They say that blood is thicker than water, and I guess that’s so. Still, water evaporates, and the supply of blood for any one individual is limited. But, the feelings one has for the love of his or her life never evaporates and has no limit, none. I am living testimony to that great truth.

My dad, Philby Carter, married Xena Westbrook in 1964. I came along a year later, and joined my brother—a product of mom’s first marriage—Ronald Carter completing the family Carter. Oh, we had relatives, chief among them mom’s sister Aunt Delia. But, our nuclear family was complete with the final addition of me.

My brother was nine years older than me and he had my back from day one. Mom used to say that he could change diapers better than she could; I think she was kidding. But, there was no doubt that Ron and I were tight. Oh, and I’m David Carter.

I never met Ron’s Dad. Never knew much about him, and, as was the case, neither did Ronald. The story was that he was a big guy and handsome; and, he was a player who abandoned mom and child after a year of more or less worthless fatherhood.

Physically, I was a little guy compared to my brother: he turned out to be six-two and a hard body; me, five-six, and slight of build. I guess the two of us most resembled our dads.

******

My earliest memory of Ronald and me goes back to my days in grammar school, fourth grade actually. At the time he was a senior at Central High. He was mister all everything there: football, class vice president, lead in the senior play; oh, and real popular with the girls.

Jenna Kirby was arguably the prettiest girl on planet earth, or so I thought, and she was Ronald’s personal arm candy. Well, she was until she caught him making out with Sofie Matson. I was there when she told him to take a hike—her exact words actually. But that was Ronald, a player; guess he inherited that little trait from his daddy. At any rate there was always a girl on his arm and he wasn’t selfish. Hell no, he set me up with my first two dates! I always suspected he paid them to go out with me, just kidding! I was actually pretty good looking for a short skinny guy.

No, truth was that I had dates, plenty of them; not as many, nor with as many different girls as Ron; but, chopped liver I certainly was not. Oh, and I was better looking than him; well, at least that’s the story I’m sticking with.

******

Ron met the woman that everyone thought was the love of his life in 1979 I think it was. They got married in 1980. Big ceremony, high hopes, and for the next few years things looked rosy as heck. But, well, I guess it’s true what they say about leopards. Madeleine caught him in bed with her best friend, and as had Jenna Kirby before her, told him to take a hike. I know for a fact he shed a few tears over her; she really was a winner.

The upside to his divorce was that there was no alimony: she made more money than he did. He worked as a used car salesman at the time, pure commission. He was pretty good at it but Madeleine had a steady job as a bartender and a week’s tips alone for her could be as much as Ronnie made in a month, well, at the time.

Maddie and Ronnie had no children, her decision; Ronnie wanted them, and he wanted them badly. But, Maddie ruled the nest, well, until she didn’t. At any rate daddyhood may have been denied him, but the desire to be a daddy, incongruous as it sounds considering what a womanizer he was, only grew over time.

Singlehood did seem to work for Ronald. After his divorce he dove into his job like a wild man to help him forget his lost love. He became so good at selling cars that dad gave him the seed money to get started in his own business, yeah, used car sales—he did have to take out a second mortgage to do it.

What also came of his success was a big head. He had women around all of the time. Kind of scandalous actually. He never tired of giving his little brother, me, advice on women. “Find yourself a soulmate, bro,” he’d say. Ala high school days, he even set me up with a couple of “nice” girls; read girls who didn’t put out.

Why he was so interested in getting me married was a mystery to me. He, on the other hand, in spite of his mania to become a daddy and it was a mania in his case, did not seem in a hurry to get married again. Most of us in the family thought it was because he just couldn’t get over losing Madeleine. Well, she had been a stunner. Of course, he would eventually marry, and that little reality would be at base the cause of everything else this story’s about.

CHAPTER TWO: 1987

The wedding reception was going strong. The champagne was flowing. The bride and the bridesmaids were carousing and dancing, and the groom, and his entourage, were doing their thing out on the patio.

It’d been a largish wedding, a couple of hundred in attendance. But, as far as David, me, age twenty-two, unmarried and wished he was, married that is, was concerned there was just one guest he would ever remember, and he is slow dancing with her at this very moment.

“So, you’re a warehouseman, David,” said Stacey Wilcox. “I guess I don’t have to worry about you wanting to show me your etchings.” She laughed.

“Yes, been in the business since high school. My dad got me the job; he’d worked for Ferguson forever. And no, no etchings; but I’d like to tell you about the new headers on my car,” I said, “you know over coffee or lunch or something.”

“Oohee,” she screamed , in simulated joy, “can’t wait to hear about those.”

“Yes, well the extra power I get from the reduced back pressure from the manifold is most definitely worth a good ‘ole rousing oohee!” I said.

“Hmm, well, if you’re job pays you enough to afford me, you can take me out to dinner tomorrow night,” she said.

I admit it. I blinked when she said that. I mean, was she putting a move on me? But, I recovered pretty damn quickly.

“Hmm, I love an unabashed gold digger,” I said. Now she broke up laughing.

******

The next night happened to be Sunday night. I had to work the next day, but as I discovered, she didn’t; she had Mondays off. She was a waitress at Mahoney’s B&G.

