CHAPTER 7

“What! He just disappeared! What!” said Rodney.

“Yes, I went into the back to get something. When I came back, he was gone. It was my fault I guess,” she said. She had a sheepish look about her.

“Claire? Is there something else?” he said.

“Maybe," she squeaked. "We- I, suggested that we needed to be careful about confusing the baby. I suggested that the baby call him by his name for the time being. Just for the time being, Rodney. I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt the guy. Honest,” she sobbed.

“What? I’m not clear here. What do you mean?” he said. “What exactly did you say that he objected to? He did object to something, right?”

“I suggested, you know, that we have the baby call him Mister Jimmy. I thought it would be best for now, rather than have her call him Dad or Daddy so soon. You know, so as not to confuse her,” she said.

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me?” he said. “Did he understand that it would not be that way forever, just until the baby was ready to learn the whole thing?”

“I don’t know. I guess not. When I thought back to it, what I said, I guess it was my tone more than the words. I just don’t know,” she said.

“Tone?” he said.

“Well, I kinda made it sound like it had to be the way I wanted it to be, suggested it be,” she said. “He may have thought I was, well, pushing him into some kind of second class daddyhood or something. In fact I’m sure that’s what he thought, erroneously thought,” she said.

“Fuck!” he said. “He may never come back now. We have to fix this and fix it now or it’s over for all of us. Claire, he’s just not ready to face up to any negativity."

“How did he get home? Surely he didn’t just walk back thirty-five miles to the row,” he said.

“I don’t know. He just walked out. I don’t know how he could have walked. If he had some money maybe he took a cab, but I just don’t know, really,” she said.

“If he did it was probably his last bucks. Look I’m going to try and track him down. Maybe give him back his cab fare, if he took one, if he’ll even accept it, which I doubt. Do something. Okay.

“Look, I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll call if I’m going to be gone too long. Okay?” he said.

“Yes, good that’s good,” she said. “And do call. I will be waiting for your call.”

“I will,” he said. He grabbed his keys and coat and hurried out.

******

If he’d taken a cab, he would already be back on the street, he thought, and maybe at that truck park that Don had said he was shacked up at when not cruising the boulevard.

It was a Wednesday, but it was late in the day; the gates to the truck park would likely be locked up tight, But if his quarry could get in so could he; well, he hoped he could.

The drive had taken almost forty-five minutes; well, the traffic at six in the evening was always problematic. He saw the truck park off to the right and at the end of an industrial cul-de-sac. He also saw a man, not his man, moving about inside. He wasn’t sure, but he thought it might be one of his bud’s associates on the row. He parked and approached the fence. He could see how they got in. The fence was partly separated from the post it had been attached to. He called to the man.

The man approached and looked him up and down. Recognition seemed to register with him.

“You were with the woman, Jim’s old lady, ex-old lady,” he said.

“Yes, I’m the asshole that took her from him. Name’s Rod. Any chance that James is around?” he said.

“Yeah, he’s cold. He’s huddled up in the back. If you can crawl under there, I’ll take you to him," said the man whose name, he now remembered, was Mack.

“I’m Mack. I got Jim’s back. Bear it in mind,” he said.

“Okay. But I’m not here to cause the man any problems, really,” said Rodney. The other man nodded.

******

I saw him coming before he saw me. I thought about just cutting country and leaving the park. But it was cozy at night and I didn’t have any place else to go that was worth a damn. Besides this was my house. No penthouse for sure, but it was mine not his. I wasn’t gonna be doing the leaving. He was.

He finally saw me and came up to the niche I’d carved out for myself in the back of the overhang.

“Whaddya here for, Rodney? Slumming?” I said.

“Jim, you know that’s not so. Any chance you’d have a cup of coffee with me,” he said.

“Yeah sure, just let me put on the coffee in the kitchen back there and we’ll adjourn to my study. How’s that?” I said. I was so humiliated him seeing me like I was that I couldn’t help but be snotty and snide.

“Jim, please. The diner down the street in ten. Okay?” he said. Oddly he didn’t wait for me to respond. He just turned and headed back toward the fence.

The Rooster was a seriously greasy, greasy spoon that only the most desperate of hungry losers like me would ever eat at. But well, the coffee was pretty much generic, so nothing was going to be lost by having a cup with my favorite asshole in the whole world. I followed him, but not too closely.

He was already seated when I arrived. He even had the coffee poured and waiting.

******

“I’m paying,” he said. “So no false pride bullshit, okay?” I shrugged. He’d be paying for damn sure. I sure as hell couldn’t afford it, not even a cup of coffee. I did have three dollars left in my pocket, but that was strictly for emergencies, not for luxuries like coffee at the Rooster.

