Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Hi Adzz,
I've accessed the site from a VPN and it's unlikely to be that, but who knows with VPNs.
There are 2 different systems in action one for the story section and a separate one for the forums.
So if you have a problem with one it might not reflect on the other.
Best tip I can give is clear your cookies and history, if there's a partial connection stored in there the browser will get confused as the connection it's trying to use will have long timed out.
Flushing both and restarting your browser often helps get that sorted.
If you still have trouble accessing the site, restart your computer. Yes it's a tired old trope but sometimes they really do get themselves confused.
There's so much software running on them that all it takes is an update, or a service to be stuck and strange things can happen.
If all of that doesn't help, pop back and the all knowing admins will surely have have a personal word with the server possibly using the baseball bat to nudge it into line again.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Skips into the bar, punching the air and dancing across the floor. Boots knocking bottles and debris out of the way, Skirt twirling in the air as she crosses the floor.
Bouncing behind the bar, swift fingers checking everything is properly in its place, moving things around on autopilot until it's all in order. Slides across to Big Bertha, pops the lid open to check the state of the coffee machine.
Twists the filter out and empties Big Bertha, keeping the sludge for Carl and the caffeine junkies. Refills with some Italian Medium roast beans, and lots of mountain fresh water.
Places a soft kiss on BB, and polishes her nozzle for being a good girl.
Cleans out the big kettle and refills it, setting it to boil.
Switches the sign from The Witch is OUT to IN.
Puts two fingers in her mouth and gives a long high pitched whistle. A dozen squirrels run into the room, through the front door, the back door, down the chimney. Where did they all come from.
A single snap of her fingers sends them racing all round the room. Bottles are rolled out the back door,neatly put in rows. Trash is picked up and carried out the back door. Slowly the floor becomes visible and a few snoring bar flies are sprawled on the floor.
A second short whistle results in the tinkling sound of a cascade of bottles being thrown into a recycle bin.
The waste bin is being filled with a torrent of trash.
In a few moments everything is cleaned up, the bins slam shut and the squirrels return to the bar.
Excitedly chirping and looking at the bartender, who reaches into her smock and scatters handfuls of nuts to the squeaking squirrels. Who gather up every crumb and retreat to the top of the bins to soak up the sun and nibble on their feast.
Mornin' Bitches! Da Witch is in Da House!!!
*Taps an ear piece* Do I really need to speak these lines? They're dreadful.
No I won't do a handstand on the bar, my gates aren't covered. I'm damn well not giving the lookie loos a free show this early.
*shakes head*
Where was I? Oh yes.
Good morning my darlings. I got some bewitching brews, magical pastries, and if you're cute n ask nicely I got my number too.
Well the comp is closed and I didn't manage to get through anything like the whole field. I'm surprised I got as many as 27 when I didn't get to do the promotion tour I'd normally do.
Honestly bosses expecting you to put in a days work instead of being able to read filth. Gah. It's outrageous.
I hope you all had an amazing weekend.
I know there's a lot of trouble spiralling around the world, but the bar will always be a safe place for everyone.
I can't yet drive away natural disasters but I can keep your spirits up and give you something to sing before the rescuers arrive.
So what's your poison amigas and amigos?
If anyone wants me I'm going to be sipping a mug of the molasses sludge I just emptied, Goddess I need caffeine.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Happy birthday!!!!
I really gotta find some balloons.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
I used to shave my lips but it got annoying getting little nicks and cuts from the razor. So I changed to using the laser thing I use for my leg hair.
I stay smoother for longer and the odd home wax takes care of the remains.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Maybe I've been put here too long but here goes.
Anyone using a screen name that claims something like they're all about one thing tend to get a poor reaction from me.
I've been put in the chat verse since the mid nineties and I can count on one hand the number of people with that kid of screen name that wasn't a total bore.
Either they kept insisting I really wanted them to do things to me or they were just so odiously arrogant they were repellent.
Maybe it's just me but while it can be created with a certain tongue in cheek element it usually doesn't have that effect.
I often found that the people who used names that claimed something about them were often very poor communicators.
I mean is Mr Behind going to do more than just walk up and invite me to get pounded?
They also tend to be terrible during play time. They don't listen to what you respond with, or in some cases if you're even there anymore.
But it's early, I haven't had my coffee yet so I'm a little more heavy with with response than the thread intended.
God's I need coffee.
Toodles
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
The soft click clack of heels heralds her arrival. Pushing her sunglasses onto the top of her head she looks around slowly and winces at the state of the place.
She stamps her foot calls out in a strange language, and gives a long high pitched whistle. Two small humanoid creatures with bark skin, sap brown eyes and ivy strands for hair seem to rise from the floor and hover before her.
