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There are only two categories for poetry and both are upbeat, "Broken Hearts" needs some recognition!
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ShamelessFlirt
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 155
United States
Forum
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Quote by NymphWriter
It's beautiful... and I can't do it to save my ass.
I hope that wasn't a non-sequitur!
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A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles. He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while, he is really into it and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, and deadpans, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
After a while, he is really into it and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, and deadpans, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
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Quote by seeker4
I'd feel her out ahead of time to see if she would go for Indian. My usual is a spicy oven-baked chicken, spiced red lentils, and a curried eggplant dish with basmati rice.
If that didn't fly, then I can do my stock pasta sauce and use it on noodles or as part of the filling for a lasagna (the sauce recipe was originally part of a friend's lasagna recipe). Serve it with a garden or caesar salad. Much better than it sounds, esp. the lasagna.
You're a braver man than I am, I love Indian but never attempted to cook it myself! Both menus sound delicious. Give us an idea of your spicy oven baked chicken? My experience with Indian it usually involves a yogurt based sauce with tomato, ginger, curry leaf and chili?
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OK, so you're pulling out all the stops and having your partner over for the first time. What do you serve to totally blow them away? Think all the way through to dessert.
I think I would start off with Toasted octopus in escabecheand follow with Pork medallions in cider sauce and garlic mashed potatoes (or butter and herb egg noodles) and roasted beets on the side, finishing with Bread Pudding with Hot Butter Rum Sauce for dessert.
Nothing in the center of the table to obscure our eye contact and Autum maple beer to drink.
Amazingly, I restrained from any appearance of bacon in the whole meal!
Think of this like a game, who can create the most enticing meal.
I think I would start off with Toasted octopus in escabecheand follow with Pork medallions in cider sauce and garlic mashed potatoes (or butter and herb egg noodles) and roasted beets on the side, finishing with Bread Pudding with Hot Butter Rum Sauce for dessert.
Nothing in the center of the table to obscure our eye contact and Autum maple beer to drink.
Amazingly, I restrained from any appearance of bacon in the whole meal!
Think of this like a game, who can create the most enticing meal.
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Quote by sprite
sometimes when i'm doing oral for a really long time my neck get stiff. have to definitely try this out. and no, i'm still on break, so shush.
I've found extended oral results in bald patches, so you may want to rethink going down that road ...
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I think the better question would be "Who wants to get wet"??!!
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Can we agree to vacate for bug spray but party if it's ocean spray?
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Do you think she means a flea circus? Too little? Lose your train of thought??
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Every entree needs a good side dish.
RoadKill potatoes
Boil the potatoes.
Allow to cool.
Take an oven tray line with parchment paper.
Mash potatoes onto the baking tray, as roughly as possible. ...
Season - salt, pepper, chilli, dried herbs like Rosemary and garlic
Drizzle with olive oil - liberally.
Bake at 375f for 40 minutes or until golden brown.
RoadKill potatoes
Boil the potatoes.
Allow to cool.
Take an oven tray line with parchment paper.
Mash potatoes onto the baking tray, as roughly as possible. ...
Season - salt, pepper, chilli, dried herbs like Rosemary and garlic
Drizzle with olive oil - liberally.
Bake at 375f for 40 minutes or until golden brown.
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Quote by Liz
Chicken Club Sammich.
Pulled smoked paprika chicken, crispy maple bacon, mayo, lettuce and tomato on grilled sourdough.
Avocado would put that over the top ...
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An Irishman went to confession.
"Father", he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month."
The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."
Soon, another Irishman entered the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've been having sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replied.
"Very well", sighed the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Marys."
At mass the next morning as the priest was preparing to deliver the sermon a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redhead entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church were on her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.
Her dress was green and very short and she was wearing matching, shiny emerald green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as she sat with her legs spread slightly apart ...just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?"
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears, but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."
"Father", he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month."
The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys."
Soon, another Irishman entered the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've been having sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest questioned, "Who is this Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replied.
"Very well", sighed the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Marys."
At mass the next morning as the priest was preparing to deliver the sermon a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redhead entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church were on her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.
Her dress was green and very short and she was wearing matching, shiny emerald green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as she sat with her legs spread slightly apart ...just enough to reveal that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, "Is that Nookie Green?"
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears, but managed to calmly reply, "No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."
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Satan appeared before a small town congregation.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
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A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally, the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally, the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”
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Next time I have company, do me a favor, don't sit there and stare. I've learned more from watching you when you were in heat. And since we're talking, at some point we're going to have to figure out a way to deal with that cold nose.
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The first thing that came to mind was a shrimp po'boy, but thinking about it my favorite would have to be a Greek Gyro.
Broiled lamb shaved thin and crisp from the rotisserie, onion, tzatziki sauce, lettuce, tomato and a shake of paprika on oiled pita bread
Broiled lamb shaved thin and crisp from the rotisserie, onion, tzatziki sauce, lettuce, tomato and a shake of paprika on oiled pita bread
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Quote by sprite
CEO
if that's short for Clearly Egotistical & Opinionated, you're overqualified!
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Quote by sprite
i'm still confused...
And you want to be CEO?
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Quote by honeydipped
i am trying to decide whether or not to paint my toes tonight.
Paint the nails instead, unless you mean like a portrait of your feet.
Quote by PurePurplePassion
I am so very happy in my new and budding relationship with Jim (shamelessflirt) What an amazing man he is...
I am humbled and hopelessly smitten
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This needs to be submitted, guaranteed famous story in less than a week!
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“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
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My arms ache to hold her and my heart is bursting to comfort her
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The fact that he asks for nothing but an attempt at understanding his edits is only one of the reasons he's awesome.
Well deserved!
Well deserved!
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Quote by Adagio
Spent yesterday hugging my restored stone hearth, with new mortar and sweat. My home is old and in the swamps with trees of root decay. A fixer-upper that I have be fixing for several years, just a swamp-chicken's belch away from Savannah. Now back to my coffee.
I can't speak for the rest of us, but your description of your home could just about describe me as well.