“If you can afford it,” I said.

“No problem Big Guy. I’m fucking rich. I could help make you rich too if you’d let me. But you’d have to have half a brain to allow me to do something that big for you, oh, and a helluva lot less false pride,” he said.

Trading barbs like we were kind of reminded me of earlier times before all of the betrayals and lies and hurt.

“Yeah, well, all of the hurt and betrayal kind of gets in the way of all that,” I said. “I will admit to thinking about your offers when the nights really get cold. But, my buds would also have to be getting rich before I would abandon them. They’re honest and true to me. You know, unlike you and the woman,” I said.

“Boy, oh boy, she really stung you today, didn’t she? She didn’t mean to, Jim. Really she didn’t,” he said.

“Forget it. I will,” I said. I wouldn’t forget it of course, but it seemed like the smart thing to say at the moment. He nodded.

“You gonna keep coming around to see the baby, your baby?” he said. Now, he was getting serious.

“You mean is ‘Mister Jimmy’ going to be coming around to see the baby who isn’t supposed to let on that she’s his baby?” I said.

“Jimmy, she screwed up. She didn’t mean to. It’s all uncharted territory, this. She was just trying, I don’t know, to get things organized in a useful way.”

“Hmm,” I said, which was the same as saying nothing.

“Look, if I have my way this little confab might last a while. Can I get you something? I mean, even a donut?” he said. I laughed.

“Look around you. Do you think that even a loser like me would be eating anything they serve in here?” I said.

“Actually, yes,” he said, smiling.

“Touché,” I said. “Fact is I’ve eaten here lots. But it was always against my better judgment.”

“Going back to something you said a few minutes ago,” he said.

“What?” I said.

“That you’d consider taking a handup from me if I included your buds. That a true thing?” he said. I looked at him hard.

“Let’s talk about something else, okay. I’m not into making decisions for other people today. And, in any event I just can’t be around the woman on any level not required by law or basic humanity, not anymore, not after today,” I said.

“Man, so you are actually thinking of shining your daughter on! I mean because of my wife’s dumb remarks. That right?” he said. I didn’t answer him immediately, I just stared at him.

“Not sure,” I said, finally.

“Fuck!” he said, loud enough to garner some stares from the few diners in attendance around us.

“I don’t know, Rodney. It was pretty clear to me that she really doesn’t want me to have any influence or any say when it comes to my daughter. Oh yeah, very clear to me. And, like she said, and I agree with her on this one, she didn’t want me to be confusing the baby, my baby girl. I would never do that not on purpose,” I said. “Her assuming I would, or even might, hurt a lot.” My tone was earnest-- not bitter-- but earnest. I wanted him to take the message home to his woman; that was important to me.

“Jim, I can see where you’re coming from. It must be a little bit scary you coming so late into the baby’s life and all. It has to leave you feeling vulnerable. By the same token she—no, I’m going to say it—we are a little bit scared too. We’ve become used to a certain way of acting, believing, and doing, all of it, and really would have a tough time adjusting to any major changes in our situation. And it’s not you so much as us. I’m gonna ask you, no beg you, to do some stuff you shouldn’t have to do, Jim,” he said.

“Like what?” I said.

“Jim, one: I need you to be there in the baby’s life, be around. How much, will be your choice totally. Claire and I will support whatever it is and how, so much ever it is that you decide. We owe you that; yes, we do. Two, you gotta cut my wife some slack. She’s consumed with guilt over what she did to you, what we did to you; and she is mortally afraid that in your anger that you might try to use the baby as a weapon to get even with us. Truth is, I worry a little about that too. Can you understand where I’m coming from, Jimmy? I really need you to,” he said.

I had to admit he was being very persuasive. Everything he said was right on. Of course I wasn’t sure about his opinion of how my ex was thinking. But, it made sense at least on some level that he knew what he was talking about, so maybe. Still, that said, if he hadn’t stolen my wife from me, I wouldn’t be coming so late into my baby's life; I’d have been there from the git-go, and he wouldn’t. But, even having only been with my kid for a very short time; I found myself attached to her, go figure. I made a decision.

“Rodney, okay. I’ll try to cooperate. You make a good case. But, on my side of the deal I need you to talk to her and make sure she really is willing to allow me access to my baby. If I’m going to be running into roadblocks every which where; then, I will just opt out. I do not need any more of what I’ve so far had to deal with. I mean, any more of it,” I said.

“Understood and done. Do you have any notion of when you might be coming over again?” he said.