She points around the room and makes a series of orders in a strange language. In seconds the strange creatures are racing around the room, gathering up rubbish and putting it into neat piles.
Striding through the activity like this is perfectly normal she walks behind the bar and checks everything is as it should be.
Fortunately Curvy had been looking after BB and the boiler didn't take long to get running again.
The thick pungent sludge was removed from the boiler and put to one side for the real caffeine addicts. A bag of Italian roasted beans is opened and poured into the huge hopper ready to make fresh coffee.
Making a complicated gesture in the air and chanting in a low melodic ritual , a small rain cloud forms above the boiler and starts to rain heavily into it. Tiny lightning bolts flash within it and the heavy downpour fills the tank in a few minutes.
While the tank is being filled she cleans the big kettle and sets it open and ready to boil.
Another short command and the cloud drifts over to the massive kettle and rains into that too.
When the kettle is full, the lid snaps closed as though by an invisible hand.
Smoke pours from the carved wooden sign on the bar. The sign from The Witch is OUT to IN.
A wave her hand makes a tray of buttermilk fruit scones appear, and a big plate of generous biscuit cake squares.
Looking around she puts her sunglasses on the bar and runs her fingers through her hair flicking it out.
Good morning you angsty artists.
I'm due for a hike on a cliff by the sea, lots of fresh air and sea.
I'm a forest and fresh water girl but I married a mermaid and she needs to taste the ocean.
So be extra nice to each other or the dryads will turn what you're drinking into mucky soapy water from the sink.
I'm sure you're a brave and kinky bunch but I'm pretty sure nobody wants to have a big glass of Guinness changed I to dirty soapy water.
Mind you I've had a few beers in my life the soapy water would be an improvement on.
So for now my darlings.
May the Goddess grant you Clarity to choose the right direction to follow the path of life, remind you that an obstacle can be a wonderful teacher if you approach it with an open mind. May She Protect you and those you love from the storms of life. That at days end May there be a big bowl of something good to eat, shelter from the elements and the company of others to make the good days brighter and the bad days less dark. We are all Her children and whatever role differences we all return to Her arms in in end.
Oh Goddess watch over your children, be with us in our days of Glory and Despair. Remind us of the power of laughter, a big hug and a moment of unity with those who care about us. For all things Were, Are and Will ever be according to Your Will. Most Blessed Be.
Now darlings coffee is calling and a good brekkie before a hike.
Be good or be damn good at being naughty.
Toodles
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Goodness this is a first I get in and nobody is up yet. Awesome I can get this dump properly tidied up.
Now where did Ieavw those squirrels?
Love you all madly.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
The soft click clack of heels heralds her arrival. Pushing her sunglasses onto the top of her head she looks around slowly and winces at the state of the place.
She stamps her foot calls out in a strange language, and gives a long high pitched whistle. Two small humanoid creatures with bark skin, sap brown eyes and ivy strands for hair seem to rise from the floor and hover before her.
She points around the room and makes a series of orders in a strange language. In seconds the strange creatures are racing around the room, gathering up rubbish and putting it into neat piles.
Striding through the activity like this is perfectly normal she walks behind the bar and checks everything is as it should be.
Fortunately Curvy had been looking after BB and the boiler didn't take long to get running again.
The thick pungent sludge was removed from the boiler and put to one side for the real caffeine addicts. A bag of Italian roasted beans is opened and poured into the huge hopper ready to make fresh coffee.
Making a complicated gesture in the air and chanting in a low melodic ritual , a small rain cloud forms above the boiler and starts to rain heavily into it. Tiny lightning bolts flash within it and the heavy downpour fills the tank in a few minutes.
While the tank is being filled she cleans the big kettle and sets it open and ready to boil.
Another short command and the cloud drifts over to the massive kettle and rains into that too.
When the kettle is full, the lid snaps closed as though by an invisible hand.
Smoke pours from the carved wooden sign on the bar. The sign from The Witch is OUT to IN.
A wave her hand makes a tray of buttermilk fruit scones appear, and a big plate of generous biscuit cake squares.
Looking around she puts her sunglasses on the bar and runs her fingers through her hair flicking it out.
Goodness Elyse there's no need to be so upset. You've done remarkable well in so short a space of time.
If you're finding it stressful going through the submission process take a break for a while.
I find it stressful at times going through the process and I've got a more tales under my belt.
So take a break, put your feet up, and celebrate your victories.
Don't be negative with yourself, don't beat yourself up, and never ever allow one failed challenge to define you.
You're more than one thumbs up or down.
Raise your fist, shake it at the sky and dance girl. You're still standing and that's something to celebrate.
Didn't I see you had a fresh story published today. Dance girl, you're the Queen of the Ring and that empty page didn't stand a chance against you.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Well now that does lead to some suggestions.
