Leaving Boston by subway at rush hour is a mistake any time of the year. Doing so at rush hour on Halloween by heading toward Wonderland to meet friends and attend a party in Salem? That’s just fucking insane. Yet there I stood, stepping onto the Blue Line at Bowdoin on a Friday night in my pretty red lace panties and no bra.

Well, not just my red lace panties; that would probably get me a trip to the police station. I also had on a dress. A thin white dress with off-the-shoulder puffy cap sleeves. It had lacing going up the back. Dainty white ribbon crisscrossed up my back while leaving a generous opening between the laces—the reason I didn’t wear a bra with this dress. I tied the ribbons tightly for a snug fit, which pulled the already short mini dress a little shorter but did nothing to cover my back. If I bent over even slightly, my ass would be on display to anyone who looked. The babydoll dress had a ruched bodice that held my ample breasts securely as the skirt flared out from beneath.

I could've taken the train from North Station straight to Salem instead, but I found the moments of darkness in the subway tunnels led to more daring encounters. And I was looking for a pre-party thrill.

Being jostled on the subway meant people would stare, so I had to be prepared in case it was my face they looked at.

My makeup skillfully painted me as the picture of porcelain perfection. The dark lines at my joints mimicked articulation points on a doll. I had my hair pulled up into thick twin fishtail braids which then lay over my shoulders. With my hair longer than my skirt, having it down loose meant covering my back, and that would only make it harder to hook my prey. The ice-blue of my eyes seemed even bluer with a smoked-out lavender shade and brown liner. A gentle rosy glow kissed my cheeks, while my lips glistened with a soft pink shade.

I appeared to be full of graceful innocence, except for that slight flash of red when my skirt swished in just the right way. Well, that and the very expensive white leather cut-out stilettos that laced up my calf into a neat little white bow below my knees. They had a red bottom—like me.

My outfit turned heads the entire walk to the station. As it should've. It was fucking freezing, and I was dying of hypothermia—I just couldn’t show it. I was a doll after all. Of course, being a warm-blooded woman, my nipples revolted at the notion of the cold not affecting me and threatened to ruin my costume with such a human trait.

A quick glance around the car confirmed my choice was the correct one. It was already standing room only. I made my way to a bar, next to some fella who looked all prim and proper in a black tuxedo, top hat, and a leather masquerade mask with elegant gold painted detail work adorning the carved curves of the design. They were symbols. I didn’t recognize any except the leviathan cross at the center of his forehead, but straight black hair fanned out beneath his worn top hat and partially covered the cross. I wondered if he knew the symbolism of it, or if it was just a costume for him.

“Guess it’ll be safe to stand here since you’re all magically balanced and whatnot,” I said with a sweet smile on my lips as I looked up at him. He was cute for an older guy. The bashful way he returned my smile made him even cuter.

He gave me a slight nod, and I turned away from him to grab the bar without being obvious about pushing my ass back against him.

At the next stop, more people piled on, and he pressed a little closer to me. He accidentally pushed me forward as someone bumped into him. I looked over my shoulder at him, and he grimaced awkwardly. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he looked away.

“’t’s okay.”

Someone grabbed the bar beside me and forced me back into the kind stranger. His hand fell onto my waist in a firm grasp, but he quickly pulled it away and grabbed the bar above his head again. Our bodies curved against one another in the packed car. I glanced back to see him looking around. He bit his lip as he angled his head to peer into the car ahead of us. There was more space in there. He must’ve seen that as well, but he didn’t move away from me.

I glanced down to hide my smile. Okay, so, like me, he was choosing to stand right there. Then his hardened dick rubbed against my ass as the train rocked forward again.

My breasts jiggled from the movement, and I swayed forward then back into him, and again his hand landed on my waist, settling in the curve that dipped in above my hips. This time it stayed there.

What did I know about this man? He had peridot-green eyes and a rich, almost tawny complexion. His hair was full beneath the top hat, and his smile was slightly lopsided. His build was muscular but not bulky. And his hands were large; his thumb rested at the center of my back, yet his fingers still easily curved around to my stomach.

He was gently caressing the top of my ass, lifting my skirt as he did. I could’ve made a scene. Screamed or swatted his hand away, but that wouldn’t serve my purpose. So I let him lift my already too short skirt, which allowed me to feel the firm bulge of his shaft pressing into my cheek.

