So there I was, roaming the Irish countryside searching for an abandoned church I heard about online, when lo-and-behold I got myself lost. This particular church was noteworthy because it still had intact stained glass windows, despite being several hundred years old.

The exact name of the church eludes me but I heard it was haunted by some sort of wailing spirit that drove everyone away. The village surrounding the church relocated and time wore it down to nothing. Only the church and its stained glass windows remained, or so the story goes.

If that was true, I wanted to find it. An empty old church with pretty windows may seem trivial to some, but I thought it would be fascinating to look at. I’d take some pictures for my social media profiles, maybe write a blog post about it, inform the locals what condition it was in, and be on my way. I had a rough idea where the church was, but had to park my rental car at the edge of a forest and finish my journey on foot.

As an experienced hiker, I didn’t think much of it, I’d mosey around the woods until I found it and retrace my steps back to the car. Like always, I got distracted along the way and veered off from my path only to forget which way I should be going in the first place.

 To make matters worse, it started raining. Normally I like rain. I find it peaceful, and it helps me sleep. But when you’re out in the wilderness without shelter, rain sucks. It’s cold, it ruins your clothes and food, makes the ground muddy and difficult to traverse, it just sucks. I had a small tarp in my kit for situations exactly like this and as I peered around the forest looking for a suitable tree to tie off to; I saw the unmistakable stony outcropping of a cave. Assuming a bear wasn’t inside, that was the safest and best form of shelter I could ask for. For once, luck was in my favor. 

With renewed vigor, I made my way toward the cave, picking up some tinder along the way before it got too wet to light. As I approached the cave with a skip in my step, I heard something odd. I slowed my pace and strained my ears to try to identify the noise. At first, I thought it was some strange whistle coming from the wind. Depending on the surrounding trees, it can sometimes create an ominous keening sound. This was different. It echoed from out of the cave and sounded like a woman crying, weeping in misery. My pulse quickened as I considered what could make that noise.

Was a woman trapped or hurt in there? Was it an animal that I didn’t know about? Perhaps an injured deer, or something? Or was I making it all up, just a figment of my imagination because I was cold and worried? Stress can do crazy things. It wouldn’t have been ridiculous for my brain to be playing tricks on me. As I approached the cave, the noise stopped. I peered in. Nothing but darkness. I stepped closer, into the mouth of the cave. Rain pattered on the stone around me. The darkness inside the cave seemed alive somehow, moving before me.

I unslung my backpack from my shoulder and reached inside to take out a flashlight. “Go away!” a shrill voice snarled. The flashlight flew into the air and landed hard on the stone beneath my feet. My first instinct was to heed the voice’s advice and run as fast as I could.

The primal part of my brain wanted nothing more than to flee and forget this ever happened. The rational side of me had a different opinion. Against my better judgment, I slowly kneeled down to pick up my flashlight. If someone was in here, they could be lost like I was. Maybe they needed my help as much as I needed theirs. 

My flashlight refused to turn on at first, but after a few whacks from my palm, it lit up. I shined the light into the cave and just about had another heart attack. The beam of light shone across the jagged stone until it illuminated the slender, pale figure of a naked woman. Well, the shape of one. She was translucent, not unlike a pane of stained glass.

I pointed my flashlight at her, trying to wrap my head around the situation, and she let out a shriek that almost burst my eardrums. “Go away or I’ll kill you!” she shouted, her voice raspy and worn. 

I believed her. Her spectral form was like nothing I’d ever seen outside of movies. Was she a ghost? Could she actually hurt me if she wasn’t solid? My understanding of physics was not enough to educate any decision in this regard. As my mind played out the possibilities of this encounter in my head, the depressing keening noise came back. The woman’s shoulders shuddered and she buried her face in her hands. Her breath came out in ragged bursts and she sniffled into her palms. She was crying.

“Is everything OK?” I asked, inching closer against my better judgment. 

“Go away, I don’t want you to die!” she sobbed. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on, but I knew she needed help.

“What do you mean? Why would I die?” I asked, inching ever closer. As I got closer, I got a better look at her. She was small, both in height and frame. Hunched over and sobbing made it hard to tell, but if I had to guess I’d say she wasn’t much more than four feet tall. She was very thin, almost sickly, and her skin was ghastly pale. She was surprisingly clean for a seemingly feral woman, or ghost, in the woods. I came within an arm’s length away from her and she looked up at me, eyes red and puffy from crying. 

