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PhilU

1 week ago

Straight Male

0 miles · Sydney

Profile Stories

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22 Jul 2017

Quote by RumpleForeskin

Sean Spicer resigned as White House press secretary “telling President Trump he vehemently disagreed with the appointment of New York financier Anthony Scaramucci as communications director,” the New York Times reports.

“The president requested that Mr. Spicer stay on, but Mr. Spicer told Mr. Trump that he believed the appointment was a major mistake.”

I can't say I know anything about Mr Scaramucci, but really? That's the first decision that Spicer thought was "a major mistake"??

Anyway, I'm going to try to cut back on commenting on US politics - it eats into my time for more important things. Like drinking for example. Beer please Bill!

And I think I've now read all the comp stories, carefully analysed them, examined past comp winners and my conclusion is:

I've got no idea! dontknow

dontknow

22 Jul 2017

If I was interested in her, then I'd still be interested in her after finding out she'd been abstinent for a long stretch. After my marriage broke down, I was abstinent for quite a while. At first, that was because I was hoping to resurrect the marriage. Then, after it became obvious that that wasn't going to happen, I made a conscious decision not to seek sex while I was getting my head together. I still think that was one of my better decisions. I didn't lose interest in sex, but without the complications of chasing it, I had some space to focus on some other things for the first time in my adult life.

I'm in my 40s - any woman my age that I meet is going to have at least some baggage. If that includes a period of abstinence, then so be it. As long as she wasn't spending the time with her 14 cats, allowing a hatred of men to fester, it should be fine (although then it's not the abstinence that would be the problem...) If she's ready for a relationship, then she's ready for a relationship...

20 Jul 2017

Quote by oceanrunner

I just had a silly idea. Inspired by the idea of the dudes in the Tour de France who try to finish last, without getting eliminated along the way (the lanterne rouge)... What about trying to write a story that gets the fewest views possible? It would have to be good enough to be approved, obviously. A bland title. An unpopular category. yawn-inducing tags. The opposite of a catchy intro...

I'm a bit late on this, but I've been pondering this. There's a balance between making the intro bad enough that no one wants to read it, without being sooo bad that people think that it might be entertaining. I wimped out of starting a story with a discussion of topology... that might have done it, or might have got a few reading, thinking, 'What the hell is this?'

But mostly, I was wondering - would there be bonus points (well, points off the total, I guess) if people can't remember who wrote the story by the end of it? f-hihi

f-hihi

Oh look, it's beer o'clock again - thanks Bill!

18 Jul 2017

Quote by trinket

Thank you Phil. I feel sufficiently educated to the point where I'll never again have to ask someone "how they hangin'?"

Hmm, you know, I've never launched into that explanation in response to a simple question of "how they hangin'?" But perhaps I will, next time someone asks me that. happy8

happy8

17 Jul 2017

Quote by oceanrunner
Sigh. I'm an idiot. I confused two stories from the comp that I really liked when trying to pimp them in this thread.

I said Batter Up was by Phil when it's by RejectReality.

The Deep End is by Phil, and that one is excellent too.

I'm sorry for being a dumbass.

Ugh.

And/or you can read my entry Cougar Clickbait. I'm pretty sure I wrote that one. (Though given the drama lately maybe not a good joke to make.)

You almost had me confused too. I really liked Batter Up too, but I didn't recall writing it. laughing6

laughing6

But it couldn't have been me, since I would have had to have written a 9-on-1 gangbang after a cricket game...perhaps called "Stepping Up to the Crease". Hmm...almost tempted now...

I liked Cougar Clickbait as well...whoever wrote it!

Anyway, I think what is causing our confusion is a lack of beer. So, Bill, can I have a beer, and pour one for Mike too. Thanks...oh, and you can probably just put it on his tab smile

smile

16 Jul 2017

Quote by oceanrunner

Thanks, VG and Bill, for the kind words! It felt a little rushed to me, but perhaps that was because I finished it the night before. The ideas had been marinating for a while when I didn't have the opportunity to sit and write them out, so the "pre-writing" had been happening in my mind for a bit.

