Erotica writers have no self-respect?

Quote by MorganHawke
----- Original Message -----
“How do you deal with someone saying that erotica writers have no self-respect?”
-- Fellow Erotica Author
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay kids... Rolling up sleeves... It goes like this. You get in their face and say:
"Yeah, I write SMUT and I'm crying all the way to the BANK, you B*TCH!"

Repeat as many times as necessary.

Why do people say this crap to us?
There’s a couple’a reasons…

1) It’s all about THEM.
Ordinary people rarely think outside their own heads. They measure everyone else against their own perceptions.

“Well I hated that movie, so no one else will like it either."
"Don’t drink that! That brand of soda sucks, you won’t like it.”

It’s called Tunnel Vision or Narrow-mindedness. If they can’t do it, or they don’t like it, you shouldn’t be able to do it, or like it either.

"Well if that was me I would never...!"

Yeah well, you AREN'T THEM which is why you Do, and you Have, and you are getting CASH (or at least a lot of attention) for it while they are not.

Unlike the average human, the writer is a unique creature. We can get out of our own heads long enough to view a perspective Other than Our Own. In fact, in order to write successfully, we are forced to view MANY different perspectives, frequently opposing and usually simultaneously. Consider how many characters are in the average novel with ONE author to think for them all.

As a writer, USE that unique talent to step out of your feelings of rejection and get into Their head. As a writer, you have the ability to look at the character traits they are displaying and interpret pretty darn accurately what’s really going on in their twisted little reality tunnels.

2) Petty jealousy.
Ever spend time with someone who just bought a new car? Without fail, someone just has to come along and tell them what's Wrong with that make or model. This person will list fault after fault until the new owner is deflated enough to salve the bruised ego of the person who Didn’t have a new car.

The technical term is: SPOILSPORT.

Believe me, these nasty buggers are everywhere -- especially if you're Good.

3) “That's not real writing. Anyone can write a smut story…”
Oh yeah? Let’s see them TRY it! The results ought to be hysterical, and really, really bad.

Writing Fiction is freaking hard work. It takes anywhere from weeks, to months, to years of hunching over a keyboard word-crunching, plus research, plus plot-crafting, and character development, and dialogue, and sentence-structure, and manuscript formatting, and fighting with the computer…etc.

"I can write, I have a college degree to prove it."

They do? Oh, that's too bad -- for them.

College degrees won’t help anyone write good Fiction of any kind, never mind smut. (Unless of course, their degree is in something useful, like history or mythology.) Fiction writing is a CRAFT that takes unique skills that you just can’t get in the classroom.

Formal Education teaches you to stuff as many words into a paragraph as possible. Preferably using the biggest words available, (with extra points for obscurity.)

Fiction Writing is the total reverse. You want the most amount of information using the least amount of words. Think ‘Advertising Copy’ and you have a clue. And that’s just the Grammar.

Imagination is the real sticking point.

Even if you have perfect grammar skills, you STILL have to have an imagination beyond: “Hey I had one hell of a night with this kinky so-and-so I picked up!” Boooooooooring!

Writing good Erotic Fiction takes skills the average Literary author would cringe at. Let’s see one of THEM write a sex scene that holds the reader’s attention long enough to Really Satisfy and without repeating the word penis or vagina 5 million times, (personally, I’ve never used either word,) AND give it a Happy Ending.

So yeah, let’s just see them Try to copy your accomplishment. You’ll laugh for weeks!

4) Ordinary embarrassment.
Most people are raised to believe that Sex is bad, so anyone who actually Likes sex is a deviant.

Yeah, and us deviant's are Popular with the opposite sex too!

In Conclusion...
So what do we, as Purveyors of Fine Smut, do about this kind of “No self-respect” crap?

We DON’T take comments like that personally. Those comments aren’t meant for US, they are meant for the Speaker that opened their mouth, and drooled that filth out of it. Those words are a reflection of THEIR personal hang-ups – not yours. YOU are making friends with fellow writers, making the occasional buck or two, and generally having a good time making your readers squeal with delight, among other bodily functions.

So, some prissy-fingered prudes are have a problem with you writing smut?

So what? No matter the reason, it’s Not Your Problem – it’s THEIR’S. When someone opens their big fat slobbering gob, just smile and consider the source, because it really IS all about them.

Morgan Hawke
-- Smut-Writer and Damned Proud of it!

Quote by MorganHawke
----- Original Message -----
“How do you deal with someone saying that erotica writers have no self-respect?”
-- Fellow Erotica Author
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay kids... Rolling up sleeves... It goes like this. You get in their face and say:
"Yeah, I write SMUT and I'm crying all the way to the BANK, you B*TCH!"

Repeat as many times as necessary.

