Maria tongue kissed me - so much for no PDAs.

My girlfriend, Natalya, stepping into the fruit and vegetable shop, saw my tongue swirling in the other woman’s mouth.

“You fucking bitch,” Natalya said. “You said you’d give that slut up, Annie.”

“What?” Maria said. “You said you'd leave her, for me. Fuck you. Not seeing you again.”

“Bullshit artist,” Natalya said. “Here we go again. Untrustworthy. No more, bitch."

Together, they stalked out of the shop, ignoring each other.

Mr Wong said, “Special on thick cucumbers, just for you.”

“What?” I asked.

“Cu-CUM-bers,” he replied. “You’ll be needing two.”