Dinner at the Silver Spur was good. The dancing was even better. And, while I didn’t have any etchings to contribute to my campaign to bed her, she evidently didn’t see a problem. And no, the new headers on my car didn’t get a mention either.

We lay side by side utterly exhausted. Her breasts were heaving. I didn’t understand that one; I mean I was the one who’d done all the work, and man had it ever been worth it!

“That was the best sex ever,” I said. “I hope it was okay for you too.”

“Hmm, it was very good, David, thank you,” she said.

I thought it was interesting that she didn’t say that it was the best sex that she’d ever had, but, I guess honesty is the best policy; and, she had said it was very good. Well, and we were both only twenty-two years old, so what did we know.

“Was it good enough to get a second date?” I said. She rolled over and looked me right in the eyes.

“Damn straight it was,” she said. “I’m just glad as can be that you noticed me at the reception and decided to ask me out.”

“Me too, but truth told, it would have been real hard to not notice you,” I said. “You were without a doubt the best thing at that little gala, no doubt about it.”

She laughed. “Well, thank you for that,” she said.

“If you’re clear this coming weekend there is a little family get together. You know the barbecue bit and such. I’d kinda like to show you off if you’d be up for it,” I said.

“Of course,” she said. “I’d be delighted. Formal or informal?”

“Very informal,” I said. “Pick you up at high noon?”

“Sounds good,” she said. “I’d love to meet your family.”

Oh boy, this was the woman for me, no freakin’ doubt about it. I had to have her. Nothing else in the world mattered and iota: Stacey was the one.

******

I was proud of myself. I’d actually found a woman who I could not only be proud of, because she was such a looker and such a fun person, but also because she was going to be supremely popular with the family. My much older brother, ten years older, especially, would be thrilled I’d finally found someone to latch onto. He’d been bugging me about finding the right woman for forever, hypocrite and womanizer though he was and had long been.

Oh, he’d, had my brother, had a winner in Madelaine, his now ex-wife. But, he’d soured that in almost no time cheating on her with damn near every pussy in sight. She’d finally caught him of course; he wasn’t especially cautious in his antics. She’d divorced his cheating ass, she had, and thereinafter, disappeared into the eternal ether of the cosmos never to be seen again, well, by any of us.

I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building. I wanted to kick myself for not bringing flowers for her, the universal sign of slavery for future husbands. But, I’d be making it up to her in spades for damn sure.

Parked, I headed for her second floor walkup. I knocked. I could hear footsteps. The door opened and I couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked. I think I stared for a full minute before squeaking out my prepared greeting.

“Ready to go?” I said. She could see I was distressed. She giggled, but only slightly.

“Sure thing, sailor,” she said.

She stepped back inside momentarily leaving me at the door waiting for the best part of fifteen seconds. She’d grabbed her purse and sweater and we were on our way.

“You are absolutely gorgeous today,” I said. “I mean you’re always gonna be gorgeous but today I’d be afraid to allow you out into traffic. I mean if I had anything to say about allowing you out. I mean—oh heck, I don’t know what I mean.” Now she laughed.

“Relax handsome. I just hope your family likes me,” she said.

“Not a worry in the world about that one,” I said. And, boy was that ever the truth.

“Well, good,” she said.

We’d known each other for almost no time to speak of, but I was already practicing the proposal of marriage speech I was going to make to her. I was just hoping and praying that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself in the doing of it.

The barbecue was already going when we arrived. Mom and dad were inside: Mom in the kitchen and dad on the service porch messing with coolers full of beer and soda pop. Ronald, my brother, and a couple of cousins, Mike Carter and Bill Carter, were present as were their wives, Marilee and Jennifer along with their kids; all four of whom were engaged in making as much racket as they could. Mike was currently busy tending to the fires and the meat being toasted on them.

I strode up to the fire pit and, smiling broadly, got my erstwhile brother’s, who was nearby, attention. “Ronald,” I said, “I’d like you to meet the girl you warned me about.” He turned to see us and his mouth shot open and didn’t immediately close.

“Holy mackerel, David, you don’t deserve a girl this pretty, not even,” he said.

“I have to agree with you there, brother dearest. But, quite frankly, neither do you. So, stay clear of her,” I said, laughing.

“Yeah, yeah, no guarantees,” he said, also laughing. I gave him a sour look, well, he deserved it.

“Hi David,” said Mom, followed by my dad. Dad was carrying a too large styro-cooler and mom was laden with a largesh bowl filled with her special salad.

“This the lady you were telling us about?” said Dad.

“Yes, yes it is,” I said. “Stacey Wilcox, this is Xena and Philby Carter, My parents.

“Pleased to meet you both,” said Stacey, smiling broadly.

The greeting and pleasantries continued for some few minutes. Cousin Mike broke that up.

“Your turn at the pit,” he said, handing me the already soiled apron he’d been wearing. I frowned but accepted the protective garment.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can find an excuse,” I said, addressing my date.

“Don’t worry bro, I’ll keep the lovely lady company for the duration,” he said.

“Yeah right,” I said. I gave my date a peck on the cheek hoping it would hold her until I was able to escape barbecue duty.