1. I haven't always been this sassy chatterbox, I've had to shake off some bad habits over the years so here's some advice.
We live in a world that's always quick to judge us for being too much of this or not enough of that. As though a collection of measurements, or numbers can possibly describe all that we are.
You have gifts that not everyone does. Perhaps you have a dazzling smile, a glorious belly bursting laugh, or a natural grace when you move.
Think less on the things you don't like about yourself and focus on the things you do.
When I did that I stopped trying to put on an act of who I thought the other person wanted me to be, and became more of myself.
2. You mention age quite a lot, which would be a thing if you were pretending to be a beachball or something but you aren't.
You're clearly of voting age and after that who cares how old you are. Some of us are naturally drawn to people who are older than we are, we value their life experience, their knowledge and their maturity. Don't be ashamed to have a rich store of life experience. Be proud of it, own it, and let us see what you've learned along the way.
Even the wisest of us were once the biggest of fools. I most certainly was, some say I still am in my own way.
3. I get that not everyone enjoys the same ways of interacting. Some like the instant connection and high speed communication of the chat rooms, and others just find it doesn't work for them.
Some enjoy the slower pace of the forums and again others don't. I'd suggest find a place you feel comfortable and show us something that lets us see a piece of the Real You.
No that isn't an invitation to show body parts, more to show us something that expresses who you are.
I know that you write stories, I haven't read as many as I should but I see they have a faithful following.
Put something in your signature to guide us towards your newest tale or perhaps one you're very proud of.
Something that tells us a little about you, the person behind the mask.
4. Pop over and visit Rumps bar, we love to see other writers there and we even have a few writer groupies in there. No harm having a visit and seeing if you find any interesting people to flirt with.
Goddess keep me I've been prattling away for ages like I'm giving a lecture. Right time to get off the soapbox and back to tending bar. That coffee machine isn't going to load itself. Toodles
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
You look handsome Paul.
I do love a man who is confident enough to smile, I'm a smiler and I like seeing others smile too.
Less of the age thing , you're still active and lovely.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Welcome to Casa Lush,
Some people join for the forums, and have a wonderful time on them. The Think Tank is a little tough the first time you visit, but the natives aren't too rough.
There's lots of silly antics in the game section too, especially if you want to get your post count up for any reason.
There's the pub, home of Rumps where I tend bar from time to time. Full of writers, and the people who want to hang out with them. As a new writer it's a great place to network, and hang out.
We're a friendly bunch too, so do pop round and visit.
There's the chatroom folks, who are busy, friendly, chatty , flirty and lots of fun. Take the plunge and check them out, highly recommended.
Some people are here exclusively for that chat circuit, and they're a lively community.
Then we have the story section, packed full of filthy tales for almost every taste and the regular competitions make for great reading. The theme is set in advance and the writers have to show off their skills within a tight framework. Some of the things they can do with their word count will make your head spin. If you like something do vote and leave a comment, us struggling scribes need all the feedback we can get from our readership.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Struts into the bar, blowing kisses as she gets to the bar.
Empties Big Bertha, keeping the sludge for Carl and the caffeine junkies. Refills with some Hawaiian roast beans, and lots of mountain fresh water.
Places a soft kiss on BB, and polishes her nozzle for being a good...coffee maker.
Cleans out the big kettle and refills it, setting it to boil.
Switches the sign from The Witch is OUT to IN.
Wiggles fingers and summons a dryad to get the washing up done, while a second whirls round the room driving all the rubbish into a pile, before feeding it to an earth elemental.
Good morning my drunken animals, I hope life is going well for you all.
Chatterbox Blonde- Rumps Mystical Bartender
Welcome to Casa Lush,
Some people join for the forums, and have a wonderful time on them. The Think Tank is a little tough the first time you visit, but the natives aren't too rough.
There's lots of silly antics in the game section too, especially if you want to get your post count up for any reason.
There's the pub, home of Rumps where I tend bar from time to time. Full of writers, and the people who want to hang out with them. As a new writer it's a great place to network, and hang out.
We're a friendly bunch too, so do pop round and visit.
There's the chatroom folks, who are busy, friendly, chatty , flirty and lots of fun. Take the plunge and check them out, highly recommended.
Some people are here exclusively for that chat circuit, and they're a lively community.
Then we have the story section, packed full of filthy tales for almost every taste and the regular competitions make for great reading. The theme is set in advance and the writers have to show off their skills within a tight framework. Some of the things they can do with their word count will make your head spin. If you like something do vote and leave a comment, us struggling scribes need all the feedback we can get from our readership.
As a fellow writer we have a small writers group to help rookies get their first few stories published. Sometimes it helps to share your ideas and the things you're working on with other writers.
It's always great to see another new writer join us.
-- or two 