“No, I’ll let you know. I have your numbers. I will call. Okay if I call you at work?” I said. What I didn’t say was that I didn’t want to be talking to her on the phone, making arrangements with her on the phone. I was still afraid at least to some degree that he did not have it right about her attitude. But, that said, we’d be seeing.

“Okay, I think maybe we’re at a place where we can start normalizing things. Is there anything else you have in mind you’d like me to consider or relate to her or what all?” he said.

“No, not really. Well, maybe one little thing. I still have her shirt. I’ll wash it and have it back to her soon,” I said. My ex-bud snickered.

“Jimmy, I’m rich. I can afford a fucking T-shirt. Forget it. I can assure you she has,” he said.

“Whatever,” I said.

******

And, there was morning and evening of the next day.

I did wash the shirt and stored it in a plastic bag from the grocery store to return to her as soon as I next saw my daughter. I had tentatively made plans to see her as soon as I could get some clothes and figure out about a ride to get over to their house without having to walk thirty some miles. I really didn’t want to do that, and I sure didn’t want them to give me a ride.

It was about a month later that I made the call, and I did make it to Rod at his business, not to her. But, I made it from the 7-11 near their house. I had made $257 for the month and I was flush. The cab ride was $30 plus a three dollar tip. I’d cabbed it to the 7-11 and made the call.

“Yes, yes... No, like I said, I have transportation. Don’t want anyone putting themselves out for me. I mean it... Okay, you’re sure she won’t mind... I mean it is kind of short notice... Okay then, good,” I said, hanging up.

During the month, I had had no less than two visits from my ex-bud offering me and my cohorts jobs. But, I was taking nothing from him that wasn’t mine. I was sending the message that he should never have taken from me what was mine if he was so worried about how I would react to his deeds. Whether my message was getting through to him or not was a question, but I had no control over that; I just did what I could and that was it.

I was sure she’d be welcoming me with open arms. I mean Rod had assured me that that would be the case, but I was still a little skittish. My hope was that she would leave me and my little girl alone; but, I figured that the chances of that being the case would be long odds for sure. I wondered what he’d told her of our conversation. It figured that he’d told her all about it, but who knew.

She’d buzzed me up as soon as I’d hit the intercom. And she actually answered the door before I even knocked.

“Hi, Jimmy. It is so good to see you again,” she said. “Rod told me you were in the neighborhood and would be by soon. I’ve kind of been lying in wait for you.”

“Oh, okay,” I said.

“The baby is asleep, but she should be waking very shortly. She’s been down for over an hour already; she never naps for more than two hours,” said Claire.

“Oh, okay. I didn’t know. Rodney didn’t clue me,” I said.

“No, and I didn’t want him to. The plan is that whenever you want to be here, you can be here Period,” she said.

“Whatever works,” I said. “It’s kind of hard to get here too often I don’t have much money and the cabs, well, you know, they’re kind of expensive.”

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but we’d pick you up, Jim, and that’s an open offer. Just say the word. I also know that Rod has offered you, and I hear some of your friends, jobs; he has influence in a lot of places. You should accept his offer, Jim, you deserve it and we owe it to you at the least,” she said.

“No, no I do for myself. I don’t need no handouts,” I said. “I’m doing fine. I’m looking for a good job and when I find it I will be over more, I mean if you will allow. But, for now, this is about the best I can do.”

“Well, okay, I am under orders from the man to not pressure you, so I’ve said what I’m going to say. Please consider the offer regardless, okay,” she said. “Oh, and of course we will allow any visitation you want.”

I didn’t even respond to her last. It sounded like she was making the statement that it was within her power, or theirs, to allow or deny my visitation. Which, of course, was sure as hell the fact of the matter, but it still stung hearing it.

“Sure, whatever you say,” I said. “I know I have to let you make the rules and all. I know it’s a matter of the practicality of things. No problem for me.” She gave me a frustrated look.

“Jim, I know I upset you the last time you were here. I didn’t mean to. But, after I thought about it, after you left, I realized that I had. I am very sorry for that and I apologize,” she said.

“No, no, no apology necessary. You’ve done a great job raising our baby. I’m not going to be making any waves,” I said.

“Look, let’s have some lunch, okay,” she said. “I know you must be hungry.” I shrugged. I was a little hungry, hadn’t eaten since breakfast at seven this morning.

We were seated at the dinette table munching on boiled eggs and tuna sandwiches. They tasted real good too. She ate but mostly she watched me eat. I think she wanted to ask me if I was hungry all of the time on the row, and while a truthful answer would have been yes, I would have lied in Technicolor had she asked.