******

“So you and my brother,” said Ronald, addressing Stacey Wilcox.

“Yes, we met a week ago,” she said. “He’s a very nice guy.”

“Yes, well he is a Carter.

“So, you’ve known him a week. Is it love at first sight, or just friendship?” said Ronald.

“Hmm, jury’s still out,” she said. “Let’s just say, I’m interested.”

“Yeah, well, I know my brother, and I can say with confidence that he sure as heck is interested,” said Ronald. “I’ve been trying to get him to find himself a woman to latch onto for forever. He’s one of those who needs a woman to guide him; he’s kind of shy if not exactly painfully so, I guess is the bottom line. I just didn’t expect him to be so successful.” He laughed uproariously at his own remarks.

“Thanks, I think,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“No, no, you’re quite beautiful. He’s a lucky fella to have met you, and, for you to have had mercy on him,” said Ronald.

“Well, thank you for that. You’re very nice too,” she said, “and your parents.”

“Yeah, mom and dad, they’re the best,” he said. “Look, can I get you a drink. We Carter’s always have a supply of the very finest spirits on hand in case of company.”

She looked him askance. “Okay,” she said. “Anything will be fine.”

“Okay, anything coming up,” he said. He headed for the cooler, parked next to the picnic table that his dad had lugged out but shortly before. He pulled out a couple of Lite beers.

He popped the tabs and headed back to his charge. He handed her hers.

“Thank you kind sir,” she said.

“My pleasure, fair lady,” he said. Their conversation went on for some little while. They were interrupted by an older lady apparently on a mission.

“Aunt Delia,” said Ronald. “Let me introduce you to Stacey Wilcox, David’s date for the day.”

“Oh,” said Aunt Delia? “Has your date abandoned you, dear?”

“No, no, Aunt Delia, he’s just manning the barbecue for the moment,” said Ronald.

“Hmm, and left the sheep to be sheared by the wolves,” said Aunt Delia, meaningfully.

“Now, Aunt Delia, I’m just the spear carrier here today,” said Ronald, pretending shock at his aunt’s words.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure the leopard has changed its spots,” she said, she was not smiling.

“Here comes our hero, now,” said Ronald.

“Hi Aunt Delia,” I said, coming up to the group. “Anybody miss me?”

“Just me,” said Stacey. This girl seemed to find new ways to make my day every time I turned around.

Things started breaking up just after dark. Well, it was summer and dark didn’t happen until around 8:00PM. I could see my brother had hit it off with Stacey. She thought he was funny and talked to him a lot. I was happy that she got along with him. Ron and I were closer than any two brothers in the county, oh yeah! I counted on him to have my back, as he always had. Big brothers were the best as far as I was concerned.

At any rate, the barbecue had been an unqualified success. Everybody loved Stacey. And I had a date for the following weekend. Talk about happy times, these were more than that for me.

And then it was six months later and we were married. Stacey and I we were happy, sinfully so.

We had set up our lounge chairs on the patio of our little three bedroom place. It was a smaller place than mom and dad’s or big brother’s for sure, but it was cozy and clean and warm and ours.

“Happy?” I said.

“David, I have never been so happy. Thank you for asking to marry me. I love you,” she said. And, for no reason whatsoever she started to cry. I didn’t need to ask the reason for the tears; they were happy tears. I just got up from my chair and knelt beside hers wrapping my arms around her. God how I adored this woman!

******

It was Saturday, mid-afternoon, when we got the visit. Unexpected, but the visitor was welcome. “Ronald,” I said. “Good to see you; been a little while.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy, trying to get another shop open; well, you know, a lot to do: financing, hiring, the whole ball of wax,” he said.

“I guess,” I said, “come in, come in. Honey, Ronald’s here,” I yelled to get my wife’s attention. She was busy doing woman’s stuff in the kitchen. She didn’t quite scurry out to meet our visitor, but she was glad to see him.

First beers downed, the conversation light and airy, tacos consumed— it’d turned out Stacey was a master of Mexican cuisine—we kicked back on the patio.

“Honey, we’re out of Lite,” I said. “I’m gonna head down to the market and pick up a couple of six packs. Can you keep Ron entertained for a little bit?” I said.

“Of course, go get your stuff. Hurry back,” she said. I nodded.

“Okay, I’ll be back in twenty,” I said. I got my keys and headed out.

“David’s a lucky guy,” said Ronald.

“Thank you for that, Ronald. He is a good guy. We’re happy,” she said.

“If I’d seen you first, well,” he said, and laughed, but it was a laugh tinged with something.

“Yes, well, you Carter men are an attractive lot. I might have given you a tumble,” she said, she smiled, and her smile was likewise tinged with something. The moment passed, what ensued was a pregnant silence.

“Stacey?” he said.

“Yes?” she said.

“Oh, I don’t know. Can I tell you something, something I’ve been thinking about for some time now,” he said.

“Ronald? Is something wrong?” she said.

“Uh-no, I mean yes,” he said. “I mean, can I tell you something?”

“Sure, I guess so,” she said. Her brow was knitted. And, she wasn’t sure why, but she felt her face flush.

“I know this might come as a bit of a shock. But, if you can abide hearing what I have to say, well, I feel an almost irresistible impulse to tell you,” he said.

