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I've been living that idea since two-thousand and four when I first heard Tim McGraw sing it and decided it was as profound a thought as any I had ever heard, and I had heard a lot in my sixty-two years then.
I think about them. I research and study and try to understand. Sometimes I get there and things get brighter. Other times it's slogging through mud and weeds in a dark swamp until I give up or figure it out and I've only given up once. Did a bunch of the things he sang too, Courte helped, but I haven't done the sky-dive. I still want to but I think I'll kill myself, Courte says, "Bullshit." She has a good vocabulary, powerful words, and she's adamant about it.
"Courtney." What a marvelous, beautiful woman and she loves to have sex with me. Everything she can get me to do physically. I'll never be able to stand and hold her up as we have sex like I could have twenty, hell even fifteen years ago, but she can me and that was the most amazing experience of my life.
She had me stand on the bed, over her shoulders then lean forward as she gripped me with her arms. She slid me down her front and by the time she had my cock in her face, it was hard and she sucked it. She held my hips in her arms, sucking me and my head was hanging in her crotch. I was dizzy for about one minute then got extremely excited.
She had a weight lifters stance with her legs open. Putting my arms around her hips I pulled, forcing my face between her thighs to get my tongue in her and that was a monumental effort. I loved every second of it and that tension built my excitement to the breaking point and I came straight down her throat. She was huffing and breathing funny when she fell back on the bed.
We eventually laughed about that but it took five minutes before we could even breathe right.
One Year ago
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That day! The day I met Courtney, I found out how true that song was when my doctor called. It was seven in the morning, two days before my seventy-second birthday. Charlie and I have been friends for twenty years and he calls me at ten at night with test results.
They had killed my Prostate when they found that cancer and a year later I had a sore on my nose that wouldn't heal. Charlie sent me to a specialist and they did a biopsy, a melanoma, and removed it. It was stage one and all I have is a small scar on the bridge.
This one was a melanoma too and on my upper back and they're going to remove it, but they don't know if it's an early stage three or still a stage two. So far they think it's localized which gives me about a ninety-three percent survival rate. If it's regional it's only nine percent and if it's metastasized it's four percent or less.
"Well, fuck me In the heart!" Were my thoughts. Then I smiled and thought, "I'll get to see Paige again if there really is a life after. I just hope it doesn't hurt a lot."
Living like I'm dying is just a thought from a song, but I've found a tremendous amount of meaning in the words of songs. I heard Harry Chapin's, Cats In The Cradle right after my youngest son was born and it totally changed my life.
I wasn't a bad person but I wanted him to be better than me, not the same, so I tried to never let him see me angry, drunk. It made me a better person and Aaron is one of the finest men I've ever known. He's smarter than me and he's forty now.
A couple others like Memories, from Cats. A song about a life ending and a new one beginning. I love that song and I have been there a couple of times, life changes and then I was in another terminal phase.
Ode To Joy. That music gets a hold on my soul and lifts it so high I feel like I'm flying. I watched a FlashMob performance on YouTube that happened in Vienna and I would give up some of what little life I have left to have been there for for that.
Probably the worst and at the same time the most beautiful is Neil Diamonds Morningside. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard and it rips at my mind and soul thinking about going through that. The first time I heard it I had to stop my car or run it off the road, I couldn't see I was crying so hard.
I absolutely will not suffer that fate with my family and friends but I think I would do anything to prevent it from happening to anyone else. I can't even think about it without tearing up. I'm getting too old, I really dislike being so fricking maudlin but I love that song.
I love music.
I lost my wife, Paige, a year ago, we had been together forty-four years. I was starting to recover, thinking maybe life goes on and I should do some of what my family wants, live it, when life smacked me with a ball bat again.
I moped around for a couple hours then went in to my store hoping to get pulled out of my funk a little by customers or employees when Courtney changed my life for me.
She slammed into my life like a mile long freight train, leaving a stretch of wreckage behind her and destroying all that worry and fear. It wasn't in an instant, it took two weeks, but from a seventy-two year prospective it's pretty damned quick. Since then she's rebuilt almost all of it.
She came in as a customer and asked me a couple questions. She was a very good looking woman. Thirty-five maybe, it was hard to tell, long, wavy brown hair, hazel eyes and a very strong body with lots of muscle.
Shit, her shoulders were bigger than mine then and her arms stretched the white pull-over shirt she had on. Tight jeans and wearing a white bra I could see a hint of areola through. Pokey nipples sticking out, nice breasts, and butt too, I liked her.
She came back a couple of times over the next two weeks and we talked more about rocks and a few other innocuous things. And I liked her more. She came in on Sunday the first time and two Wednesdays later it was very slow and she hung around until I was closing.