I also knew that I liked him being right where he was. But then I turned around. 

~

My top hat sat slightly askew as I stepped onto the subway car. I adjusted it so that it sat neatly atop my head before I grabbed a bar near the door I’d entered. I hated traveling around Boston at Halloween. Any direction but toward Salem would be ideal. Somehow my sorry ass got invited to a costume party being hosted by the one family who could make or break my chances of securing the needed funding for a research project in my field. And that family is based in Salem, of course. They are old money, which means they had plenty of it and were itching for the tax breaks that came with such donations.

Schmoozing was expected, so I dressed the part of the charmer. My intent had been Erik from Phantom of the Opera. The outfit I cobbled together from my research team made me look more like a creepy yet oddly romantic magician. A surprise piece came when Tessa whipped out a molded and hand-tooled masquerade mask from her bag as though she traveled with it regularly. The tux was my own; the top hat came from John's Mad Hatter costume. It needed a couple of minor alterations, but worked well enough. And the cape was Jenna's. By their powers combined, I became “Dr. Feel Good and Please Give Us Your Money.”

I was rehearsing my plea as I stood in the subway car. In my head, of course. I didn't want to come across as some mental case. But that all went out the window when she stepped in front of me and reached up. Her fingertips brushed mine as she grabbed the bar, and I instinctively lifted my hand higher to give her some space.

She looked like perfection. Her costume was simple but effective—a doll of some sort. No strings, so not a marionette, though the lines on her joints denoted articulation. And my dick responded with an immediate surge of appreciation at the idea of articulating her.

She said something, but I didn't actually hear her. So, I smiled and gave a slight nod. Hope filled me. I knew I'd made the right choice when she didn't move away. The jerk of the car as it pulled out of the station caused her to lean into me. There was little chance she didn't notice my dick pressing against her ass cheek, but she neither glowered in my direction nor made a fuss. No, instead, she glanced over her shoulder and dismissed it with a smile.

The busy train, while normally an annoyance, held a certain charm as she pressed into me. With my objective for the night quickly forgotten, my focus shifted to this impossible beauty seemingly hell-bent on getting a rise out of me. And she was succeeding with embarrassingly little effort.

My discomfort persisted as she didn't object to my hand on her waist at the first stop; in fact, she didn’t react at all. Though once I pulled it away, she craned her neck toward the car in front of us, so I did the same. It wasn't as full as our car. I didn’t want to leave, and I didn't want her to leave. She rocked back, causing our bodies to collide together as the train jerked forward. This time my left hand landed on her waist, and it stayed there.

There was a nice dip just above her hips. My mind went from practicing my speech to simply holding her waist with one hand then bending her forward with the other on her upper back. Bracing her so I could… do unspeakable things to her right there for all to see.

Guiding her to hold the back of the seat of the man sitting in front of us as I thrust into her over and over again. But I'm not that bold of a person. I was barely bold enough to grip her a little tighter as the train forced our bodies close. Well, maybe I helped keep mine close to her. Then she turned around.

~

The next stop shuffled more people into the packed car, and it forced us tighter together. Though many of the people moved to other cars, we didn’t part. It didn’t go unnoticed that his knee pushed between my legs after I turned to face him. His jaw clenched as someone bumped into him when they walked past. I smiled and parted my legs as he visibly struggled to keep his gaze fixed on mine. The beads of sweat on his neck and the tightened muscles in his jaw were quite the giveaway.

I wondered what was going on in his head as I tried not to smirk at the situation I manufactured for my own amusement.

The little voice in my head said he was picturing all the things he could do with me. What would a man like him do with his own living doll? A quick tilt of my head seemed to draw his eye to my neck. And then they drifted lower. The heat of the car hadn’t yet penetrated the chill that had endured through my initial walk to the subway, but my kind stranger had a penetrative kind of warmth, so I pushed myself a little tighter to him. His hand slid to the small of my back, and he looked up, away from me, a slight smile on his full lips.

His leg shifted, and it caused his thigh to rub against my panties. Not enough for a sensual reaction, but enough to make us both smile. I glanced around. An old man with a newspaper. A woman with her face buried in her phone. A couple leaning into each other. There were a few businessmen scrolling on their phones and showing each other something they found amusing, and so many others. Most in costumes. Many seemingly already drunk or maybe high and riding something in addition to the subway.