“This is something you wouldn’t want David to hear, I’m guessing?” she said. He looked down.

“No,” he said, “that would not be good.”

“Okay,” she said.

“Stacey, I’m in love with you,” he said. “Now if you want me to leave, I will and I will never bother you again. But . . .”

“Ronald, I don’t . . .” she started.

“I’ll be leaving. Please forget what I said. I really won’t bother you again,” he said.

“No!” she said. “Ronald, I, well I feel the same way. But, we can’t, I mean; well, you know what I mean.”

“Come here,” he said. He took her in his arms. The kiss was long and hot and dirty.

“Hello fans,” I said. Coming back into the kitchen where my family was. I deposited the beers in the frig, except for the three I’d opened. We picked up where we left off when I’d had to go to the store.

We drank a couple more brews and then, hugs all around, Ronald took his leave.

“That was nice Ron coming by,” I said.

“Yes, yes it was. He’s a good guy,” she said.

Life was good.

******

The Carlton Arms had a good lunch buffet, and it had a good view of the desert landscape surrounding the grounds; oh, and it had rooms.

“Thank you for meeting me,” he said.

“Thank you for inviting me,” she said.

“How’s everything at home? He doesn’t suspect? I mean . . .” he said.

‘No, but it doesn’t matter, we haven’t done anything to be suspected of. You’re my brother-in-law; it’s all good,” she said. He nodded.

“I don’t know, meeting here like this every week might not be understood,” he said. “What’s it been now, nine or ten weeks in a row?”

“I guess,” she said. “But, I have to see you. Platonic or not, I have to see you.”

“Likewise,” he said. “But, you said platonic or not. I mean, ‘or not’?” She looked away, looked back at him, but she said nothing. He looked her askance.

“Would you, dare we?” he said. She rose and started walking toward the desk area at the front of the hotel. Tentatively, he rose to follow her. She waited by the elevator. He joined her but was for the moment confused. She took up the spear.

“You have to get us a room,” she said.

“But, my broth . . .”

“Don’t talk. Just get the damn room,” she ordered. He turned and crossed the concourse to the sign-in desk.

CHAPTER THREE 1987

“That was more than enthusiastic on your part,” she said.

“Hah? You didn’t seem all that bored with the festivities either,” he said, smirking.

“No, no, it definitely wasn’t boring,” she said. “I was into it. And, Ron, that bothers me.” She didn’t look over at him, but she sensed his concern anyway.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he said. “What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know,” she said. “He’s too good a man to screw over. But . . .”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, and he is too good a man to screw over as you say. That said, that’s just what we got done doing. I know I’m not going to be saying this right, but as bad as what we just did actually is; I mean cheating on our man, it feels right,” he said.

“I feel the same way. I guess all we can do is hope for the best and keep our heads. I can’t divorce him nor can I, well, I can’t do whatever it is I can’t do,” she said. “What a mess. Why didn’t I meet you first!”

“Fate, perverse gods, whatever: you met my brother first and the stiff gets to keep you. But, that said, I’ll be around. Stacey, we just need to be ultra-careful. No slipups, no casual conversation where hints of our feelings get picked up and destroys us all,” he said.

“No, no slip ups,” she said. “So where do we go from here?”

“I bury myself in my business. You remain, as I’m sure you have been this past almost a year now, the dutiful wife. We just get on with living,” he said.

“Ron, I need you. We have to be able to see each other,” she said. He gave her a look.

“Yes,” he said. “Half a loaf is better than absolutely nothing, but it cannot be scheduled and predictable. If we continue to see each other it will have to be on the quiet of course, but very occasionally and not predictable. My brother isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he’s not blind. And the fallout from being caught would be catastrophic.” She nodded her understanding.

“I understand,” she said.

“I’m just going to be the happy go lucky brother-in-law I’ve so far been, you the beautiful wife of one very lucky David Carter. And that brings up another matter, and it’s important,” he said.

“Huh? What?” she said.

“The sex you have with him: it can’t change or become less than it has been. You and he do get it on a lot, right?” he said.

“Yes, well, I guess it’s a lot: two or three times a week,” she said.

“I’ve been a womanizer for forever,” he said. “I know about these things. Any major change in your sex lives, that he doesn’t initiate, would be a tell and an easy one to recognize. Be very conscious of that; I know what I’m talking about.” She nodded.

“But a womanizer?” she said.

“Yes, but no more. From now on you’re my one and only; I mean that, Stacey.

And that if only in the shadows,” he said. “Fate may have screwed us over, as we have David, but we’re going to get back at it, fate, regardless.”

She smiled. “I feel the same way, Ronald Carter.

“I have to say, I do feel like a shit doing this to him. But, I guess what is, is, and that’s all that needs to be said about it, I suppose,” she said.

“I guess. And, I feel every bit as bad about doing this to him as you do. I hope that somehow some way it’ll all play out for the best. In the long run it just has to. It just has to!” he said.

“I hope so too. I just hope the long run isn’t a synonym for forever,” she said.

“Yes, for real,” he said. “You know, I don’t think it will be. I just know that somehow some way it’ll all work out for the best, for all of us, including my brother. I feel it.”

