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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
Forum
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Learn how to photograph the beauty of the female form. I'll show some of the things you will need to know to take great, tasteful shots of the female nude…from finding models, to posing, composition, and lighting.
This is art, there are no fixed rules or boundaries here. It's not difficult finding beauty and meaning in the female form.
This is art, there are no fixed rules or boundaries here. It's not difficult finding beauty and meaning in the female form.
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After jogging, check your pulse rate again. This time if you can't find it, you are quite possibly dead. Look at it this way: your corpse is sure in great shape.
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Never run if you are a short person. Short persons are built too close to automobile exhaust pipes. The noxious fumes get into their brains and make them crazy and they try to bite buses, which can be pretty dicey, especially if the bus has not stopped.
Dogs can be a threat. If a huge, vicious dog charges you and lunges at your throat, say "There, boy down!". If that doesn't work, show him your membership card from the Humane Society.
After jogging, check your pulse rate again. This time if you can't find it, you are quite possibly dead. Look at it this way: your corpse is sure in great shape.
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Marathoner Loses by a Mustache
So read the headline of a recent Associated Press story. It appeared that Abbes Tehami of Algeria was an easy winner of the Brussels Marathon — until someone wondered where his mustache had gone!
"Checking eyewitness accounts, it quickly became evident that the mustache belonged to Tehami's coach, Bensalem Hamiani. Hamiani had run the first seven-and-a-half miles of the race for Tehami, then dropped out of the pack and disappeared into the woods to pass race number 62 on to his pupil. "
"They looked about the same,' race organizers said. 'Only one had a mustache.' It's expected that the two will never again be allowed to run in Belgium."
Dogs can be a threat. If a huge, vicious dog charges you and lunges at your throat, say "There, boy down!". If that doesn't work, show him your membership card from the Humane Society.
After jogging, check your pulse rate again. This time if you can't find it, you are quite possibly dead. Look at it this way: your corpse is sure in great shape.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Marathoner Loses by a Mustache
So read the headline of a recent Associated Press story. It appeared that Abbes Tehami of Algeria was an easy winner of the Brussels Marathon — until someone wondered where his mustache had gone!
"Checking eyewitness accounts, it quickly became evident that the mustache belonged to Tehami's coach, Bensalem Hamiani. Hamiani had run the first seven-and-a-half miles of the race for Tehami, then dropped out of the pack and disappeared into the woods to pass race number 62 on to his pupil. "
"They looked about the same,' race organizers said. 'Only one had a mustache.' It's expected that the two will never again be allowed to run in Belgium."
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Marcos Urbina, the Olympic gold medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said:
"Sorry, mate, you can't come in here - no denim".
Michael was quite annoyed at this and retorted: "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson".
"Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.
"Sorry, mate, you can't come in here - no denim".
Michael was quite annoyed at this and retorted: "Don't you know who I am? I'm Michael Johnson".
"Then it won't take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.
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1. For every mile you run, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.
2. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.
2. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.
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The tiger (Panthera tigris) is a member of the Felidae family; the largest of the four "big cats" in the genus Panthera. Native to much of eastern and southern Asia, the tiger is a man predator and an obligate carnivore. Reaching up to 3.3 metres (11 ft) in total length and weighing up to 300 kilograms (660 pounds).
Aside from their great bulk and power, their most recognisable feature is a pattern of dark vertical stripes that overlays near-white to reddish-orange fur.
Aside from their great bulk and power, their most recognisable feature is a pattern of dark vertical stripes that overlays near-white to reddish-orange fur.
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Shaemless, be sincere and honest: if you had won my marathon, which trophy would have you claimed? I've been offered one pic to choose from.
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"I want my trophy, my reward for my achievement, as proof of merit, most often awarded with sporting events."
These range from youth sports through professional level athletics. Often, the reward of the trophy is not simply in winning it.
These range from youth sports through professional level athletics. Often, the reward of the trophy is not simply in winning it.
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Quote by shameless009
Little Johnny had 73 positions ,, then the girl mentioned the missionary position ,, which was # 74.