As for the ending, yes, I agree: a bit abrupt. When I finished my first draft, I thought I was closer to the 6k word limit than I turned out to be. I was 400+ words over, and the thought of expanding the ending to make it less abrupt was painful when I knew I was going to have to go back and hack away anyway.

An oddity... I know that different programs count words differently. I was at 5,999 words, according to my word counter at home, when I pasted into the submit box. In the submission pane, It listed my story at 6,002 words. I figured that could be chalked up to different counters counting things in different ways (hyphenated words?). So I went through and found 3 words to cut. So, according to lush's own system, I submitted a 5,999-word story. It was approved without changes, but is listed at 6,001 words now. I have a hard time understanding how lush's system changes the word count in its own system. Not a big deal, but just a little curiosity.

So, now that I've got my entry in, I can start to read others'. I'll definitely make sure to read all offerings from the regulars, but are there any that are "don't miss" stories? I have Ravenstar's high on my queue.

Hope all are enjoying a lovely Saturday!

My story jumped by more than 10 words on its first submission, and then got rejected because of some very weird screw-up somewhere in the paste from Word - a few words had been replaced by indented numbering, and I'd not checked carefully enough. Embarassed

Embarassed

I eventually figured out that the mod had made some small fixes to spaces around punctuation (hopefully automatically, rather than manually) and my excessive love for ellipses and n-dashes had meant a pretty big word count change. So, despite thinking I'd cut the story to its bare bones, I then pretty quickly found some more words that could go. So, maybe you had a couple of spaces added? dontknow

dontknow

And nice story... um, actually, it's quite a nasty story. What I should say is - great story, Mike! Glad you got it done before the deadline.

16 Jul 2017

occasion4

occasion5

occasion7

Happy birthday Nicola! And thanks for all that you do around here...as everyone says, Lush wouldn't be the same without you. [Pause while people whisper in my ear]. Oh, apparently the place wouldn't be without you. notworthy

notworthy

15 Jul 2017

Quote by prettywild
Fuck I need a drink , a never ending one

Hello

Drink, I need a fuck, a never ending one. drunken

drunken

Ahem, sorry, think I was talking to my beer again. Embarassed

Embarassed

Perhaps I should try some coffee instead.

Hello prettywild and hello everyone else. I had planned to read all the comp entries before the comp closes, but I don't think I'm going to manage it. Think I've covered those of all the regulars here, though. And one final minimal pimping effort (coz I suck at pimping) - mine can be found here - thanks to all who've read it.

Now could I have a bee...er, that's right, I'm drinking coffee. Coffee, please Bill.

11 Jul 2017

Quote by chesh78

Read it, Phil. Read, voted, commented. Wept at how good it was. Wept again because I didn't write it. Read it again, having to adjust the contents of my trousers. Had a shower to wash off the filth. Then read it again. In case you haven't noticed, I think it's pretty good. I mean, not as good as mine, obvs...

Ah, thank you chesh. I was going to say that you'd gone too far (and that I wouldn't put the money into your Swiss bank account this time), but you rescued yourself with the last little bit. Anyway, it wasn't supposed to be a tearjerker...so drop the tears! evil4

evil4

And whose is better (seriously people, read chesh's one too about here) may become irrelevant when Hannah kills her darlings and submits her entry (um, that's a reference to a quote about writing accredited to just about everyone - that you need to kill off sentences that you love if they're not needed for the story...a view I don't hold to at all).

Oh, and I just noticed that another of my stories has made its way into your sig. Thanks for that! (Is that an extra payment?)

Quote by RumpleForeskin

Phil's story is a hot, fun read about a 'nasty-nice' gal who makes her guy use condoms even though she's on the pill, primarily to avoid making a mess, and her muddy change of attitude.

Just a reminder that there is a ten-vote minimum for story's to be considered for the contest. So be sure to pimp the hell out of your story if it's a last-minute entry.

Thanks Bill too.

And yes, looking forward to some last minute entries from patrons. I stand ready for some emergency rvc (read, vote, comment). Well, almost ready - a beer would help, thanks barkeep! So pimp the hell out of them - just copy chesh or Bill, and not my tepid attempts at pimping...

