July 1, 2020

Why do you spend the most time thinking about those who don't think about you? They have moved on without a thought for you. And what are you doing? Still stuck in the past, not moving forward, missing the joys right in front of your face today.

Jake's words keep replaying in my mind like a broken record. I hadn't thought about it like that, but he was right. Sometimes I need to hear something over and over and over before it finally seeps through my stubborn skull. 

He said a lot of things to me today. Things that were very hard to hear. Things that stung. 

Why did you leave him if you were going to continue to live as if he is still hurting you every day? You can't control what he did, but you can control how you let it affect you.

I retorted by screaming that I hated the ones who hurt me. If felt good to say it out loud, but Jake was not happy. He told me he wouldn't date me with hate in my heart because I would never be free to build a future with him. 

If you can find a way to free yourself, meet me here at 9:00 pm on the fourth of July. If not, I wish you well, Kimberly.

Those were the last words he spoke to me before walking away, maybe walking out of my life for good.

~~~

I spend the next two days doing something I haven't done over the last year - looking at myself instead of others. I mean really looking at myself. It's hard, you know ... to make that leap ... accepting you are responsible for your life and your choices. It's easier to just wallow in the pain and blame others. My hate was keeping me connected to him I guess. If I am brutally honest, it was a way to keep myself from going through the pain of finally letting go. I see that now. 

My tears over him turn to tears over myself. The picture that had taken up a permanent residence in my head fades. His cock fucking her blurs. Her squeals silence. All I see now is a picture of myself driving by his house looking for her car, checking his Instagram a million times, stalking her Facebook for any signs of them together. I finally only see myself and all the time I have wasted and I am embarrassed. 

My next move is I get in my car and just start driving ... to nowhere in particular. I jam my playlist and drive and drive and drive. My mind seems to clear with each passing mile. Somehow, by muscle memory I guess, I find myself in our driveway ... I mean his driveway. I will my body to leave the car and walk up the steps to the front door. I must have knocked on the door, but the next memory I have is him standing in the doorway staring at me. I am sure he has not changed, but somehow he looks different to me, diminished in many ways.

"Kimberly, what are you doing here?" he asks with a look of curiosity mixed with apprehension.

I muster my strongest voice and blurt out, "I forgive you, Thomas ... both of you," and spin on my heels and walk back to my car a much lighter woman.

As I back down the driveway, I steal a glance at his frozen face still in the doorway. She has appeared by his side - the woman who used to bear the name "Kimberly's best friend."

I feel a new feeling towards them - indifference. And my mind floods with these new thoughts: Jake, my writing, my photography, all the possibilities open to me. It's almost like a poor-sighted person trying on glasses for the first time. My view has drastically changed. 

~~~

July 4th, 9:00 pm

As I walk up the hill, he slowly comes into view. My pace quickens with my heart rate. Looking around, it is the same hill we were on the other day, but the flowers are more prolific, the grass is greener, and the air is lighter. It's like I am seeing my surroundings for the first time.

He hears my footsteps and turns to me and stands. Our eyes meet and we just stare at each other in silence. I know he is waiting for my words. 

"I am free to love again," I whisper, then repeat, "I am free to love again," in a stronger voice.

"And what day is today?" he asks with a smile.

"Today is July 4th, 2020. I don't live in 2019 anymore." I pause before continuing, "You freed me."

"You freed yourself. The power was always yours, sweetness."

With those words, he walks forward and pulls me in for a kiss. I welcome his kiss and return it with newly discovered passion. We look at each other as if for the first time.

"Your eyes ... they are so blue. I didn't notice before," he says.

"I notice your blue eyes as well."

He kisses me again. Our lips move in perfect harmony. Slowly. Tenderly. His hands cradle my face as his kiss deepens, opening my mouth with his tongue. I taste him. Smell him. Seemingly for the first time. 

He whispers in my ear, "Please let me show you what you've been missing."

I kiss his lips again before nodding my head.

