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Beautiful hee hee hee - I hope I never get nursed by her !!!
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SusanEngland
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 64
United Kingdom
Forum
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Poor girl - I wonder if he gave her an orgasm? I bet he didn't. Typical man hee hee hee Makes a girl think bj's are safest
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Things My Mother Taught Me
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside...I’ve just finished cleaning in here."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME IRONY.
"Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until you clean your plate."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER.
"It looks like a cyclone hit this room."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT BE ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times...don't exaggerate!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father."
If you hurt yourself, and break your leg....Don't come running to me.
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside...I’ve just finished cleaning in here."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME IRONY.
"Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until you clean your plate."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER.
"It looks like a cyclone hit this room."
MY MOTHER TAUGHT BE ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times...don't exaggerate!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"
MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father."
If you hurt yourself, and break your leg....Don't come running to me.
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Medical Humour
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- I was in the wrong one
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left" Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn"
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- I was in the wrong one
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left" Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn"
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A bloke is in the checkout line at the Supermarket when he notices that the
rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to
him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker is waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do
you know me?"
She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the
father of one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful,
"Christ!" He says, "Are you that stripogram from my stag night that I
shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate
whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher".
rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to
him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker is waving to him, and although
familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do
you know me?"
She replies "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the
father of one of my children!"
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful,
"Christ!" He says, "Are you that stripogram from my stag night that I
shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate
whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"
"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher".
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With the greatest respect to all the male members, and a hug and a kiss for every one of them
BATHROOM LITERATURE...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.
I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards
* Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both - get married!
* Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Mont.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* Revolution Books, New York, N.Y.
A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going
to have trouble with it.
* Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Tex.
You're too good for him.
* Sign over mirror in women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, Calif.
BATHROOM LITERATURE...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.
I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards
* Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both - get married!
* Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Mont.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* Revolution Books, New York, N.Y.
A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going
to have trouble with it.
* Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Tex.
You're too good for him.
* Sign over mirror in women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, Calif.
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The job she applied for was on a factory quality control lie with this result :-
There is a factory in the US which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00am.
The next day at 8:45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The personnel manager decides he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test TICKLES".
There is a factory in the US which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00am.
The next day at 8:45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The personnel manager decides he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test TICKLES".
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A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 25 years, I will give you each a wish"
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife.
The fairy moved her magic wand and abracadabra!
Two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime
So I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me"
The wife was deeply disappointed but a wish is a wish.
The Fairy made a circle with her magic wand and abracadabra!
Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.
Men might be bastards
But Fairies are Female.
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife.
The fairy moved her magic wand and abracadabra!
Two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime
So I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me"
The wife was deeply disappointed but a wish is a wish.
The Fairy made a circle with her magic wand and abracadabra!
Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.
Men might be bastards
But Fairies are Female.
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deluxeI wouldn't have thought YOUR tits would look big in ANYTHING LOL - although I've seen incredible pics of shemales who are prettier than many females.
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Toby please don't feel sad and disappointed - after all you got tits and pussy all in one cute shot !!
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Xanthe that is sooooo sweet. An awwwwww pic if every I saw one LOL