreciated Rebecca’s greeting yesterday, and I know you know what I mean,” I said.

“I guess,” she said. “Before, well I was in the wrong. I don’t know what I was thinking back then. Anyway, that’s ancient history now. Now, we start new and more sensibly.”

Something about the way she said this last raised a few small red flags, but I laid it off to my always imminent paranoia.

“For sure,” I said.

The big man came in just as we were indulging in our second cups of coffee.

“Everybody ready for a little sightseeing?” he said. “I’m pretty proud of what you’re going to be seeing.”

Everybody laughed and yeaed and sputtered their coffee and what all in agreement with his proposal.

“Okay then, let’s hit the road,” said Rodney.

The ride downtown in his Escalade was smooth and fast. I would’ve liked to own one of them, I thought. But it was way out of our price range, mine and Nadine’s.

We pulled up in front of the building that was going to make my rich ex-bud, who was beginning to be my bud again, even richer. I think I sighed, but maybe gasped would have been a more accurate term.

It was a really fancy piece of the architect’s art. It must’ve been twenty stories and its girth filled two solid blocks in both directions. Parking as we discovered was subterranean, and there were three levels of that. This was not a building that paupers and start-up companies were going to be leasing space in. No indeed, this one was for the big boys and girls for damn sure.

The building looked to be three quarters done; well, that was my very uninformed opinion.

We spent the best part of an hour touring. It was interesting and very tiring I’d have to have said.

“Well, we best get going,” he said. “I have a lot more to show you before we hit the road.”

We’d been in the parking garage and were exiting the building in two groups. The Pollards led and Nadine and I lagged behind maybe a dozen yards.

“Honey,” said Nadine, “have you noticed anything in the way that Claire’s been looking at me?”

“Huh? No, I don’t think so,” I said. “I mean she doesn’t know you and I know for a fact that you were more than a surprise when she found out about you,” I smirked.

“Hmm, maybe,” she said.

“She’s probably jealous of your amazing good looks and youth,” I said. “I know I am.”

“Smart ass,” she said. “She is way prettier than me and most other women too for that matter.”

We’d just cleared the entrance to the garage. I heard something, no, sensed it. And then I saw it. Scaffolding from halfway up the building’s side was coming down, coming down fast, very fast. The Pollards including Rebecca were right under it holding hands. I ran hell for leather crashing into them and ramming them out of the way of what I’d learn later was a half-ton steel structure just as it thudded into the cement driveway. The three of them went sprawling into the grassy frontage across from us. I heard a horrendous scream or screams, not sure which. Then everything was black and quiet and spiraling.

******

The room was dark. I was awake and I was warm, very warm. I thought these places always had the air-con on full bore. Oh, and it was a hospital room; there was no doubt about that. I’d seen enough of them over the years. The sign above some equipment lined up against the wall announced that I was a resident of Grayson Memorial Hospital.

I’d never been here. It looked to be truly upscale. And, one more thing: I was in a private room. I sure as hell hoped that somebody else was footing the bill. I knew something about hospital costs, and this room was way out of my price range and Nadine’s too for damn sure.

I was groggy, but I was alert enough to understand my surroundings. I saw the little nurse caller. I clicked it twice. I was almost immediately surrounded by two female and one male nurse or orderly. This wasn’t good. That much attention was always a bad sign.

“Mister Clausen. We are so glad to have you with us again,” said the most senior of the three visitors.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said. “What’s the deal? How long have I been out?” I knew I’d been out a while: I felt stiff and hungry and thirsty. Yeah, I’d been out a while, probably overnight or maybe even two nights. Suddenly I was worried.

Tall nurse was looking sheepish. “You’ve been out for five days, sir,” she said.

“Huh? Five days? Huh?” I said.

“The doctor will be in to see you shortly. She’s been called. We called her just now as soon as we knew for sure you were awake,” she said. The orderly, for that is what I pegged him to be after the fact, was hanging a bag on the intravenous tree that my hand was connected to. The backup nurse was wrapping my arm in a blood pressure belt.