Why do people say this crap to us?
There’s a couple’a reasons…

1) It’s all about THEM.
Ordinary people rarely think outside their own heads. They measure everyone else against their own perceptions.

“Well I hated that movie, so no one else will like it either."
"Don’t drink that! That brand of soda sucks, you won’t like it.”

It’s called Tunnel Vision or Narrow-mindedness. If they can’t do it, or they don’t like it, you shouldn’t be able to do it, or like it either.

"Well if that was me I would never...!"

Yeah well, you AREN'T THEM which is why you Do, and you Have, and you are getting CASH (or at least a lot of attention) for it while they are not.

Unlike the average human, the writer is a unique creature. We can get out of our own heads long enough to view a perspective Other than Our Own. In fact, in order to write successfully, we are forced to view MANY different perspectives, frequently opposing and usually simultaneously. Consider how many characters are in the average novel with ONE author to think for them all.

As a writer, USE that unique talent to step out of your feelings of rejection and get into Their head. As a writer, you have the ability to look at the character traits they are displaying and interpret pretty darn accurately what’s really going on in their twisted little reality tunnels.

2) Petty jealousy.
Ever spend time with someone who just bought a new car? Without fail, someone just has to come along and tell them what's Wrong with that make or model. This person will list fault after fault until the new owner is deflated enough to salve the bruised ego of the person who Didn’t have a new car.

The technical term is: SPOILSPORT.

Believe me, these nasty buggers are everywhere -- especially if you're Good.

3) “That's not real writing. Anyone can write a smut story…”
Oh yeah? Let’s see them TRY it! The results ought to be hysterical, and really, really bad.

Writing Fiction is freaking hard work. It takes anywhere from weeks, to months, to years of hunching over a keyboard word-crunching, plus research, plus plot-crafting, and character development, and dialogue, and sentence-structure, and manuscript formatting, and fighting with the computer…etc.

"I can write, I have a college degree to prove it."

They do? Oh, that's too bad -- for them.

College degrees won’t help anyone write good Fiction of any kind, never mind smut. (Unless of course, their degree is in something useful, like history or mythology.) Fiction writing is a CRAFT that takes unique skills that you just can’t get in the classroom.

Formal Education teaches you to stuff as many words into a paragraph as possible. Preferably using the biggest words available, (with extra points for obscurity.)

Fiction Writing is the total reverse. You want the most amount of information using the least amount of words. Think ‘Advertising Copy’ and you have a clue. And that’s just the Grammar.

Imagination is the real sticking point.

Even if you have perfect grammar skills, you STILL have to have an imagination beyond: “Hey I had one hell of a night with this kinky so-and-so I picked up!” Boooooooooring!

Writing good Erotic Fiction takes skills the average Literary author would cringe at. Let’s see one of THEM write a sex scene that holds the reader’s attention long enough to Really Satisfy and without repeating the word penis or vagina 5 million times, (personally, I’ve never used either word,) AND give it a Happy Ending.

So yeah, let’s just see them Try to copy your accomplishment. You’ll laugh for weeks!

4) Ordinary embarrassment.
Most people are raised to believe that Sex is bad, so anyone who actually Likes sex is a deviant.

Yeah, and us deviant's are Popular with the opposite sex too!

In Conclusion...
So what do we, as Purveyors of Fine Smut, do about this kind of “No self-respect” crap?

We DON’T take comments like that personally. Those comments aren’t meant for US, they are meant for the Speaker that opened their mouth, and drooled that filth out of it. Those words are a reflection of THEIR personal hang-ups – not yours. YOU are making friends with fellow writers, making the occasional buck or two, and generally having a good time making your readers squeal with delight, among other bodily functions.

So, some prissy-fingered prudes are have a problem with you writing smut?

So what? No matter the reason, it’s Not Your Problem – it’s THEIR’S. When someone opens their big fat slobbering gob, just smile and consider the source, because it really IS all about them.

Morgan Hawke
-- Smut-Writer and Damned Proud of it!

Quote by MorganHawke
----- Original Message -----
“How do you deal with someone saying that erotica writers have no self-respect?”
-- Fellow Erotica Author
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay kids... Rolling up sleeves... It goes like this. You get in their face and say:
"Yeah, I write SMUT and I'm crying all the way to the BANK, you B*TCH!"

Repeat as many times as necessary.

Why do people say this crap to us?
There’s a couple’a reasons…

1) It’s all about THEM.
Ordinary people rarely think outside their own heads. They measure everyone else against their own perceptions.

“Well I hated that movie, so no one else will like it either."
"Don’t drink that! That brand of soda sucks, you won’t like it.”