******

“So brother mine, you’ve expanded your business,” I said.

“Yes, things are going good, very good actually. Making the money and selling the cars. The factories and suppliers are happy; I’m happy, happiness all around.

“How are you and Stacey doing if I might ask?” said Ronald.

“Good, real good. You know, I’ve said it before, but I got lucky finding her, real lucky,” I said. “Beautiful, intelligent, loving: there isn’t anything else. She’s perfect.”

“Seems so,” said Ronald. “Hear mom and dad are coming over next weekend. It’s almost Christmas.”

“Yeah, they called and talked to Stacey. They’ll be down next Friday. Aunt Delia’s coming down with them. Should be a good time, you gonna be able to make it?” I said.

“Maybe, I’m gonna be outta town for a few days next week, but I should make it back by the weekend latest. So, yeah, I’ll be there,” said Ronald.

******

The party was going full blast when the triumphal hero arrived.

“Well, I guess you’re the star of the day,” said Stacey.

“Yes, Ron, that’s really great,” I said. “Mom and dad are in the kitchen. Come on.”

The kitchen was crowded but nobody cared.

“Yeah, yeah, got me another store. Got two more in the planning stages too. Times are good; people wanna buy cars. If this keeps up you’re looking at a soon to be millionaire,” bragged Ronald Carter.

He’d always been good with money, business, and with the ladies; we all knew that. His marriage cratered mainly because he was too good with the ladies. Maddie had been good for him, but he queered the marriage by cheating serially on her. Good sense, when it came to women, wasn’t his strong suit.

Ironically, he’d gotten it right in my case. I had indeed needed a woman, and my woman, Stacey, was a princess loved by all of us. In the year and a half since our marriage; we’d, the both of us, been the happiest couple around. There was no doubt about that. Another irony, one might logically add into the equation, was that he, Ronald, was clearly jealous of my good fortune. And, I would have to admit to a deal of smugness because of it. I did rub his nose in it more than once. Well, he had his money and I had my wife. I figured I had the better of those two happenstances.

******

“So that’ll make four then, I guess,” said Stacey.

“Indeed it does. And . . .” he said and stopped.

“And?” she said.

“And I’ve done it,” he said.

“Done what?” she said.

“Made my first,” he said.

“Ronald, made your first what!” she said, her impatience showing.

“Why my first million of course,” he said. He’d stopped her with that one. She stared.

“Oh my,” she finally uttered. “That’s, that’s really something.

“I only wish David had your drive and ambition. He’s happy as a clam earning his thirty thousand a year and kicking back on weekends. But, well, it is what it is, we eat regular,” she said.

“Yes, I know. I’ve offered him a job that would pay him twice what he’s getting at Ferguson’s, but his pride won’t let him come over. It’s his choice; I can’t make it for him,” said Ronald.

“I know. Not much we can do about it. I guess all we can do is keep on keeping on,” she said.

“Yeah, the status quo, that’s us you and me and him too when you get down to it,” he said. She nodded.

They lay naked together for some time before they had to depart the hotel.

******

She picked up the phone. He’d been out of town talking to suppliers, she knew. She’d waited until this minute to call him. She wondered how he’d react. But, however he reacted the message would not be without unavoidable difficulties and that for the both of them.

He picked up on the second ring.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi, it’s me. You have to come over. And it has to be now,” she said.

“Oh, okay. What’s it about?” he said.

“When you get here,” she said, and she hung up.

He looked at the phone as though it were toxic. Her manner indicated that it could only be one thing. Somehow, David had discovered them. He knew, he just knew, that his brother knew of their affair and it was going to be bad, very bad.

Ten minutes later he parked in front of his brother’s house. He waited a full minute before exiting the car. At least his brother was at work. Stacey would be alone in the house.

He walked like a condemned man to the door and knocked. She answered it. He stepped inside.

“Okay?” he said. She just looked at him, tears streaking her cheeks.

“Ronald . . .” she started and stopped.

“Stacey, what is it!” he said, his impatience and his fear growing and showing.

“Ron, you and I, well, we’re pregnant,” she said. The stunned look on his face would, to any observer, have said it all.

“Oh my God!” he said. “Does he know?”

“No, I didn’t know myself till this morning,” she said.

“You sure it’s ours?” he said, hope painting his features.

“Yes, not a doubt,” she said. “Ron, what are we going to do? I don’t know what to do?”

“Only one thing we can do. My brother, David, just became a father,” he said.

“But, you’re the father. I mean it’ll be your child he’d be raising. The pressure of a thing like that. And, you’re so different in build and complexion and all,” she said.

“That won’t be a problem at least not for many years,” he said. “I mean if it is even then.”

“I could only hope that you’re right,” she said.

“I am. Listen, he has to be the father of record. I know you aren’t going to be going for an abortion, and for sure I don’t want you to, so this is the only viable choice. I am going to be one heck of a doting uncle, but for now, for the foreseeable future; David Carter is going to be the daddy. He’ll be a good one, probably arrogant about it too,” said Ronald.

His mind was doing summersaults. That he’d have to abandon, perhaps forever, his fatherly rights, he began to realize. He was sick, sick at heart; but, he knew it was his only realistic choice.

