'I want to fuck you. I want to bend you over the table and fuck you with a strap on so big that it makes Godzilla's dick look small.'

This was what I was thinking as I sat casually sipping my double shot vanilla cold brew and listening to my best friend Stacey's mom drone on about inflation and how gluten is bad for everyone whether or not you have an intolerance. "You simply just shouldn't put that poison inside of you, ever," she concluded.

I have no idea why my pussy was suddenly pulsating. Maybe it was my hormones, or maybe I was just bored. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with her. While she is a bit of a MILF, she is also the very definition of a basic bitch. A total target mom.

I squeezed my legs together and nodded, pretending to listen. Occasionally I would say things like, "I know," or, "Very true," but I was desperately wanting to escape into the bathroom for a fast and furious girl fap.

I was just glad Stacey had made some lame excuse and didn't show up. The last thing I wanted was for her to maybe notice anything.

My mind was far away from whatever topic she had gotten onto after she had given her lecture on the hidden dangers in all things bread-related and how you even had to check your pills for gluten.

I had been coherent enough to vow on a stack of napkins that I would never again touch the stuff. (It was a lie though.)

Now I was imagining her shopping for groceries in her cardigan. She had ventured into the produce section and had picked up a large girthy cucumber and after making sure it was one hundred percent organic, she placed it into her cart. That very thought caused small waves of pleasure trembles to begin. I wondered if she would ravage her cunt with it or just simply make some sort of gluten-free sandwich out of it. Either way was equally hot, somehow.

Then came the thought of her in church on Sunday clutching her bible and singing 'Praise the Lord Almighty.' And that had my cunt dripping. Maybe I'm fucked up, but I wanted to bury my face between her sin-starved thighs and lick her while she clipped coupons. I'd fucking devour her soggy taco like it was Tuesday.

I pressed my legs together, even more, causing my panties to caress my clit. I probably would have gone into some sort of basic bitch loving orgasmic overdrive had my mind not been suddenly brought back to the present.

"That must taste amazing," she said, nodding at me.

"I... uh, what?" I said, feeling suddenly confused."

"Your coffee... I've never heard anyone moan while drinking one before."

I knew I should have been dying inside from embarrassment, but she had no idea whatsoever that my moan wasn't caused by coffee but by the thought of her 'Carol Bradying' the shit out of life.

"You know what else is amazing and goes surprisingly well with coffee?"

"What?" she asked.

"Tacos," I said, with a bit of a smirk.

She smiled brightly before replying, "Tacos are gluten-free."