The baby awoke just as we finished up eating. I offered to do the dishes, but she pooh-pooed that idea. And, went to get the baby and deliver her to me.

“Hello, Mister Jimmy,” she said, when they appeared in the receiving room where I had stationed myself. I noted that Claire took on a sheepish look when she called me Mister Jimmy. I tried not to telegraph my discomfort at the name, title, whatever it was.

“Well, and hello to you too,” I said, in my best Mister Jimmy voice.

And the meeting was on! Claire did give us some time alone. I counted that as a benefit. But, the fact was, after thinking about it, that I really wanted her to be with me so we could share our baby together. But no, that privilege would be reserved for my rival, my victorious rival. I’d get to be with my baby all right, on a limited basis, but I would be with her alone, never with my ex-wife. That fact bothered me. It bothered me a lot! I was going to ask Claire about it. I knew I’d have to ask kind of obliquely, but I was going to ask.

It was maybe an hour later when the inevitable happened.

“Mister Jimmy, I need to go to the bathroom,” said Rebecca.

“Well, then, we need you to go,” I said. “Do you go by yourself?”

“Yes, Sir,” she said.

Claire had to have been waiting in earshot. Because she was in there with us as soon as the baby asked to go potty.

“I’ll take care of this duty,” said Claire. I nodded my surrender. “Uh—James, will you be staying for dinner?” The baby was already running down the hallway to the bathroom.

I could tell by her tone that she didn’t want me to. I think my facial expression showed it.

“We’d like you to,” she said.

“No, no, I won’t be a bother to you Claire. I’ll be going. Thank you for your hospitality and for letting me be with our child,” I said.

“Jimmy, don’t be like that, really. I know Rod would love you to stay. Please, do stay,” she said.

“No, but Claire, I do have a request,” I said.

“Okay?” she said. Her tone verily oozed suspicion.

“Yes, is there some reason that you don’t stay in the room with us when I’m here? I mean you are her mom and I am her dad. It would be nice if you did. You know so we could maybe one day get to the point where it wouldn’t be out of line for her to learn that she had two daddies,” I said

I could see I hit a nerve.

“Jim, I don’t think--” she started.

“Oh, okay,” I said interrupting her. “I’ll be leaving then. Have a good evening.” I turned and walked out. She didn’t say anything more, nor try to stop me. It would be the last time I would see any of them for a long time, and when I did it would be a whole different kettle of fish.

******

“Say that again,” said Rodney Pollard.

“He wanted me to be in the room with them when he visits. He wants to work up to having her call him Daddy, too,” she said. “I’m not at a place where I can do that. You’re her real daddy, not Jimmy, good guy that he is. That is your place not his. He can be a close friend a well-loved uncle, but a daddy? No.”

He nodded, but he was not at all sure of that he agreed with her. He loved and appreciated the truth that she saw him not his ex-BFF as the baby’s real daddy, but inside he knew it wasn’t right Him hogging all the important stuff wasn’t right.

******

“Oh, hi Jenna,” said Claire.

“Yeah, hi, thought I’d stop by. So the bio-dad made an appearance,” she said.

“Yes, second one in a month. But, I don’t know; it didn’t go all that well. He wants her to think of him as daddy. He wants to be ‘the’ daddy, the main daddy. I’m not letting that happen. Rod’s got that job and that’s the end of it,” said Claire.

“What’s the difference, Claire? She’s going to find out anyway sooner or later. You can just make it so you control the ‘when later’. This way, things you don’t like could happen down the line,” said Jenna.

“No, no daddyhood for Jimmy. And I’ll tell you why. One day she’s gonna go to high school and then to college, and it’s Rod who will dance with her at all of those father-daughter dos. Also, one day she’s going to get married; it’ll be Rod that walks her down the aisle. It’ll be Rod who gets the honor of having her name her baby after him if it’s a boy. I mean, you get the idea? I do not want to be running into a ton of emotional controversy. I need my baby to be happy and safe and unconfused. Yes, she’ll sooner or later likely discover that he was her sperm donor, but when that happens it will only be in a clinical sense not an emotional one. Okay?” she said.

“Okay, if you think that’s best,” said Jenna.

“I do,” said Claire.

“One question,” said Jenna.

“And that would be?” said Claire.

“Is Rod of the same mind as you in all of this?” she said.

“Yes.

CHAPTER 8:

Three years and no contact with any of them. Would I have loved to see my baby grow and become the woman I knew she was going to be? Of course I would> But the woman, the woman who used to be my woman, wasn’t going to let that happen. That was clear to me, so dropping out of their lives was the right thing to do, and really, my only option. There was no way that I could deal with the heartache I knew would be coming-- that on top of the heartache I was already beset with. No, I had to be gone and so I was.

