All characters and terms including 'boy' and 'lad' refer to people age 18 and over



Me and my bird’s Dad, we got on really well. He was one of those macho types. When I met him for the very first time, first thing he asked me was, “Do you like rugby?”

I couldn’t stand it really but I didn’t wanna create a bad impression.

“Yeah. Love it.”

“Good lad. Better than football. That’s for fannies.”

“Yeah. Bend It Like Beckham? More like Bender Like Beckham.”

Fuck me, just thought of that one. I should be on stage. I was wasted being the boyfriend of some bird’s humourless Dad. He didn’t even smile.

Second time I met him he was feeling my biceps.

He said, “Not bad. See if you can beat me in an arm wrestle.”

My bird was dead embarrassed.

I said, “No way, Mr McGann. I’ve no chance.”

He was a lot bigger than me. He said if I wanted to I could cheat by lifting my arse off the chair and putting all my weight behind me. So we did it like that but I still only lasted for two seconds. He gave me a friendly punch; said I was a rum lad.

Anyway, things got really weird the third time we met. I’d gone round to see my bird but she wasn’t in.

Mr McGann said, “She’s gone out with her Mum but come in, lad. We can have a man-to-man chat.”

There was no way I could say, “Fuck off, Mr McGann – you bore the shit out of me.”

So I went in.

He opened a can of lager, gave it to me, opened one for himself. We chatted away about all things macho. Then from out of the blue he absolutely shocked me.

“You ever had a dick fight, lad?”

I thought I heard him wrong.

“What?”

“A dick fight. You want one?”

“A… a dick fight?”

“Yeah. Fancy having one?”

“A dick fight?”

“You couldn’t beat me in an arm wrestle, so let’s see how good you are with your dick.”

“You… you wanna fight me with your dick?”

“Yeah. Hard enough, is it? Your erection? Is it big and hard?”

“What?”

“Mine is. Got a really big hard erection, me.”

He took his shoes and socks off.

“Come on, lad. Get your kit off – we’re having a dick fight.”

“But, I… I don’t even fight with my fists, never mind with my dick.”

I was well confused.

He unbuttoned his trousers. I just sat there, not moving, not doing nothing. He got up and pulled my T-shirt off.

“Come on. You can undress yourself, can’t you?”

He was getting naked. I didn’t know what was going on but I started taking my clothes off coz that’s what he told me to do.

“Do… do I have to get completely naked?”

“How the fuck do you expect us to have a dick fight if we’re not naked, you daft bastard?”

“Well I dunno. I… I’ve never had a dick fight.”

I’d never heard of a dick fight.

My girlfriend’s Dad got completely naked. I’d stripped down to my boxers. We were both standing there face to face.

“For fuck’s sake, lad. You’re not shy, are you?”

He whipped my boxers down. I stepped out of ‘em. He looked me up and down.

“Mmm. Fine figure of a boy… and not a bad dick as well.”

This was weird. Then he started playing with himself, having a good tug on his big fat dick.

“Well come on, soft lad. Get it hard. We can’t have a dick fight if you don’t get it hard.”

We were both standing there naked, face to face. My bird’s Dad, he jacked his cock till it got hard. When I saw it throbbing all stiff and red, I got a nice sexy tingle in my dick. We both got hard. I’d never been naked and erect with anybody before. This was weird but yeah… it felt good.

Me and my bird’s Dad, we stood there with our hands by our sides, hips pushed forward, comparing dicks. They were about the same size. Maybe my bird’s Dad, maybe his dick was just a bit bigger than mine but there really wasn’t all that much in it. My hard-on was steeper than his. His dick stuck out at about 45 degrees and it had a bit of a curve. Mine stuck out at about 60 degrees and was dead straight. Our dicks were nice and thick and we both had nice big overgrown bell-ends. Big juicy purple bell-ends, well shiny and wet. My bell-end was full of pre-cum and I was dead pleased to see that my bird’s Dad, his dick was pre-cumming big time as well.

“That thing’s not gonna spunk up all over me, is it, Mr McGann?

“The thought of having a good dick fight with a fit young lad is making me feel all excited.”

