Her name was Glorious Bazoombas. Gloria had a bust size of 103 cm, with G cups. His name was Maximillian Longshlong. Max had a 35 cm penis. Gloria and Max were animated cartoon characters.
One day, over lunch, the two were gazing back out through the fourth wall, looking at the live audience who was gazing at them.
"Dollface, do you ever wonder?" Max said.
"Wonder about what, Buster?" Gloria said.
"About what it would be like to be real people, like our audience."
Glory noticed a man in the audience eyeing her. She also noticed a woman with a wistful expression. Gloria opened her blouse and showed the world what she had. "Yeah, maybe."
"Let’s go talk to Lilith," Max said.
Hexe Lilith was the local witch, really a kind of engineering consultant whose specialty was magic; she knew how to get stuff done. Max and Gloria were at Lilith’s office together.
"Lilith, we want to be real," Max said.
Lilith rolled her eyes. "No, you don’t," she said. "You’re cartoon characters. Cartoon characters are not drawn to the proportions of real people." Lilith looked at Max’s crotch and Gloria’s chest. "Especially you folks. You’re just going to be two funny-looking people."
"Lilith, men will worship me," Max said. "I watch them now when they take out their puny little cocks and see the yearning in their faces as I fuck."
"And every woman will want what I have," Gloria said. "I will be queen."
Lilith held her head in her hand. "Okay, kids. But you have to understand this next part. I can get you there, alright. But I have no powers in the real world. I talk to people all the time over there, but can never bring you back."
"Who would want to come back?" Max and Gloria said together.
"Okay, kids. Put your cartoon money on the cartoon table." Lilith put two small blue bottles before her, "And drink up." They did.
The cartoon world slowly faded away. The last thing they saw was Lilith with her head in her hands. When the real world appeared, Max and Gloria found themselves standing in the lobby of Jepson Animation, which had introduced the two characters decades ago.
After a few minutes, Max got his bearings and stepped out onto the street. The street, which had been filled with the urban sounds of sirens, cars honking, and people talking, fell silent.
"Look at that!" Said a man, who was pointing at Max’s crotch. "It hangs down to his knee!"
Max glanced down at himself. When he looked up again, every man within view of his pants was genuflecting, with his eyes lowered. "You are the One," all the men chanted, "All hail the cock of all cocks."
A guy could get used to this, Max thought.
Max had not taken a step when the women started. The first walked up to him, unbuttoned her blouse, removed her bra, stroked his crotch, and said, "I want that." The next woman was naked by the time she approached him; she began to cry as she threw her arms around his neck and begged for his penis. "Many men have told me that I am soft and warm and moist," she said through tears, "Let me show you how right they were."
Yeah, I think I’m used to this, he thought.
Gloria stepped out a few minutes later. The streets became quiet as Gloria’s assets came into view. A few moments of silence passed. Gloria wondered what was going on. Then a man cried out, "Oh, God," and doubled over.
Great, she thought sarcastically, I’ve been here two minutes and I’m already making people sick. Maybe this didn’t work.
Then the same man stood up, a bit unsteady on his feet. A large wet spot covered the front of his pants.
Now Gloria understood what had happened. I made him cum in his pants, she thought, and all he had to do was see me.
I am one helluva bombshell.
Then the women started, and their reactions ranged from condemnation ("hussy") to envy ("sigh"). Several wanted to know the name of her plastic surgeon. But all agreed that she was a cut above the average mortal woman. Yes, indeed, she thought.
Max decided it was time to put his equipment to use in the real world. He picked out two gorgeous women.
"You and you! Come with me." Max said. Both women stopped what they were doing and followed him into a hotel. Max ordered a room. The male staff all took a knee. The female staff all undressed to the waist. Max got the room for free.
In the room, Max undressed and lay on the bed. "Go ahead, ladies," he said. There was a moment’s confusion (the two women were strangers to each other), but then they went to work. One stroked the full length of his 35 cm while the other kissed the base and fondled his nipples. His cock became harder and harder, and his mind gradually melted into pleasure. This feeling said everything about why he became a real person.