Ok, thanks. I had figured out that!!
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Little Jonny jokes - Sex Education
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny
raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation,the teacher calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of
Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny
raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation,the teacher calls on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of
Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
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Quote by shameless009
Your are on the left .,, How did you do in the marathon??
I won the marathon, here is proof of that. As standing here at the bench, tears almost run down my cheek from so much excitement. That's why I train everyday on track field. 59 years old!!
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I still don't get it. Did Jhony mean there are seventy four sex positions?
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Me and my wife achieved simultaneous orgasms last night. Unfortunately she was in bed with her lover and I was hiding in the wardrobe.
A man says to his wife, "you should tell me when you orgasm."The wife replies, "but I don"t like to disturb you when you"re at work."
A man says to his wife, "you should tell me when you orgasm."The wife replies, "but I don"t like to disturb you when you"re at work."
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What do spaghetti and women have in common?
they both wiggle when you eat them.
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A girl walks into a store and the man behind the register asks her, would you like a screw for the hinge? no, she replies, but ill blow you for that toaster over there!
they both wiggle when you eat them.
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A girl walks into a store and the man behind the register asks her, would you like a screw for the hinge? no, she replies, but ill blow you for that toaster over there!
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My I present Eve Angel. She's a famous Hungarian porn star.
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Quote by shameless009
Tacos .
How long after eating tacos should I wait to have sex, Shameless009? Why wait?
Well, I always combine the two plan my menu accordingly.....
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Book Return
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A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, de yee hiv any books on suicide?" To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says, "F*** off, ye'll no bring it back!"
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A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, de yee hiv any books on suicide?" To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says, "F*** off, ye'll no bring it back!"
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Rodney Dangerfield At The Pearly Gates
I tell ya, he don't get no respect at all...
Rodney Dangerfield arrives at the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter says to him,
"Tell me what you did in life that makes you worthy of coming in."
Rodney says, "That's easy. I made people laugh."
St. Peter responds, "God gave you your looks, I want to know what YOU did."
I tell ya, he don't get no respect at all...
Rodney Dangerfield arrives at the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter says to him,
"Tell me what you did in life that makes you worthy of coming in."
Rodney says, "That's easy. I made people laugh."
St. Peter responds, "God gave you your looks, I want to know what YOU did."
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Quote by shameless009
I wil be there the day after tommorrow . ,, And I need to wait at the front gate at your house .,, is this correct???
'Come in, sir! You've no call to be afraid! I've got him quite tight.'
(Admin removed pic. No hints about beastiality, Marcos.)
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Besides their eyes and breasts, women's legs are a primary target for men's visual inspection. Men highly value those which are very long, with beautifully shaped calves, but not too muscular. Beautiful legs normally have a space between ankle and calves and between calves and knees, and a small space above the touching knees. This, however, does not automatically mean that just because your legs are not like that, they are not attractive and well shaped.
If your legs are too fat, lose fat by going on a sensible diet and exercise. Start a regular sport activity or go to the gym.
If your legs are too fat, lose fat by going on a sensible diet and exercise. Start a regular sport activity or go to the gym.
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Quote by shameless009
Marcos . !! ,, Did you make her a sister ??
Do you want to know her? she's my friend.
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Nudity in art has generally reflected social standards of aesthetics and morality of their time in painting, sculpture and more recently in photography.
Pic by Marcos
Pic by Marcos
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Sleeping Katie
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
Joey and Katie are sitting in school. Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
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One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."
&&&&&&&&&&
Well, I don't get this joke, mean, the killing line: "It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel." Somebody could explain, please¿? Thank you.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."
&&&&&&&&&&
Well, I don't get this joke, mean, the killing line: "It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel." Somebody could explain, please¿? Thank you.
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Quote by shameless009
Marcos !!! ,,, Can I come to your home for a few days ,, and maybe see some of the sights with you ??
Yeah, more sights to come. Got catch a flight to Cancun first. It's worthwhile while I'm still paying for the airplane tickets.
Not photoshopped
