Hiya everyone, did you miss me? Like, so much has happened in the past few weeks that my head is buzzing. Before you worry, Matt and I are, like, totally OK; and people still think I’m that Bimbo Baggins character. But so many cool and fun things have happened to me that if I don’t talk about it I’ll explode.

To start with my old boss at the restaurant told me that he couldn’t let me work there anymore. I had no idea that his wife was his boss! You see, what had happened was that I was going about my shift, like usual. Guys were chatting with me as I served them and one of the strippers, the guys that bus the tables, accidentally bumped right into my ass.

I was carrying a pitcher of beer and it spilled all over my waitress dress. Well, I couldn’t walk around for the next couple of hours stinking like beer so I went to the ladies' room to wash it off. Well, my bra and panties were soaked through as well, so I did the logical thing and washed them out in the sink and hung them up to dry. My little thin dress was just covered in beer so I washed it off as best as I could. I wrung it out and put it back on to finish my shift.

I was doing my thing, bouncing to the music playing, and serving my customers when I noticed my boss, Dave, watching me. The guys were being so friendly and telling me how great I looked. I knew they were just trying to be nice because my waitress dress was still wet and it was just plastered to my flesh. But still, they’d eye me up and smile, feigning delight, and tell me how much they loved my look. Guys are so sweet!

Anyhoo, I was serving a beer to a regular customer who is so sweet that when my feet get sore he always offers me his lap to sit on and rest. So I’m bent over the table, as a good waitress should be, and my boss is just staring at me. When I saw him, he had this stressed-out and stunned look on his face. He gestured to his office and then ran inside.

I figured that he wanted to praise me about how great of a job I always do so I move to the music and go inside and close the door.

“What’s up, Bill?”

“Kryssi,” he says. “I saw you out there and I need to ask. Why are you all wet? Are you wearing any underwear?”

“No,” I told him. “Ricky bumped into me from behind and I got soaked. I didn’t want my dress to get stained because, like you always say, we’re responsible for them. So I washed it out in the bathroom, but my bra and panties were soaked so I washed them and hung them up to dry.”

I lifted the skirt part, which is pretty short anyway, to show him. As soon as I did that he gasped like he was having a heart attack. So I do what any good heroic person would do. I ran over to him to give him mouth to mouth. I mean I’ve read that if somebody can’t breathe, that will help them.

It worked because he started breathing after a minute. But when I stopped giving him mouth to mouth his legs were shaking. Well, my old boss was always so sweet to me and he needed my help.

“I know what to do!” I told him. “You’re legs are having a seizure. Take off your pants and I’ll massage them for you.”

He said that he didn’t think it was a good idea. Well, duh! It was better than his legs binding up from shaking. So I knelt in front of his chair and undid his pants. He was so thankful! He kept on repeating “Oh Kryssi, oh Kryssi,” over and over.

Well, first his boxer shorts got in the way so I had to pull those off so I could massage his legs back into life. Then the air conditioning combined with my wet dress made me so cold. So I stripped off the dress so I didn’t catch my death of a cold and knelt back between his legs and massaged.

Then his wife walks into the office and screams at us. “What the fuck is going on?” she yelled.

“What does it look like?” I answered back because, you know, it was like, obvious. “I’m making your husband feel better.”

When it was all said and done, Bill apologized to me but told me that his wife is the boss-lady and I couldn’t work there anymore. I was so upset that totally forgot all about my bra and panties in the washroom.

But, things worked out great! The next day Matt showed me that a new restaurant and bar, the Drunken Scott, was hiring. My boyfriend went to work and I took an Uber out to apply. The owner was so sweet! He complimented me on rocking my knit midi-skirt and blouse and said that he loved the way my body looked in it.

Well, I aced the interview because I like, totally, the best waitress, ever! He said he’d like to offer me a job right on the spot because he felt that my bubbly personality would be a perfect fit! But he said that he had to warn me about the uniforms.

“Lots of people think that it’s sexist, but our waitresses wear short plaid skirts with white cotton panties and a white blouse tied up like a halter overtop a pushup bra.”

“You are so right!” I told him. “That is the sexiest! Guys find that look so sexy! Just last week I dressed almost exactly the same for his poker night and everyone seemed to really love it.”

“So you don’t have a problem with it?”

“Well, except for the cotton panties thing. I just hate cotton panties; they’re so stifling and hot. And bras look so trashy under a halter because you can see them. Is it ok if I just go without?”

He got real nervous when I said that. I knew what it was. It was my sex magic, again! “You mean no bra, no panties?”

“Yes, I hate wearing them and nobody seems to mind. In fact, I’m not wearing a bra right now, see?” I pulled up my top to show him. “No sag. Do you think I’d look ok in your uniform?”

Well, he gave me the job right there and told me that he wasn’t married and didn’t even have a girlfriend. Why do guys always tell me about it? I pity guys. They always tell me that their wife or girlfriend makes them so miserable and they never get any sex from her.