His brother would be rubbing his nose in it seven ways to Sunday. Oh yeah, that was a sure bet!

******

The knock on my door was becoming routine. I’d not seen my brother so often since we were kids. I mean four times in two weeks. I think his jealousy at my impending fatherhood was almost too much for him, heck for me too; and he kept coming over so damn early; well, he did have a business to run, a big business. And, my erstwhile wife encouraged him! Well, I was glad he was so into our good fortune; I did want him to be there for us after the baby came. And, it was more than clear that he would be; I really was grateful for that. I had to smile, an uncle’s job was a big one, and my womanizing brother was clearly understanding all about that. I figured he’d be out there looking for his own woman pretty soon; it almost made me laugh.

“Again Ron! I guess I gotta start fixing up the guest room for you,” I said, but I was smiling.

“Well, that would be nice of you, and convenient,” said Ronald Carter, and he was smiling too.

“Ronald!” said Stacey coming into the room.

“Yeah, it’s me. Thought you might need some help,” he said.

“Well, that’s very nice of you, but I don’t know what you might be helpful with. I mean I still have several months to go. Unless of course you mean you want to help my husband with the yard work,” she said, she was smiling cordially.

“Whatever I can do,” he said.

“Well, you two hang out for a bit, I need to be going out. I have to check on some paperwork I didn’t get finished with at the warehouse. I’ll be back soon. Oh, and Ronald, if you want to weed the flower bed feel free.”

******

“He’s in a good, mood,” he said.

“Yes, ever since I got pregers he’s kinda been on cloud nine,” said Stacey.

“He hasn’t said anything about me coming over as often as I’ve been coming over?” said Ronald.

“No, he’s mentioned it. He’s kinda surprised by it. He thinks you’re jealous and maybe thinking about getting another wife yourself so you can be a daddy,” said Stacey.

“God, I have to admit that he’s right on the one hand. I am jealous of him being the daddy to my, our, baby. I mean I am over the top jealous!” he said.

“Well, it’s for the best, I mean him being the apparent daddy. Maybe someday it’ll be different, but for the near term it’s got to be the way it is, as you yourself have said. I know it’s hard for you, but you’ll be there. I mean you are the ‘uncle’ of record for sure. You’ll have rights too,” she said.

“Yeah, I know. It wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t being so damnably arrogant about it all. It really rankles,” he said.

“Well, you’ll just have to suck it up. You are regularly fucking his wife after all.”

He smiled, “Yeah, well that is a true thing isn’t it.”

******

I really did have the greatest wife in the world. What I also had was a very scared—sort of—wife. She seemed seriously frightened to me. Hence, we were in Lamaze classes learning how to do baby birthing with the least amount of stress possible. Me, you ask, no I wasn’t especially nervous about anything. I guess I did have a small concern as to the baby’s health and all, but the doctor said no problem everything looked good, so no, I wasn’t worried. In fact, I was very much into the whole scene.

My brother was also into it. I think mostly to keep me on center if that’s the way to say it. He must have told me, completely unnecessarily, a hundred times not to worry. Hell, he was more worried than I was: the doting uncle thing I guess. Well, I humored his jealous ass, and it was more than clear that he was in fact jealous. Heck he actually told me he was and that more than once.

Stacey, was supportive of his feelings as she was of mine: more mine than his I think, but his too.

The Lamaze thing was interesting, but really mostly routine. We went to the classes. We did the breathing bit. We did the hubby support and encouragement bit. We were warned about the rare occasions when hubbies actually passed out when they saw the baby coming out of the womb. I wasn’t going to pass out, but I guess some guys did: pussies all of them.

******

“Yeah,” I said. “But it’s no big deal. I’m just mainly going to support her while she’s actually doing the delivery.”

“Yeah, well do a good job. You’ve got a winner for a wife there, and she deserves all of the support you can give her,” said Ronald. I had to laugh; he really was more concerned about Stacey than I was. Well, I was with her all of the time, and I knew the inside dope. He was around a lot but not twenty-four-seven. At any rate I did appreciate his support, help, interest all of it over the top though it was.

“I plan on doing a good job, Ron, obviously. Mellow out man.

“You know you need to find yourself a woman, like you used to always tell me, and have kids and do the family thing like me,” I said. “Heck, you make a good living, you’re not as good looking as me, but what the hey,” I said, laughing.

“Yeah, right,” he said. “You just wish you were as good looking as me.”

He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he’d somehow taken offense at what I’d said to him. I couldn’t figure it. He’d become over time, something, touchy maybe, something. It was like he wasn’t just jealous of me and Stacey’s situation. He was actually becoming way more than emotional about things generally. I’d actually asked Stacey about it, but she’d pooh-poohed my concerns. I guess she was right. I mean it was my brother not some stranger or more distant family member. I made a promise to myself to be a bit more considerate when talking to him.

******

“Ron, you really need to back off a bit,” said Stacey.

“It’s just, I don’t know, the way he is always rubbing my nose in it. He’s such a lucky guy, he’s going to be such a good father, he’s got the most beautiful wife in the world: I’m sick of hearing it, I mean him bragging,” said Ronald.