"Lay on your tummy, legs stretched out, Kimberly."

I obey, propping up on my elbows, looking out at the beautiful night sky. The stars are twinkling. I'd like to think they are signaling me that my life is about to brighten. 

He flips up my sundress and lays his head on my left ass cheek. I feel soft kneading on my right cheek and then the string of my thong is pulled to the side, making way for his tongue. Oh, I feel the fire of his first lick, and sharply intake my breath.

"Does that feel good, Kimberly?"

I can only groan in response. These forgotten sensations are coming back with a bang, rendering me speechless.

He settles between my legs and his hands slide underneath my pelvis, lifting my pussy to his face. Oh my goodness, the feeling of his face burrowing in my most private parts is breathtaking. Both hands work to stroke my lips as his tongue tortures my puckered hole. My toes wiggle uncontrollably. That is how you know a man is giving you a good licking - when you feel it in your toes.

"It has been so long," I whimper.

"Wait no longer, darling," he says before he plunges his rough tongue inside my pussy.

I can't even think it feels so good. He works his magic between my legs and in no time my legs are shaking and my tummy is tingling.

"Jake, I think I am about to-"

He thumbs my clit and "Ahhhhhhhh! Jake! Jake! Jake!" I cry out.

He continues working my pussy and clit until my shaking stops. I feel the weight of his body on mine, as he slides up my body. He covers my hands with his and whispers sweet, lovely things in my ear. I try to concentrate on his words but am distracted by the large, very hard member poking me in the ass. Damn, he's hard.

"Make love to me," I whisper in his ear.

He removes a hand covering mine and positions his cock at my entrance. We are still laid out, face-down. I haven't fucked in this position before but it feels very intimate. Every part of the front of his body is touching my backside. His face is by mine. His hands cover my hands. And then he pushes inside perfectly timed with the boom of the first firework. Oh my goodness, I am tight, but he gives me time to stretch for his girth. 

"Watch the sky, sweetness. Feel me pushing inside you with each boom in the sky."

We are propped up on our elbows, and he times his plunging cock with the loudest booms of the fireworks. The sight and sound further intensify his movements. He feels deep and he fills me completely. His weight holds me in place, making sure my pussy absorbs every bit of his thrusts. 

"Do you feel me, Kimberly?" he whispers.

"Yes, Jake, I feel you," I whisper back.

We are in no hurry and he slowly pulls back, with my pussy walls clinging to him, just to thrust back even deeper. A perfect rhythm with the explosive sights in the sky above. The explosive energy is contagious and rages through my veins. I'm alive for the first time in a long time. And I feel him ... every inch of him. His fingers squeeze mine. His tongue flicks inside my ear. I cross my feet over his feet. 

We make beautiful love on this hillside, connecting in the most intimate way, sharing every part of ourselves with each other, whispering all our wants and needs. 

Our pleasure crosses that line to where our bodies need release. I buck my hips, grinding my clit against the ground as his fucking intensifies. I hear his hard balls smack between my legs with each thrust. And his balls need emptying. He slides a hand underneath my mound and lifts, tilting my pussy. This small adjustment does me in, nerve-endings firing, tummy tightening, legs quivering, then an earth-shattering release. He fucks me with two more pussy-pounding thrusts and groans his release in my ear.

The grand finale of fireworks is booming around us as our bodies come down from our orgasms. He slips his softening cock out of me and rolls off me. With the sky lighting all around us, we lie facing each other, tangling our bodies, neither of us wanting to break our connection.

"That felt like the first time," I say, nuzzling against his warm neck.

"It was, in a way. This is a new beginning for us. You can always choose a new beginning in life, Kimberly."

It is a fresh start for us. I learned many life lessons this fourth of July. Firstly, I am always as free as I want to be. Secondly, If I give in to hate, that hate will chain me to the ground. Lastly, the past is to learn from, but not dwell on. It too can be like a chain around your leg, limiting your forward movement. So, I will take responsibility for my happiness from now on.