For those who prefer laughing:
Constant Gardener
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WellMadeMale
17 hours ago
Straight Male
0 miles · Kansas City
Forum
Constant Gardener
Quote by sprite
now that he has, can we put him back in, please?
I ain't touching him with a ten foot pole...
Constant Gardener
Quote by Magical_felix
I'm only passionate about two things and one of them is Keanu Reeves.
You couldn't have chosen a better location to come out, Jack. Congrats!
Constant Gardener
I always seem to wind up down around Rush & Division streets when I'm near Chicago.
Constant Gardener
Thread searching & resuscitation - pay attention n00bs...this is how it's done!
Constant Gardener
Quote by sprite
you're my favorite mod, Jeff *swoons*
Ex-story verifier. I was never a a moderator, my dear. I could never overcome The Roccotool.
Yet I am here...
And he is where? I love this joint and I love you too.
Or is that too much love in one post?
Constant Gardener
Finding the motivation.
I like telling stories orally.
My memory is pretty good, I mean aside from all the cocaine and other assorted drugs and booze I've consumed over the last 35 years.
What is in it for me..That's my motivation.
I could give a shit less about adoration. I want my dick sucked or squeezed til I shoot a load or three. Pay me or play me.
Or is that too brutally honest?
I like telling stories orally.
My memory is pretty good, I mean aside from all the cocaine and other assorted drugs and booze I've consumed over the last 35 years.
What is in it for me..That's my motivation.
I could give a shit less about adoration. I want my dick sucked or squeezed til I shoot a load or three. Pay me or play me.
Or is that too brutally honest?
Constant Gardener
Quote by Jayne33
I have only recently become a moderator, and before I started volunteering I hadn't realised quite what was involved. I think the team do an amazing job, and make Lush the fantastic site it is.
As with most things in life there are good and bad sides to being a moderator. Having to remain polite when you receive a nasty message from someone who is unhappy about the rejection of their story being one of the more difficult aspects of volunteering.
Situations like that are easier to handle, when you also get the great side of being a moderator, that includes being thanked by the authors. As my other fellow moderators have said, giving thanks isn't a must, but it sure is appreciated.
You get it.
Thank you for your assistance.
Constant Gardener
where the hell was all this mod-kissing-ass shit, back in 2010?
I missed the party.
I missed the party.
Constant Gardener
I was about to go down on a woman the other night...for the 1st time...Lights on, my eyeballs open...
And I saw what appeared to be some growths, or warts or what.the.fuck.ever. on the inside of her thigh, near her labia....
I just got all vapor locked...glassy eyed, stared at the 3 or 4 things on her skin and I rolled away... sat on the edge of the bed and -- well, my boner went to Mr. Flaccidville in maybe 15 seconds. Alright might have been 3 seconds or 30 seconds...I wasn't counting...I had other things on my mind.
I'll tell you how I handled that conversation - After you tell me how you'd have handled it.
And I saw what appeared to be some growths, or warts or what.the.fuck.ever. on the inside of her thigh, near her labia....
I just got all vapor locked...glassy eyed, stared at the 3 or 4 things on her skin and I rolled away... sat on the edge of the bed and -- well, my boner went to Mr. Flaccidville in maybe 15 seconds. Alright might have been 3 seconds or 30 seconds...I wasn't counting...I had other things on my mind.
I'll tell you how I handled that conversation - After you tell me how you'd have handled it.
Constant Gardener
That you can hear children screaming and laughing while she's getting all creative on her stove, adds a touch of surrealism to this demonstration.
* Check out a few of her other videos. I bet you'll giggle, shake your head slowly from side to side or - vurp!
* Check out a few of her other videos. I bet you'll giggle, shake your head slowly from side to side or - vurp!
Constant Gardener
Quote by Eyemhear
Is it a possession thing, or a power thing?
It's a Christian Girl/Virgin thing.
Constant Gardener
I am the DebonairRogue...
3 parts gentleman, 2 parts bad bad bad...
It's a burden, I know too well.
3 parts gentleman, 2 parts bad bad bad...
It's a burden, I know too well.
Constant Gardener
Quote by nil4sinGuys, do u think ur cock should b a bit more in size & thickness so that u could bring more pleasure, during sex, 2 ur partner?
