I shut the door to my office and walked over to plop down in my chair. Unlocking my desk drawer, I pulled out a cigarette from my emergency stash. Fuck it! This case had done me in and I needed a fucking smoke. Hell, I would quit again tomorrow. After lighting up, I relaxed back in my chair, propping my feet up on my desk, thinking about Ima Jean Butkis in lockup. My other hand slid inside my pin-striped pants and black panties. I need to get off. As I stroked my needy clit, I recalled the happenings over the last few hours. Oh, my it felt so good. I stroked, rubbed and tapped my sensitive, aching clit. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Miss Butkis put on a good show when I arrested her - loudly proclaiming her innocence. Fuck, money brings out the worst in people! Rubbing my hot little button harder and taking another puff of my cig, I pondered the life of Sly Bucks. Some would think he had it all - money, privilege, women. Oh my, I'm close. Yet, he found himself six feet under, amidst it all. Oh God, I'm cumming. Give me a minute ... 

Whew! That's better. I will follow her trial but am confident in a conviction as she had motive, means, and an eyewitness account of her dastardly deed. I'll give you the short story of how it all went down earlier today. Had you figured out Miss Butkis did the dirty deed?

I was staring at my whiteboard of suspects again when one of my detectives leaned in my office saying, "Detective Balls, you have a visitor - a Father Bottomore."

I cocked my eyebrow in surprise, "Send him in please." My curiosity was definitely piqued. 

"Hello, Father. I wasn't expecting you. Please sit down," I said, motioning to a chair across from my desk.

I had forgotten how handsome he was and felt a little tingle in my lady parts at his presence. He had shaved and looked sexier than ever. How tragic this fine piece of ass had chosen a life of celibacy. Looking nervous, he stood there wringing his hands. 

"Hello, Detective Balls," he said quietly, fidgeting.

I had also forgotten how seductive his silky voice was. Some men had bedroom eyes, but the Father had a bedroom voice. "Father, what is it? You look upset." I got up and moved around to sit on the edge of the desk in front of him. "Is it about the case?"

"Ummm. Well, yes. You see, Detective ... oh, my, this is very difficult," he said clearing his throat.

"I can see you are struggling. Just take a deep breath and then speak," I instructed.

"Here goes ... I didn't tell you everything about the night of the murder," he said looking forlorn.

"You didn't? I see. Please go ahead." He definitely had my attention now.

"I was outside of my viewing box with Mrs. Purity, you know, getting my ... you know, member sucked. And well, it was a big thing for me as I had never felt a woman's soft lips on my cock before. So, I exploded quite quickly. I was so excited, I grabbed for her to steady myself as I came and accidentally ripped a piece of material from her uniform."

"Yes, we found it on the balcony."

"Yes, I believe I dropped it there. You see after I exploded my cum so quickly, I hurried back to resume my watch duties. That's when I saw Miss Butkis come in and start arguing with Mr. Bucks. He appeared to be quite inebriated and was wobbling about. He removed his clothing and headed towards his balcony, followed by Miss Butkis. I needed to be able to see his sins, so, I left my alcove through the emergency door. When I peered around the corner, I saw him leaning over the railing, presenting his ass to her. Miss Butkis had a paddle and was fussing at him about fucking Miss Cheeks and Miss Honeypot. That's when I saw her - she pushed him over the railing. I hurried back in the alcove so she wouldn't see me, Detective."

"You saw Miss Butkis kill Sly Bucks?"

"Yes, Detective. When she left I ran back out the emergency door of my alcove to the balcony, to look over the railing. Seeing his body splattered on the ground really rattled me. I must have dropped Mrs. Purity's piece of uniform then. And like I told you before, I snuck out the back, as I thought I might be accused if I found the body. I didn't tell you about Miss Butkis before because I thought he deserved it. He did a lot of bad things - to me too, you know. But, then I prayed about it and God reminded me of my teachings. Only God can judge. So, I had to tell you what I saw and let justice be done here on Earth as God will do justice in Sly's afterlife."

I sighed a long sigh. Actually, I was not too surprised. Miss Butkis had definitely used Mrs. Purity to distract Father Bottomore. And her alibi had fallen through. If he hadn't spewed his load so quickly and returned to his post, she might have gotten away with it.

"Father, are you prepared to testify against Miss Butkis," I asked leaning towards him. 