“Everyone who meets me dies. I am cursed,” she whined, staring up at me with her puffy blue eyes. Clumps of coppery red hair fell around her face and I couldn’t help but think she’d be beautiful with a shower and a good night’s sleep.

“Are you hurt?” I asked, kneeling down next to her.

“No,” she said.

“How long have you been out here?” 

“Centuries.”

“What are you doing out here?”

“What do you mean?” she asked. She rubbed her nose on her wrist.

“What brought you out here? Why haven’t you gone home?”

“This is my home. I’ve always lived out here.”

“I see. Well, what makes you think you’re cursed?” My eyes glanced down to her bare breasts, a quick and involuntary reaction because they were out. I wasn’t trying to perv on her, it's just… there were boobs, so I looked.

“I have always been cursed, for as long as I can remember. There was a village nearby, with a beautiful church. I would watch people live their lives, day in and day out, but if I ever showed myself, they would run in fear or try to hurt me. I learned to isolate myself, only admire them from afar. But humans are so fragile. Eventually, they would die and I spent so much time watching them and their families that their deaths pained me so. I would cry for the fallen, but my sorrow only drove fear into the hearts of the villagers and eventually, they all left. Now I’m here, alone, so I don’t bother or hurt anyone.”

“You said there’s a village nearby, with a church?” I asked, suddenly excited. Perhaps I was close.

“Yes, there was. All the villagers left centuries ago and the buildings have all rotted away. All save the church.”

“Does it happen to have big stained-glass windows?” 

“Aye,” she nodded. A wave of excitement overtook me. Exciting as her information was, it paled in comparison to the see-through woman who gave it. What could she be? 

She looked human, though irregular. Being small and pale doesn’t make you a monster. Then I remembered her first shriek, the one that was so loud I thought my eardrums burst. That definitely wasn’t normal. Even if it somehow got magnified by the shape of the cave, it was still unnatural. I thought about my knowledge of Irish folklore. I wasn’t an encyclopedia or anything, but I’ve played my fair share of D&D so I had an idea as to what she might be. Couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Are you a banshee?” I asked.

“Aye,” she said, nodding again. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess,” I said, feeling anything but lucky.

“Are you not afraid of me?” she asked.

“A couple of weeks ago I would have shit my pants, but today? I guess I’m just happy to find someone out here. I was kinda lost.”

She smiled. Her teeth were remarkably straight and clean for a creature that lived out in the woods. And for being centuries old, she looked fantastic. Maybe spirits don’t age? Or she could choose her appearance? Fascinating to think about. Not that any of that mattered. “You’re very nice,” she said.

“Thanks. You’re nice too. I’m not sure why all those villagers were so afraid of you.”

“Humans fear what they do not understand.”

“You’re not wrong there,” I said. My stomach growled. “Are you hungry?” I asked, reaching into my bag for two protein bars. I pulled one out and handed it to her, then realized how stupid that was given she wasn’t solid. She eyed the bar suspiciously. I reasoned that she probably didn’t trust humans, especially one being nice to her for no reason. It made me sad to think of how lonely she was out here. How little she thought of herself because of the abuse she’d suffered in the past. I opened the bar and took a bite out of it, in case she thought I was trying to poison her or something.

She watched me chew and swallow. Then, in the blink of an eye, she became solid and cautiously took the bar from my hand. She brought it to her lips and took a bite. Her eyes stayed locked on to me as she chewed. Her face softened. I opened my bar and ate it.

“So what do you, like, do out here?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” she asked around a mouthful of protein bar.

“Do you ever get bored? What do you do for fun?”

“Sometimes I venture out to find people to watch. Or I just pleasure myself.”

I choked on my protein bar as she said that. “I see,” I said, clearing my throat. “You mean, like, masturbate?”

She nodded. “What else am I supposed to do out here, all alone?”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Whether she felt awkward about it or not, she stayed silent for a while. “Do you think you could take me to that church you mentioned? I’d really love to see it.”