He was so sweet to me that he let me try on the uniform right there in his office! He just sat back and let me try on three or four sizes until I got the perfect fit. I’m now a drunken Scott-girl! He even said that I’d be a prime candidate to model for the naughty calendar!

I got home and was so excited. But my Mattie wasn’t home yet. I thought a nice bubble bath would calm me down a bit so I ran the tub and got in. As I was just chilling out, making my mind go blank—I so good at it now, like meditating—Matt comes in with one of his friends from work. He found me in the bath and I told me that his buddy Chris was there.

“Hi Chris, my name is Kryssi, too! I’m naked in the tub; I’ll be out in a minute.”

I hurried through my bath and wrapped a towel around me and then ran out to meet him. They were playing video games but Chris is so sweet, just like all of Matt’s friends. He paid total attention to me, even crashing his spaceship in the game while I was bouncing up and down telling them about my day.

I plopped down on Matt’s lap and reminded him that I still needed my facial.

“You let him give you facials?” Chris said, stunned.

“Oh yeah! He’s my lotion dispenser, aren’t you sweetie? I have him jizz on me at least once every day, sometimes more. Last night he did my boobs for me, feel how soft they are!”

I kissed Matt and told him that I was feeling a bit tired and I was going to put on something to sleep in and leave him to do boy stuff. I turned down the hall and then pulled off the towel and poked my head around the corner.

“Chris! Catch!” I threw the towel at him, making him crash again, and then went and threw on my soft white nightshirt. I was getting into bed and thought that maybe they’d want a beer or something.

“No, the universe can’t be endless,” I heard Chris say. “The laws of thermodynamics state that there needs to be a finite amount of energy, which means that the universe is endless.”

I tried to pull the nightshirt down so it covered my little red bush and butt, but it wouldn’t stay down so I left it. I don’t know why Matt makes such a fuss about it when we have company; nobody has ever once minded.

“Silly boys,” I said to them. They were so polite they both totally forgot about their game and just stared at me. “Everybody knows that our universe is actually contained inside of a black hole in another universe! Not only does that explain where the singularity of the big-bang came from, but it also resolves the problems with the second law of thermodynamics, the theory of entropy, and explains how the universe is expanding in all directions at once. As far as it being infinite, it’s, like, obvious that the inside of a black hole is very much like the infinite space inside of a finite tesseract.”

“How the hell do you know that?” Matt asked me.

“Yeah,” said Chris.

“Oh, I’m big into astrology! I’m a Scorpio, myself. Beers, anyone?”

I served them their beers, bending forward like a good waitress should. I served our guest first and then bent over to serve Matt. Poor Chris nearly choked on his beer when I did that. My back was turned to him and he was going to say something to Matt but he sputtered on his drink.

“Poor baby,” I said while turning to him. “Did it go down the wrong pipe? That sucks. When I get it in the wrong hole it can hurt at first. Are you OK, do I need to give you mouth to mouth?”

“He’s fine, Kryssi,” my super boyfriend said. “Go on to bed.”

Well, I waited and waited and eventually fell asleep. I don’t know how long I slept but when I awoke it was very dark. My Matt hadn’t come to bed yet so I decided to tiptoe out to see how he was doing. When I got in sight of the living room Chris was gone and Matt was watching a movie on his laptop. I snuck up to him in the dark and saw that he was stroking his cute dick. He must have been getting ready to give me my skin treatment.

“Hi, honey, What’cha doing?”

He jumped up all surprised and apologized, saying he thought I was asleep and he got horny.

“You could wake me up or just use me in my sleep. I don’t mind. It’s fun!”

“Well,” he said to me, “I was kind of watching some porn.”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I’ve seen some of that. People having fun. I had this one boyfriend that used it for ideas for us. That was super-fun! I know, Matt, we can do that, too!”

He just looked at me with that big, warm smile of his. He’s so nice! He’s up for anything to make me happy.

“Show me what you’re watching and we’ll do it tomorrow.”

“What?”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I promise.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Show me, please Matt. Let me see what you were stroking yourself over.”

He pulled up the video and restarted it and moved his chair back so I could fit. I leaned in and watched it for a few minutes.

I didn’t understand. “Really? That turns you on. I, like, thought it would be some kinky sex or something, but it’s just a girl in a tank top and skirt shoe-shopping.”

He stood behind me and I could feel his pecker pushing against my butt. “But she’s not wearing anything else,” he said to me, moaning.

“Like, duh! You can’t wear anything under that skirt! It’s too thin; you’d have panty lines. And a bra with that top wouldn’t work at all. The arm-holed are cut way too big. All you’d see is her bra. A snappy dresser doesn’t do that!”

His pecker was thrusting at my kitty. I felt so sorry for him; he must have really been stressed out. I opened it up for him and he slid right in. I wanted some loving anyway because I needed to calm down. I didn’t expect it to be bent over his desk while watching some woman try on shoes.

“You’ll really do that for me,” he groaned out. “You’re so fucking hot.” He was slamming me pretty hard and fast. It felt so good!