Over the next fifteen minutes a number of measurements, I guess that’s what they were, were taken of me, and then she came in: Dr. Mildred Montrose, her badge declared.

She looked at some papers on a clipboard that had been hanging from the railing at the end of the bed I was in.

She pulled up a chair. “Mister Clausen,” she said. She stopped and actually looked down before looking up and into my eyes. I had a really hinky feeling.

“That bad,” I said. I’d been feeling kinda feverish, warm. I was real worried.

“Mister Clausen. You saved three people’s lives. They would definitely have been killed without your intervention,” she said. I relaxed. She was going to give me the hero’s speech. I really didn’t give a damn about that. I wanted to know about me. I was in the freakin’ hospital. And, so far nobody had told me much about anything. And apart from being too damn hot; I was feeling okay, not wonderful, but okay.

“Okay, okay, doctor, but what about me. I feel so warm. Something’s going on with me, right?” I said.

“Yes,” she said. “Mister Clausen, we had to amputate your legs. We tried to save the left one, but it was no use. You suffered a direct hit by the beam or scaffolding or whatever it was. It crushed your legs too badly to be saved.” I stared at her.

“My legs?” I said. “Both . . .”

“Yes, sir, I’m afraid so,” she said.

She’d stopped talking. There was a long moment of dead silence.

“Can I be left alone for a little while,” I said. “I need to be alone for a little while.”

“Certainly. Just buzz the nurse if you need anything, anything at all. Mister Clausen, I am so sorry for your injuries, sir,” she said.

“Yeah, thanks,” I said, “but just some alone time, please.” She nodded and left me to my . . . something.”

She’d closed the door behind her that was good.

Well, if it wasn’t for my bad luck I wouldn’t have any I guess. Nadine would be leaving me now, about that there was no doubt. All of them knew the situation I was sure of that. They’d be wanting to visit me and tell me how awful it was and how much they loved me and how they were going to help me and that I had nothing to worry about.

Fuck! I didn’t want any of that. I didn’t want to see any of them, not even my baby. Maybe even especially her. Well, Claire would be happy, nobody to interfere with her plans now. No, that wasn’t fair. She probably would be sad as hell for me. Make special times for me and Rebecca if I wanted. But Becca would not want to be around a loser like me now. I had a thought.

For sure I’d get some money from the builder’s insurance company. Yes, that was the ticket. That’s how I could do for my kid. I would get the money and put it in a trust for her. Set her up for when she finished college. The other guy could pay for that, for her college career. I wondered what she’d want to be when she grew up. My thoughts brought on something else: my tears, my desperate tears. My life was over, any hopes I’d ever had ended. They came now, did the tears, and I needed them; damned if I didn’t need my tears. I needed them bad!

******

I slept and slept some more. The following day after my first meeting with my doctor, I got my second visit from her.

“How are you feeling this afternoon, Mister Clausen,” she said. I kinda shrugged.

“Not good. I mean well, you can imagine,” I said, I was not being sarcastic.

“Mister Clausen, a number of people have been here waiting in shifts to see you. Do you think that you could see your way clear to let them in for a little while. I mean I know you’ve wanted some solitude. But . . .”

“Who are they?’ I said. I knew of course that the Pollards would be among the throng, but who else was less clear to me.

“Well, Mister and Missus Pollard are here of course. A fellow from the Salvation Army who says he knows you is here, or was, I think he left a bit ago, a service he was conducting or something, not sure,” she said. “And a couple of fellows who say they are or were coworkers of yours.”

Well everybody but Nadine. I didn’t figure her for not at least saying goodbye, but I guess I was wrong about her. Probably a good thing that I didn’t end up marrying her if she was that shallow. No, that wasn’t fair. She was young and needed to live her life, not be with an invalid who would be making huge demands on her time and care. Well anyway, it was what it was.