“It’s getting late, and the rain is fierce. We should wait until morning.” She was right. The rain was pouring down in sheets, I couldn’t even see passed the cave mouth. I was also bushed, so waiting till morning didn’t sound half bad. I was a little apprehensive to spend the night with a banshee, whose powers and motives I wasn’t entirely clear on, but she gave me little reason to be afraid of her. If she decided to kill me in my sleep, then I guess I’d deal with that when it happened. Or just die. Either way.

I took all the things out of my backpack that needed to dry and got myself ready for bed. Stuck in a cave in the middle of nowhere during a massive thunderstorm pretty much meant that I just put my tarp down and climbed into my sleeping bag to stay warm. I offered her my jacket, more to keep my eyes off her than because she needed the warmth. If she lived out here as long as she said, then she no doubt didn’t need my help to stay comfortable. I settled into my damp sleeping bag and curled into a little ball to try to stay warm.

The banshee looked through all the things I put out to dry, fascinated with them. If she was never allowed to spend time in civilization, they probably looked as interesting to her as an ancient artifact did to me. It didn’t bother me. She wasn’t destroying anything, just curious about all of it, and once she finally stopped asking me questions about every little thing, I nodded off to sleep. My slumber was not long-lived. A rustling sound woke me up, followed by the chill of air as my sleeping bag opened. When I opened my eyes, the banshee was busy crawling into my sleeping bag with me.  

“What are you doing?” I asked, still half-asleep.

“I’m cold,” she said. I felt her skin touch mine, and she wasn’t lying. I’d have been shivering so much my fillings would have fallen out of my teeth. She climbed in and zipped the sleeping bag around us, pushing her bare booty back into my hips. My sleeping bag was only designed to fit a single person, so despite my inclination to flip over and respect her boundaries by sleeping butt to butt, there wasn’t enough room to facilitate that. She took my arm around wrapped it around her, scooting back into me and securing our spooning position.

It was at that point I noticed she was no longer wearing my jacket. She wrapped my arm around her body and placed my hand upon her firm, supple breast that had no business being that perky for how thin and old she was. My hand recoiled as my fingers figured out what I was holding, but she pulled it back and placed hers over top to secure my grip on her breast. I tried to tell myself that maybe banshees were very… comfortable with each other. Maybe this wasn’t inherently sexual to her, even though it was stirring things up for me.

I still felt weird about it. Who wouldn’t? She was a stranger to me, and not even human. It didn’t matter that she had a slender, petite frame that was currently naked and wrapped in my arms, it still felt wrong. Maybe she’s just cold, I told myself. She just needs a warm night’s sleep and everything will be fine. So as not to offend her or make things any more uncomfortable, I left my hand on her breast and tried to fall back asleep. Once she got cozy in my arms she settled in and the sleeping bag warmed up again. 

At first, her body was tense. With my arms wrapped around her, I easily felt her rigid posture and wondered if she was uncomfortable or just bony. As the sleeping bag warmed up, she relaxed, and as she relaxed, I dozed off once more. Right as the grip of sleep was about to take hold, I heard her moan. My first thought was that she was dreaming. I’ve been told I make noises in my sleep, it’s not uncommon at all. Then I felt her hips slowly moving against me and her fingers tightened around my hand, which tightened my hand around her breast. 

She let out a lengthy breath, as if to steady herself. The movements of her hips were subtle, almost imperceptible, but in my heightened state of awareness I picked up on them easily. Her grip relaxed on my hand. I kept it there and lay perfectly still, both because I didn’t want to startle her and because I wanted her to think I was still asleep. She kept going.

Her slow, barely noticeable movements and soft moans continued with her. My brain ran through a list of things she could be doing, and based on what she told me she does for fun, the most logical was that she was masturbating.

In my sleeping bag.

Naked.

With me wrapped around her.

Though awkward, I thought it would be infinitely more so if she knew I knew what she was doing. Isolated in the wilderness for that long was sure to degrade your social skills, I was willing to cut her some slack. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t jerked off in the middle of the night with other people in the room if I really needed it. Who hasn’t? I kept up the facade that I was asleep and let her do her thing. My plan was going swimmingly until my body betrayed me. Slowly, surely, I got hard.

At first, I panicked. There was no way she wouldn’t notice that if it kept growing. If she noticed it, there was no telling what could happen. Maybe it would end awesome, like my fairy encounter, or maybe she’d explode my brain with her crazy banshee howl.