“He’s just excited about being a dad. He has to talk about it to someone and you’re the one he’s chosen to talk to you. That’s a good thing.

“Keep in mind what we’re doing to him behind his back. Letting him have a little ego enhancement is a small price to pay. I mean don’t you think?” she said.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said. “I just want to be a dad, its dad, so bad myself; and it is my kid damn it! Why can’t I be its daddy? I want to be its daddy.”

“Yes, I know you want to be her daddy, but you know why you can’t be, not now, not yet,” she said.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” he said. “You said her! How do you know it’s a her?”

“The results of the ultra sound came back earlier today. I just found out,” she said. He fell back into his seat.

“My God! A little girl. Oh, shit. He’s going to really be rubbing my nose in it now. A baby girl. Is he going to be naming her or will it be you?”

“The both of us I guess, sort of. I did tell him that he could have first crack at it. Wait, is there a name you would like her to have?” she said.

“What difference does it make? He’s not going to go for anything I suggest not even,” said Ronald.

“He might if he didn’t know it was you that suggested it,” said Stacey. The look on his face was pure interest.

“Well, I mean . . .” he started.

“Yes, yes, we could do it. You and me. I’m sure I could convince him. I don’t think it would even be all that hard. Oh, And he told me not to tell you, but, well it doesn’t matter anymore now; if it had been a boy we were going to name him Ronald if you want to know; I mean if it’d been a boy. I guess he figured since you are here so much and so concerned about me and the baby and everything; well, he wanted to do something for you,” she said. “And, that’s on the QT; I wasn’t supposed to tell you that either.”

“Really?” he said.

“Yes, really,” she said.

“Well, I feel just wonderful now. Jesus, even when he tries to do something nice for me; he makes me feel bad! I can’t win,” said Ronald. Stacey laughed.

“Well count your blessings,” she said. “If you think about it, our plans are going along pretty darn good. I mean, we have each other; our child will have a good home no matter what, and everybody’s happy. Well, except for your disappointment that you can’t be her daddy right at the moment. You need to mellow out some. And like I say, count your blessings.

“Yes, yes, I know you’re right. I don’t much like it, the status quo, but things could be worse, and I am well aware of that,” he said.

CHAPTER FOUR 1988

I watched as she chewed her food, deliberately. She seemed to concentrate on each bite as though there were some prescription that she was aware of that I was not.

“Hungry but not hungry?” I said.

“You know I don’t know. I should be hungry right? I mean I’m eating for two. But, I’m not, well, not very hungry,” she said.

“Well, Dr. Snodgrass told us that things might be changing in this last month or so of your pregnancy,” I said.

“Yes, I know. I guess it’s normal, I mean my appetite,” she said. “Anyway, just three more weeks. Oh my, I do hope that the baby isn’t late in coming. I am getting so anxious,” she said.

“Yes. I understand, I feel the same way,” I said. “But, I guess there’s nothing to do but wait things out now. I mean it is what it is.”

“I guess,” she said. Her sigh was more pregnant with meaning than her belly was pregnant with our baby. I had to smile, and she noticed.

“What are you smiling about?” she said, and she was frowning.

“Nothing really, I guess I’m just happy,” I said.

“Since you’re in such a good mood. How about you letting me have the choice of names for the baby. I mean I did tell you that you could choose, since you were so good about doing the Lamaze thing. But . . .” she said.

Now, I frowned, but I was happy and she was going to be doing the suffering when she went into labor. There was really no good reason to hold out for my right to choose the baby’s name. I decided to go for a compromise.

“Okay,” I said. “But I get to veto the name if it’s too bizarre. Okay?”

“Okay.

“How about naming our baby Jenna” she said.

“Of all of the names she could have chosen that one had an actual history with me and my brother. I wondered if he was the one who had suggested it.

“Jenna?” I said.

“Yes, it’s pretty don’t you think?” she said.

“Did my brother put you up to that one?” I said. She looked as though she’d been caught robbing the cookie jar.

“He did suggest it, I have to admit,” she said. “But, how did you know?”

“Because it was the name of one of his girlfriends in times gone by. It was a long time ago, but I remember her very clearly. I liked the girl too, but she was in high school, and I was in maybe the fourth or fifth grade, too old for me,” I said. She smirked, you liked older women then did you,” she said, rhetorically.

Now, she frowned. “But, one of Ronald’s girlfriends? Really?” she said.

“Yes,” I said. “But, that was a long time ago. So okay, if you like the name that well, it’s a go. Jenna it is.” She didn’t frown, but she didn’t seem especially overjoyed at my capitulation. Women, especially pregnant women, who could figure ‘em? For damn sure not me.”

The next two and a half weeks were emotionally tight. That is, both my wife and I were on pins and needles.

******

It was 7:13PM on the wall clock in the living room. I was in front of the tube watching some mindless nonsense and thinking not at all. I heard the scream. It was muted, and it was from the back bedroom, ground floor, of our three bedroom tract home. I didn’t quite run back. She was sweating and not wanting to talk. She did blubber her level of stress, however.

