They’re at it again; fucking on the sofa. Not an inch of dignity between them.  Panting and grunting and making all sorts of disgusting noises like it was their last day on Earth; his buttocks clenching hard as he thrusts forward. Sweat is pouring off his brow – Christ knows where it’s ending up, somewhere on top of her I would have thought.

And now they’re going to change positions, like they always do after about five or six minutes of not getting anywhere. This isn’t their first position by the way, it’s probably their third already. If at first you don’t succeed – change!

She’s now standing up and waiting for him to sit on the sofa before she straddles him. I’ll give them their dues, they have a lot of stamina for this, and they’re at it twice a day at least. She pounces on him almost as soon as he gets home from work; it’s like they haven’t seen each other for a week or a month. I can also hear them at night as well. It keeps me awake sometimes; especially the clanking of metal on concrete.

I don’t get any of this excitement. They won’t let me enjoy myself. Oh, no! I don’t know why not, I let them get on with it, but when I try it – I’m yanked away.

I want to go out for a walk, I really do.

But I have to wait until she’s finished with him. He looks really tired, now that I can see his scarlet face and beads of sweat hanging there waiting to slip down his face. I bet he is pumping out a fair bit of heat too; much more than me. Not good for a hot summer’s afternoon.

I mean I’m lying here on the wood flooring and even I’m hot. My legs are splayed out in front of and behind me. I’m trying to keep as cool as I can by putting as much of my body in contact with the cooler floor. It’s only half working.

She’s at it again. As soon as she gets on top, she grabs his excuse for a cock (well to me it’s an excuse), holds it upright and then she sinks her body down on it. I don’t know where she gets the ideas for all these positions from. In my world there’s only one. You only need one – surely!

She’s lifting herself off his cock and falling back down on it. Her hands are grabbing at the back of the sofa in order to keep her in one position. For fuck’s sake why doesn’t she get on all fours for stability? Still, it’s certainly having an effect on him. He seems to be enjoying playing with all that loose flesh that’s attached to her upper body. I mean, it just hangs there.

I tell you, I have seen some human’s on that sofa that have far too much flesh that just hangs off them. Massive amounts of it. He seems to like it though. Keeps grabbing it and squeezing it and sucking on the pointy bits at the ends of it. Doesn’t do anything for me, but then I’ve seen this performance so many times before. It gets boring – eventually.

I remember one woman that went wild with excitement when she got the ends of her loose flesh sucked. I think it frightened him a little because he stopped doing it; but not until after he had pushed both of them together until the pointy bits were touching each other though and then sucked them into his mouth. That’s when she went wild. Kept telling him that she was – Oh! I don’t know – some noises were made.

This one has smaller pointy bits. He seems a little bored to be honest. She’s huffing and puffing on top of him but there doesn’t seem to be any progression at all.

Oh! Now she’s stopped and decided to shift her bottom forwards and backwards instead of up and down. He’s gripped her waist and has pushed her a little further away. Looks like she’s going to fall off his legs and onto the floor with me, but no, she stays on and is now rocking her body on top of him.

More sounds; this time louder, and from both of them.

I don’t mind them panting, that’s OK. I do that, but for different reasons. Again, it’s all about cooling down isn’t it, especially in this heat.

But sometimes, it’s really annoying when they start making squeaking noises. Well, to be fair, he’s never done that but the other one does. She’s making them now. Fuck it’s noisy. It’s made me lift my head and close my mouth. I thought something was wrong, but no – she seems to be enjoying it. Wanting it. Clenching her fists as she squeaks.

Fuck this – I’m off to get a drink of water.

It’s not even quiet in the kitchen, I can still hear them.  I walk back to the door thinking that they are coming to the end but they don’t seem to be. Back for some more water, I think.

I plod back into the room and look up at them. Maybe if I just sit here and look at them then one of them will feel guilty and call it a day. Take me for that walk that I want to go on. I look from one to the other and realise that there is no such thing as luck.

I resign myself to the floor and stare at them, with misinformed anticipation of them coming to the end, on my face.

Oh, another development. She’s getting off him. She’s talking to him and making motions for him to get on the floor. She’s pointing at me.