Besides, I liked Littleton. It was far enough away from the black hats that I didn’t have to worry about a visit from my used-to-be best friend. That’s all I wanted: for him and them the lot of them to leave my ass alone. The good news? They had. And thank God for it!

I was working at the Shadows. It was small; it was clean; and it was my kind of place. The pay wasn’t worth a damn but in every other respect, it worked for me. I did the cleanup and a bit of security guard duty in the wee smalls. I had a room in the back that I had gratis from the management. It was warm, and it was small, and it was mine, and I only had to go eleven feet to get to work each day. Yeah, there is indeed an upside to everything.

I did hear that the man had been looking for me. That was a week gone. He’d actually come into the bar, but Harold, my boss, knew that I did not want to be bothered by anybody from the old neighborhood. Harold respected my privacy; I loved Harold.

The kid would be eight or nine years old now, I knew. I was pretty sure that she didn’t know that I was her daddy. There’d have been no upside for the woman to be telling her, so I was certain that I was little more than a fading memory by now, if even that. I snickered to myself. So much for granting me unrestricted access to my baby, my daughter.

I had finally gotten my head out of my ass. I still drank but no longer at Olympian levels. And I had a place to stay, a regular income, and the prospect of getting me a small apartment in the not too distant future: I figured maybe a few more months. Hell, the way things were looking maybe I’d get to the point where I could give the moneyman a run for his money! Wouldn’t that be the cat’s meow.

******

“It’s her birthday tomorrow,” said Claire, smiling the smile of the proud parent.

“Yes, and something odd,” he said.

“Something odd?” she said.

“Yeah, out of nowhere, she asked me why Mister Jimmy had never come back to see her. I guess my old bud made an impression,” he said.

“Now! You mean now! She asked you that now!” said Claire.

“Yes, I ain’t speaking Greek. It surprised me too,” he said. He must have made an impression in those few hours three years gone.” His wife took on a concerned look.

“My God, I hadn’t even thought about him in so long” she said.

“Hmm, yes, well it was his decision to disappear. I kinda understand why he did it, but he should have stuck around and let things work out. We could have made it good for him. But the dummy just could never get by you leaving him. I empathize, but lots of people get divorced. He just didn’t have the huevos to get on with his life and do for himself, and really Rebecca, too. He needs to have a relationship with his daughter. Maybe not the relationship that he wanted, but a good one, a close one nonetheless. I have to agree with you to a large degree on all of that,” he said. ”The man just over reacted.”

“To a large degree?” she said.

“Yes, I do think you were a little too hard on him too soon,” he said. “He was still smarting big time over the divorce, and adding being second in line with our baby, well, I can see his side of it too,” he said.

“I guess you’re right. But the mess, at the time, was new to me and uncharted territory and all of it. I was just worried about the long term fallout. But you’re right; I should have gone at a slower pace, given him some say in it all. I don’t know. Does anyone ever do these kinds of things right?” she said.

“Probably not,” he said.

******

“Damn it, Man, why the hell did you have disappear like that? Are you nuts! Forget the broad. Get on with your life. Henry and I have been worried about you, and are more than a little pissed off. More pissed off than worried, if you wanna know,” said Sammy.

“Yeah, well I just couldn’t deal with the kinds of bullshit that she was piling on me. That in addition to cheating on me for the entire time we were married. Oh hell, I don’t know. I guess I’m still madly in love with the bitch.

“But running into you today, I mean here in Littleton. Obviously you had a run down here right?” I said.

“Yeah, I’m done for the day. It’s early, so I decided to stop in here and have a drink or two before heading back. I have to say there must be something in them stars this happening twice now in the same lifetime. I mean, me spotting you like this,” said Sammy.

“Yeah, for real,” I said.

“You probably don’t give a shit anymore. I mean it has been three fucking years, Asshole; but your ex-bud has come around a few times looking for you,” said Sam.

“Yeah?” I said.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Well, you’re right about one thing, I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m content. No woman, so that’s a problem, but I don’t really want one at this point anyway,” I said. “I guess a guy can’t have everything.”

“You gotta stop playin’ the goddamn martyr and get your act together, Jim. Yeah, she was a good looking broad and all, and she is the mother of your kid; but there is no way she is worth throwing your life away for, not even,” said Sam.