I subtly adjusted my hips backward, making more room for my erection as her breathing increased. Her hip movements became more deliberate now, and it was obvious to anyone that she was nearing an orgasm. Her fingers tightened around my hand, forcing me again to clutch her breast as her passion escalated. My erection grew as I felt her slender, naked body writhing in my arms and I knew it was only a matter of seconds before it touched her and my cover was blown. Her breath quickened, her grip tightened and her hips moved of their own accord. If I could hold out just a little while longer she’d finish her business and I could calm down and go back to sleep.

Then, like someone flipped a light switch, she stopped. Her hips stilled, her grip loosened, and her breath returned to normal. If that was a banshee orgasm, I felt bad for her. It was very anticlimactic. My heart rate slowed and my erection softened. I relaxed as best I could, snuggling into her a bit to get comfy, and eventually drifted back to sleep wondering how I found myself in a position like this.

Sunlight woke me up, and the banshee was no longer in my sleeping bag. The zipped was tight and my arms were as if I was still holding her. She must have turned incorporeal to leave without disturbing me. I rolled over and looked around. My sleeping buddy was just outside the mouth of the cave, stretching naked in the morning sunlight.

It was still drizzling rain, and she was using it like a shower to clean herself. With the dirt and grime from before cleaned off and the soft morning light exposing her instead of my harsh flashlight, she looked beautiful. She rang out her long, coppery red hair and pulled it all to one side of her face as she looked at me.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Morning,” I replied as my eyes raked down her slender frame, following the curve of her breasts and hips shamelessly. I hoped that from this distance she couldn’t see me gawking, but I had more respect for her intelligence to assume she wouldn’t figure it out. 

“Are you ready to go to the church?” she asked, walking back into the cave with a confident sway to her hips.

“Let me gather my things and we can set out,” I said, doing my best to not stare. I put all my stuff back in their rightful places and exited the cave with the banshee. She sauntered out of the cave, comfortable with the fact she was naked even if I wasn’t. I offered her my jacket again, and she declined. She seemed perfectly happy to walk naked through the forest.

I supposed she had been doing it for centuries. Why stop now? I was grateful that she had to lead me, that way she wouldn’t catch my stolen glances. After what happened last night, I was pretty worked up. Having her naked in front of me all day wouldn’t help, but oh well. 

Along the way, we made small talk, mostly about me and my life. At first, she asked me basic things like where I lived and what I did for a living. She continued asking about the things in my backpack, like how my phone worked and what a GPS was. She enjoyed playing with my compass for some reason. We shared another protein bar on our trek, and after about an hour of hiking we crested a hill that opened into a meadow with a solitary church at the center. Beautiful stained glass windows shimmered in the morning sun.

We were finally there.

“No way!” I said, running ahead of her to get a closer look. I ran through the remnants of the village and dropped my backpack outside the church walls. The door had long since rotted away, but the lichen-covered stone was mostly intact and, of course, the windows. A few were cracked, all were dirty, but they were there. They didn’t depict any event or story, they were purely geometric shapes for decoration. I loved them.

“Is it what you’d hoped?” the banshee asked me.

“Way better!” I said, pulling out my phone to take pictures. I started snapping pics around the area, logging everything I found even remotely interesting. While checking the quality of one of my shots I noticed the banshee standing naked off to one side. It would probably look weird and creepy if I ever showed someone those pictures, like I was trying to perv on some nudist in the woods or something. “Come over here,” I said to her. 

She padded over, quiet as a mouse, and looked up at me. “What is it?” I went down on one knee and pressed my cheek to hers, bringing the camera out in front of us to take a quick selfie.

“Smile!” I said, snapping the shot. I turned the screen around to review it, and she looked perplexed. “Look, you gotta smile for me so the picture looks nice,” I said, showing her the photo.

“Is that me?” she asked, suddenly horrified. I supposed there weren’t a lot of mirrors when you lived out in the woods by yourself.

She probably didn’t have a good idea of what she looked like.

“Sure is. Here, let’s take another one.”

“I look hideous!” she cried, shielding her face with her hands. “No wonder you wouldn’t touch me last night!”

“Say what?” I asked as she groaned into her hands. That morose keening noise started once again. Her shoulders shuddered as she held back sniffles. “Hey, come on now, there’s no need to get upset. You’re very pretty, how could you think otherwise?”