We might as well have been in our own little world. So, I treated it as such. I put my hand on his hip, not unlike how he’d first put his on mine, and lifted my chin in a challenge to him.

He blushed as his gaze turned to me once again. I took a deep breath in and steadied my gaze on him. Then he pulled his leg from between my thighs and stepped back slightly.

The fucking nerve. Here I was practically offering myself up to him, and he was clearly interested, but he backed down? Coward.

I turned around before I let a scowl cross my face.

~

She was so goddamn tempting. The warmth of her pussy on my thigh, even through my pants, made it difficult to think clearly. Just the sight of her stirred thoughts I had no business entertaining with a stranger. Her nipples were prominent rosy peaks beneath the thin white dress she wore. She was tantalizing. For once in my life, I didn’t want to be the gentleman who did the right thing. I wanted to embody my costume and be the creepily romantic magician. Or maybe just the creepy magician.

But, I couldn’t be. There was already a guy a few seats away glaring at me as my hand tightened on her hip. His demeanor was threatening. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but provocation rarely ended well. Then again, I didn’t want my attention on some random jackass. So, I turned my focus back to my doll.

Her gentle smile and encouraging body language threatened to undo me. We were in a very public setting with many sets of eyes to offend if we pushed the envelope too much. She looked around, maybe thinking better of her boldness, but then she pressed a little closer as she tilted her neck.

The curve of her neck called to me. So delicate and inviting. The overwhelming desire to feel the softness of her skin beneath my lips made it all the more difficult to restrain myself. It was a good thing I hadn’t dressed as a vampire or I might not’ve resisted.

Though, I wouldn’t even have to lean much; we were of similar heights due to her heels. Still, we weren’t in private, and I fought the urge to cave to temptation by looking away from her. My focus shifted back to the seat of the man who’d glared had been.

It was empty.

I stood a little taller, and unintentionally stepped closer to the girl as I searched the car for signs of trouble.

My jaw clenched. It felt ungodly hot with so many bodies packed into the subway car. I was certain I was sweating, but I wasn’t sure how much of that was from this beautiful woman practically climbing into my arms, how much was nervousness at potentially offending the people around us—or drawing the attention of some asshole who meant either one of us harm—and how much was simply trapped body heat in a packed metal car.

I couldn’t help but take her in again: the line of her neck, her ample breasts being contained behind such thin fabric, the way her body continued to sway with mine… It was almost too much to bear. The protrusion and slight darkening of the material above her nipples made me avert my gaze. It felt incredibly inappropriate to look at her in such a sexual way with so many people to observe. At the same time, she certainly seemed to invite me–specifically me–to do just that.

She should’ve been dressed as a siren. Her silent song urging me closer and closer until she could wrap her hands behind my neck and lift herself even while dragging me down to the depths of depravity. If only we were in a private setting. Or even just a few less people around. Then I could at least enjoy sinking beyond my moral limits.

My hand slid to the small of her back as I envisioned more with her. So many options. So much potential.

I could grab her ass and pull her up, press her back against the… what doors? No, that wouldn’t be safe. The bar near the doors? That would probably be uncomfortable. The windows would be awkward with the seats in the way, though there is the accessible area with seats that lift for wheelchair and bike storage. Yeah, that could work. Or I could be selfish and simply push her down to her knees and encourage her to blow me.

The appeal was control. She was a doll; I wanted to pose her. I wanted to use her. Free access to her entire body at my whim as she looked up at me with those big, needy eyes and simply existed for my pleasure. My thoughts churned with ideas I’d never even considered with other girls I’d been interested in. What made her different?

She wasn’t the first I’d seen so carelessly dressed and seeking attention, but they’d never drawn my attention like this before. I’d glance and smile then turn back to whatever I was doing. Why did she have such a hold on me?

Her pussy rubbed on my leg, and the weight of her hand on my hip pulled me from my debauched fantasies and consideration of my predicament. Fuck. I needed to get away from her before I did something I regretted. I pulled my leg from between hers and took a respectable step back, bumping into the person behind me. Creating just a little distance between us. Not enough.

And she looked hurt by it. Fuck. Wrong move. For her or me? My hand tugged her skirt slightly as she turned away. I saw the pouty scowl on her face in the window's reflection. She looked as frustrated as I felt, but what the fuck was I supposed to do on such a packed train? Just flip up her skirt, pull down her panties and lay into her as everyone watched?