We had talked and I knew her name, that she was forty-five (shit, she looked thirty-five), no kids, she'd been married once but no current husband or boyfriend. She was wearing a slinky dress that really showed off her body, very nice.
She knew I was alone, but I hadn't mentioned the cancer.
I am always interested in names, they fascinate me, so I had looked hers up. Turns out it's primarily a British name but it came from French. The name's meaning is short nose or domain of the short one. Comes from 'court' meaning short and 'nez' for nose. That description doesn't fit her but I like it
I watched her as I finished with my last customer. I sell mineral specimens to collectors and she was buying a beautiful family of dragons (a mom, a dad and four kids) carved out of a piece of botryoidal malachite, a copper ore. Dark green with black lines running through it. I was going to miss that piece.
When she left, Courte walked up and said, "I just moved here and this is the only place I've been back to more than once. You treat everyone like they're your friends and I like that a lot. You look at 'Me', not just my tits or ass, and I like that. You do look at them too but you try to be subtle, a gentleman and I like that even more. I want to buy you dinner, are you up for it?" she said.
It took me one second to say, "John Ash. It's a vineyard over on highway 101 in Fulton. Marvelous atmosphere, great food and it costs about twenty-five percent above most other places, but the waiters leave you alone," I said.
"Do you need to go home? I'm fine as is but I could meet you there or ride with you. Your choice," she said and stood looking at me. When she talked to me her eyes were attached to mine, hooked in deep and holding me there. I didn't want to look away, I liked it.
I said, "Ride with me and we can talk. I'm fifteen miles up the road and I'll take a quick shower. Forty-five minutes and were on our way." So she did and I discovered that she would be here for a minimum of six months and had leased a big house up in the Mark West Springs area, only a couple miles from where we would eat.
She is a very powerful woman both physically and mentally. She said she had stock in a multi-million dollar electronics design firm and a few others in other markets and she was here checking on something. She was also a heavy lifter, Dead-Lift, and she said her max weight had been four-forty two. I've seen her pull four-twenty five since and not breathe hard. And she is one of the sexiest women I've ever known. Sorry Paige.
I pulled up to my house got out and opened her door. I escorted her into the living room. I was thinking, "Thank god I had cleaned yesterday," and asked what she wanted. She asked what I would have and when I said scotch she said, "Me too, three fingers."
When I pulled out the Laphroaig Islay she raised her eyebrows and gave a serious nod yes. I poured two and handed her one. She clinked them together and we took a sip, both smiling.
I set my scotch on the bar and said I would be back in ten minutes. In my bedroom I stripped and got out a clean shirt and dress kilt, laying them on the bed, then turned the shower on and got in when the temperature was to my liking.
I was scrubbing my hair and my ears were full of soap and there's no door on my shower, not even a curtain, it's a tiled area in the bathroom, so the first thing I knew was her reaching around me with both hands and taking my cock and balls in them.
It shocked me so much I thought I had a heart attack until I felt it hammering hard in my chest. She nestled her breasts against my lower back, right on my ass cheeks and proceeded to give me a wonderful hand-job, kissing and licking moving her head around my back.
She kept me soapy and fondled my balls as she stroked me, softly as she pushed her hand to the head then gripping hard as she pulled her hand back along my cock to the base, fucking me with it. All the time rubbing my ass with her breasts. I could feel her nipples as they drug across me.
I got more excited and she sped up causing me to climb higher and her to follow. A feed-back loop engineers call it, and it can lead to destruction if not controlled. My bodies solution was to blow a safety valve, an orgasm that started very hard with my hips thrusting forward, erupting from me in several pulses then smoothing out to a gentle ooze for about a minute.
When I stopped thrusting she stood up, wiping her breasts up my back and running her hands up my front and pinching my nipples which snapped my attention back to her. I turned her to me and then us until the spray was on my back so we could talk.
"I thought you might like that. Your sad about something and I want you there, with me, for dinner," she said. And reached both hands out, taking me in them again. This wasn't about an orgasm though, it was just a sensual caress with our eyes locked together.
I put both my hands on her breasts and squeezed them, sliding them around and pinching her nipples. Nice firm nipples and she jumped every time I squeezed. I turned her and pulled her hands behind her, between us, putting them back on me. I reached around and grabbed both breasts and squeezed and she went stif as a board and shuddered.
I ran the right one down her front and slid my fingers into her crotch. Probing into those soft and very wet lips. Most was her I think because I blocked almost all the spray. I found her opening and slid two fingers in as she ground her butt back against me, holding my cock so it pushed into her ass but didn't penetrate and that did not matter at all.
