With my secret puppet shadow permanently in the memory trunk, Succubus securely trussed, I devoted myself, as promised on my wedding day, to husband and family, those betrayed for so long. Life has turning points, transitions, milestones. Call them what you may, but they’re real. Some are written herein. After seven years of re-committed faithfulness since the last gasp, another occurred. I became a great-grandmother, a b...

In my school years, friends drifted in and out.  Fickle fate granted a lifelong few. Afterward, they were temporarily shipmates to a common port of call.  Unloaded, we embark to our different shores. I was blessed with a lifelong friend, Julie. We met in grade school. What first attracted us? I can’t remember. I was a protean, rural, Asian of dark complexion who snuck on a public-school bus. She was a pedigree, urbane, fr...

My time with the Captain built more self-esteem than confessing to an angel for forgiveness. I told Gabriel there was nothing wrong with him. Now, I told myself there was nothing wrong with me. The truth was different. It was a memorial that caused another. Who am I? The funeral was for an acquaintance, a minor ghost from the past. She attended Notre Dame with me but never rode in my Desoto. She looked me up after she mov...

After my confession to Gabriel, the only star’s gravitation that pulled my life’s orbit was family. The kids married, got jobs, bought houses and blessed me with grandchildren. For seven years hubby and I traveled, not just to the San Francisco Bay Area, Los Angles, New York but Asia, Europe, South America. Life was good. A few grey hairs, so what? Nothing a hairdresser couldn't fix.Then came the warnings, hot and cold bu...

After the burdens of learning family heritage truths, William's abandonment and Paul's debasement, it took time to put my shattered self-image back together. Often, I would break down and cry. Instead of being gregarious, I became reclusive. Seeing me so, hubby worried I was having a midlife crisis. I was, due to knowing too much; too much about myself. With Paul’s debasement, I’d learned the dark side of who my secret pu...

After William rushed to cuddle his true love, his abandonment of me to fend for myself, my being trapped behind her car, his ignoring me as he moved her Mercedes, the caught in the act event slowly boiled into an identity crisis which swept over my perception of who I was. My comparing him to a potato chip lover failed to cure hurt feelings. His lover's shoe was a poisoned dart.  The venom where it hit first inflicted sho...

The next week, just before Tuesday noon, as usual, I arrived at William's for our ritual romp with a view but also to see his finished deck. Crossing the Narrows Bridge, I reflected on how it once collapsed in a wind storm, an ominous premonition. Am I being followed? Have I covered everything? I’ll pull off the road and see if anyone else does. Stopping at a gas station, I went through my pedantic circumspection checklis...

Sailing with William was limited due to our schedules and sailing weather requirements. While we sailed again, there was no more boat sex, it was just too complicated. William knew the Puget Sound and enjoyed showing its nuances as Edward once did with the San Francisco Bay Area. We made two long overnight sailing trips, first to Port Townsend and then La Conner, sailing out of from Bremerton. Each required a husband's ex...

Parked in an Alameda Avenue bus stop, mind retching turned to dry heaves then sighs. I finally composed myself, restarted the car and drove back on the Alameda just as a bus arrived in my rear-view mirror to claim its space where I’d trespassed. The purpose of coming, to attend Santa Clara University's, Parent's Day, put me back to functional mode. At the University, I first attended Mass at its Mission, one of the twenty...

Sunday morning, arising early at the Sainte Clare Hotel where I always stayed when visiting San Jose, I was tempted to drive by our former house and Edward's apartment before visiting Mom. Instead, I drove to Alviso, to seek again its mystical connection with Dad which evaded me. Even Alviso, however, had changed in Silicon Valley’s metamorphous. Val's was still there but was operated by a niece of the deceased elderly wo...

After Elliot, I snuggled back with my husband, spent more time in the office but by 1990, three years after Elliot, on turning forty, I rebelled against being a middle-aged woman.The children in college no longer needed my cinnamon rolls. I was their past tense mother, the mom who raised them. Now we were all "adults", my position was, the one who takes care of holidays and pays household bills. At the office, I could be...

I expected Elliot's interest to wane once he added me to his "seduced list" but the opposite occurred. He pestered to see me; said he’d never met anyone like me. I asked how many he’d "met”. He didn’t reply. With the cherry blossom relationship setting to bear fruit, we needed a place to rendezvous. I didn’t want to become a Governor Hotel elevator mystery woman. My home turf and his buck seduction pad were out. For the a...

With Vixen sated by hubby, my heart and mind cleared. I was ashamed for flirting with Elliot but pleased to escape the snare of his bachelor pad. I drove past the golf course without glancing toward it again and again. Elliot didn’t perk up in my mind except as a seduction clown. After two weeks, however, I involuntarily glanced toward the golf course driveway and to the pro shop, when I drove past. The thought of him pos...

By the summer of 1985, most of my new, higher-income friends were conservative, middle-aged women with children, like myself, plus a group of older women who, like me, enjoyed cooking. From cooking, they got me to play cards and eventually dragged me on to a golf course. It was seventeen years since my Motel 6 honeymoon night, ten since crossing Edward’s threshold, six since walking out on Enrico and three since visiting...

Erica's blabbing about our country-western bar hop with Thumper transformed “A-T” to "Now Now" and into an “Affairs Circle” star. A trophy ring quest among the members ensued. It was notoriety I didn’t relish. Outsider’s gossip about members would eventually compromise my staid super mom/wife image. I wanted out. To exit, I stopped aiding and abetting their affairs, renounced mine, avoided those in the group and only smil...