Active Ink Slinger
It's an outdated concept, imho. I've known people who were pressured by their parents to take abstinence until marriage pledges, and yes of course it backfired eventually.
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How Do you feel about waiting till Marriage to have sex?Have you already had sex?
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Thing is, there have been very few periods in history where it really worked that way. Anyone who says otherwise had rose-coloured glasses on.
I did not wait and neither my wife nor I felt any pressure to do so. We did not go around openly screwing for all who would see, but it was an open secret that she lived in my apartment when she was visiting (we lived apart for a period prior to the wedding) and that I only had one bed.
In the end, it needs to be a personal decision by the couple involved based on their values and beliefs. I'm not going to condemn someone for premarital sex but I'm not going to condemn someone who goes the abstinence road either. What I will come down on is (a) trying to say that everyone else needs to hold and follow your values and beliefs on the subject and (b) being a hypocrite about it (you know them, the ones who decry premarital sex but avoid the fact that their own bride was starting her second trimester on their wedding day).
I did not wait and neither my wife nor I felt any pressure to do so. We did not go around openly screwing for all who would see, but it was an open secret that she lived in my apartment when she was visiting (we lived apart for a period prior to the wedding) and that I only had one bed.
In the end, it needs to be a personal decision by the couple involved based on their values and beliefs. I'm not going to condemn someone for premarital sex but I'm not going to condemn someone who goes the abstinence road either. What I will come down on is (a) trying to say that everyone else needs to hold and follow your values and beliefs on the subject and (b) being a hypocrite about it (you know them, the ones who decry premarital sex but avoid the fact that their own bride was starting her second trimester on their wedding day).
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by curvygalore
Sex is important in marriage. Sex is important in any loving relationship. Sex is just important!
Isn't sex next most important thing after breathing and a heart beat?
Active Ink Slinger
For me, this is an outdated ideal, along the same lines as arranged marriages. It was instituted by early religions as a way of controlling what certain sections of society saw as deviant behaviour and a way of controlling and supressing women. It is outdated, backwards and damaging. I am not advocating fucking constantly and as soon as you can, you should wait for the right person and when you feel ready, but waiting until marriage is silly. Christians pick and choose what parts of the bible to look at. Wait until marriage for sex, but we'll just ignore the parts. How many Christians do you know abstain from eating pork? How many people have had an orgasm against the word of God?
Quote by LovingHer17
How do you feel about this Topic guys.To me it kinda doesn't matter,which ever comes first is how i see it.I lost my virginity when i was 19.what about you.
I'm always the one with the oddball opinions, but I actually regret having sexual relationships with my girlfriends. When we were together, I felt like I was giving each one a piece of my heart and I truly felt we would be together forever. I don't know how they felt, because my first girlfriend had been in a sexual relationship before and my second girlfriend had been to bed with a few guys, and I had been with two women whom I had paid (although they and I became friends).
Sex sells, and there is no counting the number of people (of both genders and all orientations) who use sex as a means to make a living. From the "sugar babies" to the streetwalkers, but also from the porn performers to the nude poseurs in artistic works to the twerkers, to the marketing executives who hire models, to the VIPs who ask people to give them special treatment, to the male who tom cats around. And let's not forget the people who have sex simply because they like it! I envy those people. I loathe the people who will castigate others for their actions. I really loathe people who harass other people and hurt them because of who they are in terms of gender and sexual orientation and preference in partners.
I'm not going to say "If I had it all to do over again, I'd do it differently." I'd still be a virgin if I did things differently, but I think people wouldn't treat me any better and might well treat me worse. I really regret hurting people's feelings, but I think literally everybody does that and most people regret it. I'm glad it didn't go any further than that.
I think that if two people truly WANT to wait then more power to them. However, when people are pressured to wait until marriage by family or religion, they are usually more likely to rush into a marriage. For example, my boyfriends family is very religious and believes in celibacy until marriage. Today, his 18 year old cousin (who just graduated high school in June) married her 18 year old boyfriend (Who also just graduated high school in June). I think they are too young and have rushed into this simply because they want to sleep together and move in together without their families and their church telling them that they are destined to spend eternity in hell.