I stepped closer and made a bold but subtle movement. Hopefully, it assuaged her frustration. Because it did fuck all for mine.

~

When I turned away, I half expected him to leave. Instead, I tensed up a little as I felt his hand slide up the back of my thigh. He caressed my ass under my dress, and his fingers slid under the thin band of my panties at my hip and tugged slightly. It caused the fabric to pull at me, and I bit my lip to avoid moaning.

My cheeks flushed with heat as his fingers trailed between my thighs, so light and gentle. I hadn’t expected him to take such a bold move after seemingly rejecting me. I could face him again, or I could push back against him. I glanced to see if anyone had taken notice of this shift in our situation, but everyone had their own things going on.

His fingers slid over my panties. Gentle pressure as they moved forward made me bite my lip. I’ve never had someone actually just go for it like that. They hold me and press their bodies against me; they let the train movement mask my grinding against their covered and swollen cocks. But he pulled his cock away from me and slid his fingers so tenderly over me.

My ass pressed back toward his hand, and I felt his breath on my hair. What I wouldn’t have given in that moment for him to grab my hair and pull it back as he slipped a finger into me. But he only breathed as his fingers caressed me. Public sex had always been a fantasy of mine that I was too afraid to explore. I got by with grinding against random men during rush hour.

Well, not entirely random. Handsome men. Generally older than me by at least a decade. Distracted men. Halloween was my favorite time of year to do it, because I could don a costume for the occasion. Last year I was a nymph in a barely-there bra and skirt costume. The year before I became a vixen in a tight bodysuit. I’ve been an angel, and a devil as well. And each time they’d only held my hip with one hand as we let the train’s movement guide our bodies in over the clothes grinding.

My mysterious magician was taking it a step further. I was scared, but also thrilled.

I gripped the bar a little tighter and closed my eyes, then his finger slid beneath my panties, along my vulva, and he slipped into ‌my pussy. I gasped as I pushed back against him.

His chuckle vibrated against my back.

His voice was husky as he whispered, “Such a life-like doll, you are. Stay still for me.”

And I felt compelled to do exactly that. Maybe this time was different. Perhaps I’d give him my name, or my number, or I could’ve dragged him off the train at the next stop and into a dark recess somewhere. He could simply use me. I’d be very compliant, a good little doll for a powerful magician. All he had to do was… make me.

I smiled and glanced over my shoulder at him. Could he make me beg?

~

I didn’t understand what had come over me. I just needed to touch her. Wanted to show her the same torment she was pushing onto me each time her tight, rounded ass pressed against my desperate dick. At least, it started as an intent to torment and tease.

She radiated heat and didn’t pull away when my fingers slid beneath her panties. Some part of me wanted to bend her over, flip up her skirt and turn her ass red for everyone on the ride to see. But another part felt protective of her. No. Not protective. Possessive.

She was mine. My toy. My plaything. Just mine.

My finger pushed into her. She had ample lubrication already, so I slipped a second finger into her and felt her pussy clench around me. A thought crossed my mind that perhaps no one else had ever let the minx have what she craved. Maybe they all let her tease and were too afraid to challenge her. It would certainly look bad for me if she accused me of assault, and I genuinely had no idea if she might see it that way or not.

At least, I had no idea until I whispered to her and she responded with a look over her shoulder, lust in her eyes, and a small smile of compliance at my request to stay still. And just like that, I knew what she needed was exactly what I wanted to give her.

Another stop happened, and I whispered against her ear as I withdrew my finger. And caressed her ass. “Turn around and face me, Doll.”

Maybe I couldn’t give her the entire fantasy where we stood, but I could give her a taste.

~

His command chilled me in the best way.

I dutifully spun around, and he smiled. His eyes locked on mine. His hand slid over my hip then back inside my underwear. His light touch on my clit was teasing. Slow little circles with his thick fingers barely grazing sensitive skin.

My chest heaved with the struggle to contain my reaction. Dolls don’t orgasm. Dolls just provide pleasure. His touching me is about pleasing him, not me. It became a mantra repeated in my head. But, I wasn’t sure how much of it was true because he was definitely pleasing me.

His hand movements were subtle, but effective. My attempts at controlled breathing were proving difficult. I brought my hand to his wrist, and his fingers stilled for a moment as my other hand tightened on the pole beside me. My gaze locked onto his eyes, and I caressed the inner line of his wrist. A continue please, that lingered unspoken between us.