Then he felt dizzy. Then he fainted.
The two women, terrified that they had killed somebody, left in a hurry. A few minutes later, Max regained consciousness, and, still groggy, left more slowly.
Gloria walked about the new city she called home, destroying men as she went and, not incidentally, dramatically increasing the local dry cleaning business for men’s pants. She came upon a strip club, and stopped to read the posters. I’m home, she thought.
Gloria applied in person as a dancer, and, of course, got the job. She found a room at the same hotel that Max had found earlier (and paid the same amount that Max did). Later, she showed up for work.
Gloria’s dancing caused a riot. When men were not cumming into their pants, they were stuffing fifty and one hundred dollar bills into her G-string. Word of this erotic animal, this real incarnation of sex, spread quickly, and emptied out the other strip clubs in the area. Men just stood, stared, and came.
At the end of the evening, the president of the local dry cleaners’ association presented Gloria with a thank-you note and two dozen roses. And the dancers of her club, and of those clubs nearby, proclaimed Gloria the Queen of All that is Erotic. I am indeed the queen, she thought.
The next morning the Queen of All that is Erotic woke up with a raging backache. Gloria lay in bed, stared at the ceiling for a very long time, and felt sorry for herself. Finally she made her way down to the small hotel convenience store, bought a painkiller, took it immediately, and hobbled back to her room. The phone rang; it was Max.
"Dollface, this reality thing ain’t workin’."
"Tell me about it, Buster," she said.
"Let’s talk about what we’re going to do," Max said. "That is, if there is anything we can do. Meet me in the employee cafeteria at Jepson Animation as soon as you can."
Ray Jepson was eighteen years old when he introduced Glorious Bazoombas in 1938 in the short feature, "She’s Glorious". After Ray’s service with the Navy in World War II, he started Jepson Animation. Jepson introduced Maximilian Longshlong in 1947. After fifty-two cartoons featuring Gloria, and forty-two featuring Max, both characters went out of production in 1968. Ray died in 1995.
Ray Jr was never interested in animation, and the cartooning mantle fell to Ray’s grandson, Ray III. Today the studio does just about anything involving the illusion of motion on a screen, and it does so from the same location that Grandpa Ray opened in 1946.
When Max and Gloria walked into the cafeteria, people seemed to recognize them, in a "haven’t-I seen-you-somewhere-before?" kind of way. Max got their coffee (free as always) and brought it back to the table. Gloria was still nursing her backache. She had bought a cane on her way to the cafeteria.
"Dollface, nowadays in the real world they got this internet thing. It answers all kinds of weird questions. I used this search-a-page thing called Goosey Goosey Gander. I wrote in, 'Faint after getting this great erection why.' I ended up at this page called Erections and More."
Gloria interrupted. "Where did you get that little book with the tv screen?"
"I just asked one of the hotel staff for it. Nice enough girl. She took off her blouse and her bra and handed the thing to me. It took a few minutes to learn, but she took off her skirt and showed me how the gadget works.
"Anyway, Erections and More gives me the bad news. My schlong is too big. When it’s erect, it takes too much blood from my body. I get woozy. I faint. That’s what happened to me.
"My big, big problem is that there isn’t anything I can do about it. My shlong is who I am. And now it won’t work without knocking me out."
"Does this internet thing say anything about backaches after dancing?" Gloria asked.
"Well, yeah. It’s a little hard to figure. There are plenty of pages about back pain, and a few about bust size and weight. I looked up the information for your bust and cup sizes. Do you want to know how much your breasts weigh?"
"I already know," she moaned. "About a ton. Ow!"
"About seven and a half to eight kilograms," Max said. "Now there’s no such thing as penis-shortening surgery, so I’m screwed. But you can always get breast reduction surgery."