Top Shot
Quote by Dani
I don't have anything against it. I'm not a virgin, but there's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage...as long as you're doing it because you want to.
But I do believe it should happen at a time when you are able to bear the responsibilities that go along with having sex.
This. Especially the highlighted part.
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Rainbow Warrior
Since I'm probably never getting married, the idea kinda sucks! Oh wait... already crossed that bridge!
There are some wonderful benefits about abstaining until marriage. No worries about who your partner has slept with, no worries about any sexually transmitted diseases... and, you get to learn all about it together at the same pace! For a long time that concept was tossed out, but from what I hear it may be on the rise again. Lots of pros about waiting. The con, of course, is that it's pretty hard being horny and abstaining at the same time!
Story Verifier
Waiting with sex until I'm in a position to close an archaic contract is not something that ever made sense to me. Let's be honest here - marriage is a thousands of years old concept rooted in having to get approval by village elders, then later religious leaders, to be intimate with someone. While we often tend to have a romanticized view on the past, the reasons for this approval there were mostly economical and political. The concept of sex before marriage was ruled as sin because in those times, childbirth was one of the top causes of death. In these patriarchic societies, if a woman died giving birth, she should at least produce an heir. Also, raising another man's son was not something most men were willing to do - thus leaving society with "bastards" who were bound to starve or, if they managed to survive their childhood, become outcasts and criminals.
It was only in the 1800s, in an age of development and inventions that improved living conditions by a magnitude, that the concept of romantic love became as dominant as it is now in our perception of marriage and the concept of celibacy until marriage got wrapped into that romantic cloak of "saving oneself". This wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as there were no means to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs in a growing population. One may even call it a success model at that time.
But we have to take into account more recent developments of society too, as well as everything medicine, psychology and social sciences have discovered. Sexuality isn't just a tiny element in our personalities and lives - or it shouldn't be, at least. It is a major building block of our emotions, and discovering our own needs there can radically change ourselves, whereas suppressing this part of us has consequences that may even affect our mental health.
No, this doesn't take away responsibility. But a responsible approach to sexual openness doesn't necessarily imply celibacy, or we should never climb into a car, go scuba diving or mountain climbing - these activities are just as dangerous. Just like with these activities, we should be knowing what we're doing and go at a reasonable pace, ignore peer pressure, think before we act and voice any concerns ahead of time. Given that responsibility, I can't see waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right something to strive for outside of romantic fantasies.
But these are just my
It was only in the 1800s, in an age of development and inventions that improved living conditions by a magnitude, that the concept of romantic love became as dominant as it is now in our perception of marriage and the concept of celibacy until marriage got wrapped into that romantic cloak of "saving oneself". This wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as there were no means to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs in a growing population. One may even call it a success model at that time.
But we have to take into account more recent developments of society too, as well as everything medicine, psychology and social sciences have discovered. Sexuality isn't just a tiny element in our personalities and lives - or it shouldn't be, at least. It is a major building block of our emotions, and discovering our own needs there can radically change ourselves, whereas suppressing this part of us has consequences that may even affect our mental health.
No, this doesn't take away responsibility. But a responsible approach to sexual openness doesn't necessarily imply celibacy, or we should never climb into a car, go scuba diving or mountain climbing - these activities are just as dangerous. Just like with these activities, we should be knowing what we're doing and go at a reasonable pace, ignore peer pressure, think before we act and voice any concerns ahead of time. Given that responsibility, I can't see waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right something to strive for outside of romantic fantasies.
But these are just my
Active Ink Slinger
I am not married and believe I never will be. I have been having and enjoying sex for years. It has made no difference to me or my friends.
I am different to many in the ideas I have I know, but to me marriage is just a piece of paper. and has nothing to do with a good sex life.
I am different to many in the ideas I have I know, but to me marriage is just a piece of paper. and has nothing to do with a good sex life.
Active Ink Slinger
i say you have to test drive the car before you buy it...
Active Ink Slinger
I sincerely wanted to wait until I was married, but I did wait until after high school and was a bit more mature (which was a stretch for me, because I acted like an old crotchety woman anyway)
I feel -and very strongly so- that it's wrong. I had sex when I was 20 for the first time, I'm 30 now. Not married, not even thinking about it.