And he did continue. Stroking me lightly for a moment. He smiled as he watched my breathing become labored and perspiration form on my neck and forehead. The restraint of not grinding toward his hand, my inability to reciprocate, and my silent compliance were all working together to overwhelm me.

I wished we’d gotten a seat at the start. In a back corner where I could slip my hand into his pants and torment him just the same. My eyes closed, and my hand tightened on his wrist. A slight gasp escaped me, and he chuckled lightly.

“Shhh,” he urged gently.

The way I searched the train car for a more private spot—or at least a spot where I wasn’t standing in front of some old fool with his newspaper in front of his face while my ass clenched from the building pleasure—was quite obvious.

But my magician played it so cool. His fingers barely moved as he looked around. I trusted that this was still a one-person show as his finger slid through my folds and entered me again. The absolute insanity of the whole situation as he hooked his finger within me and pulled my pussy closer to him was entrancing. Then his thumb caressed my tender clit, and my hands clenched, gripping both his wrist and the bar as tightly as I could.

“If only we weren’t so crowded in, right?”

My cheeks flushed with warmth, and his sharp smile showed off perfectly white teeth. I couldn't even see his entire face, just the general shape of how things might look. His nose was covered by the ornate mask, but I could easily get lost in his eyes. And his voice was so mellow and deep. I have no doubt that he knew exactly what he was doing to me and he was relishing that sense of control.

The thought of him pushing himself against me and kissing me, lifting me into his arms as he angled my back onto something for leverage. I glanced around quickly; the only viable places were the grotesque bathroom door or the windows near the bike storage. That could work. As long as he kissed me anything would work, honestly.

I resisted the pleasure he offered. I had to. If I didn't, everyone in that subway car would know I'd let a stranger play with my pussy right in front of them all. And at that point, well, I might as well just let him fuck me, right?

“No magic tricks up your sleeve so they won't notice?” I asked, my voice breaking slightly as his thumb sent a tingle through me.

He chuckled lightly and pressed himself a little tighter to me, forcing my back toward the bar nearest us. “Something tells me you might like it more if they noticed. A pretty little doll on display, posed and used by all.”

My lips parted, but I said nothing. It was getting more difficult to maintain my composure. “Sadly,” I said with a waver in my voice, “If they noticed, we'd both be in trouble.”

“So being displayed does appeal to you?”

“In pretty dresses with my hair and makeup done just… so.”

He shifted his gaze to my hair and face in turn. “Down would be easier to control.” Then his hand left the bar and ran up the back of my neck. His fingers snaked into my hair. He pulled back slowly and gently as he leaned his body against me. The train jerked to a stop, and his full weight was on me as he tried not to lose his balance.

~

She was a fucking tease, is what she was. Taunting me with playful jabs and no complaints. Going along with my snippy little suggestions. She let me finger her right there in front of everyone. Not that anyone noticed. They seemed caught up in their own existence, and for once I couldn't be more grateful for the blinders people wore in daily life.

If I thought for a second I could get away with it, I'd have her drop to her knees to fucking worship me. Something told me she wouldn’t even hesitate. Her beautiful eyes looked up at me, silently pleading, for what I wasn’t sure. My encouragement and praise as I made use of her body, perhaps? She didn't move without my say. Sex dolls are just there, no need for consent or pleasure of her own, just there to serve me, and touching her served me nicely. Tormenting her served us both.

My personal doll to pose for show.

I wondered how long she could hold a pose.

A pose of her on my desk sprang to mind. Her chin lifted, breasts pushed out due to a deeply arched back, her legs wide open with her hands behind her knees. Her body held in sensual repose by the desire to exist for my use and pleasure.

A doll I could use in my studies during anatomy lessons. Private showings offering detailed explorations of a woman’s body. She lay perfectly still and the orgasm forced from her in obedient silence brought tears to her eyes. Could she hold that kind of control?

The thought faded as the train rocked me into her again.

I flicked my thumb over her clit, and she drew a deep shuddering breath. It could've been a shiver, a cold chill down her spine at the way I looked her body over and licked my lips, or simply the chill of the night in such a tiny dress, but the perspiration sliding between her breasts said she was much too overheated to still be chilled.

