With my mind and heart nixing bar hopping, Vixen out of control, I compromised and sought trophy quality, so I told myself. Annually our community held a summer Pacific Northwest Art Fair. It excluded the trinkets found at Saturday Markets and was reserved for artists who made their wares, a good place to find a trophy lover. To attract one, I displayed my art and wore stressed Levi hot pants, cork wedge, platform pumps a...

In 1979, with trophy ring memories, I followed hubby to the Pacific Northwest, part of a periodic lemming rush north, propelled by and paid for, by California’s home equity.  I was twenty-nine. Our modest twenty-five-year-old Mountain View home’s sale price moved us into a new upscale Northwest house with no mortgage. Our new home’s subdivision was nicknamed “California Hill” reflecting the number of ex-California residen...

Enrico, being married, could only see me on the sly, which suited me. Enrico worked all over Silicon Valley, fixing equipment. He told me who was hiring and paying more. I left Nortec and flipped companies with a raise. Before cell phones, we tried CB radio communication. My handle was Cobra and his Supini. The problem with CB was it broadcast to the crowd. We set up a meeting at a coffee shop by CB and a few more males t...

After Edward left, I continued to work swing shift, was accepted at work as one of the "girls", enjoyed their company but remained aloof. In truth, I was not like them even though I tried to be. The twelve years of my parochial school had left their indelible mark. I yearned for the part of me lost when Edward left. Each day I dressed, put on makeup, combed my hair, dabbed on perfume, I did so for his absent approval. He...

Tuesday and Thursday noon times at Edward’s were rushed. Past the apartment door, he displayed his latest branding item, attire or jewelry. After putting it on, he undressed me but retained on me the newest acquisition, then took me in a fury. Finished, we snacked, I redressed, then rushed home to greet the kids as they returned from school. It was short-time branding, a quickie and return to mom and wife. Usually, the ne...

Darting between two men’s fluttering guppy tails assured my desirability. While empowering, shifting back and forth to reciprocate their attention was stressful. The anomaly of segregating my faithful wife persona from cheating adulteress caused exposure paranoia. Hiding the good wife from Edward was easy. He knew I was married, wasn’t interested in my family life and only demanded devotion the brief times when with him....

I let Edward call again and again, as my marriage vows eroded. Both of us time-stressed, a few weeks passed quickly. Hubby and I argued during the little weekend time we had together when we never did before. At our workday breakfasts, I was sullen, created issues, got cross over little things. I blame shifted guilt of Edward’s calls to hubby.  He hadn’t changed, I had. I compared him to Edward, unfavorably to provide exc...

The news media, movies, TV programs, even education in the 1970’s suddenly shifted from omission’s silence to instructor mode about sex to catch up for its past suppression. The new mantra was, “Sex isn’t just for procreation, it’s for pleasure, a casual fun like chewing gum.” Suddenly it was free love, sex on demand, whatever floats your boat.  With “the pill” procreation became an afterthought, something put off until l...

I’d enjoyed soapy showers then sex with hubby but didn’t feel sexy while caring for babies. Sex was another domestic routine, a chore for his horny rush. I didn't care. It was duty booty. I accepted his need, was pleased he wanted me, was happy to give it but just didn’t feel sexy. If aroused I had to get mine on top first but usually was too tired and laid back and let him have it, pleased he wanted it. As the kids grew...

When my pregnancy was confirmed, we turned in the 57 Chevy, the car in that I’d learned to drive, had my first kiss and took us on our honeymoon. I shed tears as we abandoned it, left forsaken with memories, at the car dealership, eventually to be gobbled up by some car crusher. As we signed papers, I thought. The steering wheel, shift lever, clutch, brake, gas pedals squished into a twisted metal pancake, my learning to...

Things after Alviso’s train passage went as scheduled with one minor change, the wedding’s week delay to avoid it occurring while on my period. The reschedule also provided one last Desoto “girl’s night out”, a bachelor party of sorts. It was uneventful, except the girls made me hide in the trunk when we went to the drive-in movie. On Saturday, June 15, 1968, a bright summer morning, my fiancée and I were joined in marria...

While puberty’s puppet shadow romantically fantasied during soapy showers, I remained boy shy, embarrassed of my background, full lips, big teeth, skinny body, and enlarged breasts. If a boy tried to talk, I assumed he wanted to mock me. My siblings already assured me I was ugly. I didn't need supplemental verification. Attending Notre Dame ensured there weren’t boys to evade at school. Riding the bus meant I left too ear...

Mom enrolled only me at Saint Clare’s, a Catholic parochial school, two blocks from Washington Elementary and Santa Clara Intermediate/High, public schools that my brothers attended. Baptism, according to Catholic Church tenets, leaves an indelible mark on one’s soul. The nuns inculcate catechism lessons etched one on my mind. The second sacrament after Baptism, First Communion, is a major Catholic event. It occurs when o...

In the summer of 1967, just after my engagement, I got a job cleaning dishes at The Tropicana Gardens Bowl, with fibs I was eighteen and was out of school. The pay was much better than baby-sitting or picking fruit. At the start of my senior year, I confessed and quit with enough saved to buy a neighbor's car for three hundred dollars, a two-door, 1956 Desoto, hardtop.   The Desoto, a tank with tail fins, rumbled when dri...

  On the morning of June 8, 1950, I met the world in a ramshackle farmhouse surrounded by a pear orchard. As I gasped for air, then screamed to announce the importance of my arrival, the Mexican midwife carried me outside and bathed me in cool water from a hand pump.  Properly bathed and blessed in her Mayan dialect, she carried me back to be soothed with the milk of my mother's breasts.  My father selected an auspicious...