To each their own, but I was badly hurt when my boyfriend tried to convince me that wanting each other was wrong. And eleven years after, it still hurts somehow. And I will never forgive those who planted that idea in his head and keep doing so on other people.
To each their own, but I was badly hurt when my boyfriend tried to convince me that wanting each other was wrong. And eleven years after, it still hurts somehow. And I will never forgive those who planted that idea in his head and keep doing so on other people.
Active Ink Slinger
To each their own, if that's what feels right then go for it. Or rather, don't go for it.
We waited till we were married and it was worth it. Neither of us had any hangups about past sexual relationships and it was all new and so exciting! That first time romping naked together after we married was incredible. I had the hardest erection I'd ever had! Well worth the wait.
Active Ink Slinger
We didn't 50 years ago and if i could do it over I still wouldn't wait.
I began having a sexual affair with a woman who was my coworker. She had recently broken up from a relationship with a man that was an attorney because she refused to have sex with him unless they were married. I was having lunch once per week with her and she was openly talking about it. Somehow, I stumbled on the right thing to say to encourage her to at least masturbate. She lived alone, but next door to her parents. I told her that they wouldn't see her get nude and touch herself. After a few weeks, she said she wanted to have sex with me, so we began meeting at a nearby hotel and she became sexually active at the age of 33.
Living Bi-cariously through Lush
Everyone is different. For some people, it makes sense to wait. But with the average age of marriage pushing 30, it no longer makes sense for most.
And the pressure for people to wait until marriage is profoundly stupid. It's pushed millions of people into getting married before they're ready, or to the wrong person, just so that they can start having sex. It's also led many couples who are sexually incompatible to get married before they've figured that out.
More important is to wait to get married until you're ready to get married, so you can be sure you're with "the right one." You may or may not be ready to have sex before then, but most people are ready long before, and are better off NOT walking into a lifelong commitment as virgins.
The dominance of the wait-until-marriage point of view has led to far too many divorces. Aren't the social cons pushing this the same ones whining about the "sanctity of marriage?!" Assholes.
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Active Ink Slinger
By the time I was married I had lots and lots of experience. I have never once heard anyone complaint bout that experience. Based on that I can’t see why anyone would want to wait.
Horny Bi Ape Who Writes
My wife and I sure didn't. We were getting horny with each other almost as soon as our relationship switched from "friends" to "couple". That was almost four years before rings got exchanged (partly due to her moving out of province for a job).
As some others have said, it comes down to the couple, their values, what they see as important for the relationship, and so on. If they feel sex can come first (or should come first), then they should go for it. If they are more of the "wait for marriage" type, then that's a legit decision, too.
On a difficult journey home, Kate finds love and sex in a fellow traveler.
And I first introduced Kate as a university student whose first time kind of sets the stage for her new story.
My wife and I were each other's firsts, and not until our marriage night. And we are very grateful for that. Especially now that we are certified marriage counselors and know the statistics behind things like this.
And a couple of my good friends who've been open with me about their pasts, though they are now happily married, both wish they'd waited as well.
Not to say that everyone feels that way... Just sharing my personal experience.
Active Ink Slinger
I will answer the second part first
Have you already had sex?
I had been very sexually active with my girlfriend for a several years.
Way back in 1973, my girlfriend lost her virginity to a twenty-year-old male friend, while caravanning with her parents. Several months later, she took my virginity, I was eighteen and she was seventeen.
It was like a switch had been turned on, as she wanted sex whenever we could.
How Do (did) you feel about waiting till Marriage to have sex?
So, when I started dating the girl to whom I would marry, it was agreed, all be it reluctantly by me, that intercourse would not occur until after marriage.
When my, now ex-, wife and I met, I was not a virgin, but she said that she was.
During our courtship we were hot and heavy with petting, oral - mainly cunnilingus, and masturbation – mutual and each other.
Intercourse, PIV, did not happen until our wedding night.
Active Ink Slinger
A concept that has never caught on widely.
Active Ink Slinger
Didn't wait then, wouldn't wait now