I leaned down, pressing my lips to hers. A kiss on the subway was normal. No one would realize my fingers were curled into her cunt as my thumb toyed with her clit. The other patrons wouldn't notice her moan against my tongue or the way her fingernails dug into my wrist. They certainly wouldn't notice that her pussy was contracting tightly against my fingers in a pulsing rhythm as I slipped my tongue beneath hers. They might notice the tremble at the back of her thighs, but I braced myself against the pole and slipped my arm behind her back, supporting her in case her legs buckled.

While that tremble could still be from wearing such a tiny dress in the cold, collapsing because she couldn’t support herself any longer would draw a crowd. I erred on the side of weakened legs rather than a deep chill.

My fingers rolled lightly within her, soothing the orgasm she'd fought so hard to avoid.

Seeing that happy little bashful smile as I pulled my lips from hers and adjusted her skirt back into a decent position brought me some confidence I desperately needed on that night. Her lustful, glossy gaze was endearing as she leaned back against the pole she’d clung to throughout.

Her pleasure coated my fingers, and I had to dismiss the urge to taste her right there. The desire to drop down and bury my tongue in her cunt in such a public place couldn't be allowed. I'd already done more than I should have, and I imagine it would be harder to ignore such a blatant display, tempting as it was to find out.

For the next two stops, her skin was dewy and her cheeks were pink. I didn't ask her name. Or her number. I just stood there, enjoying her quiet and embarrassed existence in post-orgasmic bliss. It pleased me that she’d fought the pleasure so hard, only to succumb anyway. her ability to control her orgasm so completely that no one had noticed intrigued me. And kinda pissed me off, if I was being honest.

And then we each stepped off the subway at Revere Beach. She headed toward Wonderland, and I did as well, but somewhere in the crowd, I lost sight of her.

I wish I'd gotten her name at least.

~

I was overwhelmed. All I could do was smile. He stayed close, hovering really, blocking access to me for the remainder of the train ride. When we disembarked at Revere Beach, I knew I had to lose track of him. If I didn't, we were going to end up behind some seedy bar with my panties around at least one of my ankles, and his cock deep inside of me. And that’s not how these adventures were meant to go!

I kept sight of him for a while, even after he seemed to lose track of me. He looked disappointed. My pussy ached at the lost opportunity, but I wasn't trying to get fucked. Hell, I wasn't even trying to get fingered.

My hand lowered down over my stomach as I clenched at the reminder of orgasming in near silence while he kissed me in front of a subway car full of strangers. I hated that I ached for more. I'd never been so drawn to the men I’d pressed myself against before. They’d cop a feel now and then, but mostly, they just stood like statues and let our bodies rock with the motion of the train, pressing to each other and presenting just enough friction to quicken their breath and cause their grip to tighten on the bar they held.

Maybe he was too young. Too close to my own age. His hair wasn’t graying and I couldn’t tell if he had any wrinkles because of the mask. Maybe I misjudged the ten year gap when I found him.

It had always been one and done, no lingering thoughts beyond that of a teased cock hard and unsatisfied against my ass before I walked away. It was fun to be a tease. To show off and give a guy something to think about when he was back home and in private. It gave me a thrill to simply know some of them might’ve returned home to a wife or girlfriend who reaped the benefits of my efforts.

I do wish I had gotten his name, or at least a look under the mask. But I hurried off to meet my friends. My pulse raced as I thought about the encounter. My friends laughed and carried on; their own micro costumes were somehow even more daring than mine. I couldn’t focus on their conversation.

A strange man with a top hat and mask invaded my every thought. His smile, his voice, his hand between my…

Shit. I think I like him.

My smile faded and I sat back, looking forlornly out the window. I might’ve fucked up.

~

My presentation was met with interest; my grant was awarded, and the preparation for my research project was underway by the following Monday. I just had to set up a formal written proposal and submit it to the committee to determine the actual amount of my award.

But all I could think about was a young woman who turned my world upside down on Halloween. For weeks after, I took a rush hour subway to Revere, and then back. I had no reason other than hoping she would step between those doors again. Maybe she’d be in business attire or casual jeans and a heavy hoodie to keep the chill away.

Then again, maybe I was no longer a thought in her mind.

Still, I tried. She fascinated me and I wanted to know who she was. It didn’t have to go any further than that. I merely wanted to know her.