What I really want is for your apparently lazy farking ass to quit typing your questions out like you were in a hurried and squirrely cell phone conversation with another equally lazy 18 year old and start using the proper words when you pose your inane questions.
Think you can up your game for our website and fit in with the rest of us in a literate manner?
Constant Gardener
Drunk kissing? Pfft, I don't even entertain the thought of inebriated fucking. I prefer to enjoy knowing everything which is occurring, lights on or off, eyes open or closed.
But never drunk. I mean...not since my late teens when it was a rite of passage.
But never drunk. I mean...not since my late teens when it was a rite of passage.
Constant Gardener
Her net worth would have to be about 20 times more than mine with zero pre-nups and no restrictions on my propensity to fuck around with other women in a discreet manner.
Hell, I might even try to satisfy her as often as she'd enjoy some carnality. And if she were worth 10 million or so, she could be fugly as ten miles of bad road, I'd just put a grocery bag over my head.
Cuz I'm a gentlemanly sort.
Hell, I might even try to satisfy her as often as she'd enjoy some carnality. And if she were worth 10 million or so, she could be fugly as ten miles of bad road, I'd just put a grocery bag over my head.
Cuz I'm a gentlemanly sort. 
Constant Gardener
Quote by virtual
I have a slim, petite wife that seems to not realise how lovely she is.
She is regularly getting hit on by younger men and then tells me that they are not really interested in her in a sexual way. I know that it seems to be turning her on.
Is this the same wife who, some time back, came home around 2:30 am with some guys spewage dripping from her sopping, freshly porked pudenda and then seduced you with tales of her carnal experience so that you too could then enjoy being the sloshy caboose on her evening train to Fornication Junction?
Whatever floats your boat, friend. I'm not knocking or rocking, but do you really think she's that naive or perhaps - we are..?
Constant Gardener
Quote by TheDevilsWeakness
The number one thing? I might need to narrow down the list since this is a generalization of all guys.
When I shove those disgusting socks in your mouth, the vacuum up your arse and I make it so you have to sit down to pee... I just might have PMS. Maybe.
Constant Gardener
Quote by Dancing_Doll
Why you guys can't just let a relationship or fling DIE... you guys always pop back up at the 3 month or 6 month mark post-breakup and then like a year or two years later. Why??? Why do you always feel the need to keep mining those dead waters or beating a dead horse instead of going for the shiny new fresh kill? Especially when it ended badly the first time.
For example - I just got another ex-text from a guy I had a short fling with three years ago - 'checking in' and seeing what I'm up to blah blah.
But all of you guys seem to do it and it's always really random and out of the blue. And then when you don't get a reply, you still try again a few months to a year later. So much persistence with no payoff. I've always found that weird.
Has it really been 3 years? Well, you know, you are partly to blame for this...if you hadn't quaked my world and spun my planet off its axis...You're just the first and only woman I ever met who ...
<insert extra kinky sexual activity with great relish and abandon>
Constant Gardener
Quote by Highwayman
10. Angus Young
9. Eddie Van Halen
8. Billy Gibbons
7. Ritchie Blackmore
6. Keith Richards
5. Alex Lifeson
4. Duane Allman
3. Steve Vai
2. Jimmy Paige
1. Jimi Hendricks
The list is purely rock out with your cock out rock.
P.S. Frank Zappa, Eric Clapton, and Jeff Beck, I consider more than rock guitarists. SRV, Jeff Healey, Bonamassa and the usual Johnson/blues god...are exactly that. Blues men. No dis, just a different, beautiful world.
Finally, a list I can get behind. I just have to swap Gibbons and Vai...and all is good in my world.
Constant Gardener
Test yourself here.
Just for the record, I tallied a nifty - 169. I'm told that most cats score better than that though.
Just for the record, I tallied a nifty - 169. I'm told that most cats score better than that though.
Constant Gardener
"A man has got to know his limitations" ... I find myself using several from this guy's films...all found here:
And of course... Duke Nukem says a lot of the things I say. I don't know how that ever came about, though - I'm not Duke. I think the creators were channeling WMM in 1994...
"Your face, your ass, what's the difference."
And of course... Duke Nukem says a lot of the things I say. I don't know how that ever came about, though - I'm not Duke. I think the creators were channeling WMM in 1994...
"Your face, your ass, what's the difference."
