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Wish... Just_A_Guy_You_Know ...a Father's Day...

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Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
I'm a cave-dwelling hermit, from a long line of cave-dwelling hermits.

I work at spying on sparrows for the secret global illuminati government... Well, I mean I will work for them once they notice the value of my work and hire me.

I attended the international school of Van Dammery for the culinary arts, and can round-house kick a pretty amazing tofurkey lasagna down your throat.

I like the indoors and have not actually exposed myself to sunlight in several months.

I also like licking moss, hosting parties for my imaginary friends, reading tea leaves, and reciting poems in a language I invented myself: Floop, snorpulon, grenheidet washoh plune, Kerfallo bibersnath hamble pramble glune!

I'm ultrasexual, I love not just fist- but full-body fucking - just crawl right up inside me and wiggle around - but be gentle, lover.

My nipples uncontrollably leak vodka produced from a recipe I found on the back of a Polish cereal packet.

I insist on contractual notarized consent forms to be filled out in triplicate before I'd even consider foreplay.

I dislike squirrels, Mondays, and the colour green, but will make exceptions for anyone who supports Sharia Law.

Don't believe everything that you read.
Kiera
Short Arse Brit
Why? He's not my father.

Also, doesn't anyone else think it's a little weird to not like Squirrels? Rabbits I can understand, but cute little squirrels? I'm kinda glad he's not my dad now that I know that tbh.
The Duchess of Tart

Please check out my new story, co-written with the amazing Wilful.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/long-time-coming.aspx

And my latest poem, The Temptation.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-temptation.aspx
apptobebad
Unfuckwithable
Not my Dad.

Although I am kinda taken with the nipples leaking vodka idea. That could be a cheap night out.hdljX9204Ttq0ujr

Don't forget to sat 'Hi'
Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by kiera
Why? He's not my father.

Also, doesn't anyone else think it's a little weird to not like Squirrels? Rabbits I can understand, but cute little squirrels? I'm kinda glad he's not my dad now that I know that tbh.


Don't believe everything that you read.
Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by apptobebad
Not my Dad.

Although I am kinda taken with the nipples leaking vodka idea. That could be a cheap night out.V8zMYZTocyUDtoJe


If you were lactating, we could make White Russians together.

Don't believe everything that you read.
apptobebad
Unfuckwithable
Quote by Just_A_Guy_You_Know


If you were lactating, we could make White Russians together.


That probably sounded better in your head.

Don't forget to sat 'Hi'
Guest
Lurker
lol...Priceless
Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by apptobebad


That probably sounded better in your head.



lol. No, it sounded pretty awful in my head, too.

Don't believe everything that you read.
Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
Quote by kiera


Cute? I don't think so.

Don't believe everything that you read.