10 Jul 2017

Quote by RumpleForeskin

Deadline for the current contest is a week away. Do you know where your story idea went?

Well, my first story idea went completely off the rails - it started completely filthy, but then the main characters seemed to want to get all lovey-dovey, which was completely unacceptable (although it's been added to the pile that I may finish one day).

So I tried something different and started not-quite-so-filthily (well, the third word is 'cum', but overall, the first few thousand words aren't all that filthy, relatively speaking), and it went about here: https://www.lushstories.com/stories/group-sex/the-deep-end.aspx

I frantically rushed to get it up before disappearing for the weekend. Thanks to those who have already had a look...managed to sneak up to 10 votes. Hopefully they're not all 1s happy8

happy8

I think my issue...ok, one of my issues is that I spend so long trying to smooth over bits of stories that I don't like, that that's all I'm aware of by the time I post and so I never know if stories are any good or not. So, as always, any constructive criticism is more than welcome!

Hope everyone had a good weekend. It's beer time around here! occasion5

occasion5

And then I should try to get through lots of comp entries. I hope all this filth won't corrupt my poor innocent mind...

6 Jul 2017

Well, holding to the idea that my lush name is accurate and not just an attempt at a cheap pun, then I have a Pussy Hammer! f-hihi

f-hihi

4 Jul 2017

Quote by Jen
Just to advise we're really busy at the moment. It's getting into holiday season, we're getting record numbers of submissions and Liz keeps posting pictures of her boobs. It's very distracting.

Anyway, a week to ten days is probably normal for now. If you're not wanting to wait, feel free to buy a gold membership, lol. Then you'll only wait a day, max.

#shamelessplug

https://www.lushstories.com/premium.aspx

Either way, remember the more proofing you do, the quicker we can get through it. Check the submission rules, use an online editor such as grammarly if you're not confident about your English, and always do a proof read to make sure the spacing etc has saved properly once you submit.

Cheers,

Just to clarify though - I assume that all the wonderful mods will still make great efforts to quickly get comp entries done, so there's still plenty of time for non-gold members to put a final coat of paint (or other fluids evil4

evil4

) on their entry, get it posted, get 10 votes and maybe win the whole thing?

But a tip might be: don't submit another story while your applying the final coat to your comp entry, or the mods might not be able to see the comp entry in the queue until your other story works its way through. I've...ahem, heard that some people might have done something like that once Embarassed

Embarassed

4 Jul 2017

Quote by browncoffee
Hey Laura! I'm good, thanks. How's everyone doing for the competition? I haven't even written half my piece yet. It needs tonnes and tonnes of sex.

Hmm, google tells me that the average sumo wrestler is 148kgs, so for tonnes (plural) of sex, you probably need about 14 sumo wrestlers. Feel free to steal this idea for your comp entry. evil4

evil4

My entry needs to slim down. But I'm procrastinating on that, so... Since it wasn't freezing cold here today, I reckon that means it's beer weather - thanks Bill! Oh, and happy relevant national celebration day for those in North America ex Mexico.

1 Jul 2017

Quote by Lauradj
So, I am FINALLY happy with my comp entry and I am hoping it is finished within the allocated time slot for this competition. How is everyone today? It is very cold and stormy here, awful weather. I need something strong and alcoholic tonight, red wine just ain't doing it. Any recommendations?

I don't know if y'all have noticed, but Stormdog's humourous piece is nearing the famous mark, so go ahead and check it out. https://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/big-dicks-trucking-service-inc.aspx

Still more than two weeks to go for the comp, so plenty of time for you to finish your story (I hope). I'm semi-happy with mine, except that I'm about 500 words over the limit. I don't understand how I managed that. Most of the (embarrassingly large number of) unfinished stories I've got piling up will be comfortably below 5 000 words, but given a word limit of 6 000, I blast through it. Oh well.