It’s called Tunnel Vision or Narrow-mindedness. If they can’t do it, or they don’t like it, you shouldn’t be able to do it, or like it either.

"Well if that was me I would never...!"

Yeah well, you AREN'T THEM which is why you Do, and you Have, and you are getting CASH (or at least a lot of attention) for it while they are not.

Unlike the average human, the writer is a unique creature. We can get out of our own heads long enough to view a perspective Other than Our Own. In fact, in order to write successfully, we are forced to view MANY different perspectives, frequently opposing and usually simultaneously. Consider how many characters are in the average novel with ONE author to think for them all.

As a writer, USE that unique talent to step out of your feelings of rejection and get into Their head. As a writer, you have the ability to look at the character traits they are displaying and interpret pretty darn accurately what’s really going on in their twisted little reality tunnels.

2) Petty jealousy.
Ever spend time with someone who just bought a new car? Without fail, someone just has to come along and tell them what's Wrong with that make or model. This person will list fault after fault until the new owner is deflated enough to salve the bruised ego of the person who Didn’t have a new car.

The technical term is: SPOILSPORT.

Believe me, these nasty buggers are everywhere -- especially if you're Good.

3) “That's not real writing. Anyone can write a smut story…”
Oh yeah? Let’s see them TRY it! The results ought to be hysterical, and really, really bad.

Writing Fiction is freaking hard work. It takes anywhere from weeks, to months, to years of hunching over a keyboard word-crunching, plus research, plus plot-crafting, and character development, and dialogue, and sentence-structure, and manuscript formatting, and fighting with the computer…etc.

"I can write, I have a college degree to prove it."

They do? Oh, that's too bad -- for them.

College degrees won’t help anyone write good Fiction of any kind, never mind smut. (Unless of course, their degree is in something useful, like history or mythology.) Fiction writing is a CRAFT that takes unique skills that you just can’t get in the classroom.

Formal Education teaches you to stuff as many words into a paragraph as possible. Preferably using the biggest words available, (with extra points for obscurity.)

Fiction Writing is the total reverse. You want the most amount of information using the least amount of words. Think ‘Advertising Copy’ and you have a clue. And that’s just the Grammar.

Imagination is the real sticking point.

Even if you have perfect grammar skills, you STILL have to have an imagination beyond: “Hey I had one hell of a night with this kinky so-and-so I picked up!” Boooooooooring!

Writing good Erotic Fiction takes skills the average Literary author would cringe at. Let’s see one of THEM write a sex scene that holds the reader’s attention long enough to Really Satisfy and without repeating the word penis or vagina 5 million times, (personally, I’ve never used either word,) AND give it a Happy Ending.

So yeah, let’s just see them Try to copy your accomplishment. You’ll laugh for weeks!

4) Ordinary embarrassment.
Most people are raised to believe that Sex is bad, so anyone who actually Likes sex is a deviant.

Yeah, and us deviant's are Popular with the opposite sex too!

In Conclusion...
So what do we, as Purveyors of Fine Smut, do about this kind of “No self-respect” crap?

We DON’T take comments like that personally. Those comments aren’t meant for US, they are meant for the Speaker that opened their mouth, and drooled that filth out of it. Those words are a reflection of THEIR personal hang-ups – not yours. YOU are making friends with fellow writers, making the occasional buck or two, and generally having a good time making your readers squeal with delight, among other bodily functions.

So, some prissy-fingered prudes are have a problem with you writing smut?

So what? No matter the reason, it’s Not Your Problem – it’s THEIR’S. When someone opens their big fat slobbering gob, just smile and consider the source, because it really IS all about them.

Morgan Hawke
-- Smut-Writer and Damned Proud of it!

I've written quite a few stories now and my self respect is still intact.

Nobody would ask Agatha Christie (were she still alive) how many murders she’d committed, because they’d look stupid if they did. They’d BE stupid if they did.

Nobody would enquire of Stephen King when he first experienced his skills of telekinesis. That’s not to say there’s nothing of writers in their work (see Stephen King and Misery for a start).

But a writer who only wants to write about themselves is the worst kind of bore.

Yet the minute you pen erotica, everyone seems to think it’s all about you. 🤷‍♂️

I'd tell them my self-respect is fine. I'd ask them how much erotica they've read. Ask them why they think I don't have any self-respect.

Who can afford self-respect in this economy?

I don't write erotica for a love of the sexual aspects. I write erotica because that is what people want to read.

But I have no shame in at all. My love for creating a story is what matters and whether it is a romantic love story or an incestual fantasy I'm gong to write it with respect to the subject, the the characters and the readers.

And I don't give two shits about those who want to be judgmental about those of us we write them.