“Okay, but not everybody at once, maybe two at a time. I’m just too exhausted to deal with crowds. Okay?” I said.

“Certainly, and we wouldn’t let more than one or two at a time in anyway, sir, them’s the rules,” she said. I nodded.

Well now the sympathy brigades would be doing their thing and then going home and living their lives and I would be alone again and doing an imitation of living that nobody would give a rat’s ass about. I saw that as fair; I didn’t give a rat’s ass about it either.

CHAPTER 10:

The two of them came in together. Just wanted to gang up on me I was sure.

“Well, hello asshole, just had to play the hero didn’t yuh,” said Sammy. “Now look where it’s got yuh. You’re gonna be rich while the rest of us suckers are still gonna be sweating blood for our daily bread.”

I knew the man was trying to make me feel better, but I really wasn’t into it right at that moment. “Yeah, well it is what it is,” I said. “Anyway, thanks for coming by, you guys. It means a lot. Henry had been holding back; well, he was older than us.

“You okay, Jim,” he said, finally. I shrugged.

“Yeah, more or less,” I said. “You know how it is. Sometimes the bad luck outweighs the good.

“Yeah, I do. Tough break, Jim. The toughest, especially for a guy like you. You deserve a better gig,” said Henry.

“I don’t know about that. But what you said, Sammy,” I said looking at him. “I am gonna find out my rights about that falling beam or whatever it was. I mean the part of the scaffolding that damn near killed me and the others. Maybe I can at least do for my kid if there’s any insurance there. I mean if the builders have any insurance. They gotta have it right?”

“You betcha,” said Sammy. “Want me to check it out?”

“Nah, I’ll get a legal eagle to do that. I figure he’ll do it on the come if you know what I mean,” I said. The two visitors nodded.

We talked for some time and then they had to go.

After Sammy and Henry left I got kind of an unusual visit. Captain Traynor came and he was accompanied by his wife, Dora Traynor. It occurred to me that I’d been seein’ the guy for the last few years, but I had never heard his first name. Kind of a nuthin’ thing, but for some reason or no reason it bugged me.

“Hello Jim,” said the Captain.

“Hi Captain. Dora. Nice of you to come by,” I said.

“We’ve tried a few times these last days,” said Dora, “but you were under. We just got back from downtown: Tuesday Bible study.” She noticed that I kept glancing back at the door.

“Your family is letting everyone else have their moment,” she said. “I believe they’ll be in and stay for the rest of visiting period after the rest of us are gone.” I sagged back in my sheets.

It came to me that I had not even seen my stumps. I hadn’t tried. I was, I realized, frankly afraid to see them. I knew I would eventually have to, but I was in no hurry. No indeed.

The Captain and Dora and I talked for quite a while. They told me about some of the programs that the church had that might be of help to me down the line, including furnishing me with a part time job if I decided that that might be a good fit for me. I knew I might have to consider that very thing down the line. There weren’t many places gonna be much help to me in finding a job, not with no legs. Still, there were other things I had to take care of first.

One of those things was going to be getting used to using a wheelchair, and being in one virtually every waking moment. I’d need to learn how to take a shower and cook my food sitting down and how to drive a car with controls on the steering wheel if I ever got to a place where I could afford a car again. Yeah, there was going to be a lot to do and no help around for me to depend on; it’d all be on me.

Oh, I knew I was going to get an offer from the dynamic duo, but could I stand being in their house knowing he was going to be fucking her just up the staircase? I just wasn’t sure I could do that. Especially knowing I would probably never have another piece of ass as long as I lived. And the tears came again, that just as the Traynors were leaving. I don’t think that they noticed. That was something to be thankful for I guessed.

It was some little time before the Pollards showed up. They were a forlorn looking group. I think I was actually feeling a little sorry for them. I was also afraid of them. The thing I was most afraid of was maybe having to depend on them even in the short run. God how I feared it, and apart from letting myself starve to death, there was going to be little choice. But hell, maybe they wouldn’t even offer. Hah, there is indeed a “potential” upside to everything.