It's cold here too. Sunny today, but really cold. Now, I suspect that many will be about as unsympathetic about a 15C (59F) maximum as Australians are about England getting 31C (88F). But when Bill talks about 120F, even this Australian says, "Yep, that's hot" (without needing to do the conversion to C).

I'll risk a finger of whatever passes for whiskey in this joint. It will be warming at least. Perhaps drinkable as well, if I'm lucky...

1 Jul 2017

Quote by SugarBaby2013

Well, I didn't want to admit it on here, but this is actually me and a few friends, so we'll make it a freebie this time.

occasion4

occasion4

Happy Birthday Trinket!

Now, could you please let us in? It's a bit cold to be outside dressed like this. Thanks!

28 Jun 2017

Quote by HeraTeleia
Watched "Hidden Figures" last night. Going to take the short people to see "Wonder Woman" at the cinema next.

What? Sprite and Kiera?

hiding

hiding

28 Jun 2017

Quote by seeker4

Canadian republican here. Not sure of the current state of republicanism down in Oz, but up here in the Great White North we have about as much chance of eliminating the Crown as we do of winning the FIFA World Cup (ie. very, very, very slim to the point where the heat death of the universe might happen first).

Well, twenty years ago, Malcolm Turnbull was head of the Australian Republican Movement and we got a referendum. But the Liberal Party (who are conservative, not liberal) did a classic 'divide and conquer' (the majority wanted a republic, but the question was, 'Do you want this particular type of republic?'). So Turnbull was linked to the Labor Party (who are occasionally on the side of labour, but use the American spelling angry7

angry7

), but joined the Liberal Party, became Prime Minister and changed his name to Trumble...err...actually, Sean Spicer, he didn't do that last one. And the Liberal Party are still not liberal, and no one speaks of the republic any more. But maybe when the current monarch's reign is over? Certainly before any Australian FIFA World Cup win...or even us hosting a FIFA World Cup (we can't even bribe the officials properly...)

At least those of you in 'Canadia' (to quote Turnbull's predecessor as PM) managed to change your flag.

Sometimes I think we're too laid back and only care about sport and beer. But then I crack a beer, switch on the cricket and stop worrying about it...until the English fans sing, "You've got our flag on your flag"... angry7

angry7

Although it's probably more coffee time, here. Thanks, Bill!

Oh, and congrats to Hannah on the EP. And hi to 'Jen the Mod' and everyone else!

28 Jun 2017

Evening all. I bet I've missed last drinks again d'oh!

d'oh!

"Subjects of the Queen" rubs this republican (um, it has a different meaning here) up the wrong way, but a beer will smooth over all issues smile

smile

Congrats to the Kiwis on winning the America's Cup and avoiding repeating history (last time they were 8-1 up in a first to 9 competition...and lost).

I wrote a good chunk of a first draft on the weekend, thought it was pretty good. Then I re-read it. Maybe quite a bit of fine-tuning needed. And I think perhaps it's a bit too much 'impure filth'. Hmm, that doesn't sound quite right - what is the opposite of pure filth? dontknow

dontknow

So I should be writing. Or at least reading - I've fallen massively behind on my 'virtual reading list' ie things that I mean to get to. But I will get there...one day...

28 Jun 2017

Quote by BethanyFrasier

Actually, semen temperature should be slightly lower than a woman's internal core temperature, because testicles descend in the scrotum to keep sperm temperature lower than core temperature so it remains viable. When it is mixed with seminal fluid from the prostate, it should warm slightly, but should still be slightly cooler than a woman's womb. Any doctors or physiologists here who want to weigh in on this theory?

I'm not a doctor or physiologist, but I do have a habit of getting curious about random stuff like this. geek

geek

Anyway, according to https://www.britannica.com/topic/semen, only 2-5% of semen is actually sperm. Although they also say 60% comes (err, no pun intended) from the seminal vesicles (which are internal), 30% from the prostate and some "small amount" from the bulbourethral and urethral glands (whatever they may be). Anyway, let's say up to 10% from the testes (sperm plus some fluid that they've been living in?).

So, the testes are about 3 degrees C (a bit over 5 degrees F) below body temperature, meaning the average of the whole mix would be about 0.3C less...except it has to go through the body, and past some regions with a good blood supply that would probably transfer heat fairly well.

