Quote by Ping
As a orphaned Soviet lone wolf child at 13, I was witnessed roaming the Moscow countryside taking down livestock for food and clothing, and keeping small vermin for companionship.
After being captured at 14, the Department of Smart Ass Comrades shaved my butt and washed my face and realized that they had been addressing the wrong end.
At 15, after multiple unsuccessful escape attempts, I succeeded and joined the Russian circus as a shit shoveler. They said it was an entry level position, but everything I did felt more like an exit plan.
Having finally acquired language at age 16, I entered the business world. The circus let me keep all that I had shovelled, and I made a fortune by selling organic fertilizer to Seattle’s Starbucks hipsters.
At 17, I moved my wealth to Canada and purchased Vancouver Island. I now live comfortably in Tofino collecting protection fees from street performers, panhandlers, and shaking down those that drink Starbuck’s shitty coffee.
I've always admired Ping's writing.