“Oh my Jimmy,” sobbed Claire. “Oh my! I am so fucking sorry, sir, so fucking sorry!” She came to me and wrapped her arms around my sweat soaked body. Well, I was warm, very warm. She pulled back and her husband came and literally knelt by my bed. Oddly he didn’t say anything but his tears did. Well, what the hell, I’d be shedding a lot more of those myself in the near future that was a fucking given!

“Jimmy,” said Claire, coming around to the other side of the bed, “you can’t stay in your house, her house. She’s . . .”

“I know,” I said, finishing the sentence for her.

“Yes, well, you need to stay with us at least until you figure out what you want to do. Okay?” she said.

I thought it odd that she put potential limits on my staying with them. Maybe I was still just being paranoid, or cynical or something, but that’s what it felt like she was saying to me: I could stay with them a while, I knew that. They undoubtedly felt that they owed me, oh yeah. But them giving up any significant anything to make life better for me was not gonna be in the cards that was for damn sure; well, that was my thinking. But, for the short term, I would need them and there was no getting around it. But as soon as I could I’d be getting out of there and leaving them to their happy lives that also “a” very certitude for damn sure.

“Don’t worry, Claire, I won’t be bothering you. I’ll get a place soon enough. I can stay with Sammy until then,” I said.

Sammy had offered me a room in his place until I could get on my feet—yeah and those were actually his exact words—and I had told him I’d let him know. Problem with Sam was that he was finally talking about getting married to Miss Watson, and I sure didn’t want to be in the way of newlyweds. But maybe for the short term.

“What the fuck!” said Rodney, speaking for the first time. “Of course you’ll be staying with us. Nobody is putting time limits on you staying with us. You can stay forever if you want. All Claire was saying...” She held her hand up to stop her husband from talking. She took over.

“All I meant, Mister, was that you have always been so hard to keep around that I didn’t want to seem like I was forcing you to do anything that you didn’t want to do. I know how you think, Jimmy. So just stop this martyrdom stuff right now . . .” she started.

“Well fuck you, Claire, ex-wife, cheater, rule setter! Just fuck you! Get the fuck out of here! Now!” I screamed. “I don’t need your fucking charity!”

“Jimmy! Stop it. I know I do things wrong say things wrong, yes, even think things wrong; but now it’s you doing it wrong. Please goddamn it, forgive this whore of an ex-wife. I need it Jimmy. I need your forgiveness. I need it bad! Okay!” Her sobbing actually broke my heart, go figure.

It was clear that the bitterness I was feeling, and had let boil over, was more than apparent to the two of them

“Yes, you’ve been hurt real bad, Jim. And you got hurt saving my life and the life of my husband and of our baby, yours and mine. Oh-fucking-‘kay!” she said. I nodded.

There was another of those long moments of quiet. Even Rodney whose tears were staining the floor around him wasn’t talking.

“Okay, I guess,” I said. I did feel a little chastened by her words. In point of fact they, the words, did make sense on some level.

******

On day nine of my stay at Grayson, she finally showed up—Nadine.

She came in looking down at the floor. “I am so sorry, Jimmy. I should’ve been here sooner. I know what you must think of this girl, but . . .” she said.

“Nadine, I’m going to make this as easy for ‘me’ as possible. Okay?

“I know how you must feel and all. I understand, really. Have a good life and know that I will always be grateful for what you did for me when I was down and out. I wished it could have worked out, but you’re still young and you need a man who can, well, be a man for you, Not an invalid who would be nothing but a burden. It’s all right. Come here. Give me a kiss,” I said.

She edged closer to me as though I were some toxic thing. I actually felt sorry for her. She came to me and gave me a kiss on the lips.