“People always run away from me. They run and hide. An entire village left because I was so repulsive to them,” she said, sobbing louder as she spoke. As her emotions crescendoed, so did her voice, becoming so loud it almost hurt.

“It’s not like that. You said it yourself. Humans fear what they don’t understand. They were just scared because you’re different from them, it has nothing to do with how you look.”

“Then how come you wouldn’t touch me last night?” she asked, looking up from her hands with red, puffy eyes.

“I, uh…” I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that, so I figured I should just be honest. “I was kinda scared. I wasn’t sure what you might do to me and wasn’t sure if I was supposed to react or if you were just enjoying some… alone time.”

“You find me repulsive.”

“I assure you I don’t. You’re just an unknown quantity to me. I was being careful. It sounded like you were going to take care of yourself, I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“I only did that because you weren’t touching me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen a man, felt his warmth. I wanted you to take me, and when you didn’t, I became frustrated. I touched myself, then remembered that I could kill you if I finished. Not that any of that matters. You don’t find me attractive,”

I sighed. Her self esteem was abysmal, that much was obvious, but I could hardly blame her given the centuries of fear and loathing she’d endured, not to mention loneliness. “I do find you attractive. In fact, my body was reacting to yours last night, and I did my best to hide it from you.” 

“Really?” she smiled. “How come?”

“I don’t know, I was nervous. I don’t have a lot of experience with women, especially not banshees. I just kinda panicked,” I said.

She stared up at me with her big eyes, still slightly bloodshot from crying. She leaned forward and kissed me. Though startled, it was a pleasant kiss. Her eager tongue wiggled into mine for a moment before she pulled away and stared up at me. Perhaps my horniness from last night clouded my judgment, but I leaned back in for another and before I knew it we were making out like two teenagers in a basement. Since she was already naked, my hands immediately went for her chest, which I squeezed and kneaded passionately. They were surprisingly large and firm for her tiny frame. 

Our mouths stayed locked together as her hands practically ripped my jacket off while my hands unbuckled my pants. I stood up and hopped out of them, throwing my shirt off so I was naked too, my cock throbbing and pointed right at her. “It’s so big!” she gasped, and I’ll admit my ego inflated a little. Then I remembered she was a four-foot-tall banshee, so proportionally I seemed larger than she expected. I looked down at her tiny, naked body and her womanly curves, trying to figure out the logistics of having sex with someone that much shorter than me. 

With remarkable agility, she jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist while her arms clutched the back of my neck. She gazed at me with lusty eyes for a fraction of a second before we returned to our passionate kiss with her suspended in the air by my arms. She was light enough that I could comfortably hold her with one arm long enough to line my cock up underneath her. At first, I only felt her weight pressing against the head of my cock, but once I found her vagina, the pressure lessened and she slid down.

“Ooooh!” she moaned out loud enough to make me wince. I cupped her booty with both hands, lifting her up slightly and setting her back down, working my hips slowly as I entered her. She was tight. So incredibly tight. Our size difference contributed, but even still. She playfully bit my lower lip, pulling it as I slowly penetrated her deeper and deeper. Her legs slipped down my hips and she kept squirming up my body to reset them.

Eventually, this became such a nuisance I hooked my arms underneath her legs so that my elbows were under her knees. This new position held her aloft just fine, and she was light enough that I wasn’t even tired. 

I stayed slow, so as not to hurt her, until I felt myself as deep as I thought I’d get. Her mouth eagerly explored my own, only taking breaks for air, and even then she just shifted her focus to another part of my body. With my cock fully inside her, I gave a few test pumps, lifting her with my arms slightly to see if my relative size caused her any pain. Her nails dug into the back of my head and she thrust her tongue back in my mouth, which was her way of giving me the green light. With a banshee in my arms and impaled on my cock, I stood in the dead center of that abandoned church and went to town.

She took my thrusting like a champ as I bounced her up and down on my throbbing shaft. Her oral affections were almost smothering. It became hard to breathe as she kissed and licked me all over, using her tongue to explore every inch of my mouth. I felt her breasts jiggling against my chest as I worked my cock inside her. She gripped the side of my face and pulled me in for a hard kiss, moaning into my mouth and squishing her nose against mine. She was so eager, desperate for my affection. I kept thrusting up inside her and pulled my face away from some air, but she pulled me right back.