“What? Like… in a gay way like?”

He looked proper disgusted that I should even suggest it.

“I’m not a fucking queer! I’m getting excited coz we’re gonna have a good dick fight!”

“Oh right.

Yeah. Of course.”

I stroked my dick, looking at my Mr McGann’s cock.

I said, “Just making sure it stays nice and hard so I can have a proper cock fight.”

“Yeah. Same here.”

And he stroked his cock, all the time looking at mine.

Our dicks were almost touching. Then Mr McGann, he stepped closer till our dicks touched. His bell-end slid over mine and it felt well nice. Made my dick twitch when his silky hot bell-end rubbed up against mine like that.

I said, “So… what… what do we do then?”

“We fight with our hard dicks till one of us loses his erection. The one who keeps his erection the longest is the winner.”

Oh yeah. Good game. (FUCK????)

I couldn’t get my head round it. How can it not be gay?

“It… it’s a bit gay, innit, Mr McGann?”

“Is it fuck gay? Nothing queer about having a cock fight, boy! This is a proper man’s game this is. Shows who’s got the hardest cock. You’re only a real man if you can keep your cock hard.”

I thought, 'Oooh, yeah, this is the gayest thing ever. Having a cock fight with a macho prick'.

I said, “Call that a fucking erection. Ha!”

I held my dick at the root and I slapped my dick real hard against Mr McGann’s dick.

“That hurt, did it, Mr McGann?”

“Did it fuck!”

And he slapped his hard dick against my hard dick. Fuck me, that hurt all right. But it felt well nice. We slapped our hard dicks together. He held his balls in the palm of his hand, jiggled his balls a bit so that his big hard cock bobbed up and down and slapped hard against his belly.

“Look at that, lad. That’s a proper man’s cock, that is. Well fucking hard, that, lad. Feel it. Go on, feel it. See how hard it is.”

I reached out and I touched it with my fingertips.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, lad, have a proper feel. Not gay, are you?”

He put his hand on mine, and squeezed my hand round his cock. I was holding my girlfriend’s Dad’s cock. He took his hand off mine. I kept my hand there, my fingers wrapped around Mr McGann’s hard cock. It was hot and hard in my hand and this was so wrong but I felt dead fucking sexy.

Mr McGann, he looked down at me.

“Well?”

“Yeah. Yeah. That’s proper hard, Mr McGann.”

Then he took hold of my cock, squeezed it.

“Mmm. Yeah. That’s pretty hard, boy. Yeah. That’s some hard dick you got there. This is gonna be a good fight.”

“I’m gonna win this fight, Mr McGann coz I’m younger than you. I’m only 18. I can keep my dick hard all night.”

“You cheeky little bastard. We’ll soon see about that.”

And we thrashed our dicks together, held our dicks at the root and slapped our bell-ends together. We slammed our hard cocks together, smashed our boners together real hard and this was so gay and yet at the same time it felt proper macho coz we were slamming our erections together to see who was the hardest. There was no way I was gonna lose my erection. It was just getting stiffer and stiffer the more I slapped it against Mr McGann’s cock. This was gonna be so easy. I could keep it up all night.

But then I got this overwhelming feeling of sexiness in my cock and balls. I couldn’t hold it back. I felt it surging up my cock. My spunk, it came surging up my cock and exploded from my big fat purple cockhead in a violent squirting of thick white jizz, splashing all over Mr McGann’s cock.

I spunked my load all over Mr McGann’s cock. For one second I was absolutely horrified, thinking Mr McGann would beat the shit out of me for spunking up over his cock. But then, just as I spunked my first squirt of cum. Mr McGann’s cock spunked up. We both squirted our cock jizz together, splashing each other’s cocks with our ball juice. And after we both finished cumming, we lost our erections.

We spunked up at the same time and we lost our erections at the same time. There was no winner. It was a draw.

Mr McGann gave me a bear hug.

“You’re a hard lad.”

I felt proper proud but as Mr McGann hugged me, my cock started getting stiff again. I panicked a bit in case he thought I was a queer. He looked at my growing erection and smiled.

He said, “Nice one. So you want another dick fight, do you?”