Drystan awoke to the sound of a radio announcer giving the morning news; much of the talk was about crop circles, as a crop circle mysteriously appeared in the county overnight. That day, everyone was discussing the crop circle. Facts were few, opinions were many, and gossip was continuous.

Drystan knew who would know the truth, the alien Dassy, proprietor of the local bookstore. Most locals just thought her an oddball; few knew she was an alien incognito.

Dassy studied the images of the crop circle. “I’m pretty sure it’s from a Zarzop.” She opened up ‘The Up-To-Date Guide To Alien Sexes.’ There it was. The crop circle undoubtedly depicted the genitalia belonging to one of the five sexes of the Zarzops. “Yup, just another case of genitalia graffiti.” She closed the guidebook.

“Wait, they have five sexes? How the hell does that work?”

“Three are needed for sexual reproduction; the other two are just for fun and pleasure. Your crop circle is one of those two.”

“Thank you, Dassy,” Drystan said as he left her bookstore. He had many more questions, but the whole five sexes thing had his head in a fuzzy space. He needed to clear his head with a walk. He’d never really considered alien genitalia or sexes. Now that he thought of it, some animals here on earth could have sex with themselves to reproduce. Hermaphrodites? Were those the third sex for reproduction? Dammit, I should have asked Dassy more questions.

Drystan studied the crop circle images. They looked like no genitalia he’d ever seen. Try as he might, he could not even begin to imagine how such aliens had sex.

He wandered to the crop circle location. Here the scene took on a surrealness; many other people were there—studying it scientifically, taking samples and measurements. More people were praying and meditating within it, thinking it was a sacred message or sign. And other folks were taking photos of themselves in and around the circle like tourists at an attraction. Considering what he knew, he felt conflicting emotions as he took it all in. It was a bit sad, somewhat perverse, and arguably laughable.

Drystan looked to the sky and asked, “What the fuck?” It wasn’t a question, more a statement of acknowledgment of the absurdity of much of life.

...

“Oort oort ot taa,” went a Zarzop as it orgasmed all over its partners.

So that’s how it works; I would never have figured that out, Drystan thought. He walked up to the threesome, curious to get a closer look. Okay, this must be a dream I’m having after such a weird day.

It was not a dream.

One of the Zarzops looked at him and said, “Ut jibb gibb zee!”

“Sorry, I don’t understand.”

“Ut jibb gibb zee,” it repeated, this time slower, as if that’d help him understand the alien words.

“Please don’t probe me,” Drystan said, knowing they wouldn’t understand but feeling he needed to make an effort to communicate such.

The three Zarzops began to undulate in unison, creating a sound like running water. Another Zarzop appeared and joined the group as if the noise had invited it to the party.

Drystan thought about taking this opportunity to sneak away. But he had no idea where exactly he’d go. He was either in a spaceship or on some alien world; he had no clue how far from Earth he was. Instead, he chose to continue watching the alien orgy. The newcomer was the same sex as depicted in the crop circle. This could be very interesting. They sure didn’t seem shy or inhibited by his presence. Such feelings might be alien to them; after all, he was the alien here.

The phrase When in Rome popped into his head. Dare he? The scene was too alien for him to become aroused, so Drystan opened his trousers and started to play with himself, working himself to an erection.

The running water sound of the Zarzops got splashier. Drystan imagined the sound was the slapping of his and Mary’s bodies as they fucked.

Suddenly something cool and wet was touching his balls. It was another of the crop-circle-sexed Zarzops. Go with it. He was fully erect, letting his balls have done to them whatever the Zarzop was doing. It fluctuated warm, cool, warm, cool, as if someone was grabbing him with a warm hand and then switching to a cool one. An odd sensation, but pleasurably so.

“Ut jibb gibb zee!” Again, this was said to Drystan. Join us. Somehow, he now knew that was what was meant. He checked the readiness of his cock to discover all the hair from his genitals was gone, dissolved by the Zarzop.

He lay among all the Zarzops. Their bodies rubbed his, and it felt like he was being lathered in a salve; it made him tingle all over. Within seconds he came, his ejaculation becoming one with the fluid of the others as his entire body felt the orgasm. Every brain cell and nerve in his body seemed massaged with intense pleasure, and the sensation seemed to last for hours, an epic orgy of shared love and surrender to harmonious enjoyment.

...

Drystan awoke to the sound of a radio announcer giving the morning news. A lot of it was talk of the crop circle. “Ha, it was a dream after all,” he said aloud, thankful he didn’t get abducted and have sexual relations with those aliens.

He got up and went to the toilet to drain his bladder. Then he saw himself in the mirror. His entire body was hairless, head to toe, not one hair; his body was hyper-smooth and soft-skinned. Gone were his eyebrows and eyelashes. A shock of realization hit him. He needed to see Dassy right quick.

It was only 8:47 am when Drystan arrived at the bookstore, and Dassy didn’t open until 9:00. He took a seat on the steps outside the door, a hood covering his baldness, frantically tapping his foot on the steps.

Dassy looked at him, smiled, and said, “Somebody had a good time last night.”

“Just open the door quickly before someone sees me. What the hell am I going to tell people about what happened to me?”

“You were drunk or high, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. You know they’ll never believe the truth.”

“Am I okay?” Drystan asked nervously. “Am I possibly going to get a weird alien STD? Oh my god, what if I’ve contributed to creating some hybrid alien child? Please tell me the truth. I may not like it, but I need to know.”

“Oh yeah, you’re fucked.” Dassy said without hesitation; she allowed him to suffer for a moment and then began laughing. “I'm joking; I couldn’t resist.”

“Don’t mess with me like that right now, Dassy. Is my hair ever going to grow back?”

“Probably not.”

"You’re fucking with me again, aren’t you? Please tell me you're still messing with me, Dassy."

“Unfortunately, I was being honest. The Zarzop are famously amazing lovers. I’d have some fun with them myself, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my hair for it. I probably should have warned you, but how was I to know you’d, well, you know. Please tell me, what was it like?”

“UN-fucking-believable.”