I want to remember you this way,
slowly pulling into the night untethered,
silken hair still dancing in December wind,
eyes always tinged not with love
but something almost as sweet.

Earlier we were drinking in wine
and all the songs that I can't 
confess always make me long for you,
I'll still take our history with me,
I need it to cut that deeply,
to leave me too exposed,
a raw nerve craving your shelter.

The taste of your craned neck
still haunting my mouth, 
lips searing upon your bare skin
as if still entangled deep
within the fever of a dream. 

Maybe it's too much to know 
you're the only one who sees 
how wounded I really am. 

But I'll cauterize the heart before 
anyone can reach or touch it again. 

It's always scared me,
this untied knot,
the uncontrollable ache
to always go back inside
to where we all came from.

Maybe it's just too much to know
the exact map of your body
against my curious fingertips,
the resistance close to a shudder
giving way to bliss before slipping
within to just finally forget where
one ends or the other begins.

You said you wanted to remember me this way,
pulse beating and tinged not with love
but something so close to home
that leaves us far too exposed,
raw nerves left too dark like filaments
suddenly extinguished from the brightest bulbs.

Left in the feral flash of how
your sopping cunt feverishly
takes and needfully grips me, 
no more mystery between us,
only the blissful torch of twining,
of warm breath against my ear
beckoning to erupt only for you,
my rainbow and north star.

The obliterating supernova that makes us
forget where the other ends or begins,
it's the only way I can still
keep your jealousy to myself
when you're the only one who can touch
and feel how vulnerable I really am.

Your prints can be the last left here,
open just long enough to seal
and take this entire history with me
as if still kissing with December wind
pushing through our clothes and pores
deep down where we keep everything else
as if still entangled not with love 
but with something almost as sweet.

And I'll cauterize the heart before
anyone gets that close again,
it's where I hold our history,
to remember where it hurts,
this aching untied knot.

I'll always need you to cut that deeply.