So, maybe very slightly lower (probably less than the variation between people's internal temperatures...although this link suggests women are hotter than men). Regardless, I doubt I'll ever find a woman who shouts out, "Oh yes, that's so cold!"...

26 Jun 2017

Quote by Regnadkcin

Confederations Cup group stage finished today. Laura, sorry the Kiwi's lost. Love the fern on the uniforms though. Now if you could just agree on a new flag. Phil, Sorry the Aussies lost out. Germany, Portugal, Mexico and Chile move on. Go Der Mannschaft!

My days of staying up to all hours to watch soccer are probably behind me, but I was astonished that the Socceroos drew with Chile (and had plenty of chances to win). And equally astonished that they only lost to Der Mannschaft (that sounds kinda rude now that I think about it) by a goal (although that probably flattered the Aussies rather a lot).

Anyway, I should probably be writing. Or maybe catching up on some reading.

But if there's anyone behind the bar (and not partying the night away in Bill's barn), then a beer would be good.

25 Jun 2017

Quote by browncoffee

(Do it, do it, do it!)

Btw, I just happened to be reading a recipe book and saw that desiccated coconut doesn't have any k's in it. Interesting.

But there are just so many words that are great to use in Lush stories that contain the letter k. Um, there's kiss and lick and even more importantly, cricket! laughing6

laughing6

Anyway, I should be preparing to face another week, but in the meantime I might just chat to Tawny about filling that beer glass she's been polishing. And having seen her polishing skills, perhaps we could get to know each other a little better...

23 Jun 2017

Quote by Regnadkcin
Howdy all.

Back from a week of corporate prostitution. Tart clothes off and back in beach bum mode for the weekend. I am thinking that a visit to the Santa Barbara Solstice Parade tomorrow may be a good start to the weekend. There tends to be a bit of debauchery there. I slept through the night last night, amazing. I am wondering whether I should abandon my spoon counting now. Spoon managemnt is a cancer treatment metaphor. Look it up.

This week, an academic friend of mine discussed collaborating on a new paper, "Statistical Analysis of Weak Signals in Outlier Populations within Multivariable Analysis." Catchy title, huh? While this might seem a spoof, I am actually serious. Those who know me will find this as another example of my right brain / left brain conflict. I hope we can develop a better title.

All, great to see you. Jen, so sorry about your dog. Those who have lost their animal companions know the loss involved.

This weekend, I hope to catch up on some reading and find a bit of time to write. I must, must, must finish two stories as I have ideas for four stories ready (and outlined). I want space to write starting July first as I have a week off of corporate whoredom. Admittedly, two stories are for the blue site but two for here (one is for the comp, but it is very dark). I am claiming last place early. Though I have had no time to write, I have been thinking upon the nature of writing in general and how it changes for me when trying to write erotica. Milik and I posted something a while back that provoked this running through my head. When I coalesce my thoughts, I'll post them above. You all can take shots at me then.

Let the debauchery begin. I'll have a strong ale and three shots of your finest hooch. I brought my own lampshade...

Can I suggest the title, "Checking Out the Freaks" as a title? Probably not quite acceptable for most journals. I had some friends in a stats department who played indoor soccer in a team called "The Outliers". I really liked their name, because it didn't specify which end of the bell curve they'd slipped off...

Spoon counting is a new concept to me, but I wish you many, many spoons for a long time to come (is that a nice thing to wish...I'm flailing around in the dark a little here).

And I'll send some good wishes to Jen as well. Tough times, but I'm sure family, friends and maybe even virtual drinking buddies can help you through.

Anyway, the only problem with this bar is that when I'm ready for serious drinking, others are sleeping or drinking coffee, and vice versa. Anyway, I'll have a coffee for now, thanks Bill, but leave the beer glass out - I'll get to that soon enough.

I forgot my lampshade though - perhaps I can borrow one? Hang on...lampshade? dontknow

dontknow

23 Jun 2017

Quote by trinket

You are getting veeeeerryyyyy sleeeepyyyy...