“Hospital—now!” she gasped. Her bag was already packed and in the car. One-point-five minutes later we were on the road: I’d had to all but carry her out to the car. Eleven minutes after gunning my Toyota’s more than reliable power train we pulled into the emergency bay of Milton C. Armistead Memorial.

One little glitch in the happy event needs to get a mention. I had the wonderful good luck to have the flu. The nurses wouldn’t let me in the delivery room to support my wife. Disappointing, but it was what it was.

She was taken up to the second floor immediately by half smiling nurses who seemed in a hurry to me but not especially concerned. Well I sure as hell was concerned. At any rate I was relegated to a smallish, but at least warm waiting room off the main corridor leading to the inner sanctorum of the gyno-wing.

I’d been on my cell for some little while. Everybody I called wanted to talk. My brother was first. Then Aunt Delia, and finally my parents—they were the worst in demanding details. But now I just waited. The callees began arriving not but a few minutes after my last call. Aunt Delia arrived first, then my parents, and finally Ronald; he’d been a hundred miles away working on the final details of the purchase of yet another dealership. I’d learn later that he was closing the deal with the woman owner over martinis and prime rib; well why the hell not, in point of fact the kid was not his, it was mine, and he wasn’t even married.

The muted hullaballoo in the waiting room went on for the duration. I went over to the nurses’ station and asked about the availability of coffee. The cafeteria was the location of the elixir, and I offered to make the trip for the whole troupe. Ronald volunteered to carry my spear for this one. We went down together.

“Was she in pain when you guys came here?” said Ronald, as we headed downstairs.

“Mild. Not too bad. I mean it was kind of intermittent if you know what I mean,” I said. He seemed as nervous or even more so than I was.

We got the coffees and a dozen not all that fresh donuts and returned to the waiting area.

When we arrived we got the news: there was no news, not yet.

More muted and meaningless conversation. Then it was 9:59PM, and the doors to the action in the back swung open. Doctor Snodgrass came striding toward us.

“It’s a girl; six pounds nine ounces. Mother and baby are doing well. You’ll be able to go in shortly. The nurses are in command of the get ready stage and will call you; he nodded in my direction. “It won’t be long,” he said. Then, he glanced around to where Ronald was standing, but said nothing more. He smiled and seemed to wait for questions, none of us had any. He’d answered them all. He smiled a bit more broadly and left us to mutter our thank Gods and exhalations of sighs.

I didn’t quite fall into my seat next to the waiting room’s couch. “Oh my,” I said to nobody but myself. I looked around at those assembled. They were all smiling, all except Ronald.

“Ron?” I said. He looked over at me. He seemed to come back to a conscious state.

“Uh, yes. A big ‘oh my’ does seemed called for,” he said.

“For real,” I said. “And Ron, thank you for being there for us, for me and Stacey. You’ve been a big help, really,” I said. He smiled, but it was a wan smile. I wondered at that. It would be many years before I knew the genesis of that smile, and the meaning behind it; oh, and the horrific consequences thereof.

******

We did see the baby and the mommy, even me with the flu, and it was all good. I was pretty sure that at that moment that I was the happiest man alive. I had it all. The only bad part was that mommy and baby couldn’t come home till the next day. I do believe that it was the longest twenty-four hours of my entire life.

The release papers signed. I picked my wife up and wheeled her downstairs in the mandatory chair, and loaded her and baby into the car. We went home.

Mom and dad were waiting for us when we got there. Ronald arrived but a short time after we did.

Mom would be the in-house nursemaid to the two women: Stacey and Jenna. Well, I did have to work. Stacey needed the help and was grateful for it.

I got a call a week later from Ronald. He wanted to meet with me for lunch. It, the meeting, would be at the Spur.

******

“So how are you all doing,” he said.

“Okay. The baby sleeps most of the time; well, she’s only nine days old,” I said.

“Need anything: diapers, baby duds, a nanny?” he said. He seemed serious.

“Ron, we’re fine. I mean it’s wonderful of you to want to help so much, but really we’re okay,” I said.

“Well good. I just want to help where I can. I’ve got the cash, Dave, and now that I am a least an uncle, well . . .” he said.

“And, I think you’re the greatest uncle that there is” I said. “And, I will keep your offer for extra diapers in mind,” I said.

“Well do. We’re brothers. I need you to be okay. I mean for real.

“Anyway, so who’s the one doing the feeding in the wee smalls?” he said.

“Hah! She wants to breast feed for a while, so she’s got that duty at least for now. I figure that that will run its course in maybe six months. But, then again, maybe not. She is the very model of the perfect mommy,” I said. “She just loves the job. And, I have to say, so do I. I mean I’m talking about diapers here? Well, I get diaper duty most of the time except while I’m at work. But, like I said, we share most of the stuff.”

We talked for some time, and covered most topics from the political situation in the Middle East to who was gonna be the next manager for the Diamondbacks. But, no matter what topic came up in the two hours we spent eating and drinking, we always seemed to get back to Stacey and the baby and how they were doing. It’s amazing how many different ways it was possible to say the same things over and over again. But, eventually we ran out of time and energy and different ways to say how wonderful life could be for the two of us. Him at the age of thirty-two being a marginal millionaire, and me at twenty-three being a family man. We quit the Spur and headed each of us to our homes.