I look at him with slight apprehension in my eyes. Surely not! I close my mouth; poised, ready to run for it.

She takes up residence in the spot on the sofa that he vacates. Her legs, wide open; inviting him towards her. He seems to be contented to sit between them.

Ah! Now I get it. He’s been told to lick her. That’s a relief.

I have to smile though. I mean for all their supposed intelligence, they can’t even lick their own genitals. What’s the fucking point of that? I actually laugh at him sometimes when he’s on his own; sitting on the sofa watching that light box in the corner of the room. I lift one leg, roll over a little and start to lick my own balls; cleaning them of course, nothing sexual there. I know he watches me do it and I swear he is envious. Jealous. Pissed right off! Because at the point he can take no more, I am told to get out of the room.

I grin to myself; not that he would notice me do that of course. He probably just thinks I’ve farted.

I watch them go at it again. He’s between her legs and lapping; just like I do with the water dish, except I probably get more out of the water dish than he’s getting. Why do they make it so hard for themselves? At least he’s getting a rest between her legs, I suppose.

I raise my head and look up. I know that sound. I’ve heard that sound before. Could this be it?

I have to admit – I’m tempted. I’ve done it before – but only once. The fallout was just enormous and I got a right old bollicking for it; and banned to my basket in the kitchen and with no chance of an evening walk. He actually swore at me as well.

But I’m tempted.

I get up from the floor –
I contemplate –
I look from him to her – from her to him –
I stare towards the base of the sofa –
I’m so tempted.

Like I said, I did it once before. That particular woman was panting hard and she had her eyes closed; she never really saw me coming. He was too busy to notice with his face stuck in her cave trying to get some water out.

Well, I licked her toes, didn’t I. She hit the fucking roof and let out a scream that was beyond belief. Nearly shattered my eardrums. Shattered his – I think! Caused him to pull out of her at some speed thinking he had done something wrong. He stumbled, fell backwards and hit his head on the coffee table. Lucky there was no coffee on it otherwise I would have got my nose rubbed in it.

I decide to sit back down again and wait for the final crescendo; temptation over, for now.

I’m surprisingly optimistic. I think this is it. I think this whole episode is coming to an early end. I don’t know why I said early, they’ve been at it a good thirty minutes now.

He’s just wilted completely. Nothing seems to be proud of itself anymore. Absolutely nothing. Hairy balls – yes, but – nothing else.

I don’t understand them to be honest. I mean, why the fuck doesn’t he fuck her on all fours, form a knot and take his time to pour his juices into her. She can’t go anywhere with a knot. That’s what I would do.

She’s grabbing his head now. Pulling him into her with both hands – this must be it. I wait, take my time, because I’ve been here before and it’s never actually happened the way it’s supposed to. Some of them seem to get there and then they don’t. Some can’t actually get there at all even after all that expectation and effort.

I know this sounds harsh – but he’s had so many that I can now read the signs. The smell helps too!

Yes – I think she’s definitely going to convert this one.

I rush up from the floor and head to the kitchen. Joy is written all over my face. I can hear her panting hard – I’m panting with her but for a different reason. I slobber on the floor for a while and struggle to pick it up. I decide to have a drink of water while I’m there and I hear her scream and sigh and moan and groan. Those familiar sounds emanating from her mouth. I hear them, oyes-oyes-oyes. I slobber on the floor once more and hurry to pick it up before bounding my way back to the lounge.

I trip up.
I slobber around – pushing it with my nose once more.
I finally pick it up again.
I turn the corner and come to a slippery halt in the doorway.
I slide a few inches before I sit down.
I look at the sofa in dismay.

Fuck!

Why now?

She’s on all fours and smiling to herself. He’s finally ball’s deep in her and grabbing her by the waist. Now this – I understand; he’s being the animal he should have been in the first place and he’s grunting hard and panting too. Just like I would, given half the chance.

I’m gobsmacked. I can’t believe they’re at it again.

I open my mouth and drop the lead on floor.

I’m never going to get a walk at this rate.

ooOOoo

No animals were hurt in the making of this story. All humans were indeed acting inconsiderately towards the dog but were not knowingly failing to look after the dog’s welfare.

He did, eventually, go for his walk with an owner sporting a big smile. You may have seen them around!