Writing One End Of A Telephone Conversation

I have a scene in a story where I only want the reader to hear one end of a telephone conversation. With regard to grammar and format, what is the acceptable way to write it?

The setting: The wife phones her husband. We hear what she says. We don't hear the husband's end of the conversation; that is left to the readers' imagination. Her boyfriend is standing next to the wife; he is listening to her and observing her.

Atm: I have everything written in standard text format, except for what she says on the phone. That is in italics. Is that acceptable?

Example below:

“Hi John…

Hugh could only hear Janet’s side of the conversation.

“Yes, I am at Hugh's house, and as you can hear, the phone works. There is a strong signal.

“I was surprised to…

“I’m standing naked in the kitchen… Yes, anyone could see in." Janet giggled, “But you like it when I flaunt my body…"

Janet glanced out of the window, causing Hugh to do the same. The gardeners were still there.

What a great Idea. Love this. Personally, I like your chosen format. It makes perfect sense.

Bob Newhart used to have a comedy routine like this. Would be good to listen to for this. Or was that the inspiration?

(There's also a very funny Robot Chicken of Emperor Palpatine talking to Darth Vader after the destruction of the first Death Star that is clearly modelled on Newhart)

David, I like the way you did it. Easy to follow.

Quote by KimmiBeGood

David, I like the way you did it. Easy to follow.

If you liked it, Kimmi, then it is good enough for me. 😎

Quote by allytts

What a great Idea. Love this. Personally, I like your chosen format. It makes perfect sense.

Thank you, it does to me too... 😎

I've been playing with the one-sided dialog form for a couple of years off and on. They're pure dialog (but just half of it). The idea is to make the reader a more active participant in the story, rather than a passive recipient. They have to fill in the missing lines from the context clues. The trick, of course, is to give them enough context and the right clues so that they can easily guess the rest. Suggestive absences. Here's one of the better ones I did.

The grammar in the above example looks fine, but in your case, if it's a scene in a larger work and you haven't made the one-sided dialog your whole thing, you could break up the spoken lines with little actions, maybe twirling a pencil around, picking his nose, scratching an itch on his thigh, or whatever people do while talking on the phone. Those little behaviors can also reveal character and their inner responses to the conversation without having to do it in exposition, which is kind of dull.

"You're pregnant?" He was shocked.

vs

"You're pregnant?" The pencil he had been fidgeting with stopped moving.

Quote by Just_A_Guy_You_Know

The grammar in the above example looks fine, but in your case, if it's a scene in a larger work and you haven't made the one-sided dialog your whole thing, you could break up the spoken lines with little actions, maybe twirling a pencil around, picking his nose, scratching an itch on his thigh, or whatever people do while talking on the phone. Those little behaviors can also reveal character and their inner responses to the conversation without having to do it in exposition, which is kind of dull.

"You're pregnant?" He was shocked.

vs

"You're pregnant?" The pencil he had been fidgeting with stopped moving.

Thank you, Just_A_Guy_You_Know, for your comprehensive answer. It is appreciated. The phone scene is part of a much longer scene and serves to keep the reader engaged in the story and, in part, to save unneeded words.

In the past, I have always written both sides of a telephone conversation, but in this case, I feel hearing one side works better. The boyfriend, Hugh, is watching on; his actions of hearing only half the words spoken are an important addition.

I will be revisiting the scene later today, and I will take with me what you have mentioned.

Thank you for the example story; I will read it next. 😊