I think the one thing that puts me off is a story whose writer didn't respect their own work. I can deal with grammar issues and those who may have less skill, but I can't stand a story that was not thought out. Anyone can write sex. Most of us have had it enough times to know what it feels like, physically and emotionally. Whether they choose to make the sex abbreviated or drawn out in detail is their choice and I'm fine with that.

But if the characters are fucking, I want to know why. Why did she decide to blow that guy she didn't know, or why did that guy decide to try gay sex?

those are the points in a story that matter to me.

Frankly I don't waste time on people who try to shame us for creating the fantasies they are probably wacking off to when no one is looking

I am open about it now. My family knows and even judges some of the writing challenges I sponsor from time to time. 🤣

I want to be able to be open about it when I find a mate again, too. I mentioned it to a man on a dating site and he sent me some Bible passages to read about sexual immorality. I swear he did. I yelled, “Next!” But it did hurt my feelings for a minute.

Quote by KimmiBeGood

I am open about it now. My family knows and even judges some of the writing challenges I sponsor from time to time. 🤣

I want to be able to be open about it when I find a mate again, too. I mentioned it to a man on a dating site and he sent me some Bible passages to read about sexual immorality. I swear he did. I yelled, “Next!” But it did hurt my feelings for a minute.

I think that is one of the reasons why simplicity and I got along so well. She, more than I, needed to be able to be honest about who she was in so many ways and she just couldn’t be in the life she had.

She mentioned many times that what she loved most about me is that she didn’t have to pretend. She didn’t have to put on a front or a mask, and she could be who she wanted to be because I simply didn’t judge. And she never judged me…

Yeah. I’m gonna go have a drink

Quote by Milik_the_Red

I think that is one of the reasons why simplicity and I got along so well. She, more than I, needed to be able to be honest about who she was in so many ways and she just couldn’t be in the life she had.

She mentioned many times that what she loved most about me is that she didn’t have to pretend. She didn’t have to put on a front or a mask, and she could be who she wanted to be because I simply didn’t judge. And she never judged me…

Yeah. I’m gonna go have a drink

You both were blessed to have found that comfort and acceptance with one another! I know it wasn’t long enough, but many would love to experience that kind of relationship, even for a short time.

I’m not comfy in person with a lot of people, so I’m a difficult match. I need to feel that comfort and acceptance, too. And I have quirks. Not for everyone. 😊 I still have hope I’ll find a mate and he’ll enjoy me sharing my writing with him. 😊 My boyfriend who passed away accepted me for who I was. My husband did not.

Quote by KimmiBeGood
I mentioned it to a man on a dating site and he sent me some Bible passages to read about sexual immorality.

Dear God, really? I guess those types are everywhere. At least there's arguably a reason for them to be on a religion site, which is what I run.

As for the no self-respect question, I think one has to have a lot of self-respect to be putting one's intimate fantasies (and for some, but not me, intimate realities) online.

And those of us who are writing to be writers, there's not more or less self-respect in writing erotica than in writing any other genre. I've written horror, fantasy, romance, straight drama, and erotica, often mixing and matching. It's just another genre for me with it's own unique, interesting challenges. In fantasy, it's how do make the story magical. In horror, it's how do you scare the pants off people. In erotica, it's how do you turn people on and portray sexuality without getting icky. And, to be clear, sometimes you get icky and it works.

Quote by Seeker4

Dear God, really? I guess those types are everywhere. At least there's arguably a reason for them to be on a religion site, which is what I run.

As for the no self-respect question, I think one has to have a lot of self-respect to be putting one's intimate fantasies (and for some, but not me, intimate realities) online.

And those of us who are writing to be writers, there's not more or less self-respect in writing erotica than in writing any other genre. I've written horror, fantasy, romance, straight drama, and erotica, often mixing and matching. It's just another genre for me with it's own unique, interesting challenges. In fantasy, it's how do make the story magical. In horror, it's how do you scare the pants off people. In erotica, it's how do you turn people on and portray sexuality without getting icky. And, to be clear, sometimes you get icky and it works.

I cried as soon as I read the passages, but then got mad. He still wanted to meet me and talk about why I wanted to write erotica. I declined. I felt like I’d immediately become someone he wanted to “fix.” It was Match.com … one of biggest dating sites.

Be thankful you are married! It’s scary out here in the dating world! 😨

There was a time when any sort of erotic content was banned from "respectable" writing, so people who wanted it would settle for anything they could get, so low-effort, cliched stories would still sell. Which is not to say that there were not skilled writers in the field. Robert Bloch, the author of Psycho, supported himself early in his career by writing those smutty little paperbacks, and said that he learned a lot about writing in doing so. He could whatever he wanted with characters and storylines- as long as there was a sex scene every ten or fifteen pages, his editors didn't care about the rest.