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marcosurbina

Over 90 days ago

Male, 75

Mexico

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23 Dec 2009

Beyoncé has said she works hard to keep her famous bottom in shape and said she sometimes doesn’t like her curves. The gorgeous singer explained:

“I guess my butt is natural. But I go through stages like every woman. I like being curvy but sometimes I get curvy in the wrong places. After New Year I do stairs – they are the best thing for butt cheeks. Every January I’ll start working out. I’ll do that for three months and then stop again!”

23 Dec 2009

A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.

The maid, with her Gaelic ancestry, couldn't allow such abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madam. He has told me himself."

The rich woman just swallowed and said nothing.

"And furthermore," the angry girl continued, "I am better in bed than you!"

"And I suppose my husband told you that, too?"

"No, Madam," said the maid. "Not your husband ... the mail man!"

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This is the photo of the rich Beverly Hills lady.

23 Dec 2009

No, you're wrong Shameless009: this is my sister. Ah, she's a maid. Here trying to get some milk for the coffee. Milkman Shameless009 has failed to deliver milk today.

23 Dec 2009

23 Dec 2009

23 Dec 2009

No, you're wrong, Mr. Shameless009: don't you think theres more tit here that in this herd? If you ever find yourself face-to-udder with me, you might find yourself having a hard time actually getting milk. It's not as easy as it looks, especially if the cow is cranky.

22 Dec 2009

Shameless009 approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked.

Shamelessoo9: "Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

22 Dec 2009

Thank you, buddies because it means you're acting and working together toward a common end: to see tits out of proportion to their body size.

22 Dec 2009

What do I think? She makes the rules, I'm the teacher:

Rules for pussy eating.

Good Evening, Class, I would like welcome you to Pussy Eating 101. Pay close attention now, there’s rules and regulations to pleasin’ a girl, goin’ downtown could really rock her world, but you gotta make sure that you know what you’re doing. There’s a map down there that you got star leaning’

First, you gota make sure you rehearse. Move 'round your tongue like your trying’ to curse ¡Cause there’s nothin’ worse than a tongue that doesn’t work then your girl will be mad an you’ll fee like a jerk.

Spread out her lips before you kiss, you wanna make sure that you find the clit, lick a little bit then move it all around , lick it all over ‘till you hear her make a sound. Then you know that you found a good sport. Tease it and touch it, but not a lot. Put your mouth on top, she makes the rules, you’re in control.

You can make it happen -fast or slow. Lick it, better lick it right, touch it, better touch it right, kiss it, better kiss it right, do that pussy right, don’t be bland -better act creative. Be on top of your game and be innovative. Experiment a bity and change it up, lick a little lower then put in in her butt. Then you can place finger inside. Make sure that it’s wet and easy to glide. If she’s relly wet, and your finger slides, try to put another one inside. But you better still have your mouth on the clit. You know you’re doin’ good if her legs twitch. Then pick her up and set her on your face, pick a large area to give her some space. Your pinky in her ass and your other in her hole, your tongue move fast like a drom roll…

If you girl can’t come this way, I guess she’s not ready, come back another day.

%%%%%%%%%%

When my girl just shaved it all smooth down there, and just came from the shower and lies down on the bed. HOT DAMN I can eat her pussy all night long, I love how she squirms when I slightly suck her clit, man....

Counselor Marcos hates sweaty pussy. Like after a girl works out. ew. I dont mind it a day old or so. Just no physical activity, please.

If it smells like fish its everyones favorite dish, If it smells like Cologne leave it alone.

%%%%%%%%%%%

21 Dec 2009

There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him saying,

"All right, all of you son of a bitches who want to get on the train, get on train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to get off the train, get off the train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to change seats, change seats now 'cause the train's getting ready to leave. Whoo whooooo."

The mother was just devastated, so she scolded her son and said to him,

"Now son, I want to go upstairs and take your nap, and when you get up, you can't play with your train set for two hours."

So the boy took his nap and didn't even mention his train set for two hours. After the two hours were up, the boy asked his mom if he could play with his train set again. She said yes, and asked him if he understood why he was punished. He nodded his head yes, and off he went. The mother stood by door to listen to what her son would say. The boy sat down to his train set and calmly said,

"Whoo whoooooo. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get on the train, get on the train. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off the train, get off the train. And all you son of a bitches who are pissed 'cause the train is two hours late, go talk to the bitch in the kitchen.

"Whoo whoooooo. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get on the train, get on the train.

20 Dec 2009

Tiles joke

A woman was taking a shower as suddenly skid, lost her balance, and fall. She landed astride, with a leg on each side on the floor, her vagina creating a vacuum as was in contact with the tiles. She made an effort to stand up but, useless, her vagina was stuck to the tile, immovable.

