A dirty old man from Fresno
Liked to eat dinner al fresco
Manners deplorable
But his smile was adorable
Attracting the local gitano
His lady was hardly a looker
A dirty old man from Fresno
Liked to eat dinner al fresco
Manners deplorable
Her ankles would reach to her ears
After she had had a few beers
Limber and willing
Taking a drilling
Spurred on by a chorus of cheers
A dirty old man from Fresno
Her ankles would reach to her ears
After she had had a few beers
Limber and willing
A woman was proud of her charms
That was because she had no arms
Her mouth was a prize
Her thong was a wee bit too tight
Put all sorts of things into sight
Flossing those lips
Young Maggie loved showing her cleavage
Causing so much unbelieve-age
Too big to be real
But had much appeal
A quick turn-you can imagine the carnage
Her thong was a wee bit too tight
Young Caroline wears six-inch heels
And no clothing her body conceals
When she bends over
For a friendly takeover
Young Caroline wears 6 inch heels
Enabling her to make better deals
Her legs a distraction
Inspires satisfaction
She met another who went by Sam
Who secretly put them on cam
They showed off their bits
Till Sam called it quits
She lay beneath him, her mind elsewhere
Mulling the benefits of universal health care
Bad teeth, one pupil that is cross eyed
And breath that stops a horse in full stride
Word soon got around
'Twas better to drown
Bad teeth, one pupil that is cross eyed
And breath that stops a horse in full stride
Carla was so good at faking it
Her boyfriend thought he was making it
it came as a shock
Robin Hood was a man who wore tights
Provided girls with scandalous sights
The package was wrapped
His balls never chapped
"Truth in advertising" off to new heights
Carla was so good at faking it
Robin Hood was a man who wore tights
Provided girls with scandalous sights
The package was wrapped
The Scotsman just lifted his kilt
Smiling at Lynn without guilt
She now knew the answer
The source of that chancre
A goofy young lady was giddy
Her orgasm made her dizzy
Blood rushed from her head
His friend was into BDSM
And all of the associated mayhem
A St Andrews cross
A roll of dental floss
His friend was into BDSM
And all of the associated mayhem
A Irish lad named Scotty
Faked he knew some karate
Got his ass kicked
When he wanted it licked
A Irish lad named Scotty
Faked he knew some karate
His Mistress gave him a cock cage
Made of the heaviest wire gauge
A butt plug with a tail
And a flogger to flail
His Mistress gave him a cock cage
Made of the heaviest wire gauge
A submissive guy from Ft. Bragg
Liked to go shopping in drag
He'd buy some sex toys
To heighten the joys
A submissive guy from Ft. Bragg
Liked to go shopping in drag
You take American Express?
Elvira, Mistress of the Night
Had a pussy that was no linger tight
She let them believe
Impaled on a two-headed monster
The toy just a cock imposter
filled to the brim
Pussy and back rim
Sit down and i'm surely a goner
Elvira, Mistress of the Night
Impaled on a two-headed monster
The toy just a cock imposter
filled to the brim
My safe-word I sadly forgot
Goes something like ‘forget-me-not’
Got in such trouble
The dildo a double
A tale of woe this has wrought
Impaled on a two-headed monster