“Yeah, I know you’re right. I mean it’s obvious that you’re right, but it’s damn hard to give up a love as strong as mine was, is. Anyway, sooner or later I’ll meet a woman who is worth the time and effort to build a relationship with. Well, that’s the hope,” I said.

******

“You’re serious,” she said. “Why won’t you just let sleeping dogs lie!”

“Claire, I don’t know. And on one level, I agree with you: just forget him and get on with things. But, I just can’t shake the guilt I feel about everything, I mean if we hadn’t been cheating on the guy for the whole time you two were married, well...,” he said.

“I understand your feelings. But, like I said back in the day, I didn’t and don’t feel any guilt about any of that. Yes, we cheated, but not really. I still gave him all of my love. For us-- you and me-- at the time it was just a sharing of our closeness. I even told him, after he discovered us, that it wasn’t even the sex; it was the familyness that we all had together. Rod, we, all of us, were not just friends. For me it was a lot more than that. I mean it,” she said.

“Yeah, for me too. But not for him I guess. I mean he and I were close, and you’re right. All of us were. But for him there was never going to be a situation where he was willing to share you in any truly intimate way. He was, and likely still is, way too square for any of that,” said Rodney. “The son-of-a-gun loved you real hard and deep, maybe too much if that’s even possible.”

“Oh, and how much do you love me, Rodney Pollard?” she said, and it was a serious question.

“More than anything,” he said. “But, that said, if you dumped me, I’d get on with things and find me another woman. I would not let you destroy me: that’s loser city, and I am not built to be a loser. My old bud is. It’s just the way things are.”

“So my good ‘ole ex is a loser is he,” she said, smiling now.

“Yes, he is in those respects for sure. He needed to get on with things and have a life. He could’ve done it, and maybe he has. Who knows? I hope he has. I loved the guy; I really did, do,” he said.

She sighed. “Yeah me too,” said Claire.

“Anyway, to answer your question, yes. I’m serious and yes, I am going to try to find him. I’m gonna put Don on it,” he said. “I have tried to find the guy since he cut country, just not real hard. Now that changes. He’s got to spend time with his daughter. If he doesn’t, the time may come when Rebecca will blame us. I intend to short shank that from happening. In fact he’ll have to get violent with me to stop me. If he does that, then, it will be his fault.

“I guess you’re right. Yes you make a good case. So do it, and I promise to cooperate,” she said.

“Yes, you’ll need to,” he said. “In fact you more than anyone, the way I see things.”

******

I sat at the bar. My work was done. I start early and end early. I looked at the clock. It was a quarter past noon. The guy was kinda watching me, but not watching me, and I know that makes no sense. But, it’s what was.

I finished my drink and headed out. I was walking long-range a lot. I was doing three to five miles a day if the weather was clement and it usually was in the Littleton area this time of year. I’d gained some weight since moving to Littleton and getting a regular job. But, now, I was interested in getting into shape too; hence my long range walking and my in-my-room daily exercises, well, nightly exercises. I was actually looking pretty good: a good looking body to go with my outstanding facial good looks.

I think my efforts to improve my body were also improving my attitude and self-esteem. Well, I thought it was. I didn’t feel so stressed and bitter and whatever anymore. Three years without being around the bad guys was also a factor. I still wanted my woman back, but I knew that that would never be happening. And my daughter? That one really rankled. My ex could have cut me some slack there, but well, she hadn’t. So I didn’t have a wife, didn’t really have a daughter, and I’d stopped letting those salient facts score my soul like they had heretofore. Life was good again, pretty good. I was even getting looks from a couple of women who were more or less regulars at the bar. Now, if I could just translate those looks into something a little more substantial, oh yeah, that would be good, real good.

******

I had been attending weekly services at the Salvation Army Chapel after having met the Traynors. The odd thing? The Salvation Army didn’t have a full time staff in Littleton, but the Traynors motored down once a month and held pick up services. It happened in a local, private high school that a group of citizens had built for the locals who didn’t want their kids educated in the lone, public high school which was overcrowded and understaffed.

Of course, since I now lived and worked in Littleton, I attended church just the one day, the third Sunday, each month. The good news was that there was a particular lady who was also attending that service and manning the breakfast tables, as well. And, that same lady? Her name was Nadine Spence: age twent-five, 5’2”, a bit chunky and kinda plain. She also claimed a seat at Shadows more or less regularly, that being two and three days a week. And, she was one of the couple of women who had been eyeing me. I figured that was fair; I was eyeing her right back which led to me standing next to her as we both exited the auditorium where Captain Traynor had conducted the service.

“Uh, yeah, I see you in there sometimes,” I said. “I work there, but early: cleanup and a bit of security duty. It don’t pay much, but it keeps me in grub and my favorite brand of firewater.”