“Goodbye, Nadine. Have a good life. She touched my cheek, turned, and walked out of my life. I would never see Nadine Spence again. Goddamn it I was sad. I was looking at maybe being sad forever. Damn it!

******

I was out of the hospital on day ten of my incarceration there. And, in spite of Claire’s protestation to the contrary, I was still wary of going to their place to stay. It was, frankly, the last place on earth that I wanted to be staying. So as we drove I was doing my level best to think how I could shorten my stay there.

“I did have to give Claire credit for thoughtfulness on one score. She’d gone to our place, Nadine’s house, after our meet up in the hospital, and gotten all of my things. There wasn’t that much. Nadine had apparently been there and had helped her pack it all. In addition to having gotten my stuff, she’d had my pants altered to allow for the fact that I no longer had any legs. I hadn’t even thought of that until we were leaving the hospital and she’d handed me a pair of my altered Dockers to put on. And yes, she was there to see me do it. I guess she didn’t trust me not to run away.

I gave her a look when I saw the shortened version of that element of my wardrobe. “I had it done. Don’t get mad, but I measured you while you were sleeping. It had to be done, so I did it,” she said.

“Thanks,” I said, “that was nice of you.” I know my look had to have been ultimately sad; she didn’t comment.

******

It was late afternoon when we arrived at the house. Rebecca greeted me, kinda formally which was nice but likely under orders from the woman of the house.

And it was nine-year-old Rebecca who informed me that my room would be a little while in being made ready for me. It seemed the part time maid that the Pollards employed was making the final arrangements. Oh, and she informed me that my things were already inside it.

I thanked her, and I got a hug from her in my new and shiny and electrically mobile wheelchair. I would find out later that it was custom made to order for me by my ex-best friend.

I was glad my stuff was in my room. There was an item I really wanted to get my hands on. Well, I did and I didn’t. It was my mini-recorder. I’d bought it for Nadine to keep a voice record of her duties on the job, but she’d never used it, so it kinda landed in my lap. It’d be useful now. I would soon know whether or not I was actually welcome at the Pollards. I had the feeling that Rodney would have been fine with my being there, but Claire, not so much; that in spite of her words at the hospital.

Well, I didn’t have to hurry. I would spend the next few days making plans. I wanted to talk to my baby some, I needed to contact a lawyer, and I wanted to be able to plant my listening device for best effect. Problem was that particular venue was their bedroom. And, their bedroom was upstairs. But, I’d figure out something; there had to be a way.

My opportunity to find out what was what came three days into my stay with them. A period by the way, which had been more or less uneventful. On day three, the two of them had a business event of Rodney’s to go to. They would be out for the next several hours and Rebecca was with a friend at the other’s house, some birthday party or other.

I wheeled myself over to the stairs and used my arms to push me up and out of my chair. I sat backwards on the bottom step and, using my arms, I propelled myself up one step at a time, there were fifteen of them, all the way to the top. I used a modified method of pushing myself up and skittering a foot or two at a time into their room. It was a nice room, and very large.

I looked around as I sat on the floor with my ass a bit on the rough side having done the stair-climbing bit. Then I saw the perfect place, her vanity. I placed the recording device under where the chair was supposed to go and all the way to the back and just behind the edge of the vanity’s backside. I’d set it for voice activation. It’d likely be a few days before I could retrieve it, but that was the breaks. Something else got my attention just before I started my exit: pictures of the two of them all lovey and family and everything; Rebecca was in some of them. It occurred to me that I had no pictures of my baby, none, nor of Claire and me from when we were married either.

I reversed my strategy to get back to the ground floor and waited. It would be hours before they came home but I was good. Everything was good. I knew they had a church thing to go to on Sunday: they were Catholics of the dyed in the wool kind, except when it came to divorce of course; but the new pope didn’t seem to have the same hang ups as did the popes of yore. At any rate, I’d be able to collect the evidence then, well, if there was any.

******

“So you’re going to church?” I said.