“I need air,” I mumbled around her tongue.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she replied, pulling my face to hers and locking our lips again. She moaned into my mouth and I felt a rough vibration, followed by soreness in my throat like I had just screamed at the top of my lungs. I wrenched my face away for a second, still pounding up into her with my hips, and stared down at her chest. It jiggled and bounced in the most enticing way, but with how hard I was pumping her, the amount of movement looked uncomfortable. 

With her legs draped over my arms, I curled my hands around her ribs to clutch her breasts, both to steady them and because I wanted to fondle. They felt amazing bouncing in my hands. I got a small sample last night while we were trying to sleep, but this was something else. I held them firmly and even played with her nipples when the opportunity arose, which only drove her more wild. She gripped my hair and pulled me in for another make-out session, smothering me with her lips and tongue while I held nothing back with my thrusts.

I was so horny from last night and from being teased watching her bathe this morning, staring at her lithe, naked form all day and now finally getting to enjoy it as I saw fit. A rush of vigor filled me. My hips sped up and my balls slapped against her booty as I thrust my cock fast and hard inside her. She let out a surprised moan that shook the stonework around us as I sped up. The all too familiar tingle of an imminent orgasm rose from between my legs and before I knew it I was cumming inside her. I let out a low moan, almost a growl, as I bounced this hot banshee up and down my cock and enjoyed her impossibly tight vagina.

Spurt after spurt of hot sperm shot inside her, and she shrieked in delight as my load lubricated her further and helped my last burst of energy speed up even more. My cock bucked and twitched, releasing its pent-up load while she bounced up and down my shaft, tight lips milking it empty. My breath came out in heavy pants as my energy levels dropped. She wasn’t that heavy, but it still took a lot of effort to hold her in the air like that and bang her till I reached my orgasm. I huffed and puffed and slowed down.

“Don’t stop!” the banshee ordered, once again almost splitting my eardrums. I didn’t have much more left in me, but I didn’t want to incite her wrath either. I took in a deep breath, hoping for a second wind, and continued to pump myself deep within her. I felt cum dripping down my balls as she bounced up and down my still-hard shaft, and she yanked my face forward for another passionate kiss. Her curious tongue was pleasant, and definitely fun under normal circumstances, but I was so tired and out of breath I thought she would suffocate me. 

But I refused to stop. I kept pumping my hypersensitive cock inside her, kissing her back with as much passion as I could muster. Her kiss became sloppy and her breath quickened. She pulled away from our kiss and held me tight for a moment, staring me in the eyes as something swelled up inside her. Her hands shot to the side of my face, covering my ears tight as she threw her head back and let out an orgasmic scream so loud it felt like I was at a Metallica concert.

Stained glass shattered all around us. Tiny shards of colored glass flew out and away from the church and I felt the banshee’s vagina spasm around my cock. She held the sides of my head tight, careful not to leave any gaps for her scream to penetrate. At this point, I was near the brink of exhaustion. The second her scream stopped, she returned to kissing me and I collapsed to the ground.

I fell on my back, and she landed on top of me, never letting our mouths part. I let go of her breasts and unhooked my arms from under her legs, splayed out on the ground like a dead fish while she continued to grind her hips on my shaft.

Waves of too-intense pleasure and complete numbness switched back and forth while she moved on top of me. She released her grip on my head and stopped kissing me. Her lips were puckered and pink from all the kissing. I assumed mine were as well. “Thank you. It’s been a long time since I’ve had one that good,” she said. I grunted in response, and she laughed at how spent I was. She bent down for another kiss, a softer, delicate one. I mustered what little strength I had left to pucker up and kiss her back when I heard the unmistakable sound of a car door slamming.

Her head shot up, and her eyes bugged in fear. She quickly dismounted, letting my cum-slicked cock slap down and rest on my thigh as she stood up. “Come visit me sometime. Don’t forget about me!” she whispered. Then in an instant, she was gone, vanished into thin air.

“I’m sorry folks, it looks like the stained glass windows have finally fallen to the rigors of nature after all these years,” a voice said as it approached. “We can still enter the church for photos if you’d like, just follow me this w... Oh, my goodness!”

I looked up and saw a man leading a tour group into the church. I was still naked and dripping with my own sperm, too tired to get up.