“Hmm, interesting. I wondered why you always seem to be around over there. You didn’t seem to be a drunk or anything. I was curious. Now, I’m in the know,” she said.

“No, not drunk. I just work there, and I got me a room in the back." She smiled her understanding of my situation.

“Sounds like you have a nice situation,” she said.

“So whaddya think?” I said.

“About?” she said.

“About my chances of getting you to have dinner with me tonight, and . . .?” I said.

She gave a funny look. “And?” she said.

“And breakfast with me in the morning?” I said, and I was smiling kinda willfully.

Now, she smirked. “How about this? Dinner tonight, and we’ll see about anything else after the fact, okay?”

“Sounds like a good deal to me,” I said. “Pick you up or meet you somewhere?”

“You can pick me up.” She looked in her purse and pulled out a post-it pad and a pen. She noted down her info and handed it to me.

“Okay,” I said. “Seven-ish?”

“Sounds good to me,” she said. Boy, I was feeling good. There was one small fly in the ointment: I didn’t have a car. We’d be cabbing it. I knew she wouldn’t mind. Well, I felt sure she wouldn’t, but it was a small concern, nonetheless.

I did have a not-too-worn blazer that I’d actually gotten at the Salvation Army thrift store. It was dark blue, clean, and it fit me good. Well, at my wages, I was into second hand pretty substantially.

The blazer, my new shirt-- and it was new--, and my Dockers, which were fairly new, would be my style ensemble for the evening.

She knew what my occupation was and probably had a pretty good idea of how much money I made, so I wasn’t concerned that she’d expect much from me as far as puttin’ on the dog was concerned.

We’d be wining and dining at the Horse’s Head: a simple steakhouse with a decent menu at prices that wouldn’t make me cry when I saw the bill.

I looked up at the clock; the cab would be picking me up in fifteen minutes. Then, there’d be a twenty minute ride to her address. I checked, and I estimated that that would put me in some five minutes early at her place. I was giddy. I hadn’t felt like this since my first date with Claire.

I had my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t blow my chances with the woman.

******

She seemed to like the Horse’s Head. The sirloins were good; she liked it medium-well same as me. I liked it that we were starting off on the same page.

I was doing my best not to seem anxious, but I was anxious. I wanted to go home with this girl. I was hoping that it would be her home. She knew I was sleeping in the back of the bar, and if she didn’t want me at her house on this first date, the only other alternatives were no poontang or having to spring for a motel. I had the money, but not too much money.

“So,” I said, “Whaddya think?” I had a comebacker no matter how she replied. She smirked, staring at me in the process.

“Well...,” she said, smearing the word out. “The meal was great. You seem to be an okay guy socially. And, I’m probably as desperate as you to get some fun in, so let’s take this little party to my place. I mean if you like,” she said.

“Well, you’re wrong about one thing, and I mean absolutely wrong,” I said. She gave me a look that actually showed worry.

“But I thought--”

“No, no. What I was about to say is that there is no way you could possibly be as desperate as I am,” I said. I called for the check and we headed out. The cab stand was just outside the door, so there was no problem with that.

On the ride over to her place, I did get one request on her part. “I know you don’t have a car, Jim, so next time we’ll take mine. You can buy the gas if you feel uncomfortable with the girl driving,” she said.

“You got it,” I said.

After being dropped off, we headed inside for the evening’s main event.

Her place was a small two bedroom, one-car-garage affair-- an old house in an older neighborhood. Bu,t the place was sparkling clean and the couch she showed me to was not too soft or too firm. Couches in my experience were often either one or the other, but this one was just right.

“Have a seat,” she said. “I’ll get us each a glass of wine.”

I nodded. This girl was really turning out to be a keeper, at least a good imitation of one for damn sure.

She was gone but two minutes before returning and handing me a glass of some dark red elixir.

We sipped in silence. She was smiling; I was shaking. If I’d had to guess, I would have had to assume that she was smiling because she could see I was shaking. She set her wine on the coffee table in front of the couch and pulled me up to a standing position in front of her. I’d set my wine down too, and that worked for me now.

“Jim, we both know why we’re here, so why don’t you drop your pants and let me see what I have to contend with. Okay?” she said.

I didn’t even answer her. I unbuttoned and unzipped my Dockers; they fell in pool at my feet. She knelt in front of me and peeled my “Fruit of the Looms” slowly down my legs. She stared at my six inch weapon of love and smiled an evaluative smile.