~

I tried to get that feeling back. The thrill of uncertainty, the rush of flirting with danger in a packed subway car, but I found myself intentionally avoiding the Blue line after my magician ruined it for me. I couldn’t get the same thrill. The desire was gone. I wanted him, but I wouldn’t even recognize him if I saw him again. It was disappointing.

That fucking mask. The very thing that drew me to him meant I couldn’t find him again even if I looked. And the odds he’d be looking for me? The slutty little doll he played with for an hour one night? Slim. He probably thought I was a con artist that he happened to short circuit before I could rob him blind.

I certainly didn’t come across as very dateable given how quickly he got his fingers inside of me. And what sucked is that’s the opposite of me in every day life. I’m the chaste studious girl who puts school above everything else. Except for when I needed a break from being me.

I finally came across a guy I might like and I ruined it. Go figure.

I sat in the subway car, and my tongue flicked across my teeth as I shook my head. It was pointless. The thrill was gone, so I didn’t even know why I was bothering to ride the damn cars. I wasn’t standing near anyone. I was squishing myself into a back corner and hiding, or looking over the car then moving to the next one, just searching for someone, anyone who might be able to meet that need for me. But no one appealed.

He probably went home to his wife that night and never thought about me again. That would be my luck.

~

I’d nearly given up hope. My rides on the Blue line in evening rush hour went from daily to weekly over a couple of months. Then maybe once a month until summer rolled around and I stopped riding at all. Couldn’t even look at the damn stations without feeling a pang of regret. I even had a date set up for Halloween. A little Italian place on the North End with a girl I didn’t really have much interest in. She was blonde. And petite. Cute by all common standards. But she wasn’t my doll.

I just wasn’t ready to fully give up yet. One more try.

I felt like an idiot as I stepped into the same train car from the year before. My mask covered the upper half of my face and the top hat sat atop my head. I’d had to make promises of favors to be turned in later to get the pieces, but I needed this. To say goodbye to the idea of her at the very least.

~

I paced the car, back and forth. I was back on the Blue line. One car ahead of the one I’d ridden in last year. My hands ran over my skirt, flattening and tugging it a little so it wasn’t quite so short. Had it been this short last year? God, there was no way he’d be there. I was just setting myself up for disappointment.

Why had I even bothered? It was so stupid. The same costume, the same car, the same flutter in my stomach when I stepped between the doors… But not the same man. The one I wanted. My magician. He wouldn't be there.

I was biting my thumb and at the next stop it became more difficult to pace. The back car wasn’t as full. But, going back there? I’d have to face utter sadness at my fuck up from last year. I thought about it. I wanted to. Every time I tried to take a step forward, my legs stalled, unable to carry me towards the past.

By the third stop, I was crushed into a corner near one of the doors, and at the fourth stop I got pushed out by an exiting crowd. I tried to jump back on, but the rush of people made it difficult and the doors closed before I could.

My eyes filled with tears as the subway pulled away. The last car came into view and a magician’s mask, ornately detailed and leather, caught my eye. I gasped and he leaned toward the window. He’d seen me, too. He mouthed something and held his hands out, lowering them as he looked at me pointedly. Stay there? Was that what he’d said? I could wait a little while, I supposed. I didn’t have anywhere to be.

Worst that happened is I was wrong and I wasted just a little bit more of my time with a smidge of hope.

~

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. She’d been on the subway, just not in the right car. Or at least not in my car. “Stay there. Right there. Stay, please?” I motioned my hands instinctively, I don’t really know what I did, but I hoped the message was clear enough. The fourth stop was Maverick. After that was the Airport. The airport had cabs. I could catch a cab back. Or the subway, I could just take the next one back. Which one was faster? Fuck.

I opted for the subway to get straight back to the stop. And on the way I texted my date, canceling and apologizing while my head spun with the possibilities of finally having more time with my doll.

When I got there, she stood in the center of the platform, head inclined, watching the track map intently while biting her finger with a look of deep concentration. Then she glanced over as the doors opened. I couldn’t get off that subway car fast enough, and her smile was radiant as I rushed to her.

“What’s your name?” I yelled as I approached, pushing past the people standing between us.

“Luna,” she said with a gentle laugh as I neared her.

“I’m Wes. It’s nice to meet you.” My hand reached up and pushed her hair behind her ear then swept it over her shoulder. It was long, wavy layers. And I couldn’t wait to get my hands in it to pose her just the way I wanted.