“Yes,” said Claire. “You can come along if you’re of a mind to.”

“No, no, not today. I’m still not doing too good. It was a challenge getting in and out of the bathtub this morning. I need to learn to do for myself better than I so far have,” I said. She nodded, but her look screamed that she wanted to say something, something she was apparently concerned that I might not like. I called her on it.

“Claire? Something you wanna say?” I said.

“Jim, if you need help with any of those kinds of things . . .” she started.

“Claire, please. The last thing I need is you helping my naked self get into the shower. Okay!” I said.

“Okay, okay, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant, well, you know . . .” she said.

“Okay, no harm no foul,” I said. I think she was embarrassed. Hell, I could relate, I was embarrassed too.

They went to the 9:00 mass. The baby was with them. It was my time. As soon as their car was out of the driveway I was repeating my up the stairs tactics of a few days past. I was a bit better at it too. I made it in less time and with less hassle. And, I got what I needed and was back down and putting on the headphones way before they got back from the church.

Looking at the read out on the device, I was surprised to see that I had almost five hours of recordings. I had my phones on. I had them plugged into the recorder. But, I paused. Did I really want to know the nitty gritty. The short answer was no. But the basic answer was that I had to. There had been just too many bad things done to me, the way I saw things, to not be in the know. What is it that people say: fore warned is fore armed or something like that.

A lot of the first hour was nothing but her messing around in the bedroom. Maybe putting away things or what all and talking to herself or singing. She was alone and nothing of consequence was said. I fast forwarded to the second hour on the tape. They were in the room together.

“How was work,” she said.

After that greeting, I had to listen to almost twenty minutes of mundane conversation about his day, her day, Rebecca’s day. It seemed Rebecca had a friend that would be coming over on Saturday next. The odd thing was I was so jealous of them hearing about their family time and all of it that it almost seemed worse than them talking about me, which they hadn’t done—yet.

Hearing all of that I knew that I just couldn’t live with them; I just couldn’t. But then they went to bed. And then it got very interesting, bad interesting.

“You look good in your suit,” she said.

“My suit?” he said, “I’m naked.”

“Yeah, your birthday suit,” she said.

“Smarty pants,” he said. She giggled. There was a long moment of silence.

“I wonder what he’s thinking about down there in his room,” she said, finally.

“Don’t dwell on it,” he said. “Yeah, he knows that we do it up here. He probably does wish it was him, but he has to suck it up and hope that at some point he can find himself a woman that can deal with his disability. It’s just the way it is. He sacrificed himself for us, and for that he is going to get as much help as we can give him to make his way, and I mean even if he doesn’t want the help. I got him that wheelchair, nine thousand dollars by the way, and he hasn’t said anything about it. And, I don’t want him to. I don’t want him to give it back to me, and he would.

“He told me yesterday that he would be contacting a lawyer about suing Marcort for his injuries. I offered to introduce him to Larabee, but he wants to do his own thing. But, I’ve cued Larabee anyway just in case,” he said.

“Hmm, yes, and now it begins,” she said.

“Now it begins?” he said.

“Rod, I get it that we owe the guy. And, I am more than willing to do what I can for him. But what I do not want to happen is for us to have to change who we are and what we do and be running after him and cleaning up after him and solving all of his needs for him. I’d rather just give him money, a lot of money, and let him look after himself. He wants to do it his way anyway,” she said.

“He saved our lives, Claire, literally! We owe the guy a debt that we can never really pay. Money? Give him money? He’d never take it; I know the man. Hell, that would be letting us off easy. We have maybe one-point-two billion when all of our resources are added together. I could give him half and he’d still be in a blue funk, maybe been a bigger one than he’s already in!

“You say you actually offered to help bathe him? Do you have any idea how threatening that had to be for a man like him, knowing how turned on he was undoubtedly going to be with you doing something like that for him; and, him unable to do a damn thing about it! Trust me what you said to him was beyond the pale. Don’t ever do that again, Claire, I mean it,” said Rodney, “If you do you might as well kill him. It would be kinder.”