“Not bad,” she said. “I’m kind of small down there, so you should be able to do me good when we get to stage two here tonight. But, first we gotta get stage one out of the way.”

Still on her knees she took my cock in her mouth and sucked; after a few minutes she pulled back a few inches and began to lick it and to suck on my balls. I exploded all over her face. I was terrified that she might be upset since I hadn’t warned her that I was close. But, she just smiled some more and wiped the mess off of her face.

“Oh my God, I needed that,” I said.

“Figured you might,” she said. “Now for stage two.”

She stood and pulled me by my still semi-hard cock to the couch I’d been sitting on before she’d returned with the wine.

“Get on your knees, Mister. Do it now,” she said. I did as she said, as she took her place on the couch with her butt pushed back in my face. “Lick it and adore me.”

I was so willing to do as she said. I sniffed and licked and sucked on her pussy and anus for some time. She finally looked back over her shoulder and whispered, almost like she was out of breath. “Do me, now,” she said. I was so ready.

I stood and took a firm hold of her hips. I could feel her tense when I did that. I pushed my cock at her soaked opening and entered pretty easily. There was only a little resistance. I began seesawing in and out of her.

She choked and stammered as I increased the tempo finally ramming her to bring her off. My first piece of ass in nine years: good didn’t even begin to describe it. The truth was it was better than any I’d ever had with Claire, and now I began to suspect why that was so: I had never gotten Claire’s A-game!

We lay side by side for some minutes neither of us speaking.

“That was very good, Mister,” she said.

“Ditto that for me,” I said, “oh, yeah.”

We did have breakfast and she was the one that cooked it. Pancakes and sausages: a caloric catastrophe, but we’d burned so many of them-- calories-- the night before that I didn’t give a damn.

“So, it was good for you then,” she said.

“To say the blee-bloody least,” I said. “Nadine, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Sir,” she said. She was stirring her black coffee with her spoon; nobody does that unless their minds are somewhere else.

“Nadine?” I said.

“Well, I was thinking. We seem to get along. Well, I mean if you’d be interested...,” she started.

“Okay?” I said, waiting for the punch line.

“Well, maybe you’d like to move in here. I mean with me,” she said.

I was surprised-- no shocked. One date and a woman was asking me if I’d like to move in with her. Lots of women screw on the first date, but ask a guy who they barely knew to move in with them? Not real often, I wouldn’t think.

“Well, okay,” I said. “I mean if you’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t like living alone and, well, we could share expenses and stuff,” she said. I nodded. She knew I was minimum wage, so her offer had to have considered that.

“Okay, then, I’ll move in tomorrow. But, just so you know, I mean I figure you already know, I don’t make a ton of money,” I said.

“I know, and I might be able to help you with that,” she said. “My company is hiring. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Wow! Okay,” I said.

******

Over the next three to four weeks my life was completely turned around. It went from pure shit to an existential paradise. Well, maybe paradise is a slight exaggeration, but that’s what it seemed like to me. And why?

I had a house mate who turned out to be an actual sexual aggressor—my kind of woman! The home we were sharing--hers-- was warm and cozy if somewhat dated and small. And, I had a new job, which my new woman had gotten for me, making relatively small deliveries to numerous places around town; and, as it happened, back in the Valley as well; well, the Valley wasn’t that far away.

I think here would be a good place to clear up a few things. Nadine’s job was pure office work. She was just a worker ant, but she was good at what she did. Good enough, as indicated, to get me a job there: management trusted her judgment. With her thirty grand and my twenty we were doing okay. That said, I had been lucky to get the job I got. The place hadn’t had an opening in a long time, but they just happened to have one at the time I started dating Nadine. She knew I’d been a big rig driver, so it was pretty much a slam dunk for Avril and Harris Delivery Services to hire me. Well, sometimes, if but rarely in my case, the stars were aligned favorably.

Marriage? Not in the cards for the near future, but not exactly unthinkable in the long run.

But, as if some demonic power had it in for me, he showed up. Who you ask? Why, no other than the man who cuckolded me and stole my wife, and, my kid in the end as well. Yeah, I know I had a hand in losing my kid to the dynamic duo, but in my defense I did see the undeniable handwriting on the wall, and I’d just cut country to avoid the inevitable.

At any rate, here I was staring at the man across the room at Shadows wondering why the fuck now! I really didn’t need this. But I did have an idea. If it worked maybe the sonovabitch and his ilk would finally leave me alone. He hadn’t seen me yet. I made the call.

“Yeah honey I need you right away if you can see your way clear,” I said into the little used iPhone that I’d been able to afford because of my new job at Avril and Harris Delivery Services.