I was fucking her hand and poking her ass with the head and pulling on her breasts. She sped up and I did too until we both dropped off that cliff again. She got very wet and I didn't know if that was cum or pee. I didn't care really. I shot what I had left all over her ass.
When I finally stopped she leaned forward and put both hands on her ass and rubbed it in and down her legs. I saw her push a finger into her ass too. Just for a second. Twice. She was looking back at me over her shoulder while she did that with a smile on her face. A very sexy smile.
She turned to me and we washed each other. Her body was wonderful. Hard muscle but soft too when she wanted it to be, like then. I love showering with a woman. We caressed and fondled, running our hands over each other, rubbing with a soapy wash-cloth and kissing. Probing each other's ass and grinding our bodies together. I loved the way her breasts poked into me.
Standing naked, holding her under a shower that's spraying our faces as we kiss is a mind-bending experience too. One of life's moments that I like to remember, it's wonderful. Eyes closed, licking and trying to push my tongue into her mouth then sucking on her tongue as she shoves hers into mine. Having her finger in my ass while mine was in hers, both thrusting was something else.
She squirmed her body, rubbing her breasts against me and trapping my reawakened cock between us. She had her hands around me, grabbing my ass, pulling me against her as she did that. I had thought I was not going to cum again, for a year maybe after what she had just done for me but her finger in my ass changed my mind and I started firming up again.
We stopped shutting down the shower and getting out. I got towels and wrapped her in one and proceeded to dry her, rubbing all those places again. She would hold her arms up letting me run the towel down them, drying and caressing, laughing when I tickled and licked her under-arm and moaning and sighing when I sucked on her nipples and ran my hands and the towel between her legs.
She did that to me then and spent a lot of time making sure my cock and balls were dry. Of course after she knelt and checked it all with her tongue she had to dry them all over again. She poked an inch or two of a finger in my ass as she did that and a third orgasm started to loom it's beautiful head over the horizon as she pushed it in and pulled it out, fucking me with it.
Another orgasm? No way but I didn't want it to stop.
We finished and she put her arm around my waist as we walked across the tile floor. I slipped, one foot shooting out and her arm tightened into a band of steel that just held me against her. I was totally astounded and just looked at her.
She grinned, set me back on my feet again and we continued, her smiling and me staring at her, mostly her ass as she walked away. I guess it was a funny expression because when she glanced back at me she giggled. Giggling? From her? That made me feel a lot more comfortable with her, she could laugh at herself too.
I could see where she had taken her clothes off. She had moved my kilt to a chair, folded over the back and her dress was folded on top, her panties and bra there and her shoes tucked under. All neat and organized, like I discovered her to be. She could be crazy as a Loon when she wanted to be though. Giggling, god.
She had also turned the bed down and that sent a wave of feeling through me that I had not had in years. Someone who really wanted me in a sexual way then went out of their way to accomplish it and had no trouble showing it. I wanted her so intensely right then it hurt. A need so deep that it clawed at me.
We got to the bed and I decided there would be a bruise or two where she had grabbed me but that beat the hell out of a busted ass. She was very strong. A power-lifter. I did that for five years, quitting at twenty-five and my life-time best was eight-hundred seventeen pounds in late nineteen sixty-seven.
I can remember being able to use my partner like a sex toy. Holding her, lifting and pulling down, like a blow-up doll, almost just a masturbation tool and fucking myself with her. But not really, there was always care, trust and love. And they loved it, asked for it too.
Courte was the quickest sex I had ever had. I had known her for two weeks, we talked a half dozen times, about rocks for gods sake, and I hadn't even had a cup of coffee with her. Just one sip of scotch and she screwed my brains out. I'm still not sure I've found all of them yet and I'm not sure I want to, she is quite something.
"Which side do you like? As long as it's not the right side we'll do well together here."
"I will sleep wherever you allow me. I want you in that bed so bad I would stand on my head in the corner for you if it hurried things up. My wife always preferred me on her left so that's what I'm used to," I said and grinned at her.
She pushed me toward the bed and indicated scoot over and when I did she grinned back and slid in on my right. We were going to have fun and I would do everything in my power to leap any tall building she pointed at. I was feeling pretty good right then, not superman so I wouldn't perforate her uterus when I came, but better than I had in a long time.
We lay facing each other, touching and kissing and sharing each other's breath. I adore that. Lying face to face, foreheads and chins touching, rubbing noses and engaging each other's breath. I can Smell her core, what she is on a level that turns me instantly on. My cock got very hard and she kissed me hard when she took it in her hands.