상간녀
I might've titled this "The Ummah with the Model Body & Undeclined Face Card."

I previously explained that Kim Hyun Mi was among the most beautiful women I've ever loved... or something to that effect. When I think to compare her to other women, looks-wise, Lyuh Won Ummah (Lyuh Won's mom) is the only hottie right on par, and some men would surely say she surpasses. She had everything going on: the leggy long-longs, wide swinging hips, a cartoonish narrow waist, a slender build, gigantic rocking natural tits, silky-sheen beautiful black-black hair, and the face of a starlet sans plastic. She could have been the local weather woman, she could have been Miss Korea, she could have been a legendary porn actress. But she was Lyuh Won Ummah, my ESL student's stay-at-home, pampered rich mom. She was also a brazen, notorious cheating slut.

One day, around dinnertime, a woman showed up at her condo door in a fury, buzzing the doorbell camera. Baffled, little Lyuh Won opened, "Who are you?"

Talking through her teeth, seething. "Tell your bitch mother to come to the door."

Lyuh Won Ummah heard that and appeared, "Wha-what are you doing here?!"

"Don't play stupid in front of your family. Stop fucking my husband. You can fuck everyone else's husband in town, DON'T touch my husband again!" She jabbed her finger and raged.

Lyuh Won Ummah pretended innocence, and replied, obtuse-faced, "I have no idea what..."

The visitor wasn't going to hear another word of denial; she lunged forward with her nails out like a cat and clawed-clawed-clawed Lyuh Won Ummah's face, grabbed her by a fistful of her hair, and gave her a few one-two-three knuckle kimbops, "STOP!" Wham! "FUCKING!" Wham! "MY HUSBAND!" Wham!

Lyuh Won burst into tears and shoved the woman off; neighbors appeared in the hallway, and the wilding wife made her shoving retreat into the elevator as another family came out.

I know the story because Lyuh Won herself told my wife (her teacher and sort-of-mentor) the whole thing.

Unofficially, we all nodded along and agreed that wicked woman was nuts, and she was accusing Lyuh Won Ummah baselessly; she must be mentally ill, that lady. Meanwhile Lyuh Won Ummah, with her fat, swollen, split lip... sat guilty as hell.

But the face card was reactivated as soon as it healed up. And she went back at it, fucking everybody's husbands.

What about her husband? He was loaded, but in her eyes that was all he was. She regularly talked shit about his appearance; once she blurted in a parent-teacher meeting that their son was "so, so fat and short because of his dad's genes" and patted the progeny as if in apology for her poor mate selection having cursed him.

The guy was fully aware of her second life, but he kept the marriage going as long as she was willing to let him pay for everything and give him some action now and then. I don't know; in his shoes, I couldn't imagine it in principle. Then again, when you're in her presence and smell her, hear her voice, can't take your eyes off her head-to-toe, helplessly fantasize about undressing her, kissing her, getting your fingers in her, your tongue, your cock, then you can understand the bargain he's getting. I mean, countless men have been accepting cucks for far less bodacious babes. Nobody put the hot in "hot wife" like her.

One day, maybe a couple months after that, I was taking one of my night walks through town. Usually it was so that people spotted me, being virtually the only White man around that anybody recognized from years of being virtually the only White man around. But this night, between all the drunks and bar hoppers, a gorgeous woman caught my eye, and I twisted my neck like an owl to watch her. And then I saw her perfect face as she hopped into an Italian sports car with some handsome salt-&-pepper-haired type; it was Lyuh Won Ummah. She was in this extra tight one-piece that just about bared her ass for all to see. Sexy! And as she tugged at the hem of that sexy number to get seated shotgun, she caught me strolling by. Now, any time a mom and one of her kid's teachers cross paths, it's basically the rules: you stop and smile and say some crap, the how are you blah blah. This time I just smiled and continued on. Her face went from caught to resigned to fuck it, and the dude drove away with her... ppp-rrr.

Now, separately, Lyuh Won and her best friend were avid ESL students of mine for years. They had expressed sincere interest in visiting the US to improve their English, and I told them they might do that via homestay. They compelled me to explain what a homestay is, and I gave the example of some French teens who stayed with me in the US, and then after I left for Korea, with my mom & dad for varying periods. They loved the idea, as did their parents. When my dad visited me in Korea, he and I met Lyuh Won Ummah and Lyuh Won's best friend's Ummah for lunch. Over the course of that meal, they agreed Lyuh Won and her best friend could home stay with my parents in the US; they worked out compensation and the logistics, and everyone was happy. Lyuh Won and her best friend were giddy to spend their vacation together abroad.

My dad came out of that lunch, and the first thing out of his mouth as we walked to my car was, "Holy shit, she's smoking."

"Yeah, I told you she was." I nodded.

"No wonder she has men crawling after her on their hands and knees," he chuckled.

"She's the one around these parts." I agreed.

"Damn, damn, damn. I would falter if she wanted some of me," he admitted.

"Me too, Pop, no question." I laughed.

After Lyuh Won and her best friend came home through Incheon Airport, Lyuh Won Ummah invited me out for another meal to thank me, a Chinese restaurant (which is remarkably different in Korea than in the US, they don't have so much as an egg roll). At this point, my wife was suspicious of her, but allowed it. My wife had been and would be much more jealous and suspicious over other women, but as she told me, "I don't have to worry about you and Lyuh Won Ummah. I'd wake to the sound of dogs grazing* if anything happened between you and her."

*the rural Korean idiom equivalent to "when pigs fly"!

I wasn't sure if I should be offended, but it would become clear to me at that dinner what my wife meant.

At some point in the meal, halfway through my black noodles, I said it to Lyuh Won Ummah, bold and straight, "My wife doesn't mind us meeting like this, but you know I know about you. I wonder what she meant; she said nothing could happen between us."

"You're a foreigner," she said, matter-of-fact, like that explained everything.

"You don't like foreign men that way?" I smiled.

"I don't know, I've never tried any. But Korean men don't want women who've done that." She said this as I popped an uncontrollable erection under the table; sitting on the floor cross-legged made it uncomfortable as a sausage in shrink-wrap.

"Done that? You mean had international sex?" I tugged at my pants as discreetly as I might, trying to get a millimeter of extra space down there.

"If you and I went under the covers, I would become the woman they sneer at, 'Slut. She spread her legs for the loser American; how filthy she is? Not that you're a loser, but it's how they'd talk about me then." She tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I thought Korean men were totally OK with Korean women coupling with foreign men, though." I was sincere; I'd rarely had any issues over that.

"If they see you with a Korean woman they don't mind losing, it's no problem. But if they see you with a Korean woman they can't stop thinking about, they'll hate you and her both," she told me like that should be obvious.

"This is the first time in my life I wish I were born a Korean man," I said under my breath.

Her mouth dropped open, and she began laughing so loud I was embarrassed, what with the other patrons looking.

"That's the best compliment a man has given me; I'll never forget it."

It's been several years, and I sometimes still think of Lyuh Won Ummah. She's always the one who comes to my mind whenever I see some porcelain-skinned, doll-faced, impossibly proportioned East Asian woman... and I mentally note, "Close but no cigar."

She's the one who comes to my mind whenever I hear about a beautiful homewrecker, and I'm disappointed to see the woman behind the story: "If that's a homewrecker, Lyuh Won Ummah was a town-wrecker."

She's the one who comes to my mind when I encounter a woman humble-bragging about her looks and desirability; I think, "No sister, no... you don't hold a candle to this MILF I met in some fruit orchard town nobody recognizes."

And I know she's on a lot of men's minds still; there are sure to be some thinking about her right now.