She started to scream so her husband goes to the bath room to see what had happened to her, and seeing this situation, tries to get her off the floor, but didn’t succeed.

He goes to the next door neighbor to ask for help. The husband came and came up with an idea after they tried and the woman didn’t come off!! They dragged the woman along to the dinning room, her cunt still stuck to the tiles, where they began to drill around this particular tile. The neighbor asks this question: “Why didn’t you do this in the bath room instead?

The husband replies: “I’m not going to ruin that expensive Italian tile!!”

20 Dec 2009

I can share my wife pics with my friend Rocco and Shameless for them to see her in all her splendor, tall and slim:

Lovely the girl from ipanema goes walking and when she passes, each one she passes goes. When she walks, she’s like a samba that swings so cool and sways so gentle that when she passes, each one she passes goes - ooh, ooh.

20 Dec 2009

You lost everything, Rocco -Italian name- even a good recollection of your ex buttocks?

20 Dec 2009

Yeah, sure, but don't you make a mess out of it, please, or the redhair will have to go to the beach without a panty house to wear.

20 Dec 2009

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened."

&&&&&&&

"Doing his Christmas shopping early"

19 Dec 2009

19 Dec 2009

You're right, Primal. This is my wife ready to go to bed Rocco has just given to me:

18 Dec 2009

Dirty Sex Pictures

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist says, "very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?"

The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"

The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."

The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."

"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Blonde Interpreter

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing.

%%%%%%%%%

"Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."

"You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"

18 Dec 2009

My girl friend is well ahead of you at decorating her Christmas tree. Can you read the notice she's holding up for you to read? She would also qualify for the Perfect Ass thread. A Latin from Chile, South America. She sent this to me two years ago, on Christmas Eve.

17 Dec 2009

I'll lay her down in my new bed and use it for the first time!!

This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.

He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.

They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.

The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, "Hey, Bitch, you gave me crabs!"

She replies, "Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?"

17 Dec 2009

I don't agree with Necho and I don't agree with chefkathleen either. This is cellulitis indeed!! My ex.

No cellulitis at all!! my current wife.

17 Dec 2009

Damn, I missed the hole again.

17 Dec 2009

Lush girls were expecting this stripper, Rocco.

17 Dec 2009

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first. "But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Your yard's much too small for a pig!" "I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend. "But what about the smell?" "He'll soon get used to that."

17 Dec 2009

I'd say: "That's what you call erect?"

16 Dec 2009

Gynae Checkup!

A blonde goes to her gynecologist and tells the doctor that no matter how hard she and her husband have tried, she just can’t get pregnant. The doctor says, "OK, take off your clothes and lay down on the table."
The blonde says, "Um, all right. But I was really hoping to have my husband’s

%%%%%%%%%

Two Sisters & a Bull

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde." "She'll read it very slow."

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Where is the Bathroom

One day, a brunette walked into a gas station and asked the cashier,"Where is the bathroom?" The casherier replied,"It's all the way in the back, but theres no toilet paper so you have to use a dollar."
So, she goes to the bathroom and walks out of the gas station.

A redhead walks in. She asked the cashier where the bathroom was. He said the same thing. "it's all the way in the back but theres no toilet paper so you have to use a dollar." So, the red head goes to the bathroom and walks out of the gas station.

A blonde walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The cashier replied,"It's all the way in the back but there's no toilet paper so you have to use a dollar."

The blonde goes to the bathroom and come out moaning. "Whats wrong?" The cashier said. "I didn't have a dollar so I used for quarters."

&&&&&&&

I wish I had one of these in my bathroom to wipe out!!!

16 Dec 2009

...but, as people saw Shameless, this was their face expression:

16 Dec 2009

What do you think? Yes, no, depends, if it matchthe body.

%%%%%

I knew one girl.... I used to play pinochle on her behind.

Venezuelan asscheek contest. Please say what chick you liked the most.

16 Dec 2009

She's smiling for you in the second pic. Her thong is made with lycra material around the waist that allows it to stretch. She told me she had examined the fabric to locate the leg holes (perhaps needed some Rocco's assistance here) back and so she figured out how the thong would go on her body. Since the waist and leg holes all tend to look similar, she once put her thong on backward, ha, ha!! She wasn't paying attention.

Finally, Shameless instructed her to place the thong in front of her with the back against her stomach. Rocco put one leg through, then the other.

16 Dec 2009

Yes, Mr. Shameless. You know, I have a wife too. I always post her photos in this site in Spanish. If that bulb disturbes you, please tell me while I can turn the light off. I have more shots in the dinning room.