"Yes, Detective. In the name of what's right, I will."

~~~

The previous day 

I sat in the confessional booth when I heard her sultry voice, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin?" I asked, noting her tone didn't have the usual remorseful tone of those asking for forgiveness.

Silence followed, so I repeated, "What is your sin, my child?"

Her voice replied, "I have a secret, Father."

"What is your secret?"

"I withheld important information to an officer of the law," she replied lowering her voice.

"Oh? What sort of information," I found myself whispering back.

"Information about the murder of my boyfriend." 

My heart jumped into my throat. 

She continued, "You see, I know you know my boyfriend, Sly Bucks. On the night of his murder, I decided to take a walk outside to see if one could see his balcony from the ground. I wanted to put on a kind of show, if I found out partiers could see me from the ground. And I found out you can see his balcony - quite clearly actually."

I gulped, but managed to say, "I see. And you saw something on his balcony?" 

"I did, Father."

My heart sank. "Why didn't you tell the police what you saw."

"Well, between you and me, Father, I am getting too old to continue with my career. I want to move from in front of the camera to behind the camera as a producer. And ... well ... that takes money." 

"And what does that have to do with what you saw on his balcony?" I asked, although I already knew the answer. 

"Well, what I saw will get a man in trouble ... and this man does good things. He can't do those things if he is in trouble. I want to do good things too, Father. My business makes people happy too, you see. I think we can help each other. I can forget what I saw and the church can give me monthly donations so I can go produce my movies. Do you understand, Father? Isn't this what God would want?"

"I see," I replied, rubbing my aching temples. 

"Then, everybody wins. So, can you help me, Father?"

I sat holding my head in my hands for what seemed like forever, before I replied, "Yes. We have an understanding."

Miss Cheeks left the confessional, and I headed straight to the altar, getting down on bended knee. I began, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned ..." And from there I recounted my mortal sin to my Lord and Savior, telling the sordid details of how I, Father Bottomore, killed Sly Bucks. You see, I had no choice really. He was an evil virus threatening everything I held dear. First, he corrupted my commitment to the Church, my sacred vow, by using my body in the most heinous way. Second, the sexual depravity trickled down to one of my parishioners, Mrs. Purdy Purity. It was then that I knew I had to end the evil - cut the head off the snake.

The night of the murder, Mrs. Purity had just put her mouth on my cock and I came quickly. We were both surprised, I think, and she hurried off. I was shocked by what had just transpired and went back upstairs to confront Sly ... to tell him this had to end. It was then that I saw Miss Ima Jean Butkis enter Sly's bedroom. They fought a little and Sly had obviously been drinking, stumbling around the room. Then, he clumsily took his clothes off. I saw her get a paddle and follow him towards the balcony.

Slipping out of my alcove, I peeked around the corner to watch them. Sly was bent over the balcony railing. She had a paddle in one hand and then I saw her pick up a heavy brass candlestick with her other hand from the table on the balcony. She raised the candlestick over her head, seemingly going to strike Sly with it. But then, she stopped. Dropping her head, she put the candlestick back down and cursed, spanking his ass again with her paddle in her other hand. I snuck back into the alcove, so she wouldn't see me. I saw her leave shortly afterward through my two-way mirror.

Something snapped in me, and I entered his room and walked out on the balcony. He was still leaning over the railing naked, drunk and singing, and I quietly walked up and gave him a push - just like that - easy as that. I think it was God's will as I did it without hesitation or remorse. I quickly returned to the hidden room and snuck out the back stairs, making sure no one saw me. Then, I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Now, I could return to my chaste life, once again quieting the sexual urges Sly had awakened within me.

Now, with the recent complication with Miss Cheeks in the confessional, I needed the Detective to find a killer and close her case, so I could have peace of mind. I knew what I had to do. Miss Butkis was not innocent. She had thoughts of killing him - I knew it. This was God's will indeed.   

~~~

Musings from the grave

This is a dark and foreboding place, I hate coffins because they’re so small. And that noise is deafening. What the fuck are they doing up there? I mean, I don’t have to stay here I can just leave. In fact, I think I will.

Look at them, gathering around the grave and sobbing. Twats! All of them.

“That's right make sure I can't escape, pour in more soil and why not throw in a few gold bars for good measure. That should keep the lid firmly in place.”

They can’t hear me, which is just as well.

And that bastard in the dog collar has the gall to stand there with his book open and praise me.

“That’s right throw in a few crumbs of soil while you speak utter crap. Loved was I? Well, fuck me.”

The only thing they loved was my money and my cock. I won’t miss them. I won’t miss any of them.

Well, okay, I may miss Rosie’s mouth but not the cleaning bill. I may miss Heidi’s ass as well. Jeez, could those girls fuck. I think I may just miss Purdy’s innocent naked cleaning sessions – just a little.

And what of my killer, Father Bottomore. What an unfortunate name he was blessed with. It wasn’t often, but he liked having a little More up his Bottom, that’s for sure.

Why? Why did the ungrateful bastard push me? I mean, I promised him the estate for absolution and look where it got me. He may be a man of the cloth but his cloth is marked and I hope that God, who I shall be having words with, will know what he did. All I asked from him was to be free of sin, and then he sins, betraying me in the process.

I’ve had a word with Him upstairs and they haven’t decided where to put me yet. Will it be heaven? Will it be hell? I’m probably going to hell, after all, I did fuck his deserving servant up the arse.

They seem to be moving further away, fading, or is it me. It’s a shame because I would love to see the look on Father Bottomore’s face when he gets read the constraints of his inheritance. At least the company will be in good hands and I hope it stays that way too.

I don’t want to go, not just yet. But they’re getting further away.

Regrets? Yeah, I had a few. Maybe – just the one regret. My heart was owned by Ima Jean and I wish I’d…