“Wait, wait, number one, I did not offer to bathe him, just help him get into the tub. He said he’d had some trouble getting in is all.

“And, please, I do not want you to think that I am ungrateful to the man. I am. How could I not be? But there are limits, Rod. There are going to be uncomfortable times with him being here. You’ve said it yourself. He knows what we will likely be doing tonight, and he will be wishing he had a woman to be doing it with too. And never doubt it, I am very worried about that particular little problem. And, it is every bit as much our problem as it is his while he is down there in that room in this house beating his meat trying to get a bit of relief,” she said.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said.

“But there is another problem: the matter of Rebecca. She asked me today why her other daddy is always so sad. She is aware of his disability, but she thinks that he should be happy because he gets to stay here with all of our fine furniture and cars and stuff. That’s a problem, Rod. His attitude about his injuries could cause major difficulties down the line if he gets the idea that Becca doesn’t like how he is,” she said.

“Hmm, yes, that is something to consider,” he said.

“But anyway, I think it’s time to let all of this rest until tomorrow,” she said. “I need you to bring that naked body over here and do some of the things that you do best with it. Things the other guy never could do even when he was a whole man.”

“Claire, he is a whole man. Yeah, his body maybe not be whole, but the important part, his soul, is every bit a man, a big man. I wish I were his equal,” said Rodney.

“You’re right, I take it back,” she said.

“Yes, well anyway, let’s see how long it takes me to make you scream. Uh, just not too loud,” he said, “no use rubbing his nose in it.”

She must have been naked too, because the next things I heard were kind of squishing sounds mixed with moans and choking and yes, some low screams. They, she, actually seemed to be trying to minimize the chance that I might hear her. Nice, I thought, real nice—not!

I’d listen to the last two hours of the recordings tomorrow.

******

“Hey there sleepy head,” said Claire, looking straight at me as I wheeled myself out of the back room and into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I guess I did kinda oversleep this morning didn’t I?” I said.

“That’s okay, you have reason to be exhausted for sure,” she said.

“Where’s Rod, he already off to work?” I said.

“Yes, he’s usually out of here by 7:00A.M.

“He told me he offered to loan you our attorney to help with your case against Marcort,” she said.

“Yes, but I need to do these kinds of things on my own. I don’t want to be putting you out any more than necessary. I remember something Benjamin Franklin said,” I said.

“Benjamin Franklin?” she said.

“Yes, ‘Fish and visitors smell after three days.” She smirked.

“Yes, in general, that might be true, but not you. You’re a special case, Jim, never doubt it,” she said. She almost sounded convincing, well, she would have had I not heard what she’d said to her husband the night before.

“Hmm, maybe,” I said. “Anyway, yes, I do need to get some things done, and one of those things is to talk to a lawyer. I have some ideas about what to do with the money if I get any.”

“Oh?” she said.

“Yes, I’m gonna set up a trust fund for Rebecca. I need to do my part for her. I know you guys have a lot of money, but even so; I have to do my part. I hope you’ll support me to that extent,” I said. My little speech got a frustrated look from my ex-wife.

“Jim, your heart is as big as ever there was one. But don’t you think that saving her life was kind of bigger than whatever you’re considering doing with any money you get from Marcort?” she said.

“It’s the way I see things,” I said. “Anyway, I haven’t gotten anything yet, so worrying about it doesn’t mean a damn thing at this point.”

“I guess,” she said.

“Question, where is Becca. It’s almost 11:00A.M.,” I said.

“She’s outside playing with the neighbor kid,” said Claire. I nodded. Without the other man in evidence, the scene, me talking to her like I might a wife about our kid, felt kind of good. I knew it, the feeling, was illusory but it held reality for me in the moment.

We talked more about her day, what she was planning on doing, her and Rebecca; and me, if I was interested.