“Well I need some new shoes for my job anyway. And it’s your lucky day! I have that little black knit skirt that’s about the same length as her, maybe a little shorter. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Will you take video for me?”

“Sure, kind of like a dare, huh?”

“I’m going to cum, baby!”

“Don’t you dare jizz in me. You know I want it on my face.”

“You want me to cum on your face, now?”

“Please jizz on my face, Matt.”

He did and he gave me a bonus. My sex magic must have really worked because he jizzed on my face, in my hair, all over my boobs.

“Wow, Matt. You must have really been wound up! I’ve never seen you jizz so much before.”

“You’re just so hot, baby. You bent over like that, watching porn with me.”

“Oh, that does it for you? Well, let’s do it tomorrow after I get done shopping. Make sure you find something that really gets you wound up and, oh yeah; give me your credit card.”

So the next day my Matt went to work and he left me his credit card. So I put on my skirt and one of his tank tops and went out to go shopping. I know guys are into some weird things but I’m so lucky! My boyfriend gets turned on by me going shopping. It’s like a match made in heaven! Other than me having red hair, I looked just like the girl in the movie.

So I found this little shoe store that had, like, the most darling little red flats in the window. It was a small place with only one car in the parking lot, but I figured it would do. I go in and there’s this really sweet guy with big muscles and brown hair just sitting there.

I’m all happy because I get to go shopping and I bounce on in to the tune of the music playing on my phone and this guy must have been really, really bored. When I come in his face lights up like I’m the first person he’s seen in forever!

“Can I help you with anything?” he said.

He must have been really shy, too, because he couldn’t look me in the face. He could only manage to bring his eyes up to about chest level.

“Yes, please,” I answered. “My boyfriend and I were watching porn last night and he thought it would be fun if I went shoe shopping dressed like this and recorded it for him. Would you like to help me?”

Guys are just so sweet! He jumped up from behind the counter with a big smile on his face and ran over to me.

“Can I see those flats in the window?”

He grabbed them and gestured to one of those stools with the mirror. I looked around saw a shelf to put my phone on. I had to ask the shoe guy, Al, to help me find the recording button. I sat down and he knelt in front of me.

“Hi honey,” I waved to the camera.

It was so amazing! I was, like, a movie star. Al tried to get my shoe off, but he’s so strong that he kept moving my leg further and further out. He was also concentrating on paying me attention because he was looking straight at my skirt. I guess he’s so strong that I guess he was afraid he’d pull me off the little seat. To help him out I steadied myself by putting my left leg out wide and placing my other one right between his squatting legs.

My sex magic must have been in overdrive because his pecker was already big! He got the straps undone and slipped the red shoe on.

I stood up and walked in it a bit. It was a little too big, but it felt nice.

I propped my foot up on the stool. My tight little skirt rode up on my thigh and I must admit that the red color looked amazing with my skin. I turned my torso and faced him so he had a great view of my leg splayed out.

“Do you like?” I asked.

Al nodded. His shyness must be really, really bad, because he couldn’t say any words, he just moaned.

I turned around. “Do they look OK from behind?”

That poor, sweet, boy just moaned again.

I bent over the low stool to stretch out my calves. “Does it look fine when I bend over like this?”

He must be religious because he said, “Oh, God!”

I stood up straight and noticed how cold the air conditioning was. “Wow, look at how hard my nipples are!” He looked, you know, just to make me happy.

“I’ll take them, but in a half-size smaller.”

He ran to the back and I noted that my sex magic was still working. His thingy had popped out and I could see the lump in his pants.

He came back with another shoe and squatted in front of me again. Because Al has trouble putting shoes on people I made sure to spread my legs nice and wide like before to help him. I blew a kiss to the camera and struck a pose like a movie star.

“I’ll take them,” I said to him.

The sweet man stood up and his thingy was sticking out so much. I know that Matt just can’t concentrate like that.

“Did I make it grow all big?” I asked him. I made sure to smile sweetly so he knew that I understood.

“Um, I, ah, I’ll go get the box,” he said, as he ran into the back again.

He must have had some trouble finding the box because he was back there for a few minutes. I pulled up my tank top for the movie.

“See how cold it is in here! Look at the way they popped out?” I said to Matt for when he watches. I flicked my nipples a bit to show the camera and saw Al had come out and he was very respectfully waiting for me to finish. Guys are so sweet!

I pulled my shirt down over my boobs and grabbed the camera. I handed him my boyfriend’s credit card to pay but Al is so sweet! He said, “No charge” and just let me take them.

I was so happy I hugged him tight and gave him a big “thank you” kiss on the lips.

I turned my music back on and bounced out the door.

I thought it would be fun to put on my new shoes and break them in. I put them on and got such a nice surprise! Al was so thoughtful. He must have noticed that I wasn’t wearing any socks or anything.

He was kind enough to jizz into my shoes to make sure my feet didn’t get all crackly. I couldn’t wait to get back home and tell Matt about how much it was to go shopping for his enjoyment! Maybe next time he’ll let me pick out clothes.