I'm an Aussie bloke, so I'm not very good with feelings. But I'm pretty sure I'm not feeling sleepy. And I'm not hungry. Oh, it must be the other feeling then!

23 Jun 2017

Happy Friday everyone (I think almost all should be there by now).

I had an idea for the comp! dancenude

dancenude

Now I just have to actually write it. Oh, and finish it. d'oh!

d'oh!

Hmm...no promises. And no desiccated coconut either, sorry Hannah.

Hope your eye gets better soon Gill! And that all the others who were struggling with ill health are doing okay.

And that Laura's hair recovers soon. I cut my own hair occasionally, but I'm skilled with scissors and have really long arms, so it looks this good:

Last, but definitely not least, it's beer o'clock, so line up a few thanks bartender! occasion5

occasion5

21 Jun 2017

Quote by ChuckEPoo
Okay does this mean I have to buy a new computer? They have 4D movies but can't find a 4D computer. That is 3D with motion right? When I read Lush stories I usually provide the motion.

However, I would love to see you licking Gav's armor.

Yeah, I'm secretly hoping that the whole "4D" thing refers to 4D film : "Effects simulated in a 4D film may include rain, wind, strobe lights, and vibration." Stories with vibration could be exciting. But I have a feeling that it may have a little bit more to do with 4D software : "4D (4th Dimension, or Silver Surfer, as it was known during early development) is a relational database management system and IDE developed by Laurent Ribardière." Which is probably a little less exciting for most of us...

19 Jun 2017

Quote by seeker4

How does "No flipping idea" sound? But here's a hypothesis based on something that happened to me recently. Did they have another story out in the last 24 hours? I know that there's a delay to ensure no one gets on the front page more than once a day but it might still hit their profile and the comp page. I ran into this with The Bride's Awakening (submitted it right after Wedding Night Blues was verified so hit the delay) but don't recall if it was visible on my profile before it hit the front page.

Now, I think it's time to relax so a margarita is in order while I lounge with you on the back porch.

Just backing this up, since I can confirm it by direct experience. In the hitch hiker comp, my plan was to submit a story that was almost finished before the comp was announced, check out all the criticism of that story and use that to improve the comp entry. Except, it was getting close to the end of the comp time, I didn't have the bling on my avatar and the mods were frantically approving comp entries. So the plan didn't quite work (although, as it happened, people were way too nice so I doubt the 'criticism' would have helped).

Anyway, to cut a long story not quite so long, I ended up with two stories approved within a few hours, with my comp entry not on the front page until 24 hours after the other one appeared. I was confused that it was picking up comments from people I didn't know...until I found that it was on the list of comp entries (and on my profile page).

I might try lounging with a margarita myself now, thanks!

Hope everyone's well and managing a lot more pure filth than I have lately...

17 Jun 2017

On behalf of Australia, I've arranged a gift for you, BUT we want her back. In original condition, okay? So have a great (possibly late) birthday, but not too great!

15 Jun 2017

Quote by HeraTeleia

Now I'm wondering if an Oxford comma shaped cock would be different from a regular comma shaped cock. Dammit.

Well, probably lots of guys wouldn't know how to use it, lots of guys would try to insert it in the wrong place, and lots of women would say that they don't want me to insert mine at all. crybaby

crybaby

13 Jun 2017

Quote by oceanrunner

I trust everyone has seen the news that Elle Macpherson has split from her husband, right around the time that I am set to go on summer vacation. I'm not saying that the two are connected, but...

<snip>

I also have a vague idea for the circumstances of a filthy story for the comp. Now I just need a good plot.

Plot, eh? Interesting concept. Still, I guess that "boy (over 16) meets girl (over 16) and then a whole heap of girl's friends (all over 16), and then they all have lots of explicit (consensual) sex" counts as a plot, doesn't it? f-hihi

f-hihi

And I assume that Elle would be keen to get back to Australia to get over her break-up, possibly with the help of a fellow Australian... Whistle

Whistle

13 Jun 2017

Three cheers for Gav!

Happy birthday!