******

Kevin Donnelly was his name: graduate of UC Davis School of Law. He was willing to take my case on contingency. Sixty years old, and an independent now, but he’d come up as a highly touted trial attorney with Courtney and Drummond Associates. He’d gone independent after a disagreement with CDA’s top management. He was almost rubbing his hands together in glee when he saw me and heard my story.

“So what are we looking for, ideally,” he said.

“I don’t know?” I said. “What’s usual in situations like this?”

“That depends. We could perhaps get millions. But, to get that kind of money you’d likely need to be willing to wait for a considerable period of time and go through a lot of rather nasty stuff leading up to it, the millions. We’d win, just not fast, and just not have much fun in the getting,” he said.

“No way to get it sooner, you know, shorten the wait time?” I said.

“Sure, ask for less, say half a million. I’m pretty sure I could get that the same day we asked for it. You just have to decide whether the quick turn-around is worth losing out on a truly big payday,” he said. I nodded.

“I need to think,” I said. “Could I call or come back later today?”

“Sure, just let us know what you decide,” he said. “And Jim, whatever way you finally decide to go, I’m going to be there for you.”

“Thank you, sir. If it matters, I needed to hear that,” I said. He smiled and we parted.

Having left the man’s office, I felt good. I was sure the man would get things done as fast as he could. I just had to give him a target amount to deal with and then we’d see. I had the cab, really a cab that was a van for disabled people, deliver me to the Crossroads. I’d done much of my best thinking at the C. I needed a drink to help calm me and by the way to make up my mind.

******

“Rod, are you seeing what I’ve been seeing?” said Claire.

“How do you mean?” he said.

“The man has been acting kinda strange these past few days. Nothing really overt, but kinda, well, not the Jimmy I know. I mean am I nuts?”

“Claire the man’s had both of his legs amputated. He’s been traumatized real bad. Of course, he’s not the same guy we both used to know. Nobody would be in his situation,” said Rod.

“You’re right of course. You’re absolutely right. I guess I’m just being paranoid,” she said.

“I will say I’m deathly afraid for the man. I mean he has almost no hope of ever having a woman again. If he was an old guy, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but a man like him, in his thirties, to know that he will never be able to have a woman to be there for him; well, it’s gonna be real bad for him for the rest of his life,” said Rod.

Claire took on a seriously troubled look. “I see what you mean. Yes, it is going to be very bad for him and all because he saved me and you and our baby,” she said. “I have to say as much as you are afraid for him, I’m afraid of him. I’m afraid he might do himself harm,” said Claire.

“Don’t even go there, Claire. We cannot let that happen. We cannot. We’ve just got to come up with something that can help make life worth living for our Jimmy; we just have to!” he said.

“Well, I’m open to suggestions,” she said.

“For real,” he said.

******

I’d spent at least a couple of hours in a booth at the Crossroads trying to make up my mind about things and I finally had. I made the call and laid it on Mister Donnelly, who I did speak to directly, that I wanted him to go for the half mil. I was told I did have to come in, as I had earlier told him I would, in order to sign the papers. That done, he assured me that I would hear from him in a day or two at the most with the initial results of his presentation of my demands to Marcort Industries.

The good news, I guess it was good news, he got back to me late the next day.

And then there is today, the day after yesterday, today.

They say that once a body reaches rock bottom that there is only one way for things to go and that’s up. Well, if anybody ever had proof that he had hit rock bottom it had to be me. And, as if to prove that rule, the call I just got from my law dog, the second such in two days, did just that.

Marcort had accepted my offer. I was to get half a mil for my injuries and any and all medical costs related to them with no kill date. I was covered for life for all medical expenses directly related to the misadventure of losing my legs when the scaffolding collapsed. The actual settlement apart from the medical stuff was for $700,000 dollars. But, $200,000 went to my lawyer; that seemed fair to me. My cut was enough, I was satisfied.

******