"So you can't write dialogue." "Nope. Not at all. Rubbish at it." "Are you sure that it's can't and not don't?"  "Can't, don't. Six of one and half a dozen of the other. The stories are all me, me, me. No dialogue because there's rarely a second character. So, nobody to dialogue with."  "That sounds more like don't than can't to me."  "Maybe, but even when I do get a chance of some dialogue I usually find a way around it....

"So we're going to do another one." "We are, you seem quite perky at the prospect." "I got a George Eliot special hand job last time so of course I'm perky. What's this one going to be?" "We're going to do a little bit of Greek Mythology for the Fantasy and Sci-fi category." "You're taking this Omnium thingy seriously then?" "Indeed I am." "So what's the story, morning glory?" "We're going to do Orpheus rescuing Eurydice...

"No, I'm not doing it."  "But dinkums."  "I'm not doing any more."  "Sweety-pie."  "Don't you dinkums and sweety-pie me, I've said 'No' and I mean it." "What's the matter? Didn't you enjoy yourself? You did get a nice Georgie Eliot helping hand and you definitely seemed to get into the Orpheus and Eurydice storyline. Wasn't that fun?"  "Do the words 'pathetic lyre-playing dickwad jerking on his cocklet' ring a bell?" "Oh...

"I've got one."  "Sssshhhh."  "But..."  "What have I said about when I'm reading?"  "I'm not to disturb you when you're reading."  "What am I doing?"  "You're reading, but..."  "Look, how many times do I have to tell you that I really don't care about your puerile computer game adventures. I don't care about winged sandals, poisoned or unpoisoned chalices, and I certainly don't care about grails holy, knots gordian or swo...